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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 24 May 16 - 03:37 PM
Amos 24 May 16 - 03:11 PM
Rapparee 24 May 16 - 09:48 AM
Janie 24 May 16 - 12:12 AM
Acme 24 May 16 - 12:00 AM
gnu 23 May 16 - 11:09 PM
Janie 23 May 16 - 10:18 PM
Rapparee 23 May 16 - 09:28 PM
Amos 23 May 16 - 07:40 PM
gnu 23 May 16 - 11:20 AM
Rapparee 22 May 16 - 10:07 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 May 16 - 06:27 PM
Rapparee 22 May 16 - 03:29 PM
Acme 22 May 16 - 02:04 PM
Amos 22 May 16 - 01:10 PM
Rapparee 22 May 16 - 11:10 AM
Amos 22 May 16 - 10:50 AM
gnu 22 May 16 - 10:20 AM
Rapparee 21 May 16 - 05:16 PM
gnu 21 May 16 - 02:57 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 May 16 - 02:26 PM
gnu 21 May 16 - 01:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 May 16 - 12:01 PM
Rapparee 20 May 16 - 10:16 PM
Acme 20 May 16 - 09:41 PM
Rapparee 20 May 16 - 07:10 PM
Amos 20 May 16 - 10:12 AM
Rapparee 19 May 16 - 11:48 PM
Donuel 19 May 16 - 12:41 PM
Little Hawk 19 May 16 - 12:30 PM
Donuel 19 May 16 - 12:17 PM
Amos 19 May 16 - 10:15 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 May 16 - 11:09 PM
gnu 18 May 16 - 09:45 PM
Rapparee 18 May 16 - 09:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 May 16 - 09:01 PM
Rapparee 18 May 16 - 07:54 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 May 16 - 06:57 AM
Amos 18 May 16 - 03:43 AM
Rapparee 17 May 16 - 09:26 PM
Amos 17 May 16 - 06:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 May 16 - 04:34 PM
Little Hawk 16 May 16 - 08:23 PM
Rapparee 16 May 16 - 07:19 AM
Amos 16 May 16 - 12:56 AM
gnu 15 May 16 - 07:34 PM
Amos 15 May 16 - 06:20 PM
Rapparee 15 May 16 - 04:54 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 May 16 - 10:21 AM
Rapparee 15 May 16 - 08:23 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 May 16 - 03:37 PM

Oh, assuredly. But we'd be even more blessed if we could hang out with Shane on a regular basis, and observe his ongoing efforts to pick up girls, bum smokes, get free beer, and avoid work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 May 16 - 03:11 PM

I just love it when Rapp lets his dark side show by stealing from the very best. What an incorrigible rogue! Such powers of dalliance, such brilliant opportunistic malfeasance, such light-fingered legerdemainery. Really, we are blessed to have his dark shadow cutting off our light, don't you agree?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 May 16 - 09:48 AM

You are always welcome at Mom's house,
At Mom's house, at Mom's house,
Yes, you're always welcome at Mom's house,
And we hope you will stay.

A man came to Mom's house, to Mom's house, to Mom's house,
A man came to Mom's house to say we're goons.
So we asked him to come in and we hit him with a hammer
And we put him in the closet in our Mother's room.
CHORUS

A boy came to Mom's house, to Mom's house, to Mom's house,
A boy came to Mom's house to stop us all.
So we asked him to come in, and we shot him with a twenty-two
And stuck him down inside the basement wall.

CHORUS

A lady came to Mom's house, to Mom's house, to Mom's house
A lady came to find out why we wasn't in school.
So we asked her to come in and we fed her poisoned lemonade
And put her in the freezer where it's nice and cool.

You're always welcome at Mom's house,
At Mom's house,
At Mom's house.
Yes, you're always welcome at Mom's house,
And we know you will stay.



