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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Angelique Forget 26 Nov 11 - 07:46 PM
Acme 26 Nov 11 - 07:46 PM
Amos 26 Nov 11 - 07:20 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 26 Nov 11 - 10:20 AM
Rapparee 26 Nov 11 - 07:36 AM
GUEST,Eiseley 26 Nov 11 - 12:33 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 25 Nov 11 - 11:55 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 11 - 06:30 PM
gnu 25 Nov 11 - 05:25 PM
Amos 25 Nov 11 - 05:07 PM
gnu 25 Nov 11 - 04:49 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 11 - 01:53 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 11 - 11:44 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 25 Nov 11 - 11:41 AM
Acme 25 Nov 11 - 10:37 AM
Rapparee 24 Nov 11 - 07:09 PM
Acme 24 Nov 11 - 01:40 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 24 Nov 11 - 12:18 PM
Little Hawk 23 Nov 11 - 12:28 PM
Rapparee 23 Nov 11 - 11:41 AM
Rapparee 23 Nov 11 - 11:39 AM
Acme 23 Nov 11 - 09:31 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 22 Nov 11 - 06:21 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 22 Nov 11 - 06:07 PM
gnu 22 Nov 11 - 06:03 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 22 Nov 11 - 06:00 PM
Eiseley 22 Nov 11 - 05:45 PM
Little Hawk 22 Nov 11 - 05:14 PM
Rapparee 22 Nov 11 - 05:06 PM
Amos 22 Nov 11 - 04:14 PM
Amos 22 Nov 11 - 02:04 PM
gnu 22 Nov 11 - 01:11 PM
GUEST 22 Nov 11 - 09:18 AM
Little Hawk 22 Nov 11 - 06:58 AM
Acme 22 Nov 11 - 01:05 AM
Little Hawk 21 Nov 11 - 11:34 PM
Amos 21 Nov 11 - 11:00 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 21 Nov 11 - 10:10 PM
gnu 21 Nov 11 - 01:56 PM
Amos 21 Nov 11 - 01:42 PM
Amos 21 Nov 11 - 09:37 AM
Rapparee 21 Nov 11 - 09:27 AM
Rapparee 21 Nov 11 - 09:20 AM
Acme 21 Nov 11 - 09:09 AM
Acme 21 Nov 11 - 12:27 AM
Eiseley 21 Nov 11 - 12:03 AM
Rapparee 20 Nov 11 - 11:08 PM
Amos 20 Nov 11 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 20 Nov 11 - 05:41 PM
Eiseley 20 Nov 11 - 05:34 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Angelique Forget
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 07:46 PM

Vous parlez comme un Italien ivre, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 07:46 PM

Charming little poem, Amos, I shared it on facebook. It will make some smile and confuse the heck out of most of them.

I'm grateful that I got a lot of my lawn work finished before this cold weather got here. Now I'll give you all a warning - I'm sticking tiles down this evening and if you walk on them in the dark and rearrange them you're just going to have to live with them crooked. So if you have to go near the halls, please levitate and don't disturb the floor. Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 07:20 PM

Il fais plein des promets, mais l'argent n'arrive point!! Quel sort de blaggard est-il. cet pedas d'un homme des livres?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 10:20 AM

Flip me! Now the Bolthole from Boise is talkin' in French, eh? Don't go sayin' any obseen words, man.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 07:36 AM

Au revoir, Mom. Moi, je retourne au Pocatello cette jour-la. Et au gnu, je dit, "Desolee, tres desolee. Je la fait juste."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 26 Nov 11 - 12:33 AM

It's the day after Thanksgiving, but I haven't stopped being grateful. Thanks, folks.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 11:55 PM

What the flip are youse guys on about? Was it a book about pickin' up girls or what?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 06:30 PM

I sent it quite some time ago. I thought you'd gotten it. Never mind; I'll check on it when I get home. That'll be Monday, because the PO isn't open on Sunday and I'll be flying all day tomorrow. In any case, I'll send it again. You may assume that many cuss words are flying; pick out the ones you deem most appropriate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 05:25 PM

