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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 16 Jun 11 - 01:34 PM
Amos 16 Jun 11 - 12:18 PM
Rapparee 16 Jun 11 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 16 Jun 11 - 10:07 AM
Amos 16 Jun 11 - 09:58 AM
Eiseley 16 Jun 11 - 09:34 AM
Acme 15 Jun 11 - 11:55 PM
Acme 15 Jun 11 - 11:51 PM
Eiseley 15 Jun 11 - 11:37 PM
Amos 15 Jun 11 - 11:30 PM
gnu 15 Jun 11 - 10:26 PM
Rapparee 15 Jun 11 - 10:18 PM
Amos 15 Jun 11 - 05:40 PM
gnu 15 Jun 11 - 05:30 PM
Rapparee 15 Jun 11 - 04:45 PM
Rapparee 15 Jun 11 - 04:12 PM
Amos 15 Jun 11 - 10:11 AM
Rapparee 15 Jun 11 - 10:04 AM
MMario 15 Jun 11 - 09:18 AM
gnu 15 Jun 11 - 12:39 AM
Rapparee 15 Jun 11 - 12:07 AM
gnu 14 Jun 11 - 11:43 PM
Amos 14 Jun 11 - 11:01 PM
Rapparee 14 Jun 11 - 08:09 PM
gnu 14 Jun 11 - 07:10 PM
Rapparee 14 Jun 11 - 06:23 PM
gnu 14 Jun 11 - 06:10 PM
Amos 14 Jun 11 - 03:35 PM
Rapparee 14 Jun 11 - 01:51 PM
Amos 14 Jun 11 - 11:05 AM
Rapparee 14 Jun 11 - 10:48 AM
Eiseley 13 Jun 11 - 07:45 PM
Acme 13 Jun 11 - 06:02 PM
Amos 13 Jun 11 - 05:47 PM
gnu 13 Jun 11 - 04:07 PM
Rapparee 13 Jun 11 - 03:57 PM
gnu 13 Jun 11 - 02:53 PM
Amos 13 Jun 11 - 11:26 AM
Rapparee 13 Jun 11 - 10:29 AM
Amos 12 Jun 11 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 11 - 09:49 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 11 - 09:40 PM
Little Hawk 12 Jun 11 - 08:37 PM
gnu 12 Jun 11 - 07:56 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 11 - 07:21 PM
gnu 12 Jun 11 - 04:55 PM
GUEST,Hohk-Ptui 12 Jun 11 - 03:48 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 11 - 03:27 PM
Acme 12 Jun 11 - 02:59 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 11 - 12:33 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 11 - 01:34 PM

Later today I hope to post my research into spontaneous amputation (including decapitation). I was kidding around at first, but found that it is a real, albeit infrequent, disorder.

More later.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jun 11 - 12:18 PM

I am so glad someone is taking some responsibility for the Epic Paean to the Numbers of Mom besides me. Remember, it's not the quality of the lines, but their quantity which counts. How could you count quality, anyway? Pirsig went crazy just thinking about it!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 11 - 10:17 AM

Soon Mom will be at 41 kay,
And she will turn to me and say,
"You are the dearest, best of my sons:
Now get to the bathroom, for you have the runs."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 11 - 10:07 AM

Amos, lead oxides to white, not green. If your balls are turning green they're contaminated with copper or mold and you shouldn't have left them get all moldy.

Yes, I took a drive out the Uprising way. It was actually to see where it was going to be and to get me out of the house.

Today I take my car into the shop for the blower repair and tomorrow I take my wife's in for an oil job.

Life is not dull, anyway. Exhausting, frustrating, depressing, annoying, yes, but not dull.

Stilly -- I raise you two new pedestrian doors, a new patio door, and refurbishing another patio door. My ante is the costs of landscaping.... The water heater is a side bet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jun 11 - 09:58 AM

His powder is so try it nearly blew away in a sneeze, and his long rifle's bent in the middle and his lead balls gone green. We oughta rustle him up a plate of them turnidite things with pepper sauce, you betchum! And all the trimmings and tips, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 16 Jun 11 - 09:34 AM

Ouch! That brake bill is almost as bad as my plumbing bill back in February.