Learn it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 May 16 - 12:12 AM

Humph!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 May 16 - 12:00 AM

MOM's philosophical about that "TECH" thread - the way she figgers it, the kids come home more often to visit when there is a threat that the house might be torn down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 May 16 - 11:09 PM

You had me at "prettiest low cut dress" but, then again, I am a horny beast. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 May 16 - 10:18 PM

Whew! Gotta....catch.....m'breath......Got here as quick as I could - gasp - pant - pant - gasp - gulp - Know I been gone a long time and y'all prob'ly thought I'd turned my back on the family completely - well, for that matter, so did I - wanted to see the big city and get some real culture in my life, you know? Changed my name and how I did my hair, started brushin' my teeth and stopped droppin' my g's - gasp-cough - water for me and the mule please.

Anyways, I saw this crowd a'startin' to gather down near the Capitol grounds. Strolled down just to see what was happenin' - after changing into my prettiest low cut dress of course - never know where there might be a business opportunity, and Mom did a good job of teachin' never pass up a chance to make a buck - no pun intended - I don't suppose you could add just a wee drab of bourbon to that water, Rap? Not the mule's bucket of water, you idiot!

Where was I? Oh, yeh. Anyways - when I first heard Moab mentioned I thought maybe it was a revival sans the tent - thinkin' that and dressed as I was, you can understand I was a little hesitant to push on into the crowd - but there weren't no need. The voices started to get louder, and suddenly I realized they weren't talkin' 'bout no prophets wandering around Palestine, nor profits either, for that matter. Weren't talkin' about trouble in the Middle East, nor about arrangements for a tour bus to Moab, Utah.

No sir! They was talkin' about MOAB! And some was speculatin' that MOAB is responsible for the slow down in the economy. Now, others was sayin' no -no - and I didn't see no fist fights breakin' out nor can I say that I know a lynch mob is headed this way - but suddenly, I thought of Home. And dear Mom, and all my brothers and sisters out here in the hinterland - maybe in danger of lynchin', and maybe not - I just knew I had to ride out here as hard and fast as I could, sorta like Paul Revere and the Raiders, you know? To warn you that, geez, somethin' awful might happen! Well, probably not.

But anyways, did I say that already? Was a good excuse ride back here as hard and fast as a could to make a dramatic comeback.

How'd I do?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 May 16 - 09:28 PM

That's pretty good from an imaginary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 16 - 07:40 PM

My pore haid is reelin'
From a superfluity of feelin'
And of emotion sympathetic deep inside
For Rapparee's heart is breaking
Cuz his plum number was taken
By a miscreant who took him for a ride.
'T was a boy he thought he knew
Whom the gals called Gnarly Gnu
Who take away his number late one eve.
And this feller, dark and gnomic
Took his figger palindromic
And left him in the dust, alone to grieve.

Yippeee kiyiiiiiii
Oh, yippeee kiyiiiii.

Left him in the dust, alone to grieve.

(Thudding guitar solo built around A minor)
(Fade out, cantering drumbeats sotto voce)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 May 16 - 11:20 AM

11:20 AM and I couldn't do the arithmetic or retain what I read. Man, I am loosin' it. Typos are a gateway, I guess. Apologies to all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 May 16 - 10:07 PM

You may not know it, but there is scientific evidence that Amos may be imaginary. For example, you never see Amos with Barack Obama or Donald Trump. Of course, the skeptics respond that you never see him with Superman or The Lone Ranger either.

I, personally, have met a construct that claims to be Amos, but I did not prick it to see if it would bleed or anything Shakespearean like that. It did seem well-built, as there were no gaps in its visible seams and I know of nothing that fell off but I will admit that I have no idea of what maintenance went into its preparation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 May 16 - 06:27 PM

Rapparee, do not be overly distraught over missing that 54445 palindrome post. An even more auspicious number, 54545 is less than a hundred posts away. It's yours for the taking stealing unless Gluon has already claimed it by folding space-time and grabbing it last week. If so, we'll never know because, due to the new no-guests-in-BS policy, Gluon can no longer post. I suppose someone else could claim it in his name, like Columbus did for Ferdinand and Isabella, but that would open the door for proxy posts by less desirable and more flea-bitten imaginaries, so let's not go there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 May 16 - 03:29 PM

Yessiree, out here we got us some voleboys. You oughta see 'em at the rodeo, riding the buckin' voles and team vole roping. Tougher than yer ordinary bull riding and more demanding than bulldoggin' a steer the real way -- with your teeth*!