Sorry... that was outta line. I should have sent you another PM ya deadbeat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 05:07 PM

Thank you for Rapparree, clever and glib,
Thank you for Stilly, who never will fib.
Thank for Gnuser, the steadfast and steady
Thank you for Little Hawk, never unready.
Thanks you for those who post sometimes (quite wisely)
And thank you for MMario, and thank you for Eiseley
Thanks for the flak and the banter and chaffing
Thanks for the posts that reduce me to laughing
Thanks for the fantasies, mad and insane
For Chongo and Corridus, and perhaps also Shane.
Thanks for the MOAB, the house of all knowing
Where welcome awaits when there's nothing else going.
Thanks for the MOABites wit and aplomb,
Thank you for Mudcat, and thank you for Mom.
Thanks for the worn-out seat in my slacks,
Thank you for Big Mick and thank you for Max!
Thanks for the database, the lyrics and threads,
ANd the wonderful music that fills all our heads.
Thanks to the follkies who frolic and ball,
And a happy Thanksgiving to one and to all!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 04:49 PM

You EVER gonna send me my money ya owe me? Did ya think that was a fuckin joke? Ha Ha fuckin HA. I TOLD ya I was gonna be out the money for the book and I didn't mind that but I wanted ya ta pony up for the shipping. You were cool. Now yer shittin on me. Where's my fuckin money?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 01:53 PM

And he IS living a dream...one in his own head. Perhaps hospitalization and medications, or even electro-convulsive therapy, is in order. Then again, a frontal lobotomy might better serve, assuming there was anything in his frontal lobes to start with. But then, assuming that Shame WAS lobotomized, how would anyone know the difference?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 11:44 AM

I'm ESPECIALLY thankful for the last!!

Lordy. Can you imagine being Shame? Drinking the dregs out of beer cans discarded in the dumpsters or in the gutter, smoking fag ends cadged from coughing consumptives, being slighted by Sudbury sluts because of your stink, denying the evidence in your sliver of mirror about your syphilitic sphincter sores and the dental decay rotting your jaws away, all the while knowing full well that you'll be buried in an unmarked grave, forgotten by everyone except those to whom you were in debt at your death?

Be thankful!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 11:41 AM

If you WAS me, man, you would reelize how flippin' great it is to be ME. You would turn yer back on the flippin' idiotick life you are livin' now, move to North Ontario, and start growin' dope, datin' hot chicks, and bein' a majerly cool dude fer a change instead of, like, bein' the flippin' looser you are now, eh?

But none of that is gonna happen! You are doomed, man. Doomed. There ain't no hope that you are gonna change yer boltheaded way of life and become a cool dude, eh? Not a flippin' chance!

Meenwhiles, I am walkin' down the street in alls my glory, a flippin' legend in my own flippin' time. All the women want me. All the men (except maybe Don) wish they was me. I am livin' the dream, man! The dream that most guys can only flippin' dream of....I am livin' it EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 10:37 AM

That's a pretty good list, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 11 - 07:09 PM

Today is Thanksgiving Day in the US. I have many things to be thankful for:

1. Having had a brother from 1948 to 2011.
2. A good marriage.
3. Being mostly healthy.
4. Being able to pay make ends meet and a tiny bit left over.
5. For having had a long and satisfying career.
6. For good friends.
7. For Mom.
8. BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE I'M NOT SHAME MCBRIDE, THE PRINCE, NAY, THE ULTIMATE, OF LOSERS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Nov 11 - 01:40 PM

MOM stopped by the grocery store earlier this week to order a pre-made Thanksgiving dinner. She said with as scattered as all of her kids are she's not going to the trouble to cook if none of them get here today. But she's hoping a few will, hence the ordered dinner.

