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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 10 Feb 11 - 04:09 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 03:36 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 03:33 PM
GUEST,Sheryl Backwater 10 Feb 11 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 11 - 03:10 PM
Amos 10 Feb 11 - 02:50 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 11 - 02:16 PM
Amos 10 Feb 11 - 01:09 PM
Amos 10 Feb 11 - 11:10 AM
GUEST,Albert Einstein 10 Feb 11 - 10:41 AM
GUEST,Albert Schweitzer 10 Feb 11 - 10:38 AM
Rapparee 10 Feb 11 - 10:28 AM
Amos 09 Feb 11 - 11:48 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 09 Feb 11 - 11:00 PM
Acme 09 Feb 11 - 10:50 PM
Acme 09 Feb 11 - 10:49 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 10:33 PM
Amos 09 Feb 11 - 10:11 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 10:10 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 09:39 PM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 11 - 08:45 PM
Amos 09 Feb 11 - 07:57 PM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 11 - 07:04 PM
Amos 09 Feb 11 - 05:02 PM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 11 - 04:03 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 03:55 PM
Amos 09 Feb 11 - 03:46 PM
Acme 09 Feb 11 - 03:14 PM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 11 - 01:46 PM
Eiseley 09 Feb 11 - 10:47 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 10:23 AM
freda underhill 09 Feb 11 - 09:58 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 09:49 AM
freda underhill 09 Feb 11 - 02:56 AM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 11 - 12:59 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 12:15 AM
Amos 08 Feb 11 - 10:30 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 11 - 08:27 PM
Amos 08 Feb 11 - 08:20 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 11 - 08:12 PM
Eiseley 08 Feb 11 - 07:24 PM
Little Hawk 08 Feb 11 - 06:31 PM
Amos 08 Feb 11 - 02:19 PM
Acme 08 Feb 11 - 01:23 PM
Little Hawk 08 Feb 11 - 12:57 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 11 - 10:56 AM
Amos 08 Feb 11 - 01:28 AM
Acme 08 Feb 11 - 12:34 AM
Amos 07 Feb 11 - 10:12 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 11 - 09:14 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 04:09 PM

Well, judging by the time stamp...Rapparree has fallen on hard times and is trying to compete with your stable of dubious personalities by coming up with an even grottier invention and blaming one of your inventions for it. It is always bemusing to me when your imaginary characters start squabbling among themselves. It reminds me of the days when you could get your throat cut for believing an imaginary three in one configuration was more important than an imaginary one in one configuration, and everyone felt entitled to act like a hole in one.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 03:36 PM

And, no, Amos...I did NOT post the Sheryl Blackwater post. I have, however, responded to it, as you can see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 03:33 PM

Sheryl...much as I think you are pursuing an unattainable objective, akin to Don Quixote's assault upon the windmill or Ponce de Leon's futile search for the Fountain of Youth, I am moved by compassion (not to mention amusement), and I will give you what advice I can.

1. Forget it. Getting Shane to do the Right Thing is like the impossible dream. It would be like trying to milk a granite statue of a Brahma bull. Useless.

2. Why in the world did you have sex with him??? Were you conscious at the time?

3. You know where the Tim Horton's is in Blind River? I assume you do. Hang around there and he will show up. You might find him taking stuff out of the dumpster at the back if he's broke, which he often is. If not, you will find him at the counter, harassing the female staff and trying to get free donuts by claiming that there were mouse turds in the last one he ate from there.

4. Check with the local police. They are usually looking for him too.

5. Go to the garage where his brother Don works. I forget the name of it, but just ask around. Tell Don all about it. Raise flippin' hell. Don won't help you, but he may tell you where Shane is just so that you will go away and not bother him.