*Invented by Bill Pickett: "He invented the technique of bulldogging, the skill of grabbing cattle by the horns and wrestling them to the ground. It was known among cattlemen that, with the help of a trained bulldog, a stray steer could be caught. Bill Pickett had seen this happen on many occasions. He also thought that if a bulldog could do this feat, so could he. Pickett practiced his stunt by riding hard, springing from his horse, and wrestling the steer to the ground. Pickett's method for bulldogging was biting a cow on the lip and then falling backwards. He also helped cowboys with bulldogging. This method eventually lost popularity as the sport morphed into the steer wrestling that is practiced in rodeos." (Wikipedia)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 May 16 - 02:04 PM

Nine posts later I'm still reeling from the beauty of that 54444 post of gnu's. And what a lucky shot - I hope you went out and bought a lottery ticket! BWL's palindrome right after was pretty good, but those four's have a lot of drag so they don't spin well. Put a few coats of polyurethane on it, that might help.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 16 - 01:10 PM

Early in the morning we round up the volies
We scare the shit from them, and stir up the voles
We shoo 'em and boo 'em until they start running
Off to the golf course to dig up more holes

Whoopee ti yi, et cetera.


I am REALLY fond of "et cetera". Such a useful, flexible, intelligent and discriminating phrase.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 May 16 - 11:10 AM

No, he's involeable. He's got them voles on the run! They don't dare stick around when he's around!

Whoopee ti-yi-yo, git along little volies!
It's your misfortune and none of my own!
Whoopee ti-yi-yo, git along little volies!
You know it's the golf course will be your new home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 16 - 10:50 AM

(Applause) Author! Author! Gimme a B!! Gimme a W! Gimme an Etcetera!

Is Rapp still involute? Is he even voluteable?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 May 16 - 10:20 AM

Alas and aslack, didn't even think of that, Rap. Take it, I ain't usin' it. I insist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 16 - 05:16 PM

Alas and alack!   Some Florida fellow took my 54445 and I must now fling myself into the river, a disgrace to numerical palindromes!   Farewell!   Perhaps we will meet again on that distant shore of the vale from which no man returneth!

Or maybe I'll just go to the Legion Hovel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 May 16 - 02:57 PM

Well, ahhh, thanks, but I don't deserve it. I wasn't even aware of such a thing. Some people are born to coincidences and others have them thrust upon them. I have been thrusted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 May 16 - 02:26 PM

Gnu, congratulations on scoring post #54444. May the fours be with you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 May 16 - 01:05 PM

Grammy right there says I.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 May 16 - 12:01 PM

♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬

Bullshit (to the tune of "High Hopes")

Once there was a fellow named Gnu
Like a beast that lives in a zoo,
And when he'd had a few-ew
Gnu could talk himself blue

'Cause he had bullshit
He was full of it
He had genuine dyed-in-the-wool shit
So any time you're doubtin'
That what he's spoutin'
Is really wisdom or wit...
Oops! You're right! It's just a pile of bullshit!

Once there was a fellow named Rap
Lived on a golf course near a sand trap
Everyone knew that Rap chap
Talked a load of bullcrap

'Cause he had bullshit
He was full of it
He had genuine dyed-in-the-wool shit
So any time you're doubtin'
That what he's spoutin'
Is really wisdom or wit...
Oops! You're right! It's just a pile of bullshit!

Was a fellow named Little Hawk
His hallucinations could talk
Sometimes so much that you'd squawk
"Stuff their mouths with a sock!"

But he had bullshit
He was full of it
He had genuine dyed-in-the-wool shit
So any time you're doubtin'
That what he's spoutin'
Is really wisdom or wit...
Oops! You're right! It's just a pile of bullshit!

Then there is a fellow named Amos
In some circles he is quite famous
Uses big words to shame us
But we know what his game is

It's all bullshit
He is full of it
It's just genuine dyed-in-the-wool shit
So any time you're doubtin'
That what he's spoutin'
Is really wisdom or wit...
Oops! You're right! It's just a pile of bullshit!

