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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 22 Feb 07 - 08:55 AM
Acme 22 Feb 07 - 11:41 AM
GUEST,The Giant Squid 22 Feb 07 - 11:51 AM
Little Hawk 22 Feb 07 - 12:44 PM
Bunnahabhain 22 Feb 07 - 01:01 PM
Rapparee 22 Feb 07 - 03:09 PM
MMario 22 Feb 07 - 03:24 PM
MMario 22 Feb 07 - 04:22 PM
Acme 22 Feb 07 - 06:58 PM
Rapparee 22 Feb 07 - 09:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Feb 07 - 09:44 PM
Acme 22 Feb 07 - 10:07 PM
Acme 22 Feb 07 - 10:09 PM
Rapparee 22 Feb 07 - 10:11 PM
Amos 22 Feb 07 - 11:41 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Feb 07 - 11:59 PM
Amos 23 Feb 07 - 12:25 AM
Rapparee 23 Feb 07 - 09:24 AM
Amos 23 Feb 07 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 23 Feb 07 - 12:21 PM
Little Hawk 23 Feb 07 - 12:27 PM
Rapparee 23 Feb 07 - 01:12 PM
Acme 23 Feb 07 - 07:42 PM
Amos 23 Feb 07 - 07:52 PM
Little Hawk 23 Feb 07 - 08:08 PM
Amos 23 Feb 07 - 09:40 PM
Rapparee 23 Feb 07 - 10:09 PM
Amos 23 Feb 07 - 11:31 PM
Bunnahabhain 24 Feb 07 - 07:04 AM
Rapparee 24 Feb 07 - 09:48 AM
Rapparee 24 Feb 07 - 09:49 AM
Amos 24 Feb 07 - 10:22 AM
Acme 24 Feb 07 - 11:04 AM
Amos 24 Feb 07 - 12:43 PM
Acme 24 Feb 07 - 01:47 PM
Rapparee 24 Feb 07 - 10:47 PM
Acme 25 Feb 07 - 03:33 AM
Bunnahabhain 25 Feb 07 - 09:35 AM
Amos 25 Feb 07 - 10:19 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Feb 07 - 12:13 PM
Amos 25 Feb 07 - 12:32 PM
Bunnahabhain 25 Feb 07 - 01:21 PM
Rapparee 25 Feb 07 - 01:51 PM
Amos 25 Feb 07 - 02:13 PM
Little Hawk 25 Feb 07 - 03:31 PM
Acme 25 Feb 07 - 04:00 PM
Amos 25 Feb 07 - 08:49 PM
Rapparee 25 Feb 07 - 08:58 PM
Little Hawk 25 Feb 07 - 09:20 PM
Amos 26 Feb 07 - 10:14 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 08:55 AM

Because they only put ceiling panels on about 1/4 or less of the ceiling. This was to cut costs. Yes, it's a Purple Hole for light, and we have to heat the area as well put up with much more noise. Granted, it's a snap for running cables, but that's about it.

When the city built the place they did lots of things like that to cut costs. Now, 13 years later, we're going to have to pay for it -- a higher costs.

And even though the plaque says, "Built at no cost to the taxpayers" the city won't stop writing checks on the construction of the building until 2011.

A long, dirty, sordid, story of local politics....

And so we have an aubergine ceiling, painted that color to disguise the beams, ducts, and other structural elements and sold as an architectural style that I think is called either "Defunct Warehouse" or "Early Industrial Plant."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 11:41 AM

I think we have one floor of our library with an aubergine elevator core. The rest of the floor is a normal UTA beige. In this they mistakenly painted it the colors of a rival university (TCU- Texas Christian Ubargine).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Giant Squid
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 11:51 AM

Did you people see what they did to my cousin Abner? Did ya? Aunt Lucille is gonna be pissed off, lemme tell ya!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 12:44 PM

You could hire Shane to repaint it in the color of your choice, Rapaire. He occasionally takes on casual labor when he's truly desperate for cash.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 01:01 PM

You could just drop one of the Legions special cigars in the pail of paint. You know, the ones all three parts of the AFT tried to confiscate at once, and they're still in therapy as a result. It'll cover the ceiling quite effectively, and a few shrapnel scars on the walls just add to the look.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 03:09 PM

I have just returned from the ground breaking ceremonies for the Old Town Pocatello Pavilion. Quite nice, and the Idaho Legion's Color Honor Guard showed up and neither of them fell flat on their face for a change. Last time they showed up for something like this it was at the opening of the new Sewage Treatment Plant and yes, you guessed it -- both of them missed falling in. They landed on the edge of one of the CEment ponds and suffered a bloody nose and a chipped tooth, respectively.