Better get over early if you want to have a visit with her, she's drinking cider out on the sun porch and I don't think it's the sparkling variety.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Nov 11 - 12:18 PM

You peple bad mouthin' me again? Yer a buncha flipheads! Rappoop is the flippin' worst of the lott! He is a majer flippin' enbarrissment to the hole flippin' human race. He awt to be on flippin' tryal somewheres for all the bad stuff he has siad aobut me and then throwed in jail fer the rest of his unnacheral flippin' LIFE!

You lissenin', Rappoop? FLIP YOU!!!!!!!!!

- Shane

p.s. I am moonin' you right now, bolthole. My pants are down and my ass is pointin' straight in yer flippin' direction, so you can just flip right off!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 12:28 PM

You got that right!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 11:41 AM

Correction:

3. I already wear glasses. But Shame won't quit until the hair on his palms needs a lawn mower and he can't feel his guide dog's harness because of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 11:39 AM

My answers:

1. Bite me.

2. Bite yourself.

3. When I go blind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 09:31 AM

Eiseley, I had to do a couple of those for my daughter's fish also. Sad, even when it's a fish.

As for gnu's query:

Who wants to know?

Why do you want to know?

None of your goddamed business!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 06:21 PM

What does it cost?

Will you take 10% down?

Can I pay for it this time next year if I take it right now?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 06:07 PM

My ansers would be:

"Lookin' to get laid."

"Are you stoopid?"

"Never!"

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 06:03 PM

Nuthin. Because. I ain't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 06:00 PM

You are spellin' "the" wrong all the time, eh? I bet you did not get yer grade 10!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 05:45 PM

I have just performed the latest of at least seven fish funerals this year. Here are the words I read over the porcelain bowl as they go off on their long swim:

Oh hush thee, my baby
The night is behind us
And black are the waters that sparkled so green
The moon or the cold looks downward to find
At rest in the hollow that wrestle between

Where pillow meet pillow
Then soft be thy prayer
A weary beat flipper
Is curled at thy knees
The storm shall not wake thee
Nor shark overtake thee
Asleep in the arms of this slow swinging sea

Where pillow meet pillow
Then soft be thy prayer
A weary beat flipper
Is curled at thy knees
The storm shall not wake thee
Nor shark overtake thee
Asleep in the arms of this slow swinging sea.

Rudyard Kipling


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 05:14 PM

There are 3 essential questions...


















What are you doing?















Why are you doing it?
























When are you going to stop doing it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 05:06 PM

This computer had tossed my cookie, probably because I'm using a friend's device. The last GUEST was me.

So, Amos will come back all tarry, huh? Feathers too, do you suppose?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 04:14 PM

So long Mom, I am off to the wilds of the High Desert of Arizona!! There I shall tarry until Sunday!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 02:04 PM

Mockery is as mockery does, my one-winged friend; I believe you began this reciprocal hurling of undeserved aspersions, did you not?

Have you looked deep into your soul and asked why such a sinful impulse should rise up within your tortured being?

I have not.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 01:11 PM

California vintners in the

Napa Valley area,
Which primarily produce

Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot
Grigio wines,

Have developed a new hybrid grape

That acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips

Older people have to make to the
Bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be
Marketed as








PINO MORE


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 09:18 AM

Were my arm not damaged I would have been there, as you well know. It prevented (and still prevents) me from playing accordion and banjo, both singly or simultaneously. It has all but ruined my musical career. I doubt that I shall ever again rise to the heights of, say, Joseph Pujol or Pat Patterson. Yet you mock my disability! Fie and shame upon you, sirrah!

Rap


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 06:58 AM

It was, but I think it's Tuesday now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 01:05 AM

42800

Is it only Monday?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 11:34 PM

It may have been Henry Porter that someone was referring to back there, instead of Henry Fonda.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 11:00 PM

Such a prattling tongue for one so under-exercised. I might ask you to recall, good sir, who succeeded in arriving at the Getaway--me with my arms, or you with yours?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 10:10 PM

Mom, I'm currently anchored in Indiana, where I'll be until Saturday when I fly home (in an airplane, not like Amos does, flapping his arms and running around the yard making "VROOM! VROOM!" sounds).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 01:56 PM

-14C here tonight. High today is -1C. But it's a dry cold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 01:42 PM

We wuz 42 seven and ninety some
On the way to Forty-three.
And the wind blew high, and the wind blew low,
And it boiled up a follerin' sea.
As we trimmed our sheets, and froze our feet
On the way to Forty three!