And this guy named Bee-dubya-ell
Lives down south where 'gators do dwell
Tall tales he likes to tell-el
But you can tell by the smell

That they're bullshit
He's so full of it
They're just genuine dyed-in-the-wool shit
So any time you're doubtin'
That what he's spoutin'
Is really wisdom or wit...
Oops! You're right! It's just a pile of bullshit!

♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 16 - 10:16 PM

Of course, if Mr. Shame had gone beyond the third grade he'd know big words. Words like cat, dog, car. Even words like balloon, head, and Shame. He could converse in complete sentences such as "See Jane run" and "Shame drunk." Instead he just sits there are grunts as if he were constipated -- which mentally he is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 16 - 09:41 PM

His poem sounds like the stuff that Sarah Sylvia Cynthia Stout wouldn't take out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 16 - 07:10 PM

Well, that explains half or less of Shame. I understand that his father was "just passing through" and since he couldn't pay was forced to "labor" for his fun by a couple of rather large gentlemen from Detroit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 16 - 10:12 AM

Shane's mother, Polly Sylle O'Gysum, was unfortunately a crack user and vulnerable to extreme mood swings. She died young, as a result of chemical abuse and the stress of poverty and lack of education. She was buried in a pauper's grave in a field kept by the Humane Society just outside of Pedant, where she had fled to live with her grammar.p1


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 16 - 11:48 PM

Yup, Amos, I bet that family would be sore aggrieved.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 19 May 16 - 12:41 PM

Its not how fast you mow well. Its how well you mow fast.

sometimes it fails to bemuse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 May 16 - 12:30 PM

It's a good thing Shane isn't around here anymore, because you people would have driven him mad with all those big words. He hates people who use big words like "polysyllogism", because he isn't sure whether or not he's being insulted when they do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 19 May 16 - 12:17 PM

BWL don't stop, It deserves a Silverstien conclusion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 16 - 10:15 AM

Especially the anadiplosis-driven polysyllogisms, which never fail to bemuse. The Delmann tribe is offended by what I wrote about their favorite son, but at least I haven't tread on the toeses of the turrible Doelman's, or thier viperous cousins, the Booquemeisters.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 May 16 - 11:09 PM

While in reformatory school,
they fed us a disgusting gruel
comprised of Campbell's mushroom soup
and ground up bits of Hula Hoop
and chunks of rotten green bologna
that you would not want to get on ya
and moldy Quaker instant grits
that would give you the runny shits.
It looked like a huge blob of jizm
and you would die of botulism
if you should deign to eat the mess.
I'll stop here. You make up the rest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 May 16 - 09:45 PM

Speaking of slackologies and the nonsensical, boil 1/3# of spaghetti until Al's dented, eh? Chuck in a can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup (I know, I know but I bought two cans in a BOGOF fer shits and giggles) and then squeeze in, to taste (I know) chicken Brovil from one of them there half gallon Costco riggings. Gross? Yeah. Mess up my guts tomorrow and clock out my BP? Yeah. But, dammit, every half dozen years, I gots ta have me GRUEL! no matter how cruel. I will post again when I am able.

I feel wobbly.

gnightgnu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 16 - 09:43 PM

Yes, although those old time Greeks were soooo uptight they only created tautology. They also created sorites, or polysyllogisms, of which the term sowrongies is used for the opposite. The opposite of polysyllogism is, of course, monosyllogism. Both polysyllogism and monosyllogism must be differentiated from monosyllabic and polysyllabic, which refer to operands within the mathematics of the quantum universe, although they can refer to (for example) a polysyllogistic monosyllable therein. I would provide examples of both polysyllogistic and monosyllogistic monosyllable and polysyllables save that they are so eensy-weensy tiny you couldn't see them (which makes it difficult for those working in the field of eensy-weensy tiny things).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 May 16 - 09:01 PM

Is the opposite of a tautology a slackology?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 16 - 07:54 PM

Other than getting my name wrong and thereby giving the credit to someone else, Amos, as usual, has managed to construct a tautology fraught ideation applicable only to another universe and dimension.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 May 16 - 06:57 AM

While it is true that god-knows-who created "asshole", it was actually created by god-knows-whom. How one person could create something while that same thing was created by someone else is a paradox akin to one hand ceasing to clap and beginning to beat the shit out of a hubless wheel with a tire iron.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 16 - 03:43 AM

