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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 07 Oct 10 - 05:36 PM
Acme 07 Oct 10 - 04:19 PM
MMario 07 Oct 10 - 03:01 PM
Rapparee 07 Oct 10 - 02:58 PM
Amos 07 Oct 10 - 02:46 PM
Rapparee 07 Oct 10 - 02:41 PM
Little Hawk 07 Oct 10 - 12:28 PM
Amos 07 Oct 10 - 12:14 PM
Little Hawk 07 Oct 10 - 12:09 PM
Amos 07 Oct 10 - 11:50 AM
Little Hawk 07 Oct 10 - 11:35 AM
Rapparee 07 Oct 10 - 11:14 AM
Amos 07 Oct 10 - 11:03 AM
Little Hawk 07 Oct 10 - 10:58 AM
Rapparee 07 Oct 10 - 10:49 AM
Rapparee 06 Oct 10 - 06:18 PM
Acme 06 Oct 10 - 06:09 PM
Little Hawk 06 Oct 10 - 05:54 PM
Rapparee 06 Oct 10 - 05:41 PM
Little Hawk 06 Oct 10 - 05:25 PM
Rapparee 06 Oct 10 - 05:19 PM
Amos 06 Oct 10 - 02:42 PM
Amos 06 Oct 10 - 01:46 PM
Rapparee 06 Oct 10 - 09:48 AM
Little Hawk 05 Oct 10 - 11:22 PM
Acme 05 Oct 10 - 11:18 PM
Little Hawk 05 Oct 10 - 11:12 PM
Amos 05 Oct 10 - 07:47 PM
Rapparee 05 Oct 10 - 07:13 PM
Rapparee 05 Oct 10 - 03:08 PM
Little Hawk 05 Oct 10 - 02:43 PM
MMario 05 Oct 10 - 01:11 PM
Amos 05 Oct 10 - 12:15 PM
gnu 05 Oct 10 - 11:15 AM
Acme 05 Oct 10 - 11:03 AM
Rapparee 05 Oct 10 - 10:41 AM
Little Hawk 05 Oct 10 - 10:10 AM
Rapparee 05 Oct 10 - 09:42 AM
Eiseley 05 Oct 10 - 12:33 AM
Little Hawk 04 Oct 10 - 11:01 PM
Rapparee 04 Oct 10 - 10:50 PM
Eiseley 04 Oct 10 - 09:03 PM
gnu 04 Oct 10 - 06:37 PM
Little Hawk 04 Oct 10 - 06:04 PM
MMario 04 Oct 10 - 06:00 PM
Acme 04 Oct 10 - 02:31 PM
Acme 04 Oct 10 - 11:47 AM
Acme 04 Oct 10 - 02:34 AM
Acme 03 Oct 10 - 01:32 PM
gnu 03 Oct 10 - 01:19 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 05:36 PM

Like the Industrial Workers of the World, the Idaho Legion has its own songbook. Unlike the IWW, the cover of whose songbook is red, the cover of the Legion's songbook is rather motley since no one could make a decision about the color. Red was too wobbly, yellow would cause questions of ownership ("Is that yer un er did ya empty yer bladder on mine?"), blue would be too depressing, green too ecological, white too blah, black too dark, and camouflage would be easily lost.

It is therefore called "The Harlequin Songbook Of the Idaho Legion" or, more commonly, "The Legion's Whorey Kin". It cannot be found in bookstores or even on-line. It contains such gems of song as "Three Bastard English Kings Came Down From Winnipeg" and "Roll Your Bell Bottom Over Him". It is acknowledged that transcription of the original songs may not have been completely accurate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 04:19 PM

You'd have to pay him to do that. You could steal the tune anywhere, but who'd pony up for the lyrics?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 03:01 PM

I love the histtorical stories of the Legion...wonder if Jed Marum would write some songs about them......


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 02:58 PM

Not I, good sir, but I do think that you might have been suffering from a touch of mal de mer by the hue of your eyes and general condition. I have been led to understand that someone said, "He puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else" and you muttered, "So THAT'S the trick!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 02:46 PM

COme to think of, it you were beginning to develop a certain Chartreuse Overt tinge toward the end of the Getaway....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 02:41 PM

Overt. You spelled it wrong; it's O'Vert. Terrence Michael Aloysius Patrick Daniel Brian Boru Bridget O'Vert, nicknamed "Chartreuse" O'Vert (1845 to 1915). Enlisted in the 146th Idaho Volunteer Chaplains' Assistancy Corps in 1863, took leave "to learn French" in the same year. Reappeared, not knowing any French, in late 1865; assigned to Ft. Dix he was, he said, a hero of the Indian Wars and later was in the clean-up squad behind Teddy Roosevelt's Rough Riders (his military records were destroyed in a typhoid epidemic in 1901).

