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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 22 Aug 10 - 06:07 PM
GUEST,Constable Jack McColl, O.P.P. 22 Aug 10 - 01:11 PM
gnu 22 Aug 10 - 12:57 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 10 - 12:52 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 10 - 12:24 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 10 - 11:52 AM
Rapparee 21 Aug 10 - 10:26 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 10 - 03:52 PM
gnu 21 Aug 10 - 02:02 PM
Donuel 21 Aug 10 - 01:20 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 10 - 01:15 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 21 Aug 10 - 01:10 PM
Donuel 21 Aug 10 - 01:05 PM
Little Hawk 21 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 10 - 11:46 AM
GUEST, Stilly River Sage 21 Aug 10 - 01:48 AM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 10 - 11:25 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 10 - 08:58 PM
Amos 20 Aug 10 - 08:19 PM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 10 - 07:04 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 10 - 07:02 PM
gnu 20 Aug 10 - 06:07 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 20 Aug 10 - 06:04 PM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 10 - 04:45 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 20 Aug 10 - 04:39 PM
Amos 20 Aug 10 - 04:14 PM
Amos 20 Aug 10 - 02:37 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 10 - 02:33 PM
Amos 20 Aug 10 - 01:48 PM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 10 - 01:29 PM
gnu 20 Aug 10 - 01:17 PM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 10 - 12:31 PM
Amos 20 Aug 10 - 11:33 AM
Amos 20 Aug 10 - 11:30 AM
Amos 20 Aug 10 - 11:11 AM
Rapparee 20 Aug 10 - 10:49 AM
Donuel 19 Aug 10 - 11:35 PM
Amos 19 Aug 10 - 11:30 PM
Little Hawk 19 Aug 10 - 11:21 PM
Amos 19 Aug 10 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 10 - 08:48 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 10 - 08:46 PM
Little Hawk 19 Aug 10 - 07:49 PM
Little Hawk 19 Aug 10 - 07:46 PM
GUEST,Don McBride 19 Aug 10 - 07:33 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 19 Aug 10 - 07:29 PM
GUEST,Don McBride 19 Aug 10 - 07:21 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 19 Aug 10 - 06:56 PM
GUEST,Don McBride 19 Aug 10 - 06:48 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 06:07 PM

Hey, MOM! I'm back!

Long hot trip. I need a nap. And a hankie. My nest is suddenly empty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Constable Jack McColl, O.P.P.
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 01:11 PM

What are we gonna do for laughs now? Being a member of the Sudbury O.P.P. I can vouch for the fact that there is a strange sense of loss haunting the rank and file today all across North Ontario, a sense that things will never really be the same. Who will entertain us by committing unforgettably stupid and poorly planned infractions of the law such as the famous Beer Store robbery with the stolen school bus or the famed fork lift truck getaway chase? Who else would even attempt such things? And if so, who could pull them off in such an incompetent and unique manner?

There are only a few rewards to the tough job of being a cop in North Ontario. One of them was the joy of hauling Shane McBride in, whining and carrying on, after yet another botched misdemeanour, and hearing the cheers and catcalls from the prison inmates and staff as Shane returned once again to his second home...durance vile.

I tell you, it's a funereal atmosphere around here. A hush has fallen over the place. We are discussing whether to lower the station flags to halfmast. Or quartermast possibly. Whatever would seem most fitting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:57 PM

2. Someone may write the tune "The Night McBride Died". Got a ring to it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:52 PM

Let us enumerate the good he did, and let the evil be forgotten:

1. He never reproduced.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM

Your eloquence, Rapaire, well befits the gravity of this unspeakably tragic occasion! Hosers all over Canada will no doubt shed a tear or two in their beer at the thought of Shane's passing. His brother Don will be inconsolable, devastated with regret over the harsh words he recently hurled at his baby brother, and now unable to make them good. The entire town of Blind River will be cast under a pall of gloom such as enveloped the island of Sumatra following the eruption at Krakatoa in 1883. Millions will mourn! People will, decades from now, say, "I remember exactly where I was when I heard the news that Shane McBride had died."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:24 PM

Oh, if only Shame were still alive! The tragedy, the horror of his leaving will be with us for ages to come! Stumbling, drunk, into a garbage compactor and ending up in a dump, while appropriate, is not my idea of a good way to go. His last words still ring in our ears and will ring for all Eternity: "What the flippin' fli...?"