R'lyehian is a fictional language created by H.P. Lovecraft . Rapparree is a fictional character created by Michael Delmann. Asshole is a fictional construct created by god-knows-who to describe both.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 16 - 09:26 PM

My, my, you can certainly look things up Amos! I must congratulate you on that and also on your mastery of R'lyehian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 16 - 06:59 PM

Ambrolic is not actually a language. It is the name of a methyl ester, a triterpenoid, C30-H48-O3, which has a molecular mass of 456.7153 and a melting point of 273º F.

It is also the name of an obscure missionary church run by The Free Christian Church of Scotland in the back hills of China to educate young girls into correct enslavement devotion to the Scriptures.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 May 16 - 04:34 PM

Determining how often a married man has been wrong in the last 50 years is a simple process. Assuming that he has been wrong 100% of the time during married years, simply divide the number of those years by 50. For example, I have been married 42 of the last 50 years, so I have been wrong 84% of the time. The last time I was right was in 1987, during the interregnum between my first and second marriages.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 May 16 - 08:23 PM

How often have you been wrong in the last 50 years?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 16 - 07:19 AM

I would have thought that...no, never mind. Obviously my thoughts would have been in error. Still....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 16 - 12:56 AM

I drove not only myself, but two local friends who were also attending. So the time passed in pleasant conversation. But your suggestions are greatly appreciated; wish I had thought of them earlier! A chopper would have really done the trick!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 16 - 07:34 PM

5 hour drive? You drove? Yourself? Why didn't you take the chopper or at least have Jeeves drive the limo? Tsk tsk. You have to take better care of yourself, man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 16 - 06:20 PM

ALas, it was the simplest of typos--the "o" and the "i" being right beside each other. It was a bIg party, and the only bogs involved were tiled, stainless, and softly lit high-roller bathrooms. A good time was had by all.

I am now home and tomorrow my beloved companion Maggie Darlin' Dogg will be returned to me. Which I look forward to.

Meanwhile, I am weary from five hours' driving straight down the 15/215 from Vegas and am going to nap, so there.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 16 - 04:54 PM

He may have gotten the constant wrong and it could be a hog party. Or a nog or vog party -- the latter is a term used in Hawai'i for a fog containing volcanic gases. Or the word might not be English, as Amos is fluent in many languages including Midland Welsh, Yukanese, and Ambrolic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 May 16 - 10:21 AM

I have been giving this "bog party" thing a bit of consideration, and have determined that there is a possibility "bog" is a typo. Amos could have simply meant a "big party". Or perhaps it's a "beg party" in which the participants dress shabbily and stand on Fremont Street, tin cups in hand, begging for spare change from high rollers. Or maybe a "bug party", wherein a boxful of poisonous insects is released into a roomful of blindfolded, but otherwise naked, partygoers. But I think it's probable he meant a "bag party" in which everyone removes their clothes, places large brown paper bags over their heads, and proceeds to have anonymous sexual relations with as many other participants, of either sex, as possible. Or maybe he meant all of the above. It is, after all, Las Vegas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 16 - 08:23 AM

It's not generally known how tough Amos is. These days you see a mild-mannered guy playing a guitar or lute and singing gentle love ballads. But this is the same man who once in a bar in Papeetee, when confronted by a mean drunk with a large revolver, bit the barrel closed just as the gun was fired and then spit the bullet into the drunk's eye. He used to get his snap, crackle, and pop for breakfast by eating a bowl of blasting caps. He still sobers up on raw alcohol. Years ago, while backpacking in the Alps, a local alpenhornist mocked Amos's abilities and Amos doubled the 'range' of an alpenhorn using a cheap tin whistle; this also caused a rockslide which blocked a vital road but Amos had it clear in minutes. His parents learned not to send him for milk as he would return with a cow under each arm. He was not permitted to enlist in the Marines, the Foreign Legion, or Spetsnaz because 'he plays too rough.' Remember these things the next time you decide to mock him for blowing a note or missing a word in a song and be glad he controls his temper by blackjacking himself before he gets angry.


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