In 1900 he and several other such veterans met in a room in Don, Idaho and formed the Idaho Legion or, as it was also known at the time, "The Legion Of The Rear Guards" and "La Legionne Êtrange et Ivre". When he died he was the first to be honored by the Legion's unique custom of firing a 21 (or more) gun salute into the coffin, using live ammunition.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 12:28 PM

Allrighty then! (grin)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 12:14 PM

The intelligence I have gathered on this question, Sir Hawk, indicates that the girls prefer my soft and gentle downy male legs; it makes them feel warm and tingly, you see. Shaved legs feel so...overt, if you see what I mean.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 12:09 PM

"although I never knew you could be so full of Schitz"

A disingenuous remark if ever I've heard one, Amos. You have known it for quite some time. ;-)

You should wax your own legs. You'd do better with the local Valley Girls if you did that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 11:50 AM

Well, you certainly are giving me L about it, although I never knew you could be so full of Schitz.

Never mind with all these German handles; I'm going out into the bacj yard to wax Roth. I don't know her first name.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 11:35 AM

What the L you talkin' about? I'm not talking about Schlitz, I'm talking about Schitz. It's a grand old German name, much more prestigious than Schlitz. The Schlitz family were mere smalltime dingeldorders compared to the Schitz family. There were sons of the Schitz line riding in the company of Frederick the Great, and there was a Von Schitz in Blucher's personal retinue at both Ligny and Waterloo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 11:14 AM

He keeps them in his evator.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 11:03 AM

Chongo is the Schitz at heart anyway. What do you do with all the dropped "L"s you collect, anyway? I bet you have one L of a time with 'em.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 10:58 AM

Empty Pabst cans can be pretty intimidating, Rap...but nothing strikes fear into the heart of evildoers like a freshly drunk can of Schitz, the beer that made Schenectady famous!

Always remember their corporate motto: "IT'S THE SCHITZ!!!"

Chongo will drink Schitz Beer if nothing else can be had.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 10:49 AM

All RIGHT! That does it!

Mom was down at the bottom cavorting in the sewer because no one except me cared enough to be bring her up for MORE THAN TWELVE HOURS!!

Well, I've rescued her. She was beset by a horde of sex-crazed bikers and only had her empty beer cans to fend them off! It was a horrible site, lemme tell ya: all those weird helmets and skin-tight shorts, cowering in front of a poor little old lady who was chucking empty Pabst cans at them...terrible, terrible. I hope I never see such a thing again!

Anyway, tiptoe around. She's sleeping it off napping on the couch and is likely to be a tad touchy when she awakens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 10 - 06:18 PM

King salmon? Or chum?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Oct 10 - 06:09 PM

Hey, MOM, I'm about ready to put the salmon in to smoke. Makes the fish taste great and drives off mosquitoes also. If it starts to rain, do you mind if I put the smoker in the fireplace and close the glass door?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Oct 10 - 05:54 PM

LOL! (snort!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 10 - 05:41 PM

Shame couldn't go if he was pumped full of laxatives and dynamite. If he did he'd disappear completely.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Oct 10 - 05:25 PM

Don't forget...Shane is going for 85 Billion posts on his thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 10 - 05:19 PM

...Should we but stop at Thirty-Eight
Or Forty-Five or Fifty-One
We would be daft, ourselves we'd hate
To a Million Million, ROLL ON!!!

          --Woody Gushne, Roll On, MOAB!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 10 - 02:42 PM

Now thirty-seven, eight and ten
Of humor, wit and light
Have flowed along our Mother's course
And kept her humors right.
No bile nor venom, angst or woe
Have lingered in her way.
And in due course, this brilliant force
Will touch the next of K.

At thirty-eight our Mother will
Be taller than a mountain!
Be longer than five other threads!
A vivid, brilliant fountain!
She will not stay or maunder here,
Nor ponder long or wait;
She marches on, with spirit strong
Bound for that Thirty-eight!

ANd you who bring her from afar,
Thoughts from high above
Or far below (I name no names)
Are worthy of her love.
For we who have no mothers now
To comfort and await them
Have learned the magic secret bright:
Instead of mourn, create them!

And so we turn and post again
Reflect, devise, create!
And so will bring this Mother home
To the throne of Thirty Eight!
And when we're done, and had our fun
We'll hold her even dearer
And in her sway (after Getaway)
For Forty-five will steer her.

Rolandsen Doggerel King
Mushmelon Brains and Poet's Tongue
Candyass Press, Greenwich Village, 1967


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 10 - 01:46 PM

I would suggest withdrawing the prefix altogether.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 10 - 09:48 AM

Geez, I took my boots off. Does she want me to take my spurs off as well? Them spurs are six-inch Spanish rowels and she gave them to me for my birthday so I wear them all the time, even with clean socks. I'm sentimental, I guess. Or did the doctor say "semi-mental"? Hmmmm....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 11:22 PM

Surely you jest, Madam! ;-) We are the models of decorum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 11:18 PM

MOM's so pleased to see all of you here for a visit after being away for so long. But she asks Rap and LH to keep their feet off of the furniture.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 11:12 PM

LOL!!! The dying notes at the end are perfect.