Alas, poor Shame. I knew him, Little Hawk. A fellow who was an infinite jest. Why, he would have stabbed me in the back a thousand times had he but the courage! And now he has come to this...we need not ask how long he will lay in the earth ere he rot, for tho' he was indeed rotten he was also thoroughly pickled all the time, and so we have his rot preserved in this half-meter cube. Let us close the book on this poor excuse, this dullard, this grown babe, and remember only the good he did, if any.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 11:52 AM

I fear that in Amos's absence the number of posts to this thread will dwindle by a truly disturbing margin. It may lose over 50% of its bandwidth. Whatever is to be done?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 10:26 PM

Mom has been left alone for over five hours! I just found her on the back porch, sitting in the swing and sipping iced tea! And smiling and humming! You all know what THAT means! Oh lordy lordy, the police will be around 'most any time! She's gonna need an alibi and/or bail money!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 03:52 PM

I've been eating the shrimp farmed in Kentucky, mostly. Cheaper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 02:02 PM

Glad youse both appear to be OK, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:20 PM

You too can participate, just eat the Gulf Coast shrimp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:15 PM

LH, Shame is the one to be worried. Yesterday morning I was at the range, practicing. I've regained whatever minimal skill I lost and can still do a bullet-vasectomy on a fly 200 meters away using a .22 caliber revolver. But I know Shame is your friend, so if he shows up I'll aim low to incapacitate him, assuming there's something there to hit.

Donuel, are you also referring to The Miracle Of Valdez?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:10 PM

What exactly are you proposin' that I do, Donuel?

Is there money in it? I ask, cos the September rent is comin' up.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:05 PM

mIRACAL IN THE gULF OF meXICO


BP SCIENTISTS 'RECRUDIATE' inferior US SCIENTISTS !

With the help of Sarah Palin who pointed me in the right direction, I have learned that the oil spill was a blessing.
People have refeudiated BP claims that something wonderful is happening in the Gulf.
1/2 Gov. Sarah Palin recrudiated back reloading the "N" word and pointed to an act of God, thanks to BP, that will take back America and change the future of man/grizzly kind.

Discovered only one month ago by BP deep sea submerables and immediately made Top Secret, it is time the world knows the depth of gratitude we owe BP.
Deep in the darkest recesses of the Gulf of MExico an unanticipated event is brewing. The heating and then cooling of the mix of prehistoric oil, secret formula dispersant and a myriad of normal polutants that flow down the Mississippi, DNA has been given an unprededented challenge. The brew of chemicals, that could have never have been intentionally created by man, is giving rise to life forms that are displaying unchecked growth and immortal qualities that have only b3en seen before in jelly fish. BUT NOW every life form that comes into contact with this strange brew in the GUlf is being effected.

IF we learn how to harness this magical Gulf potion we could grow 50 foot cows, or cows with 50 feet. There are no limits to the possibilities. This wondrous azeotrope of chemicals could be used on Cheney/s heart or to extend the lifespan of Rumsfeld and Gingrich and Bill Gates for thousands of years!

But before we get ahead of ourselves regarding this gift of God and BP...

I STRONGLY SUGGEST WE GET CHONGO THE CHIMP TO PARTICIPATE
in a little experiment with this nysterious miracal Gulf azeotrope.

WE ALL NEED TO APOLOGIZE TO BP! God moves in mysterious ways and BP was only a vessel of this blessing.
mIRACAL IN THE gULF OF meXICO


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM

Ummmm...Rapaire? Would it worry you to hear that Don once owned a blue pickup truck that hasn't been on the road for years now? And that Shane was last seen making his escape in a silver compact car which he stole from outside a Tim Hortons in Sudbury when the car's owner was foolish enough to leave it for a minute with the engine idling?

What I can't figure out is how the hell he got across the US border and made it as far as Idaho in that short a period of time? ;-) Try putting out some free beer in the backyard, set up a hunter's blind, and wait...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 11:46 AM

You sure Aggy will like that Nevada bar you're going to?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:48 AM

MOM, I'm on the road tomorrow. Nevada Barr and Agatha Christie are coming along for the ride.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 11:25 PM

Damn! Well, the important thing is that you and your wife escaped serious injury.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 08:58 PM

Well, Pat got the license number and it had originally been issued to a blue pickup truck and not a silver compact car. Cops say the chances of catching to perp are slim to none. Our car doesn't seem damaged much, except for a scratched bumper and a hitch possibly out of alignment. An Element is built to shrug off such minor annoyances.

I was bringing Pat back from physical therapy for her back and hope that there wasn't more damage done. She was checked by the EMTs -- we did a U-turn and parked in front of the Fire Station (Eiseley: this was on Pocatello Creek Road, just before the east-bound stoplight). It was only about a block away and I figured that the EMTs wouldn't get better service anytime soon. She was okay except for a total adrenaline dump -- BP was 169/96; yesterday it had been 106/70 or something like that.

