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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 27 Jan 10 - 11:11 AM
Rapparee 27 Jan 10 - 11:09 AM
Acme 27 Jan 10 - 10:16 AM
Amos 27 Jan 10 - 09:59 AM
Rapparee 27 Jan 10 - 09:02 AM
Little Hawk 26 Jan 10 - 09:43 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 10 - 08:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Jan 10 - 07:19 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 10 - 06:38 PM
MMario 26 Jan 10 - 06:36 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jan 10 - 06:23 PM
Amos 26 Jan 10 - 05:15 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 10 - 03:33 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jan 10 - 03:32 PM
Acme 26 Jan 10 - 01:22 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jan 10 - 12:30 PM
MMario 26 Jan 10 - 12:29 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Jan 10 - 12:22 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Jan 10 - 12:05 PM
Amos 26 Jan 10 - 10:49 AM
Acme 25 Jan 10 - 06:43 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 10 - 06:42 PM
Little Hawk 25 Jan 10 - 06:11 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 10 - 06:04 PM
Little Hawk 25 Jan 10 - 04:47 PM
mousethief 25 Jan 10 - 02:21 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Jan 10 - 12:39 PM
Amos 25 Jan 10 - 11:03 AM
Amos 25 Jan 10 - 10:55 AM
Little Hawk 25 Jan 10 - 09:56 AM
Rapparee 25 Jan 10 - 09:12 AM
mousethief 24 Jan 10 - 11:24 PM
Acme 24 Jan 10 - 11:17 PM
Donuel 24 Jan 10 - 10:57 PM
mousethief 24 Jan 10 - 10:49 PM
Donuel 24 Jan 10 - 10:45 PM
mousethief 24 Jan 10 - 10:16 PM
Donuel 24 Jan 10 - 10:03 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 10 - 08:55 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jan 10 - 08:48 PM
mousethief 24 Jan 10 - 08:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Jan 10 - 08:24 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jan 10 - 07:05 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 10 - 06:58 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jan 10 - 06:42 PM
Donuel 24 Jan 10 - 03:43 PM
Amos 24 Jan 10 - 02:10 PM
Amos 24 Jan 10 - 01:06 PM
Acme 24 Jan 10 - 02:20 AM
Amos 23 Jan 10 - 05:57 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 11:11 AM

Beer deprivation would do it for sure. Only trouble is, Shane knows nothing worth revealing, so making him crack is a futile exercise akin to attempting to extract milk from a male ostrich or progressive social reform legislation from a Republican.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 11:09 AM

Amos, I know other ways to break someone as well. Wanna hear 'em? They don't leave physical marks, either (those are a special category).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 10:16 AM

Hey, MOM, I have to go to the office today. Want to ride along? I'll stop and get you a greasy burger and tater tots at the Sonic Drive-In on the way home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 09:59 AM

If there is in fact such a thing as taking fictional data much too seriously, Rapaire may be its poster child.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 09:02 AM

They'll break him. He'll be just like a little baby when they finish with him: crying and soiling his pants and...wait, how could they tell?

Anyway, he'll talk. If the Massad can't do it there are Others who can. Perhaps the T. E. Lawrence treatment...no, he might like that. A shot of scopolamine behind the eyeballs, saturating whatever passes for his frontal lobes; a bath; beer deprivation....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 09:43 PM

If they want Shane to crack, they would get the best results by playing classical music or polkas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 08:05 PM

Could also be why he's been targeted by various international spy agencies... I understand that the Massad ties you to a chair, blindfolds you, and plays "Hava Nagila" until you crack.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 07:19 PM

I believe people who are abducted by aliens are, in fact, aliens themselves. They've been dispatched to our planet to serve as recording and monitoring devices. Their periodic "abductions" are for the purpose of taking them back to their mother ships so the data they've absorbed can be downloaded into the ships' computers.

Of course, the "abductees" are totally unaware of their own true identities. Before they were dropped off on Earth, their memories of their alien lives were erased and replaced with suitable sets of human "memories".

When you look at it from that perspective, a lot of stuff about Shane McBride falls right into place, doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 06:38 PM

Then why were we told that all worlds are ours except Europa?? Huh? Explain that if you can!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 06:36 PM

Hey Mom! Did I mention that a friend of mine was on "ELLEN" yesterday? And the clip with her in it is on You-tube and the ELLEN site, and I think FaceBook.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 06:23 PM

How about Unforgettium, Inestimium, and Incomprehensium?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 05:15 PM

From a Terran's point of view, of course, Pandora is an alien planet and its natives are aliens. No-one should not be allowed into space who cannot outgrow this primitive chauvinism, however. Jingoism has no place in inter-planetary relations. Unobtainium or no unobtainium.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 03:33 PM

"All planets are yours except Europa. Attempt no landing there."