It's amazing to everyone that two guys that are so maladroit can do so much damage to themselves and never even nick or dent the weapons they carry. Of course, it IS hard to damage an old broom handle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 03:24 PM

You would think an Honor Guard would be adept at "falling in" - isn't that the first step in any kind of (non geological) formation?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 04:22 PM

MOM - I'm gonna be out of town for a few days - traveling to the Tampa vicinity for my Dad's 90th b-day party. So if anyone asks - I'm not here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 06:58 PM

Don't fall in while you're in Tampa.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 09:32 PM

I was in Tampa once. The cops were looking for a guy who shot up a hospital when I was there -- helicopters and police boats and all sorts of whoop-te-doo.

And all the while there was a guy playing the bagpipes, standing in the garden level of the hotel, above us who were drinking down below.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 09:44 PM

If you decide to go to the horse races while you're in Tampa, say "Hi" to my stepson. He lives not too far from Tampa Downs.

Which brings us to the question of why are so many horse racing tracks called "______ Downs?" What the hell's a "down"? Is it because the horses fall down? But if they all fall down, nobody wins the race! They should call them "Ups". The Kentucky Derby should be run at "Churchill Ups".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 10:07 PM

I know you don't have Down's Syndrome, BWL, so it must be something else that sparks this question.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 10:09 PM

Q *How do I make that assumption when we've never met?

A *Because the average life expectancy in Down's Syndrome is about 35 years, and we know you're way older than that. . . (but it takes one to know one, so to speak. . .)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 10:11 PM

Race courses used to be stuffed with fluffy goose feathers so that if the horses fell down they wouldn't get hurt. That's why they were called "Downs." But it was found that the jockeys got too comfortable laying there and that they were making the horses deliberately fall so that they could catch a bit of a nap. So they did away with the stuffing and ran the races on plain old dirt. But the name, "Downs," stuck.

By the way, the drink of which the losers partook was called the "Downs Comforter."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 11:41 PM

LIfe with Rapaire certainly has its Upson Downs. He not only plagiarizes copyrighted language, he takes that which is public fare and butchers it.

Downs are rolling hills, as anyone with an etymological dictionary know. Now the odd thing is that the English, who coined the term, are more confused than the Australians about its meaning. Compare the following:

A downland is an area of open chalk upland. This term is especially used to describe the chalk countryside in southern England. Areas of downland are often referred to as Downs.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Downs

Extensive undulating and gently rolling plains.
www.nationalparks.nsw.gov.au/npws.nsf/Content/bioregions_glossary

As for etymology:

down (n.2)
O.E. dun "hill," from Celtic word for "hill, citadel" (cf. O.Ir. dun "hill, hill fort," and second element in place names London, Verdun, etc.), from PIE base *dheue- "to close, finish, come full circle" (cf. O.E. dun "hill," M.Du. dune "sandy hill"). Meaning "elevated rolling grassland" is from 1297.

A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 11:59 PM

Now, now, Amos! Mom's going to be upset with you! You know the rule:

"At least three totally spurious answers to all etymological questions must be presented before consulting the Online Etymology Dictionary for the so-called 'real' etymology."

See if you can talk Gluon into moving your post a few hours into the future while we make up a bit more BS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 12:25 AM

O Western wind, when wilt thou blow
That the small rain down can rain?
    Christ, that my love were in my arms
      And I in my bed again!
      - Anonymous

I wit not what will whet not or not whet knots, nor knot I wet knots, and wit not and whatnot.

Alfred Termeganant III, 1659


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 09:24 AM

If it were done when 'tis done 'twere well it were done quickly. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. Top THAT, you melancholy Dane!

                              Shakespeare, That Scottish Play

If 'tis true, 'tis a pity, and the pity 'tis, 'tis true. And she sells sea shells by the sea shore.

                              Somebody who wrote plays in the 1700s


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 10:17 AM

About Rapaire, as about Polonius, from whom he lifted the "pity" iteration above, it may well be said, "...he is described as a windbag by some and a rambler of wisdom by others. It has also been suggested that he only acts like a "foolish prating knave" in order to keep his position and popularity safe and to keep anyone from discovering his plots for social advancement. ...."

Well witted, thou whorly whoreson of a what-not, for one who wots not whence his wherewithal for whate'er he wears will wend.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 12:21 PM

Sir,

The pomposity of your posting has confirmed your bombastic nature and lack of regard for Truth. It grieves me full sore, and I would overlook the insult to myself, but I cannot countenance the insult to my family. I ask that you explain yourself and provide any mitigating circumstances (for example, gross intoxication) for these crude, malicious, and untrue remarks.