On the long sea road, with a BS load
Such merry souls were we,
As the main yards groaned midst the holy stones,
On the way to Forty-Three!


We was short of hands, and wuz far from land
Not a beachhead could we see,
And the rollers came on every hand
In a dark and wind-torn sea.
But we never blinked, nor slept a wink,
We was bold as bold could be,
On the way to Forty Three!

On the long sea road, with a BS load
Such merry souls were we,
As the main yards groaned midst the holy stones,
On the way to Forty-Three!


Oh, the lee rail drowned in the whistling sound
Of the foam caps blowing free,
And the cold sea roamed by the hatches coam,
And the bilges smelled like pee.
But the hands were stout, and they all turned out,
When the bosun's pipe sang wee,
God bless us all, on that cannon ball,
Making way for Forty Three!

On the long sea road, with a BS load
Such merry souls were we,
As the main yards groaned midst the holy stones,
On the way to Forty-Three!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 09:37 AM

Straight from the bull's mouth to the bull's eye, sirrah. A good hunting tip, useful as well for Robbing Hoods as they come out from yonder little john.


a


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 09:27 AM

It's dead on the mark, and I'm not just shooting the bull here. If you doubt me, Tell old Bill. Not his son, he's just a fletching, but have someone point out the man himself, nock on his door, and ask him straight. He won't string you along.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 09:20 AM

We shall loose, but we shall miss him,
Tho' we've practiced everywhere.
We do our best to try to hit him,
But our arrows hit but air.
When a year ago we gathered
Life was in his pale blue eye
Now the apple's not yet scattered
And our marksmanship a lie.

          --Gustav Holster, William Tell Overture in D flat minor,
            op. 485
, E. 1907, "Big Joe" Green, conducting. Berlin:
            Dutchy's Grammaphone WQ371, p1912.

(This is a VERY rare recording. You should be all a-quiver.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 09:09 AM

MOM, looks like all of the sibs have flown the coop, but I'm still here to help you up. Have some tea, and a slice of fresh banana bread. And here is a cup of Tiddlywinks LH left behind. Let's test fire these little suckers. No, don't worry where they land, LH will pick them up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 12:27 AM

You guys make me smile. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 12:03 AM

See, Mom, that's why I miss him.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 11 - 11:08 PM

You are old, Father Amos, the young man said
And your hare's grown exceedingly long
Yet you still play guitar with a capo and pick
Do you think, at your age, it is wrong?

In my yout, said the old man, I took to the sea
And fought in bars from Olso to Aden
The scar tissue resultant quite addled my brain
So with picks and with capos I'm laden.

You are old, Father Amos, the young man said
And your...Shut up! you nasty young bounder!
If you cannot keep a civil tongue in your head
I'll feed it to sharks and to flounder!

Well, I never! said the young man, completely aghast.
Oh, surely, the old man replied
I doubt that you could do it at all very well
No matter how hard that you tried.

    --Farnsworth Quentin Youngman. The Complete Poem.
      (Roy, Idaho: Job Printing Welcome Reasonable Rates, 1886)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 11 - 09:39 PM

It was the abandoned son, Hargrove, whose mother, an ill-starred minor actress, had to confess to him that she and Henry had once over-indulged in rare liqueurs over one long and well-forgotten weekend. She looked at her growing son sadly and told him, "Absinthe made thee, Hargrove Fonda."

Or have I told that story before? I forget.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 11 - 05:41 PM

Was that Henry, Peter or Jane Fondness -- or all three?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 20 Nov 11 - 05:34 PM

So glad your feet are warm, Amos. Alice sounds like a wonderful dinner guest! I remember the day you and Daley and I spent together with fondness.

Eiseley


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