6. Go to their house. Just ask around, everyone knows where it is. It is the place where the backyard is full of dead cars and wrecked snowmobiles and piles of junk. There is a sign on the front door saying:

NO COPS ALLOWED!!!
(eccept for Ossifer Dana)

7. Spread the news around that you are very horny and you want MORE sex and you want it BAD!!! This could bring a lot of unwanted attention, I know, but it will also inevitably bring Shane. I guarantee it. Then you'll have him by the mungoberries! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Sheryl Backwater
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 03:13 PM

Do anyone here know wear I cna find Shane McBride from Blind Rivr, Ontario? I unerstan that he sometimes comes here an I need to fin d himn. He has Knoked Me Up and he has too do The Rite Thing by me now.

Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 03:10 PM

Please excuse the grammatical error in my last post. I of course meant to the use the "neither...nor" construction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 02:50 PM

Well, it is good to know you are not still trying to use your ex-ex-cells.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 02:16 PM

I use neither Excel OR Power Point if it can possibly be avoided. I find Quattro Pro and Presentations to be far, far more powerful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 01:09 PM

Challenges make life interesting, however, overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.
The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot.
If we're always looking in the rear view mirror it's hard to keep our eyes on the road ahead. There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the passion of life. Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Wealth is the ability to fully experience life. We do not remember days; we remember moments.


- Cesare Pavese, Mark Twain, Ben Hogan, Michael Altshuler, Abraham Lincoln, Henry David Thoreau, and Frederico Fellini


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 11:10 AM

Although he poses as a man of Word, his itching reveals him to be a man of Ex-Cells, undermining his ability to power point.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Einstein
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:41 AM

There is no such place as Hell.

But Rapparee is itching.

His sloughed off skin is gathering in corners and fighting chromosomically with Hermann Hesse's remains. Hesse was afflicted with scabies and remnants of his cells still drift about. From this vantage, it seems that Hermann's scurf is winning.

Al


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Schweitzer
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:38 AM

Rapparee is itching for the inferno.

Albert Schweitzer


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:28 AM

Thank you, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 11:48 PM

That was purely stunning, Miss Eiseley!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 11:00 PM

A Flying Dutchman in her progress over the waves
of, not water, but a thicker slish,
Is this vessel known as MOAB to her hardy crew.
Led not by William Shatner (praise the Lord)
But by a team of wordsmith anarchists,
Mother is a different kind of ship than those that sail the sea.

Afloat in virtual dimensions,
Adrift on sparking webs
That in their crazy angles, crooked ways,
Resemble more a labyrinth of odd canals
Than open ocean,
This stalwart Mother floating aimless through the maze
of little twisting passages, all alike,
Will sometimes leave a treasure in a dead-end hall:
Some poetic gem or tricksy verse
Announcing milestones of Kay.
These unpraised songs are left as writing on a wall?
Figurative sconces filled with shining verse,
Illuminating dark recesses where dauntless sailors
Need not explore.

For there are wild apes in these ways,
Monsters lurking in the wine-dark sea,
Freakish duck-dogs quarking in the void
And far too many frayed skeins
For any traveler to follow without fear
Of strangulation, emasculation, decapitation or worse.

So when we see another stanza in the MOAB Poem,
It's like a torch lit in the dark, a couplet signifying "end of scene."
And we can turn and sail another way, as those who turn in sleep begin another dream.


Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:50 PM

I'm told that is Westminster Bridge in London.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:49 PM

All light and shadow in a photo that is close to Chongo's heart. And most likely Chinga's as well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:33 PM

I just ran across the following title in a medical journal on PubMed:

Immunohistochemical detection of Ki67 in breast cancer correlates with transcriptional regulation of genes related to apoptosis and cell death.

I love it! "Immunohistochomical"!! Who'da thunk it?
-----------------
To answer the survey of Amos
Regarding the epics of verse
I must respond "All of the above!"
For Lord knows, it could be worse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:11 PM

Hell, his own mother called him a "fucking baboon" when he left home.

Anyway, here's a survey.

EPIC KAY POEMS and BALLADS

There have been a number of epic pieces composed to celebrate the accumulation of milestone numbers of posts in MOAB. In some, the MOAB has been metaphorically depicted as a ship in a gale; in orthers, as a crew of desperate rail navvies putting down track; in others, as a race of desperate mighty steeds heading for a finish line.

