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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 15 Apr 08 - 02:38 PM
Amos 15 Apr 08 - 05:37 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 08 - 09:35 PM
Acme 15 Apr 08 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 08 - 10:07 PM
Amos 15 Apr 08 - 10:15 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 08 - 10:25 PM
Amos 15 Apr 08 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 16 Apr 08 - 01:09 AM
Amos 16 Apr 08 - 10:47 AM
Rapparee 16 Apr 08 - 03:21 PM
Amos 16 Apr 08 - 04:30 PM
Rapparee 16 Apr 08 - 05:10 PM
Acme 16 Apr 08 - 05:21 PM
Rapparee 16 Apr 08 - 08:56 PM
Rapparee 17 Apr 08 - 09:46 AM
Amos 17 Apr 08 - 10:45 AM
Rapparee 17 Apr 08 - 11:05 AM
Acme 17 Apr 08 - 11:24 AM
MMario 17 Apr 08 - 11:32 AM
Amos 17 Apr 08 - 12:26 PM
MMario 17 Apr 08 - 12:37 PM
Amos 17 Apr 08 - 12:49 PM
MMario 17 Apr 08 - 12:57 PM
Rapparee 17 Apr 08 - 01:15 PM
Amos 17 Apr 08 - 01:32 PM
Rapparee 17 Apr 08 - 05:32 PM
Amos 17 Apr 08 - 06:09 PM
Rapparee 17 Apr 08 - 06:17 PM
Amos 17 Apr 08 - 06:22 PM
Rapparee 17 Apr 08 - 10:23 PM
Amos 17 Apr 08 - 11:46 PM
Amos 17 Apr 08 - 11:47 PM
Acme 18 Apr 08 - 12:00 AM
Rapparee 18 Apr 08 - 09:13 AM
Amos 18 Apr 08 - 09:43 AM
Amos 18 Apr 08 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 18 Apr 08 - 12:30 PM
Amos 18 Apr 08 - 02:26 PM
Amos 18 Apr 08 - 02:39 PM
MMario 18 Apr 08 - 03:03 PM
Rapparee 18 Apr 08 - 03:49 PM
MMario 18 Apr 08 - 03:52 PM
Rapparee 18 Apr 08 - 04:16 PM
Acme 18 Apr 08 - 05:12 PM
Rapparee 18 Apr 08 - 06:49 PM
Amos 18 Apr 08 - 06:57 PM
Acme 19 Apr 08 - 12:03 PM
Rapparee 19 Apr 08 - 12:34 PM
Rapparee 19 Apr 08 - 06:28 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 08 - 02:38 PM

I went down a sinkhole once when I was young. In fact, I was just a baby and my mother was bathing me in the kitchen sink when I accidentally kicked the stopper loose.

In a flash I was gone with the bathwater! A huge sucking sound, a roller-coaster ride through the P-trap, and there I was, a naked little child, surfing (so to speak) through the city's sewer system.

Fortunately, everything came right in the end.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 08 - 05:37 PM

Except your mother had to walk a quarter of a mile up the sewer to get you back and has never forgiven you...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 08 - 09:35 PM

Of course not, Amos. I was able to find a log (or something like one) and surf right out to the treatment plant. There I was rescued by, believe it or not, my very own uncle, the treatment plant Supervisor who happened to be supervising the inflow at that very moment. He plucked me off my "surflog", washed me down, and took me home. My parents were, of course, so distrait over my accident that they had nearly missed pegging out in their cribbage game and my return was met with wild exclamations of profound apathy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Apr 08 - 09:57 PM

I don't believe it! I'm sure you told us that your father died years before you were born. So how come he was there playing cribbage with your mother?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 08 - 10:07 PM

Ouija cribbage board, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 08 - 10:15 PM

Table tipping cribbage will never catch on -- it lacks the robust excitement of the real thing, the thrill of the peg, the clatter of the cards or dice or whatever those are, the slap of the board as the pegs fill in, the sighs, the moans and the cheers of the very small crowd.... nothing like it to restore the zest to a man's life. Deance style cribbage just can't compare.


S


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 08 - 10:25 PM

I didn't say it was an exciting game, Amos. In fact, ouija cribbage can be deathly quiet, but the players can be said to look quite natural...almost lifelike.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 08 - 10:31 PM

I wonder if a market niche is out there waiting to be filled for Seance-Games? I think for starters, we could have a lot of fun with Pictionary, maybe Monopoly, and charades using the odd piece of furniture.,.. How to rig up the board and pieces would be a technical challenge, but there could be millions in it for the right innovator...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 01:09 AM

Let's see: chess, of course, and checkers (draughts); Candyland; Chutes (Snakes) and ladders; some of the electronic games, like "Simon" could take on all new dimensions. Baccarat, Chuck-a-Luck, roulette, three-card monte, poker (give a whole new meaning to "Dead Man's Hand"), even Uno.