Ergo, Pandora IS our planet. Tell them aliens to get off or pay rent.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 03:32 PM

Very good point, Stilly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 01:22 PM

BWL reminds me--has anyone else heard the criticisms of Avatar in which they discuss the NaVi as the "aliens?" It has come up several times. NOTE TO REVIEWERS: If inhabitants of a planet (i.e., Pandora) are fighting off invaders (i.e., Earthlings), the native inhabitants of said planet should not be referred to as "aliens." The Earthlings should be the aliens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 12:30 PM

Fair enough, Bee-Dub. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 12:29 PM

failing that, I'm sure that illegal USAian-Americans might possibly shanghai Shane from a Tim Horton's - why, I'm not sure; but I *am* sure that Canadians wouldn't put it past people from the US of A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 12:22 PM

By the way, Little Hawk, I apologize for saying it was impossible for Shane to be abducted by aliens. I reread the applicable section of The Intergalactic Commerce Commission's regulations and found that abducting Earthlings from Krispy Creme parking lots is only a recommended procedure, not an absolute requirement. It was a simple matter of mistranslating the Antarian in which the regs are written. The Antarian word for "require" is "Ãngknorn" while the word for "recommend" is "Ånkgnorn". It's a subtle difference, and my Antarian translation skills just aren't what they used to be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 12:05 PM

Did someone mention calamari?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 10:49 AM

I'm not paying for it. You'll have to get by on tips.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 06:43 PM

Maybe it's time for a bris.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 06:42 PM

Hey, a good mohel, a couple quick cuts to take a little off the top (not that there is much there anyway)....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 06:11 PM

You mean the Israeli secret service, I presume? God help them if they go so far as to investigate what he has inside his trousers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 06:04 PM

I've heard from a colleague in Sudbury that Shame will be turned over to the Massad for questioning. Something about Secret Documents being found in his pants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 04:47 PM

Where ya been, Bee-Dub? Canadians get abducted by aliens just as much as anyone else does. I am sick and tired of you Americans thinking that weird things only happen in the USA! Get over yourselves, I say. You are not the centre of the Universe.

Shane has been abducted at least 3 times now and is on quite good terms with the Greys who have their own mysterious reasons (as yet undisclosed) for wanting to observe him. Officer Dana actually witnessed the most recent abduction and was questioned extensively by military intelligence following the incident. I'm sure that Shane's arrest has something to do with that. He's not smart enough or motivated enough to present any real threat to national security on his own account.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 02:21 PM

Well that's good, isn't it? The cops usually have to wait till the spring thaw to take boozed-up fisherman from the lakes. This could allow them to be identified and buried before the nibbly fish exact their gruesome toll.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 12:39 PM

Shane's been abducted by aliens? Not possible! Everyone knows aliens conduct their abductions from the parking lots of Krispy Kreme donut shops. Shane's a Cannuck. They don't have Krispy Kremes in Canada. They have Tim Horton's. If Shane was abducted, it would mean the aliens have greatly expanded the scope of their abduction program to include Tim's as well as KK. Maybe that's what Shane's arrest is all about, huh?

Think about it. If the aliens have gotten brave enough to start taking stoned hosers from Tim Horton's parking lot today, they may be taking boozed up ice fishermen from frozen lakes tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 11:03 AM

I saw the Cameron film Avatar last night, wearing funny glasses in the local IMAX theater.

I was absolutely blown away.

I consider it a Must See.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 10:55 AM

I suspect Officer Dana just used The Act as a screen and excuse for getting Shane into lockup so he would stop leering at her and pestering her for dates she had no intention of making.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 09:56 AM

That's bizarre. Shane doesn't know any secrets worth invoking the Act over. It must have been some kind of mistake.

On the other hand, maybe it has to do with those alien abduction incidents. Shane's been abducted 2 or 3 times by the same group of aliens for reasons that remain a mystery. Yeah, that's probably it. They figure he knows something crucial about the aliens, and they want to figure it out and make sure it remains classified. They've been covering that stuff up for decades.

