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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 08 Aug 10 - 01:23 PM
Amos 08 Aug 10 - 01:18 PM
Amos 08 Aug 10 - 05:39 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 10 - 12:26 AM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 11:45 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 11:27 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 10 - 10:11 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 08:36 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 06:35 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 06:13 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 04:15 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 04:07 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 10 - 03:49 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 03:04 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 02:39 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 02:18 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 01:32 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 03:11 AM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 11:50 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 10 - 09:13 PM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 09:03 PM
GUEST,Little Miss Echo 06 Aug 10 - 07:31 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 10 - 06:26 PM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 04:43 PM
Eiseley 06 Aug 10 - 04:41 PM
Little Hawk 06 Aug 10 - 04:36 PM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 04:21 PM
Little Hawk 06 Aug 10 - 04:10 PM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 03:41 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 10 - 03:10 PM
Eiseley 06 Aug 10 - 12:45 PM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 11:38 AM
Rapparee 06 Aug 10 - 10:42 AM
Acme 06 Aug 10 - 10:32 AM
Rapparee 05 Aug 10 - 11:53 PM
Acme 05 Aug 10 - 11:43 PM
Eiseley 05 Aug 10 - 11:32 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 10 - 07:59 PM
Amos 05 Aug 10 - 04:13 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 10 - 03:47 PM
Amos 05 Aug 10 - 03:20 PM
Amos 05 Aug 10 - 12:57 PM
Acme 05 Aug 10 - 11:27 AM
Rapparee 05 Aug 10 - 10:55 AM
Amos 05 Aug 10 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 05 Aug 10 - 01:52 AM
Amos 04 Aug 10 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 04 Aug 10 - 11:13 PM
Amos 04 Aug 10 - 08:21 PM
Rapparee 04 Aug 10 - 04:10 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:23 PM

It must not be very hot where the rest of you are. You have way too much energy for this time of year. Follow MOM's example and get yourselves each a cold glass of lemonade and go lounge on the porch swing in the shade. Just don't let the dog up on the swing with you or it'll make you sweat too much.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:18 PM

Oh what a source of ire and woe
When Mom's allowed to drift so low!
How callous are the indifferent souls
Who watch her fall into that hole!
The loud, the arrogant, the unwise
Deny the scales upon their eyes
And turn their faces, cold, away
So that they will not have to say,
I\'I watched tumble, saw her fall
And did not act, ignored her call,
And posted not! Oh, woe and fie,
SUch apathy I now decry!
And now dishonor I declaim
Upon those cold, or dead, or lame
Who will not raise her honored name
But let he drift to silent shame.

Doxy Proofwrinkle
First Voyeur
American Legion of Psychics and Seers
from The Twenty-third Annual Report, ALPS Publications
Okeefenokee, FL, 1911


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 05:39 AM

Oh, and you forgot t make us deluded, also...I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 12:26 AM

Amos, I will continue to permit you to bask in the reflections of the reflections of my glory. Anything more and you would wither like a styrofoam cup in the flame of a welding torch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 11:45 PM

There's a lot to be said for insufferable narcissism, Amos. It has feuled many a great career...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 11:27 PM

Well, that one hell of a failed experiment, I'd say.

You forgot to make us all insufferable narcissists.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 10:11 PM

I passed whatever faults I may have had on to all of you when I created you so that you would appreciate my perfection more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 08:36 PM

Most decent and kindly of you, my good sir.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 06:35 PM

Aw, I understand. Actually, installing your faults in others is very therapeutic, and it does no harm to them. It just makes them observable, a good thing.

Also I hope I was not one of the forces that undermined your pleasure in the forum, to which you are generally a highly valued contributor, as I think you know. Why, Guest from Sanity is absolutely in love with your depth and wit and your dry, aloof analytical turn of phrase.

Of course, here in Mom's house, it is understood that ll bets are off, but I thought I would try and make your re-entry into Mudcat society a bit less painful.....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 06:13 PM

Well, it's a kind of bizarre ass-backward humour I like to engage in, Amos...particularly in your case. I enjoy accusing you of various flaws and weaknesses that are not yours at all, but in fact are mine. It appeals to my sense of the ridiculous to do that. ;-)

Hence, I will upbraid you for your laziness, your lack of discipline, and your sleeping in in the morning as if it was your problem and not mine. The sheer, blatant hypocrisy of me bugging you over such matters is what strikes me as funny. It's like Shane accusing you of drunkeness and lack of hygeine!

But, really...I haven't been up to much of anything for the last while. Seriously. I just decided not to post on Mudcat for awhile, that's all. I hit a stretch where I simply didn't want to. I wasn't enjoying it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 04:15 PM

Well, there, there, buddy. No-one can go up against the bragadoccio of Bookman. Although his sea-miles were probably passenger-mode. But that's not important.