I remain, Sir,

Your servant,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 12:27 PM

Oh! WELL SAID, Supreme One!!! Verily, thou hast cast that vile knave well and truly into the outer darkness, into the very pit itself. There shall he stew for all eternity...or at least for the next five minutes or so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 01:12 PM

Sir,

Should matters be pressed further or your explanation prove insufficient to the offense, Little Hawk will act as my second.

I remain, Sir,

Your servant,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 07:42 PM

I think we've been here before.

Mom, let me help you up. The boys are out fighting in the yard and ignoring you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 07:52 PM

Rapaire:

Your second what? You're not even using your FIRST what, now are you?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 08:08 PM

And Chongo will be our third...not that his services in that regard will be needed. But just so you know.

Shane would probably be willing to be your second, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 09:40 PM

Tell you what, LH -- you and Rapaire and Chongo go off and do your threesome thing, then, whatever it is you want to do, and I will stay snug and happy to home. Then, when you've worked it all out of your systems, come on back, welcome as always.

See, Rapaire is thinking he has been insulted. But that just ain't so. I told him what he wrote was well-witted. I concur I was a bit liberal with W's, but that is not an offense in most quarters.

Here...after you've done, you can figure out who your long-sought soulmate is, by name, even!.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 10:09 PM

Sir,

Your apology is sufficient and accepted. Given the current political situation in our Nation's Capital, may I suggest a more cautious use of the the letter "W"? As I'm certain you are aware to call someone a "W" can lead to a demand for immediate satisfaction, and quite rightly so. As we say in The West, "Them's fightin' words, pardner."

Just the other evening Mr. Hardrock Hammes became embroiled in fisticuffs with Mr. Jump-up John outside of the Idaho Legion Hovel after Mr. Hammes decided that Mr. John had called him "W." It was, of course, a misunderstanding as Mr. John (who stutters) actually said, "W-w-w-w-where's the toilet?" Fortunately, Mr. John struck Mr. Hammes on the head with a shovel and no one was actually injured. Mr. Hammes bought Mr. John several drinks afterwards, including one called a "Saturday Night Special." When last seen Mr. Hammes and Mr. John were sitting together, arms around each other, weeping over their newly-found friendship.

Thanking you for your candor in this matter, I remain,

Your servant,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 11:31 PM

No harm, no fowl, as the duckhunter said when he came home empty handed.

ANyway, I will share a little secret. The people who have been to Tampa usually insist it was Saint Petersburg. The reason for this is that they don't want to admit to being Tampons.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 07:04 AM

I've been ignoring this little tiff altogether, by playing Sky Geology over Arizona, with Google Earth, coffee, and textbooks. I was trying to study properly, but got distracted and went wow alot instead....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 09:48 AM

Try the Sawtooth Mountains. Or the Frank Church River of No Return Wilderness.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 09:49 AM

Or Craters of hte Moon National Park. Or Yellowstone NP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 10:22 AM

Or Gram Canyon or...or... . Hell, I ain't much about geography. Try patting your head and rubbing your stomach at the same time.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 11:04 AM

Focus in on Rap's back yard and see if those buried freezers are visble near his back sundeck. I wonder if Amos parks his car in his driveway?

Funny, when I do the search on my local map database, it comes up at the next door neighbor's yard where there IS a car in the driveway.

my house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 12:43 PM

It is odd to me that you have placed the label "No car n driveway" right next to a visual artifact that looks, somehow, exactly like a car in, um, a driveway! What a strange coincidence!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 01:47 PM

That's what I said--it's odd that when I plug in my address the dot ends up beside my next door neighbor who DOES have a car in the driveway. Mine is beside him without a car. It's in the garage. I had to make the label before the photo came up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 10:47 PM

You can only see the buried freezers if you view the house with back-scatter x-rays so that you can see through the roof, the floor of the deck, and the junk I've piled over them so nobody gets locked inside. I'm slowly filling them up with various types of rubble. You know: Barney, Wilma....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 03:33 AM

BamBam isn't just the sound of you working out back then, is it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 09:35 AM

Serious question. What is it with buried freezers. It's some reference I don't get, and it's definitely better to ask her than to look it up online....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 10:19 AM

Who is "her"?