Rapparee, are you going to go swing your rapier at the uprising this weekend? I hope you didn't really go looking for it last weekend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 11:55 PM

I forgot - gnu - my ex had his turbinites trimmed during surgery to remove his tonsils. The doctor packed the nose completely full of gauze, avoiding the problem you're having. Ex pulled it out a couple of days later.

Turns out turbinites are erectile tissue. No wonder he always got a stuffy nose during sex. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 11:51 PM

Random parts falling off in the grocery store would be amputation - decapitation would be losing your head in the grocery store. Just so we're clear on that.

I'll see your hot water heater and raise you the Chevy truck brake ABS computer. I realized yesterday that I'd forgotten to get the annual inspection for the truck in May, and this ABS/Brake light had started coming on sometimes in the last week. So I took it to the Chevy dealer, figuring they'd top the brake fluid and do the state inspection. They replaced the brake ABS computer for $1300 and charged another $50 for the inspection. Ouch! ouch! ouch! ouch! ouch! ouch! ouch! ouch! ouch! ouch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 11:37 PM

Bad news about the water heater, Rapparee. I hope you were able to keep your powder dry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 11:30 PM

This is a blatant case of the kettle calling the pot Gold...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 10:26 PM

Like a lepperchaun losing his head over a lost pot of Acapulco Gold?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 10:18 PM

Well, spontaneous decapitation is one of the things I hope none of Mom's kids ever has happen to them. I don't think I'd enjoy it. Walking down the aisle in the store, perusing the pasta, and your head falls off or some other body part drops to the floor -- embarrassing, to say the least.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 05:40 PM

Spontaneous decapitation would let you get a head, which would probably be a good thing and compensate for the transient discomfort.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 05:30 PM

Oh yes it would. 3.14 times as much but the circle of pain would become asymptotically smaller and disappear in direct proprtion to the speed of the feed of the mill.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 04:45 PM

That would also mean that being bisected by, say, a sawmill wouldn't hurt as much as a splinter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 04:12 PM

So if I underwent spontaneous decapitation I wouldn't feel anything?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 10:11 AM

Because the insulted nerves are small and packed together and therefore scream the louder to makeup for it. The contrast is much more vivid when 98% of your body is reporting normal, systems go, and 2% or less thinks a catastrophe is going on.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 10:04 AM

You mean a paper cut hurts worse than, say, decapitation or traumatic amputation? What if you have a spontaneous amputation, like your arm just sorta falls off -- does that hurt as much as a splinter?

I need to know these things just in case.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 09:18 AM

Hi Mom! I got a boo-boo yesterday - was ctting the limb off the apple tree that I've been meaning to get rid of for about 5 years (yes, I know - procrastination) and managed to ram a splinter up the side of my pinky....bled like a stuck pig and hurts like a paper cut!

How come the little cuts hurt worse then big ones?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 12:39 AM

What's not to understand about snot?
It's snot because it's snot.
I thought.
Why not?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 12:07 AM

Snot what? A cedar stump? Chickens? Kraken?

(E)Inquiring minds want to know what it snot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jun 11 - 11:43 PM

Refrain...

Snot!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 11 - 11:01 PM

The blue Gnu knows that the new Gnu-nose
Is redder than the reddest rose
And Gnu is blue with his new nose, 'tis true.
But this sad news e'en he will own,
The Gnu's new nose may not be blown
And will be old news before it e'er he blew.
'Til then the Gnu's new nose
Is new news for the first of Gnus
ANd newly blue, he bloweth not
And Gnu only knows what his nose doth wot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 11 - 08:09 PM

The answer, gnu, is Tampax. Placed up your nose.

Aren't you glad I'm here to solve your problems?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jun 11 - 07:10 PM

That sucks! The worst part of this is no blows. And, I was given enough gauze for 7 bandages and enough tape for 5 bandages and I have used 2 in 4 hrs... I will need a bandage on for at least 24 hrs (maybe for 2 - 3 days according to the fact sheet they give you AFTER surgery. Odd they don't tell a person that ahead of time. If I didn't have these in stock, I would have to take a taxi to get them. Incompetence I say. I did request the painkiller and nasal spray prescriptions prior to surgery day for that reason.