You shouldn't go casting aspersions about discipline, you see?

The truth is you are every bit as big a man as Rapaire or me or anyone else, and you know that.

But what have you been doing?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 04:07 PM

Holy shit. This is like drowning in testosterone. I feel soooo terribly inadequate!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 03:49 PM

Number of years steadily employed? Since 1959: 51 then.

Number of years happily married? Since 06 October 1973.

Academic credits earned? 210 undergraduate hours, about 90 graduate, as well as certifications in various areas from various universities, etc.

Sea miles successfully transited? More than a few! And I'm talking blue water! I also have transited more than a few miles of inland waterways, including the Great Lakes and the St. Lawrence Seaway.

Shipboard fires extinguished? None, thank goodness. I not to let one start.

Underwater miles traverses successfully? Swimming or aboard an underwater craft? Does shipping on a ship but having the cabin belong the waterline count as above or under water?

Technical documents produced? Sorry, but I lost count a long time ago.
---------
Now, let's see:

Number of presidencies of national organizations held?

Number of time you were an invited speaker at a major European university?

Number of rounds fired in anger?

Number of rounds fired in practice?

Awards and decorations held (US or foreign)?

Number of bridges blown up?

Proficiency (scale of 0 to 10) with a) foil b) epee c) saber d) longsword e) quarterstaff f) rapier g) rapier and dagger or cloak h) a case of rapiers?

Typing or keyboarding speed?

Number of native Unix systems maintained?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 03:04 PM

Oh! I am crushed sir. Crushed. I shall crawl off to my corner and ponder my many shortcomings, having been totally chastened and discombobulated by your stilleto-like and incisive remarks which have laid my soul bare and reduced me to emotional penury.

My recent adventures? Naw....you wouldn't find them that interesting. Today, for example, I plan to mow the lawn.

See? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 02:39 PM

Oh, you frivolous braggart!! Own up to your faults and flaws and make amends for your offenses against Our Mom, and then we'll see.

As for discipline, let me just cite a few comparable statistics between us, shall I?

Number of years steadily employed?

Number of years happily married?

Academic credits earned?

Sea miles successfully transited?

Shipboard fires extinguished?

Underwater miles traverses successfully?

Technical documents produced?

Well, enough. I think the issue of discipline and self-control is quite well documented.

But say, George, you know full well we have, in spite of our many bouts of banter, always considered you a friend, and hoped you reciprocated in that esteem. Wherefore then have you not shared your recent adventures? Enquiring minds and all that...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 02:18 PM

Ha! I knew you couldn't do it. ;-) I knew you'd wiggle out of it somehow. You just don't have the self-control to resist posting here for 24 hours, do you? You lack that kind of fiber, that kind of grit, that degree of character. It's okay, I understand. I'll let you off this time. I'm willing to make allowances for that sort of thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 01:32 PM

LIttle Hawk:

There's a protocol to these things, see. For on thing, you may notice if you review it really really carefully, that my remark and offer was addressed to yon Rapaire, who has been constant throughout all the many vicissitudes through which we have striven together to bring our Mom successfully.

Meanwhile, you have gone off gallivanting, and have not even bothered to offer a description of your interim adventures and discoveries. Why, therefore should I offer you, in the face of such profound disrespect, a similar power? Do you take me for a purblind infant in such matters? For fie.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 03:11 AM

Ah...what an opportunity!

Amos, I would like to take this occasion to ask you, very politely and with nothing but the greatest respect and admiration, to please cease your internet chatter and remain silent for the next 24 hours.

Please and thank you.

That should do it. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 11:50 PM

Jeeze, Rapaire, here I thunk you waz one of them Super Users (ain't saying of whut, but it can be super according to Bobert). Annyhoo, if yew can't get these guys to even change yore name for you maybe you better join Hairy Crutchrot down in Jalisco somewhere...

But I ain't trying to play hardball, amigo. Yew want me to shut up, all you gotta do is ask nicely and I will just be as silent as Chongo when Little hawk is being himself...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 09:13 PM

Well, Amos, just to shut you up I just now tried changing the spelling and login from "Rapaire" to "Rapparee" and the system threw up. The Mudcat Cafe will not permit me to change and I am absolutely certain that Mother MOAB wouldn't like it either. In fact, the error message was from Mom and said that the name she gave me was good enough all these years and should be good enough in the future. Unlike yourself, who am I to argue with Mother??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 09:03 PM

Well, Rapaire, you have choies in all this. One, you could learn to spell Raparee, or even Rappereeeee.

Alternatively you could learn to accept with grace when someone bothers to create a beautiful work of literate art in your worthless name.