Anyway, as you know, Rapaire is a man closely attuned to violent solutions and the implements thereof. So he keeps a couple of freezers buried in the back yard. They are sodded over -- as he often is himself -- and protected by random sprinklings of junk and rubble -- hmmm, the parallels are fascinating -- and because they are freezers, they defeat efforts by the police to find recently expired victims using infrared heat sensor devices. So when his violent side gets the better of him, and he cuts some housewife's throat with his epee or guts some insurance salesman by accident, thinking him to be an intruder because he rang the doorbell at 11 AM on Saturday, or he demonstrates his military arsenal to the neighbor in retribution for the neighbor's dog having messed up his calla lilies, why it's no worries. Into the freezer they go. If it gets full, well, the alarm has long since died down and he can grind 'em up for fertilizer at his leisure and make room for more.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 12:13 PM

Actually, the buried freezers are required to keep the lime Jello in in Rapire's basement Jello-wrestling pit at a comfortable temperature for the Humongous Squid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 12:32 PM

Well, that's as may be, but I find your explanation out of character and pedestrian compared to my own, BW. I am sure the freezers are a component of a larger character issue.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 01:21 PM

Her is the great God of typographical errors. She is honoured daily in my work...

This is why I've proofread the 7 large placards I 'voulnteered' to make several times.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 01:51 PM

If you would PM me your email address, I shall email you pictures of said freezers.

There is not a shred, tittle, jot, or dottle of truth in what either Amos OR Bee-Dubya-Ell says. The Truth is so bizarre, so outrageous, so unbelievable, that I have until now kept it to myself since I knew that no one would believe me.

However, I've spoken with Mom and she says that the time has come to Explain It All.

And so I will.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 02:13 PM

My explanation for your freezers, good sir, is as sound as your explanation for the etymological provenance of Downs.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 03:31 PM

That is a great theory, Amos! I think we should have Chongo go and investigate and see if it's true.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 04:00 PM

Coming Up Next!

The new serial from the MOAB Irregulars

Freezer Downs

A racy, chilling tale
In three acts.


I'm sure it will begin shortly. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 08:49 PM

Local Librarian Denies Storing Dead Bodies in Freezers

Insists Buried Freezers Are for Jello, Squid


Survey Shows 65% Think He Lies



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 08:58 PM

Well, you all know of Brockie Jack, Dave Updycke and the rest and how they pulled the Port Neuf stage robbery near here on July 26, 1865. You all know that the USD 86,000 in gold (now estimated to be worth about USD 1.6 million) has never been found. And of course you know that Dave Updycke was hanged by the Vigilantes, Willy Whitmore was shot down in Arizona, and another one, Miller, was hung over in Colorado by a Vigilante group there.

Brockie Jack got clean away. And he was the only one of the gang who was able to tell where the gold was hidden, because Updycke just kinda glared at the Vigilantes with contempt when they ask him.

(Henry Plummer wasn't involved in this, in case you were thinking that maybe the Plummer gang was involved. This was mostly because Henry had been hanged by the Vigilantes in Bannack, Montana in 1864.)

Anyway, what isn't well known is that Brockie Jack came BACK to Pocatello in 1883. He had a bit of gold, enough to live on, and never seemed to lack enough money for a place to live, some food, a touch of whiskey now and then, and most importantly, to marry a local woman by whom he had three kids -- two twin girls and a boy.

Brockie Jack used a different name, of course, and he's buried out in Mountainview Cemetery under that alias. He worked at the Farmers' and Miners' Bank as a cashier, and then bought up the Railroad Merchandise Emporium on First Street, next to Chubb's Drug Store.

Well, one day one of the Bad Men (they never found out who) apparently came into town on a UP train and recognized Brockie Jack. He promptly shot eleven holes in Brockie and promptly left town again. Dying, Brockie called for his son and in his dying moments told the teenager exactly where out on Big Southern Butte the gold from that long-ago holdup was hidden.

The son, however, was nothing like his father. He shunned whiskey, women and tobacco and finally Went East to attend a seminary. He came back to town as a Baptist Preacher, married, and had his own family. He was well respected, and was one of those who not only helped to found the public library here, but also the hospital. When he passed away there was much mourning.

He did, however, leave the directions to the treasure in the care of his wife. She hid it in a "secret drawer" in his desk, which was eventually donated by the family to the Bannock County Historical Society.

Time passed. The robbery wasn't forgotten and neither was the gold, but it passed from truth to legend. And then, during an open house at the Historical Society's Museum, the "secret drawer" in the desk was found and so were the directions to the gold.

They were encoded. Not just encoded, but encrypted. And it wasn't one of those "A=1, B=2" things either. This was a real tough nut to crack, and nobody seemed able to do it.

They tried letter frequency counts, for instance. Didn't work, although one of the results DID yield what seemed to be a fragment of a lost play by Moliere and another a pretty danged good biscuit recipe (used for years at the Bannock Hotel, until that old landmark was torn down).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 09:20 PM

You need a room full of chimps to break that code...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 10:14 AM

You might need one. You seem to enjoy that sort of resource. To me, the code is transparent. It's a question of authorship -- you see behind such a tale a roomful of chips, where I see but one.

A


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