Poor Shane! He's terrible at answering official questions and explaining himself. After all, what explanation can there possibly be for someone like Shane?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 09:12 AM

CBC -- Toronto -- Word was received this morning that Shame McBride of Blind River was arrested for violation of the Official Secrets Act. The arresting officer, J. Dana, refused comment. This is the first arrest under the Acct in many years and violations can still result in the death penalty if treason is proven. A press conference is scheduled for this afternoon; in the meantime McBride is being held at an undisclosed location.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 11:24 PM

No one who has ever driven one could possibly mistake a 1976 Volvo for a Jaguar. Nor am I likely to mistake having a cat in my car with being inside a pussy. I mean a Jaguar.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 11:17 PM

You sure that car wasn't a Jaguar?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 10:57 PM

out punned and out of lmao


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 10:49 PM

I used to keep a Persian in my Volvo. She was my car pet.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 10:45 PM

Yes that one... or I cast a Persian with 60 pound line


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 10:16 PM

I'll bet you mean aspersion, which can be cast and means "a false or misleading claim." As near as I can tell, "espersion" means "spurting online." Then again maybe that is what you want to say.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 10:03 PM

I cast a threatening espursion once. I used plaster.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 08:55 PM

I looked for a dotted Swiss solipsist for years, but realized I am one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 08:48 PM

Whereas I've been looking everywhere for a profoundly puce pusillanimist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 08:32 PM

That was probably my boorish paisley onanist. They are very rare (I had it appraised) but I needed to unload it fast. I really wanted a despondent houndstooth egoist.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 08:24 PM

I once received a striped callow fetishist as a gift, but it didn't match my decor so I had to return it. I swapped it for boorish paisley onanist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 07:05 PM

SoCal is absolutely awash in them. That may be why Amos is so concerned about being protected.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 06:58 PM

I've never met a striped callow fetishist, but then I don't live in SoCal but amongst real people.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 06:42 PM

Amos - "Mom is protecting me from dweebs and callow fetishists of all stripes."

Ah...now if only she could protect you from yourself!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 03:43 PM

purty potree Amos

Gis wut?
I jus heered that Corpoorashuns are now offishully human beans
Wuts good fer the goose is good fer the gander.
Nother wurds, Iffn Copoorashuns are people, then I am a Corpoorashun 2 !!
That means iffn I git drug to court I kin tie people up in court 2.
That means I kin git welfare an be proud ofit.
That means I kin now be tax free with a post office box in ma headqarters in Barbados.
That means I git propurty tax breaks fer providin jobs, hey Missy slop them hogs.
That means I git to go to Vegas and gamble with other peepoles muney,
an iffn I lose the gubmint pays me back!
That means Sinators are gonna hafta do whut I say.
I git to lie cheat an steel an iffn I git caught I git a slap on the rist.


Key Riist ona craker!! That means Me & God are like stink on sheeit.
That means I kin never die, I am a immortal.

but hmmm, it mite also mean, I got no soul


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 02:10 PM

When toe dawn broke out we hitched them up
Each dog in his special style,
And we started on that long trail up,
Full one hundred and sixty miles.
It was cold as sin as we started to climb
Into the teeth of the day
And the trail grew rough, but we had the stuff,
And were bound to make that Kay.

There were cracking whips and cracking ice
As we broke through the frozen glow,
And the lead dogs glared through the flying frost
And leapt into the blinding snow.
As the winds crept up to a serious force,
We bent to the cold wind's sway
Twenty huskies hard, and a Saint Bernard
All bound for the next of Kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 01:06 PM

Obviously she was driven to the basement by bad versifiction.


It's enough to make a puir old lady tear her hair, I swan.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 02:20 AM

MOM, what are you doing down here in the basement? Let's brush the crumbs off and get you up to bed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 05:57 PM

SO westarted out, and the dogs behaved
For the first ten or twenty miles.
The sun was bright on the tundra ice
And the huskies even smiled.
Fer there's nothing a husky loves as well
As loping an open plain
When the ice is bright and the sun is right
And his paws still free of pain.

And as the sun began declinin', we felt all in control,
And the country opened wide as wide
And each of us felt his soul
Grow out to the furthest frozen pine
Past the edge of that frozen day.
And the air was hushed while the huskies mushed
Toward that Thirty Four of Kay.

We camped for the night on a high bluff bright
As silver in a setting sun.
And the dogs stepped out of their traces
And we fed them, every one.
Then they turned their tired heads away,
Each to a corner lone,
And turned around a time or two
And settled with a moan.

"It eight and forty now", said Ma,
And we're grateful for our luck!
No bad breaks on the trail this far,
Nor not a sled's been stuck!
And as the moon was coming up
A cold far cry did play
Against the face of the rising moon
Far short of the next of Kay.

It was lonesome as a midnight prayer
And icy, bold, and wild,
Like the call of the maddened wolverine
Or the scream of the man-wolf child.
And it cut our bones and it pierced our souls
And did every man dismay,
For an evil will was boding ill
That we'd never make that Kay.


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