Third, you could insist on your misbegotten abuse of all rules of English pronunciation and go ahead and recite the poem using "Rapppparheeee!" at the end of each line. It would murder the aesthetics, but that should be no barrier to a man of your experience.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Little Miss Echo
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 07:31 PM

"What a waste of good dudgeon!! I swan."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 06:26 PM

To rhyme my nom du claviers with "there" is quite...quite...I just don't know. You've been told often enough in the past, and Mom is really quite put out with your obstinacy, so much so that I am to tell you that you will NOT have cookies and milk when you return home nor will you have dessert after supper AND that you should consider yourself lucky to get any supper at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 04:43 PM

Certainly! For you, any time. It is very nice to see you back, all rested up and ready to stir the shit continue the dialogue.

If you're going to Vietnam let me know. I'd love to tag along now that we aren't killing people over there.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 04:41 PM

After all!

Mom's been slaving all day over a hot stove making Vietnamese food just for you and that's the thanks she gets! Really, Little Hawk, I'm surprised!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 04:36 PM

Well, I was thinking I'd really like to visit Vietnam next. They're communist too. ;-) And I love their cuisine and their general attitude. Anyway, thanks for getting vehement on my behalf.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 04:21 PM

You ingrate!! You useless jadrool!! You insensitive, wretched, misbegotten half-assed excuse for a psychic presence!! Do you have ANY idea how much sheer effort has gone into keeping Mom's place alive and interesting so that you would feel welcome and exhilarated whenever you made up you precious mind to come back from Cuba or whatever other commie nest you had gone gallivanting off to!!!??


Really, I am very glad you're back, but why don't you go back out and try that entrance again? Before Mom wakes up?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 04:10 PM

Why is it that no one of any real importance ever posts on this thread?

(Till now, I mean...)

Why am I even here? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 03:41 PM

Well, I didn't think I was. I was just proud of how much inside dope you had!!

But unless your marriage plans have changed dramatically I see no grounds for Shivaree.

I suppose if you wanted to hunt down a used Corvair, you could, and maybe use its parts to perform the Shivaree, if you had to--they were loud knockers when aged, and if you take the fenders off and bang 'em together, and have someone do the same with the headlights while running the clunker at appropriate RPMs, and add a few nail holes in the muffler, why, you'd have one helluva Shivaree!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 03:10 PM

Ahmoss is just being difficult. As usual.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 12:45 PM

Here's the OCLC article.

Now I'm all confused. Do we arrange a Shivaree for Rapaire or find a used Corvair for Rapaire?

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 11:38 AM

When libraries went soft and scared
He was there!
When politicians took their shares,
He was there!
He knows how come the fiscal hurt,
He knows just who has lots of dirt,
He keeps the printouts in his yurt,
He was there,
He's Rapaire.

When politics went soft on crime,
He was there.
And forced staff into overtime,
He was there.
He knows how giant systems grew
And traded votes for what they knew,
And pulled the strings on you-know-who,
He was there!
He's Rapaire.

No slimy deal escaped his view
He was there!
No scurrilous deal for a buck or two,
He was there!
When budget cuts our woes defined,
And inside pockets were well-lined
With skimmed off payments, all refined
He was there!
He's Rapaire.

He knows the folks who cooked the books,
He was there!
He knows the good guys, and the crooks,
He was there!
He sees the slime behind each woe
That lays the laid off staffers low,
And no-one's quite as in the know!
He was there!
He's Rapaire!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 10:42 AM

Yeah, well, OCLC will probably do the usual and suck them up. They did it with so many others, and now they are FINALLY getting around to developing their SECOND ILS. In fact, the original, 1971, goals for OCLC was to help libraries save money by automating whatever could be automated. Then in 1976 the Ohioans governing OCLC passed a really rotten document allowing OCLC to "go national" and have the Board of Trustees appoint their own successors. Fred Kilgour said, "As long as I'm with OCLC Ohio has a friend" and then Fred left....

I know; I was there. The vote to "go national" in governance was nearly unanimous -- there were three nays and one abstention -- even with the flaws in the proposed by-laws.

Were OCLC a profit-making organization instead of a 501(c)3 it would be the largest library-oriented corporation in the world. It is now, but it's non-profit....

Want the dirt on the Seventies? There's a box in my house that contains materials OCLC tossed years and years ago; my wife was on the Board of Trustees and I was on the Ad Hoc Committee on Interlibrary Loan...among other things we did back then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 10:32 AM

Speaking of Giants getting squeezed, OCLC is fending off a lawsuit. I saw an announcement they sent out this week. They call the suit "frivolous" or some other equally dismissive term. I hope they're right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 11:53 PM

Do you realize that that "giant" was my great-great Uncle George? And that the entire story is a parable about bad people killing good people (like Uncle George) by squeezing the Love out of their hearts? Ubi caritas, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 11:43 PM

WOW! I love those library tech stories. We have a couple of folks in my library who write programs that solve long-standing problems and it's like they worked miracles!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 11:32 PM

That reminds me of a fairy tale.