Each of these compositions has had all the artistic merit of a piece by Kipling, or by Chongo, by McGonagle, or by Walksaboutverse--the same desperate sensitivity, rattled tatterdemalion scansion and impeccable spasticity of rhythm. Despite these aesthetic credentials of the first water, they are constantly slighted, and let pass without comment by their readers.

In your experience are these MOAB Epics:

1. Too long?
2. Too short?
3. Not exciting enough?
4. Too exciting to bear?
5. Too frequently posted?
6. Too infrequent?
7. Beating a dead horse?
8. Inept?
9. Masterful and entertaining?
10. A glut on the river of MOAB?
11. Other (please be specific).

Respond by number or in prose, by rhymed couplets or fastidious invective as seems best to your discerning eye.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:10 PM

No, I guess Amos is correct. You can't tell them apart if Chongo is walking backwards.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 09:39 PM

True, but we're talking about Chongo's backside here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 08:45 PM

You must be joking. Only a complete moron could fail to distinguish between a chimp and a baboon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 07:57 PM

From the baboons!! Sheeshe. Especially if he walks backwards...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 07:04 PM

From what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 05:02 PM

How will they tell him apart?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 04:03 PM

Chongo didn't go to jail for that assault (mainly because he has a lot of buddies in the police force), but he now has a large contingent of Baboons related to the first one who are on a vendetta against him. Not that there's anything new about that...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 03:55 PM

I never stared at a PDP11, but I'll bet Amos and I are probably the only ones here who know what a PDP11 is/was/will be. (I got rid of my manuals some years back.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 03:46 PM

Oh ye of little faith!! Anyone who is ANYONE uses direct perception, rather than biological sensors, to see their way through the storm of life. Direct perception is instantaneous, a result of permeating exiatence rather than hiding in it like a meathead staring at a PDP11.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 03:14 PM

Did Chongo go to jail for that assault?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 01:46 PM

You're quite right that there is a small time lag in our sensory perceptions of the world, Rapaire. But it's VERY small, agreed? I think it's so small that it hardly matters in any practical sense. For instance, there was this Baboon who figured he was so fast that he could kick Chongo a hard one in the ass and then get away before Chongo saw who did it.

It didn't work out. Immediately after administering the kick he received a broken leg, a busted nose, 2 black eyes, 5 broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and a bruised kidney. He is recuperating in hospital. The sensory lag just wasn't long enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:47 AM

Well, you would know it right away, but just not at the instant everything disappeared. It would still be present in the mind for that instant. And if it is virtually present, doesn't that count? Virtual life is certainly as real as we allow it to be. Think of Captain Kirk, or Chongo, or even that McBride guy.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:23 AM

Yeah. Everything could have disappeared and you wouldn't know it right away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 09:58 AM

spooky.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 09:49 AM

Correct, LH. Our sensory lives are in the past. Sorry for the confusion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 02:56 AM

hilarious link, gnu!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 12:59 AM

To the contrary, we always live in the present. The past is a remembered dream, and the future is a phantasm. The only real thing we have and ever will have is the present. When you read this, it will be in the present. When you decide it's all a bunch of hooey it will still be in the present. You can deny the present all you want (and people do deny it much of the time), but it will never deny you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 12:15 AM

Amos, we all live in the past. Roughly speaking your nerve impulses travel at 72 mph -- VIRTUALLY instantaneous in the size of the human body, but actually a pause from perception to brain realization. Thus, EVERYTHING you see, feel, taste, smell, touch, hear is actually in the past, just as the light from every star or satellite comes from the past. You're not built to do any OTHER than live in the past. Notice that I'm not saying anything about the "life of the mind" or a "spiritual life," just that at the biological level. Some, Shame McBride for example, rarely even reach that level....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 10:30 PM

Oh, all right. Do let us know the next time you're in the general vicinity of present time, and we'll try to communicate. I m sure living in the remote past will occupy all your attention until then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 08:27 PM

NEVER!!