Song circle was very good tonight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 07:47 PM

Accompanied by the West River Police Department Marching Band (after budget cuts).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 07:13 PM

I think some of the visitors were William Shatner, Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, Veronica Rutledge, and Shame McBride.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 03:08 PM

Again Amos is exaggerating. My boon roommates were Charley Noble and Roger from Baltimore and various others. It was difficult to keep them straight...well, it was difficult to know who was who...with the traffic to the other bunks all day and night. I myself slept alone (of course!) with my hands outside the covers, ready at all times to Protect My Honor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 02:43 PM

It's thrilling to contemplate, isn't it? I dare to hope that Mr Shatner will grace us with his august presence when the moment arrives.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 01:11 PM

Only two hundred posts to go until 38,000


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 12:15 PM

I am in a state of bemused admiration at Rapaire's inventive genius, to give it the charitable label it does not deserve. However, it is correct that I gave him the duel on technicalities, even though his throat was cut wide open at the time, so he had a hard time accepting the honor.

Thanks to the constant administration of divinely inspired amendments to my natural bloodcount, I had a divine weekend and am surprised to discover so few days passed on the outside, as the Getaway lasted at least a month. I did get to sleep one night, as I recall, and when I awoke the crew I had left singing in the Peace cabiun were still at it.

Rapaire was in better lodgings--they gave him one of the Virgin's Suites where they can feel more comfortable during their Getaway Defloration Weekend. When they come back for more a year later they learn about the normal bunks.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 11:15 AM

Rap... LMAO!!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 11:03 AM

I'm sure when his plane lands he'll offer a thorough account.

Now that a few of your are back, I'm gonna go take a nap. MOM had me up early brining salmon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 10:41 AM

Everyone was watching over him. Kendall, for example, prevented Amos from starting a food fight with the apple butter. Amos kept shouting "This is for Chongo!" but Kendall slapped his hand and gently chided him as an old Game Warden, parting his hair with .38 slug. Oh, the tales Amos could tell if only he ever sobers up!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 10:10 AM

I'm really glad you were there to watch over him, Rap. God knows what might have happened if you had not been.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 09:42 AM

Well, there was the time Amos stripped off all his clothes and posed on a rock out in the water while shouting "Look! I'm the Little Mermaid!" but the Coast Guard sorted him out. The CG released him on his own recognizance, but threw him back in the slammer when he couldn't recognize himself in the mirror or the arrest photo. Kept muttering something about "Thash the uglies pich...pitc...thash one UGLY dude, hic." Last I knew he was wandering around BWI airport, searching for the chewing gum he'd accidentally spit out; it had his upper plate attached.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 12:33 AM

Welcome home, folks!

Let's not tell them about the excitement until after they get over their jet lag, okay?

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 11:01 PM

Things went pretty much as usual, then? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 10:50 PM

Calm down, calm down. I'm back and intact. Amos conceded the duel on the Field of Offer to me on points, thereby preventing Joe Offer from lying in the mud whilst we fought a duel on him. The swords were sold in the Silent Auction, unbloodied by the gore of Amos.

Mom would be proud of Amos, too. He was only half drunk most of the time, and never more that 75% drunk any time that I saw him. I even think he changed his shirt after he dribbled the soup at Saturday's dinner on his front, because the next time I saw him there were brand new spots on the stains. Several people did ask me to check to see if the showers in his cabin were working and they were, but I told them it was his aftershave, which he never used because he isn't allowed anything except a rubber razor. He did get ahold of a banjo somewhere and ran around calling it his "precious" but the Folk Police took care of that.

More later.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 09:03 PM

I prefer these, which are what I baked for Mom to have for dessert tonight:

Molasses Spice Cookies

1/2 C. butter
1/2 C. sugar
1 egg
1/4 C. molasses
2 1/2 C. flour
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp ginger
1/4 tsp allspice
1/4 tsp cloves
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp baking soda

Cream butter and sugar. Beat in egg and molasses. Gradually blend in dry ingredients that have been sifted together. Form on cookie sheets and bake at 375 for 10 to 12 minutes.

These get all crinkly on top, soft in the middle, and nicely crisp on the outside. Mom loves them.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 06:37 PM

What do molasses cookies have to do with anything?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 06:04 PM

Is your purity still intact?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 06:00 PM

Hi Mom! I'm home! Good to see the ladies kept you company while Rap, Amos and I were off drinking Singing at the Getaway


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 02:31 PM

Lunch is an open-face cheese sandwich on fresh homemade whole wheat bread and a glass of this new green tea with lychee and pomegranate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 11:47 AM

It seems I'm here by myself for a few days. MOM, lets shake a little dust off and go for a ride in the pickup truck. We can head over to the dump/recycle center and see if there's anything good to bring home that we can repair and use. I saw a lovely antique wringer washer there last week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 02:34 AM

Twelve hours later, I've been up really late but I'm checking in on MOM and find she's been sitting here in the dark listening to AM radio for the last six hours. You know the kind of crap they're trying to sell over there.

I put MOM to bed and switched on a classical station on the radio for tomorrow. I figure you'll all regale her with your folk exploits when you get home, she can use a break until then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 01:32 PM

MOM somehow seems to work it off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 01:19 PM

Mom's gonna get fat.


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