Gonna have aching muscles.

Eiseley, I am sorry to hear about your Grandma. Grandmas and Grandpas are hard to replace. They're the only people allowed to spoil children regardless of the child's age.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 08:19 PM

I am glad Eiseley likes it here; we of Earth like her company as well.

Rapaire that is most arduous and most heinous of that wicked Idahoan rapscallion. I mourn that you should have to put up with such irresponsible flibbertigibbets in your area. For fie, I say. I hope you are both unharmed and not strained in the upper cervicals.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 07:04 PM

97? Wow, that is quite an age to get to. I would not feel I'd missed out on much if I lasted that long on this Earth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 07:02 PM

Likewise.

Hard to post anything right now; we were rear-ended and are both still recovering. Not much damage to car is apparent; the other driver left the scene.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 06:07 PM

My condolences.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 06:04 PM

Hello MOM,
I'm just checking in to say hello to the sibs. I'm about as near to Blind River as I've ever been, LH. Just a bit southwest, I think. Hot and humid, but beautiful and green, green, green!

Sad news, though. My 97-year-old grandmother passed away on Wednesday evening. I'll miss her funeral as it will be on Tuesday the 24th, but I think she won't mind. I'll think about her on that day, and maybe the thoughts will reach her. The 24th would also have been my grandpa's 101st birthday, but he died two years ago at age 99. So, I think that means I'll be hanging around on earth for about 56 more years myself. That's good, I like it here.

Bye for now, keep MOM at the top,
Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 04:45 PM

I have 3 of those shirts. Doing what I can to put a chimp in the White House. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 04:39 PM

My name is really gettin' around now. Them new campaign shirts are sellin' like hotcakes.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 04:14 PM

Little Hawk goes shopping for back-to-school wear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 02:37 PM

Dang, Rapaire, I coulda sworn one of those GI's looked like you...

Sorry.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 02:33 PM

In 1954 Rapaire was in the 4th Grade and all of 9 years old. A hellion, true, but they still didn't send him to Korea (then).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 01:48 PM

Thanks, LH, but I just remembered that silence is golden and have decided to do it the Zen way. What is the sound of an absent post?


So no volunteers will be needed.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 01:29 PM

I am truly shocked that anyone would even make such an assumption!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 01:17 PM

The Shat doesn't have you on call-block anymore?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 12:31 PM

Amos, I will be glad to petition the judge in Sudbury to get Shane released early so that he can post for you while you are away.

Failing that, maybe Chongo would be willing to do it. For a fee, of course...

Failing that, well....this is a really outside chance, but I'll call up Mr Shatner and see what he says.

Keepa you fingers crossed! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 11:33 AM

Why Rapaire can't forget Korea, 1954...scroll to image.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 11:30 AM

I am off to Nova Scotia, her rock bound coast,
Where the hills are green and the wind blows free
And if I am away from a keyboard on the net,
Will there never be a MOAB sib to post for me?

Tonight I board that silver plane
And cross the nation in the night
And there'll be no WiFi nor any 3-GS
For my long long hours in that long long flight.


I will leave fair Halifax on Sunday morn
Who knows but I shall come to harm?
And I'll soon disappear from the networks there
For a week in the boonies on my cousin's farm.

I am off to Nova Scotia, dear friends, farewell
Though it pains me that we soon must part
And if posts from me are few and far between
I will still carry Mom with me, inside my heart.

So fare thee well, dear MOABites all
May your posts here rich and frequent be!
For if I find out you have let our Mother down,
I will haunt you all to eternity!

Wilson Begawn Gadabout
Travels of a Lesser Mind
Hope, Faith and Charity, pubs.
Lunenberg, 1997


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 11:11 AM

That is one truly horrible looking weapon, Rapaire...it makes me shudder with revulsion just to look upon it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 10:49 AM

He put the x-ray Mauser behind him. Here is the only surviving picture of it, as built to Dubya's design specifications. (These days he can't put ANYTHING behind him or it will dissolve.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Aug 10 - 11:35 PM

Spaw is written up in Sciency Stuff please explain.



Didn't Spaw retire from Los Alamos National Labs in the 80's? Is he still at "Oak Ridge"? I thought he put the X ray laser ( and worse yet, Xray maser) behind him long ago after the 'accident'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 10 - 11:30 PM

You may be right, LH. Or there may be a glitch in his Dragon Dictate which he uses to write-by-speaking. It has taken years to train it to manage his thick Austrian accent.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 10 - 11:21 PM

I made a post awhile back, but it seems to have disappeared.   Well, what I said was that it would be damn funny if they changed the name of the Blind River to "Bland River". LOL! I think I'll write to the Blind River Chamber of Commerce and suggest it.