After all, if the dead can vote why shouldn't they play games?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 10:47 AM

Well, then we get into using living people as facilitators, which is how they vote. And they involves qualifications, aethical standards, verification and so on.

No, I think what we need is a good VVVHF interface, a sort of ectoplasmic-sensitive mesh antenna, in which those on the other side can settle and transmit their moves by emitting impulses. This would have the effect of rendering the world of the living into a sort of video game for the dead -- just assume a viewpoint among the sensor mesh and start emanating. ANd the beauty is that no-one can accuse you of "wasting" time, since you are playing from Eternity.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 03:21 PM

And what about sports like rugby and football and soccer and fencing and pole vaulting and skeet shooting and ski jumping and how do you count the riders on the five man bobsled?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 04:30 PM

Ghost Riders On the Ice. Yippe ki yayyyyy (swoooooosh!) Yipppe ki yo-ooooooo (swooosh!!) Ghost Riders on the Iiiiice!!


I think we're onto something hot, here, man. The multibillion game industry hooked up with the multimillion dollar poly-schizo-phrenic pan-dimensional ghosts and paranormal industry. SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!

Who ya gonna call????

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 05:10 PM

This thing is gonna be BIG BIG BIG.

Amos! Quick! Call Donny Trump and see if he wants a piece of the action!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 05:21 PM

$1 on tonight's Lotto, quick pick, cash option. That's all I need. Oh, and make that a winner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 08:56 PM

Okay, Stilly's in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 09:46 AM

MOM! For shame! Consorting with those bottom-dwellers again! Get up here and sober up! And then take a shower and sleep it off! And don't give me that "girls just want to have fun" business again -- you've got enough money you don't need to go back to rolling drunks and...and...other things. Now drink your coffee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 10:45 AM

Dammit!! Trump's assistant came by to check out possibilities for major investment in our "Seance Games" startup, and he was so dismayed to find Mom trolling the bottom-dwellers that he left without opening his briefcase. And I just told the shift supervisor at Burger King what I thought of him, too!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 11:05 AM

Well, I guess we're going to have to pin our hopes on Stilly's lottery ticket.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 11:24 AM

Yeah, but I forgot to buy it. Saturday is next. And anyway, Amos can ball out the BurgerKing guy all he wants. He works at Wendy's.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 11:32 AM

wataminit! Why does the BurgerKing Guy work at Wendy's? charges of Nepotism or something?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 12:26 PM

MM:

THese must be friends of yours, but I wish I'd found them before the Feds did:

"Federal authorities say they have disrupted a major indoor marijuana-growing operation in northern San Diego County.

Assistant U.S. Attorney Stewart Young says agents arrested 13 men and seized marijuana plants that could have a street value as high as $27 million.

Raids Tuesday at four homes found 6,848 plants. The houses used a sophisticated irrigation system and stolen electricity to grow the plants under lamps. Court records show another home contained scales and processed marijuana for sale.

Authorities say two 48-year-old men owned or controlled the houses. Those men, Thomas Swift of San Marcos and Kevin Kennedy of Vista, pleaded not guilty Wednesday to charges of conspiracy to manufacture a controlled substance.

Each faces a minimum sentence of 10 years in prison if convicted."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 12:37 PM

a street value of $4k per PLANT? I doubt it.   maybe $400 if they are growing some really primo stuff, but not 10 times that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 12:49 PM

OH, right. GEt all numbery. Why don't you love America? Trust your gut, man...


BTW, I am getting suspicious of Rapaire. I think he may be using a false identity. He keeps saying he is a library director in Pocatello, but as anyone can see -- unlike California and Texas -- there is no such place on the map as Pocatello. So I can't help wondering where he is really from. I bet Amsterdam Avenue.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 12:57 PM

Pocatello fell into L-Space a few years back. Look in the crease of the map.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 01:15 PM

You won't find San Diego on that map either....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 01:32 PM

Jeeze, Rapaire, don't you even know when you've been pre-empted? I said California!! Los Angeles covers for San Diego in matters like these; as a rule we try not to figure in New York's outlook too much, being mindful of the fate of New Jersey.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 05:32 PM

When I've been in New York City my cell phone was destroyed by an outlet in the hotel bathroom, my coat was stolen, my watch band broke, I got blisters walking from the hotel to the meeting place, and the honking car horns kept me from decent sleep. MY map doesn't include New York City, and the only part of LA on it is the La Brea tar pits because they are the best part of the City of Angles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 06:09 PM

Well, it is clear from our recent testimony that the map, while not being the territory, is also not the map. They slither in and out of existence like subquarkian wannabe particles, quivering in view for a fraction of a moment before evanescing into peripheral pastitude.