All in all, I'd say your woes are worse Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 11 - 06:23 PM

Simple, compared to what I've just had to do.

I will state is simply:

ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

1. A 50 gallon water heater has busted. The plumber cometh tomorrow.
2. The blower motor in my car, which blows both heated air in the winter and the cooled air in the summer, has croaked.
3. I have rope burns or something on my neck.

On the other hand, if gnu is a commie meteorologist who specializes in precipitation he could be a genuine Red Know Rain, Dear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jun 11 - 06:10 PM

From my smokin thread...

It was turbinate reduction surgery... snippy-snippy up the nostrils on the septum. There's no pain. She said it would be painful on accouta she cauterizes the wounds. There was pain right after I woke up in recovery but the dilaudid took that away along with my sense of reality. Had I know it would make me looooopy, dizzy and nauseated and make me sweat I would have refused it... I did ask the nurse if it would make me loopy and dizzy and she said "No. You'll be fine."

I asked the nurse in the post recovery how long I would be loopy and she said "About an hour so you should feel better anytime now." An hour later, I asked another nurse the same question and she said "At least 4 hours." She gave me gravol. At three hours I almost fell as I got in the chair to be wheeled to the taxi. When I almost fell getting into a chair at the front door the nurse decided to stay with me until I got in the taxi.

An hour ago, the ceiling stopped falling and I could read. I'm still spacey but there isn't much pain. I guess they tell you it's gonna hurt in case it does... and it may yet... who nose?

Yes it was a long way to go for a nose joke eh?

Call me Rudolf eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 11 - 03:35 PM

I am grateful for your consideration, sir, but I must decline the nomination, and if elected, decline to serve.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 11 - 01:51 PM

That's true, Amos. And you are one of my hallucinatory delusions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 11 - 11:05 AM

Yes, it is so--you are her favorite because the rest of us are a bunch of lackluster apathetic ne-er-do-well periwinkles. That, and the fact that you live in a constant state of halucinatory delusion.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 11 - 10:48 AM

Am I the only one who cares about Mom? Is that why I'm her favorite?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 13 Jun 11 - 07:45 PM

Welcome back, Amos. I will now go make some sandwiches and apple pie. Thanks for the great dinner ideas.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jun 11 - 06:02 PM

Take care, gnu!

Glad to see you're back, Amos. Anyone who complains about my BLT should scream to the heavens about that apple pie of yours.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 11 - 05:47 PM

Loup-Ganu, heal up queek, you unnerstan, monsure?

Them wherewoolies are tricky, depending on which end of where you approach. I knew a ganother ganu who headed up from downwind to a wherewooly once, it browsing upwind, and he coming up behind. Wal, the herbs in that patch was silver-tipped foxwrinkle, which doesn't sit well in da wherewooly's intestinal tract, if you take my meaning. One bad blow and the poor ganu was out like a light. So you nevair mind that, mon voyageur, just you stay in dem clean seets and wink at dem purdy nurses til they telling you 's okay to move aboot, eh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jun 11 - 04:07 PM

Nahhh... I am a gnu... I could off one a them there wherewoolies faster than a lion. I am a horny gnu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 11 - 03:57 PM

They're turning you into a loup-garou?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jun 11 - 02:53 PM

Crap. The Dumont (locally known as the French hospital) called and told me to present at 9:00 instead of 7:45. I gotta fast from midnight on so that's an extra bit of thirsty for me. I don't care about grub but water? Crap.

I suppose 1h15m ain't much when you consider the fact that my referral to the surgeon was faxed on July 13, 2009! But it's a free op eh on accounta I got CanuckCare eh! I hear youse have ObamaCare, Good luck with that eh.

I get to go to the French hospital on accounta I am half Acadian. And I can speak to the Acadian nurses. The ones from La Belle Province are hard to understand, even for the Acadian nurses.