I'm also quite flattered that the inestimable Herr Liebenscheiss has referred to me as an AUthor instead of merely an author. He clearly thinks very highly of my creative scribblings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 10 - 10:31 PM

If an AUthor creates characters who fight alltime mit each offer, is he procheckjcting some rift in his personal nature? I think so, ja.



Liebenscheiss


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 10 - 08:48 PM

Wouldn't Shame be better to call himself "Bland DRunk in Blind River"??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 10 - 08:46 PM

The Eighth Circle of Dante's Inferno would be preferable to being Shame McBride. As I said earlier, the boys in the prison will really enjoy some "fresh meat" even if it does smell like it's been dead for quite some time.

Don could withdraw his charges, but stuff like working a fraud on the sale of the truck isn't in Don's hands. The Shame of the McBrides is going up the river big time this time. He's a loogan punk, but I'll bet he'll hoop up with a daddy in a little while.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 10 - 07:49 PM

Ever have one of those nights? ;-)

I have transcribed Shane's last message as accurately as I could, in case he didn't get a chance to post it himself. Let us all pray for him, and hope that tomorrow finds him in a far, far better place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 10 - 07:46 PM

You are lyin' about that male hormoan thing, Don. You are.

Okay. I was outta gas, eh? And outta beer, food, and cigarettes. That is not a good place to be in, know'm sayin'? So I hadda score some cash somewhere, and I am too honest to steal, eh? What could I do? I rented the truck to this bolthole in Elloit Lake. I told him he could, like, have it for just a couple of weeks if he gave me $500. He said $200. I said $400. He said $300. I said okay.

And that is, like, all there really is to it, man. I just rented it out, eh? I was gonna split the money with you too, but I been reconsiderin' that after all these bad things you been sayin' about me becoz I am startin' to lose my brogtherly love fer you at this point.

Anyways, I did have to spend some of it to get down to Sudbury and buy a couple beers and a pizza, so It has sorta dwindled down some, but...

HEY! The parking lot is full cops!!! I can see 'em thru the windows. Holy shit! I am outta here!!!! Later..

- Sha


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 19 Aug 10 - 07:33 PM

McKenzie Liberry, eh? Yeah, I know the place. It is on McKenzie Street.

Okay, so I wanta hear you explain what gives you the flippin' right to sell MY truck for $300. Let's hear you talk yerself outta that one, eh? I want a full exdplanation, hear me? And don't leave nothin' out.

- Don

p.s. Men who are MEN get bald coz of there male hormoans. You won't. Trust me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 19 Aug 10 - 07:29 PM

That shows how much YOU know, ya moron! I gess that I musta been the one in the fambly who got all the branes, eh? You are sooo wrong, man. Sooooooooo wrong. It so happens that I am sittin' at a pubic compuder in a liberry at the McKenzie Liberry in Sudbury. There! So you was wrong, eh? Whaddya say, now, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 19 Aug 10 - 07:21 PM

I have heard better excuses from a junkyard dog than from you, idiot-boy. How you gonna explane sellin' my truck to a total stranger for $300???? Do you know what happened? The fool painted half of it in a real bad shade of green! Now I gotta fix that and it is all your fault. You are so dead, man. You better HOPE the cops put you away fer a looooong time when they catch you. I told Officer Dana everything you done. Everything. She has lost all reespect for you, eh? You are toast. You are history.

What public compyuter? Where? I don't beleeve you. I think you stole one somewheres.

- Don


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 19 Aug 10 - 06:56 PM

AHA! I knew you would show up, ya flippin' traytor! Whaddya mean I stole yer truck??? Fambly cant' steal from fambly! I just borrowed it fer awhile, eh? A truck needs to be drove on a longer trip ever now and then to clean out the flippin' engine valves, eh? So it, like, runs good, eh? You KNOW this, man. I was just doin' you a fvour, and this is the flippin' thanks I get! As fer the $150, I was just borrowin' that too, cos of I would need some money while on the road exersizin' the truck in case of I did not get back before things ran out and besides a guy has to eat, right? You got no cawse fer complainte. You are just splittin' hares and bein' a dick.

I did not steal no compuder. This is a public one I am at.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 19 Aug 10 - 06:48 PM

So the idiot-boy has stuck his head outta the hole in the ground he's been hidin' in, eh?

You stole my truck you flippin' moron! And $150. You forgotten about that? What you got to say for youself about that, bolthole? Where are you anyways? Who's compyuder did you steal now?

- Don


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