They grow full blown from the viewpoint's instantaneous attitudes, and die as quickly as ripen, shifting with the very winds of the soul. Ah, put not your trust in maps, my friend. Like numbers, they will sadly betray and leave you lost, astray and shorn of meaning in a vacuum of misplaced orientation points.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 06:17 PM

So that's why my childish wonder, youthful innocence, and boyish grin were lost!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 06:22 PM

Yes, indeed. It was not New York that did you in, it was your map of New York.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 10:23 PM

I've been to Fonda, New York. The ship was marooned there because of high water in the Erie Canal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 11:46 PM

That was the town that bloomed on the absinthe trade back in the 1880's. They had a plant at first, just behind the yarrow grove there, and the town gradually grew up behind the plant as it prospered, until all the trees were gone, replaced with stores and homes. They regretted it, because it had been a beautiful grove, but they just shrugged their shoulders and told each other, "Absinthe made the yarrow grove Fonda."


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 08 - 11:47 PM

It ain't often you get two strokes on the same awful pun!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Apr 08 - 12:00 AM

Now for something completely different, get out your map of Missouri.























Because we all know that Missouri Loves Company!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 08 - 09:13 AM

I, having a higher sense of correctness and humor, shall refrain from puns. They are below the lowest form of wit, and I care not a whit for low forms of humor. They contain indeed no evidence of wit, they are not even pointed, as is satire. One can truly say of puns that they cannot be wittled into any man's humor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Apr 08 - 09:43 AM

I suggest you switch majors from to wit to to too.

It's risky to go into battle unarmed.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Apr 08 - 10:46 AM

As a matter of precise usage, I do not believe ships get marooned.

Except in the Coconut Island regions, where a peculiar local wood used in ship-building produces the strange side effect known as the Coconut Maroon. It's a s ort of reverse-vector nesting behaviour which causes the vessels to repel each other over distance.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 08 - 12:30 PM

Well, the ship couldn't go any further because of too much water. So it wasn't beached or caroomed or aground and it wasn't in drydock -- it was just tied up to the town dock, left alone with only the food and water and stuff she was carrying or could buy in town.

Marooned.

Or is there another word to describe the condition of a ship that can't continue the voyage because of too much water?

I've never lived the jolly life of a sailor on the rolling main, so I don't know all the technical terms.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Apr 08 - 02:26 PM

Too much water, to a sailor, only applies when the water gets inside the ship. They deal with relative infinities of the stuff.

But in locks, it is a different matter; I assume "too much water" means that the main canal could not be entered because it was running too high to open the lock gates or some such problem.

The vessel, therefore, had to be left moored, not marooned, until the level came down.

It is possible that a frustrated passenger with inordinately long ears might have muttered "Wodda maroon" while disembarking, venting his annoyance at interrupting his planned voyage, but it would not be applied to the vessel's condition. More likely the bald-headed weatherman, who failed to predict weawwy high wawer.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Apr 08 - 02:39 PM

JUes' six more posts,
And you'll break through
To twenty-three of Kay and two.
Hold fast the wheel, reef not the sail,
And keep your teeth hard on your tail;
Douse not the glims, eat not the chart,
But post and post again, with heart!
Staring and squinting into the gloom
That hides the future's darkened womb;
And when the weather's done
Welcome a rising sun
A cloud of white
A sea of blue
And the lazy haze
Of 23K and 2.

a.a. goinns


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Apr 08 - 03:03 PM

hey Mom - did I ever mention that some of the gals out on the internet setup a Yahoo group devoted to *me*?!? Okay, maybe not to "me" per se, but to my knitting and knitting designs.

It was setup on the last of the year, but didn't "go public" until New Year's Day - and it had 500 members by April 1.

it's had about 175 more people sign up in the last two weeks or so.

it's got pictures and stuff.

Just thought you'd want to know one of your kids is surviving out in the "real world"

MMario


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 08 - 03:49 PM

Actually, Amos, the lock gates had been removed (not merely opened) because of too much water. The water inside the ship was what was supposed to be there (drinking, etc.). And I use the term "ship" correctly -- this was a 100-passenger job which spends its winters in the Caribbean, which draws a fathom of water.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Apr 08 - 03:52 PM

Which lock, Rapaire?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 08 - 04:16 PM

Don't remember the number, but it was the one at Fonda, NY.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Apr 08 - 05:12 PM

Leo, give us a link, please!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 08 - 06:49 PM

By April 1? An April Fool's joke, perhaps?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Apr 08 - 06:57 PM

How Fonda New York can you get?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Apr 08 - 12:03 PM

MOM! MOM! Did you see her? Moonglow came by with her boyfriend, they're on their way to Scarborough Fair in Waxahachie. And she turned her hair fuchsia again. I thought she'd grown through that phase, but she's back for a while. It looks good, but anyway, MOM, do you think women from 1400 or whenever this is set wore long dresses with all of that stuff AND had fuchsia hair? (And cell phones tucked discretely in their boots?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 08 - 12:34 PM

And a stiletto in the other boot?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 08 - 06:28 PM

Wow! I posted the last time at 12:34 p.m. Universal Mudcat Time.


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