Take no notice of strange posts over the next few days (or in the past for that matter) as I may be loop-de-loop. I had two parotidectomies (cell phones DO cause tumours... I don't give a shit about studies) and refused the morphine and never took the Tylenol 3s as pain doesn't bother me a lot - I don't like being loopy. However, I think this is gonna be a sumbitch on accounta cauterization of the wounds is required. Time will tell.

Probably rather be probed. Them there French nurses... well, I went out with one at uni... nuff said.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 11 - 11:26 AM

Deluded alterations of a raw hallucination do not stand up inthe cold lighnt of day, Mister Booques. Zo zorry.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 11 - 10:29 AM

So THAT'S what they do with "Rocky Mountain oysters" in Arizona! They put them on top of apple pie. Well, a chacun and all that.

I think Pooey or whatever is name is was correct: Amos has induced memories of his "adventure."   The farthest I got from town was to drive almost to Shelley looking for an SCA event I never found.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 10:48 PM

There's a little country kitchen cafe alongside of I-17 north where it leaves the wasteland of Phoenix and climbs up into High Desert under the shadows of Mingus Mountain, just north of Bloody Basic. The place is called Rock SPrings, and they serve to-die-for country breakfasts. They also have a pie-making racket. Their apple crunch is the most beautiful apple pie ever to grace our sorry planet--a top coat of crunchy crust,butter-ricjh and sprinkled with chopped nuts, and a rich apple filling that melts in your mouth. I always get one when I am passing through on my way to Gramma's place up in Cottonwood. MmmmmMMMM! it is the finest apple-pie eating ever.

I am back from my interstellar travels with the Venusian-Klingon Klezmer Rock band. A very profitable tour. Raparre showed up at one of the concerts but he had to be turned out as he kept making vile suggestions about colo-rectal examinations he had undergone or was volunteering for. I think he was confused about the venue.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 09:49 PM

Of course, I meant "noted."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 09:40 PM

Yes, truly. Good ol' Amos: knotted author, incomparable musician, someone indeed without peer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 08:37 PM

Your return of the Amos is much appreciated, Hohk-Ptui. We would have a hard time doing without him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 07:56 PM

Grab a tissue.... I am gonna make my sandwich...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 07:21 PM

No wonder you fell off the wagon -- ya gotta hold on with both hands. Especially to the chuck wagon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 04:55 PM

SRS... yer not helping me with my diet. That sounds soooooooooo tastey! I got so hungry I just took out a salmon fillet (Atlantic Salmon, The Brillant Salmon, the KING of Fish... none of that left coast crap for me) and I shall extracate veggies from last night's beef stew to go with.

I fell off the wagon today and had a piece (a forkful) of apple from the Dutch Apple Pie I baked for Mum this afternoon. I worked it off planting double impatiens in pots to go in front of Mum's yard and one pot in the back yard... 20 in total.

Another exciting day on Leeside drive.

Hmmmm... I have a tomato... maybe my bedtime snack will be a t sandwich on cracked wheat toast with Miracle Whip and enough pepper ta make Rap sneeze from here.

I hope Amos' anus' annual inspection is okay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hohk-Ptui
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 03:48 PM

We are returning the Amos to you. His mind has been repaired and you are again asked to discontinue damaging it. It is small and fragile and cracks easily.

Talking of cracks, he very much enjoyed the probes. His pleasure centers registered the highest we have seen in a very long duration.

Please be gentle with him when he returns. He will have little or no remembrance of his annual examination and correction, as we have inserted other memories for this period of his duration.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 03:27 PM

You REALLY expect me to believe that sort of thing is real when the high for the last week has been 71 F.?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 02:59 PM

It's Summer when we have enough ripe tomatoes to make full-bodied BLT sandwiches on homemade bread toast with fresh lettuce, real full-strength mayonnaise, thick slices of crisp bacon, and juicy red slices of homegrown tomatoes from my garden.

Are you going to seriously argue with that? Who cares what the calendar says. It's my garden that dictates these things!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 12:33 PM

Somer ist a-comin' in, so you can't do it real soon. You gotta wait a few days.


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