Hey MOM, today I did an SQL query and found a way to remove phantom holds from people's cards! I found some that had been there since 2003. I excused your fine, also. Did you realize you had checked in 36844 books, all one day late?

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 07:59 PM

There ain't nothing in my heart! I mean, yeah, there is, but not what you think. There's blood and ventricles and stuff like that, sure, but there's more than erythrocytes and platelets and stuff. My heart is pure because my mind is foul or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 04:13 PM

Oh, Rapaire, thank you for finally putting into words the exact feeling I always knew was in your heart!!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 03:47 PM

zzzz...wha?...huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 03:20 PM

If you guys wouuld stop feeding Mom all that rich food, she'd stop falling asleep in mid-afternoon and taking those long naps. I know you do it out of love, but its just enabling her!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 12:57 PM

I'd do it, Still, but I yam afeared Rapaire would just run in and cook another set right after me. Maybe if you could tell me one half how many you want, that would work out...but his'ns are gonna be a bit staler, you understand...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 11:27 AM

MOM, wanna come cook some eggs on my driveway this afternoon? It's hot enough to saute an entire meal, but we'll keep it simple. Scrambled or over easy?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 10:55 AM

Ah, but summer time is here
Time for brats and time for beer
Time for zephyrs soft and warm
Time to view things with alarm
Time to swim and time to fish
Time to find some sexy dish
Time for skeeters, time for bugs
Time to clean the parlor rugs
Time for weeds and cutting grass
Time to get off your dead ass
Time for baseball and for sport
Time for the West Nile Virus report
Ah, the dreams of summertime!
Phooey! You can have them for a dime.

       --Pearl Pureheart, Anthems of Angst and Anger
          (Don, Idaho: Whine Press, 1904)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 10:17 AM

What strange concatenations from a meandering mind
Do greet us here on summer's morning?
How left the field, how un- the wind,
That bales tomorrow without warning!
Undo the cleft! Unturn the key!
Unbell the tolls upon our way!
For we shall straightly think 'tis new
TO start a life on a summer's day.

Winston Purebuckle
Angst As We Once Knew It
Dream Press, Austin, Texas 1966


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 01:52 AM

Got along withoutcha before I metcha
Gonna get along without ya now....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 11:37 PM

[G]When I get older, losing my hair, many years from [D7]now,
will you still be senting me a Valentine, birthday greetings, [G]bottle of wine?
If I'd been out 'till quarter to three, [G7]would you lock the [C]door?
Will you still [Eb7]need me, [G]will you still [E7]feed me, [A7]when
I'm [D7]sixty-[G]four?


[Em]Hmm------[D]mmm------[Em]mmmh.
[Em]You'll be older, [B7]too.
[Em]Aaah, and if you [Am]say the word, [C]I could [D7]stay with [G]you.


I could be handy, mending a fuse, when your lights have gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside, sunday mornings, go for a ride.
Doing the garden, digging the weeds, who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty four?


Every summer we can rent a cottage in the Isle of Wight if it's not to dear.
We shall scrimp and save.
Ah, grandchildren on your knee, Vera, Chuck, and Dave.


Send me a postcard, drop me a line stating point of view.
Indicate precisely what you mean to say, yours sincerely wasting away.
Give me your answer, fill in a form, mine forever more.
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty four?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 11:13 PM

Okay, Amos. Here's that quote from Alexander Pope you asked me to find:

NOTHING so true as what you once let fall,
"Most Women have no Characters at all."
Matter too soft a lasting mark to bear,
And best distinguish'd by black, brown, or fair.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 08:21 PM

"The bell doth toll for him that thinks it doth; and though it intermit again, yet from that minute that this occasion wrought upon him, he is united to God. Who casts not up his eye to the sun when it rises? but who takes off his eye from a comet when that breaks out? Who bends not his ear to any bell which upon any occasion rings? but who can remove it from that bell which is passing a piece of himself out of this world?" (J. Donne)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 04:10 PM

Too late! Too soon! The bell doth toll
And with its tolling bellows
That all flesh is grass and grass is flesh
When we go to join our fellows.

It matters not how much we wrote
Or what trouble we gave others;
What matters then is only that
What we did when we had our druthers.

How much did we support dear Mom?
Did we act as brothers and sisters?
Or did we sit upon our rears
Until our cheeks had blisters?

For far beyond that Forty Kay
Gleams the City on the Hill
Of Fifty Kay, or Sixty Kay!
If we're willing to foot the bill.

So teach your sons and daughters well
About our sweet old Mom
For it's better that they do post here
Than go out and drop some bomb.

          --L. Annie Orfant, Songs of Peace and Innocence
            (Watson-Upon-Holmes: Beastly, Whorly, and Snotgross, 1837)


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