Truth, Justice, and the American/Canadian Way will prevail, just as their combined forces did at Normandy in 1944 or Fort George in 1812.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 08:20 PM

Oh, Rapparee, give it up. The evidence is all agin ya.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 08:12 PM

That's all true, but he spells the words "Kuwl", "Swave", and "Debonehair" -- just as he pronounces them. He also claims to be "hansum", "gud luking", "soovellt", "entelleejint", and "edyoukated".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 07:24 PM

Amos really is cool, suave, and debonair.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 06:31 PM

Yes, yes...I bear a heavy cross, Amos. Each day I yearn to be as cool, suave, and debonair as you are, and to live a life like yours. It just kills me, and I have no idea what to do about it. So I make up wild stories instead. ;-D Homeland Security is longing to get their greasy paws on me. They thirst for my blood. I am number 612 on their list of 75,213,709 known subversives worthy of detention and waterboarding...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 02:19 PM

Well, that's not exactly what I said, but then Rapp's memory never was all that good. What I said was "If you're not, you probably should be..." meaning that he should be fined. Either the remark went entirely over his head, or he did not want to confront the long inventory of social offenses for which such a fine would be justified, as he ignored the remark, and continued to splash his arms and legs and wallow in the mudflats along the shoreline, asserting that he was a widdle-biddy fishy.

Little Hawk is a well known fantabulist who creates wild and fanciful tales about simians, hamsters, Canadian sots modeled on his mother, and dreams of unreal movie stars; so it is no surprise he has turned his fruitful but scurrilous imagination on my bold adventures south of the border, which he only wishes he could emulate. Unfortunately his hom is surrounded by snow and if he tried to flee south of the border he would be arrested by Homeland Security as a dubious type.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 01:23 PM

Rap, I think someone must have left the door open again, you let your cold weather leak out of Idaho. It's spilling all over Texas (again!) this week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 12:57 PM

You're not the only person who has had to resort to extraordinary measures to fend off Amos's unsolicited advances, Rapparee. I have heard some real horror stories from Chongo about bizarre and quite disturbing stuff he's turned up while investigating Amos's illicit actitivies in Mexico. Really creepy! You don't want to know. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 10:56 AM

And that is because the last time Amos and I met I fell down (he tripped me) and offered his hand to help me up. I politely declined his help, as I had seen what he'd been doing with his hands earlier and knew that an extremely contagious (and embarassing) disease could be spread. No, instead I worked my way to shore of Chesapeake Bay by myself and again declined his offer of a "hand up" knowing that if I once touched his hand he'd be all over me like white on rice. I don't object to those who like that, but I simply don't care for it myself and I knew that I'd have to harm Amos to break free. Therefore I politely replied, "No, thank you, I'm fine," to which he replied, "I'll bet you are!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 01:28 AM

Madame, Rapp and I have never been seen holding hands, for the simple reason that we do not touch each other. Ever. For good and sufficient reason.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 12:34 AM

That was a very funny clip, gnu! Thanks! Do you suppose he had Amos and Rapparee in mind when he referred several times to the Royal Marines?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 10:12 PM

Yours comes from the Department of Anarchic Rebuttal, plasma-boy, not from the ancient Board of Poetes Lyrick. Those DAB guys will issue anyone any license in the world if you slip them a fin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 09:14 PM

Oh. Only a level 8 license, huh? I have a Level 1.0 license, lifetime issue, license to ignore or use meter, scansion, rhyme, alliteration, assonance, personification, and all that other poetical stuff as I see fit. As a Level 8 you, Amos, must stick to the "rules" of trochee, anapest, dactyl, falling meter, enjambment, pyrrhic, iamb, tercet, spondee, et al. Of course, this does mean that you have been promoted from a Level 9, where all you could write were dirty limericks because the "clean" ones were too difficult, so perhaps there is some little hope for you. I'll be happy to nominate you for a Level 7.8 if you'll respond in a spondee.


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