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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 26 Jun 08 - 09:32 PM
Amos 26 Jun 08 - 09:37 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jun 08 - 09:45 PM
Rapparee 26 Jun 08 - 11:24 PM
Acme 26 Jun 08 - 11:57 PM
Amos 27 Jun 08 - 03:08 AM
Rapparee 27 Jun 08 - 09:22 AM
Little Hawk 27 Jun 08 - 09:51 AM
Rapparee 27 Jun 08 - 01:02 PM
Amos 27 Jun 08 - 01:18 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jun 08 - 02:31 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 08 - 03:56 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jun 08 - 04:34 PM
Amos 27 Jun 08 - 04:41 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jun 08 - 05:26 PM
Amos 27 Jun 08 - 11:31 PM
Acme 28 Jun 08 - 01:56 AM
Rapparee 28 Jun 08 - 10:33 AM
Amos 28 Jun 08 - 12:22 PM
Amos 28 Jun 08 - 02:15 PM
Acme 28 Jun 08 - 02:41 PM
Amos 28 Jun 08 - 02:57 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jun 08 - 03:07 PM
Amos 28 Jun 08 - 03:49 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jun 08 - 04:21 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 08 - 10:54 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jun 08 - 09:20 AM
Acme 29 Jun 08 - 11:00 AM
Amos 29 Jun 08 - 01:05 PM
Amos 29 Jun 08 - 07:38 PM
Amos 29 Jun 08 - 09:24 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 08 - 10:28 PM
Amos 29 Jun 08 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 08 - 11:06 PM
Acme 29 Jun 08 - 11:08 PM
Amos 29 Jun 08 - 11:57 PM
Rapparee 30 Jun 08 - 08:52 AM
Rapparee 30 Jun 08 - 08:53 AM
MMario 30 Jun 08 - 08:59 AM
Rapparee 30 Jun 08 - 09:01 AM
MMario 30 Jun 08 - 09:12 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jun 08 - 09:18 AM
Acme 30 Jun 08 - 09:33 AM
Amos 30 Jun 08 - 09:43 AM
MMario 30 Jun 08 - 09:47 AM
Amos 30 Jun 08 - 10:12 AM
MMario 30 Jun 08 - 10:14 AM
Amos 30 Jun 08 - 12:15 PM
Rapparee 30 Jun 08 - 12:30 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jun 08 - 12:50 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 09:32 PM

I don't unnerstan' , man!   IF your genetic pattern is so damn perfect how come you're getting paunchy and nearsighted and gray-haired an' all like that? And how come there isn't a long line of demanding women at your door trying to talk Pat into letting them have a go at you in order to capture that perfection in their perfervid little reproductive channels, huh? Answer me that.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 09:37 PM

Well, KH, perfection does not arrive just by wishing, you see. You have to earn it with hard work, preferably for an international corporation where you can work your way up the ladder to Success! I am sorry to say, you are a little behind in the Game Plan, dude. Maybe you should join the Peace Corps or the Moutnies and see if you can jigger up a work-around.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 09:45 PM

"a little behind in the Game Plan"

That's putting it mildly. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:24 PM

Because my perfect genetic makeup has been kept secret, that's why. As for the other things you mention -- why do you think that they are faults of some sort? Or have you bought into the Neocons' idea of Nietzche's Superman?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:57 PM

Rap, are you taking powerful narcotic drugs to counter the excruciating pain of your surgery, or will you tough it out self-medicating down at the Legion Hall?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 03:08 AM

From his recent posts the answer seems clear.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 09:22 AM

I'm taking nothing other than the pills I usually take: Oxycontin, Vicodin, Codeine, Morphine, Hydrocodone and a soupcon of aspirin.

Nothing, really, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 09:51 AM

You should do what Chongo does. Straight whiskey, and lots of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 01:02 PM

Oh, I wash 'em down with Everclear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 01:18 PM

You relaize you have just ruined his campaign, now, LH? The straight whiskey story will be all over the blogs, 24 hours max, the NEw York Times will insert a bit on it, and he'll have to fire you as his campaign director. But without you, no hologram, all up in smoke. Nice push, man, as they say on the street.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 02:31 PM

It was clearly an injudicious remark which I will have to retract.

Sheesh. More damage control...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 03:56 PM

Well, you know what Lincoln said when folks complained that Grant drank....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 04:34 PM

Good point!

Yes, I think we will take precisely that approach on this one.

So he drinks a little for relaxation now and then. So what? Chongo Chimp will never back down and he'll get the job done! You think McCain is tough? Ha! Our boy Chongo chews nails for breakfast and cleans up the bad side of town with tommygun a-blazin'. He makes Schwarzennegger look as soft and out of shape as the Pillsbury Dough Boy. He has locked eyes with Clint Eastwood over shot glasses of whisky and never blinked once.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 04:41 PM

Shultz helped the commander of the Northern armies in the field to find his clothes. "Where's my other sock?" demanded Grant. Shultz began to look around for it. The General walked uncertainly to a table and poured a drink from a bottle. "I don't think it wise to drink, sir," said Shultz. Nev' mind about me," said Grant, helping himself to a second, "I can take it or let it alone. Didn' ya ever hear the story about the fella went to. Lincoln to complain about me drinking too much? 'So-and-So says Grant drinks too much,' this fella said. 'So-and-So is a fool,' said Lincoln. So this fella went to What's-His-Name and told him what Lincoln said and he came roarin' to Lincoln about it. 'Did you tell So-and-So was a fool?' he said. 'No,' said Lincoln, 'I thought he knew it.'" The'General smiled, reminiscently, and had another drink. ""That's how I stand with Lincoln," he said, proudly,

The soft thudding sound of horses' hooves came through the open window. Shultz hurriedly walked over and looked out. "Hoof steps," said Grant, with a curious chortle. "It is General Lee and his staff," said Shultz. "Show him in," said the General, taking another drink. "And see what the boys in the back room will have." Shultz walked smartly over to the door, opened it, saluted, and stood aside.

General Lee, dignified against the blue of the April sky, magnificent in his dress uniform, stood for a moment framed in the doorway. He walked in, followed by his staff. They bowed, and stood silent. General Grant stared at them. He only had one boot on and his jacket was unbuttoned.

"I know who you are," said Grant.'You're Robert Browning, the poet." "This is General Robert E. Lee," said one of his staff, coldly. "Oh," said Grant. "I thought he was Robert Browning. He certainly looks like Robert Browning. There was a poet for you. Lee: Browning. Did ya ever read 'How They Brought the Good News from Ghent to Aix'? 'Up Derek, to saddle, up Derek, away; up Dunder, up Blitzen, up, Prancer, up Dancer, up Bouncer, up Vixen, up -'".

"Shall we proceed at once to the matter in hand?" asked General Lee, his eyes disdainfully taking in the disordered room. "Some of the boys was wrassling here last night," explained Grant. "I threw Sherman, or some general a whole lot like Sherman. It was pretty dark." He handed a bottle of Scotch to the commanding officer of the Southern armies, who stood holding it, in amazement and discomfiture. "Get a glass, somebody," said Grant, .looking straight at General Longstreet. "Didn't I meet you at Cold Harbor?" he asked. General Longstreet did not answer.

"I should like to have this over with as soon as possible," said Lee. Grant looked vaguely at Shultz, who walked up close to him , frowning. "The surrender, sir, the surrender," said Corporal Shultz in a whisper. "Oh sure, sure," said Grant. He took another drink. "All right," he said. "Here we go." Slowly, sadly, he unbuckled his sword. Then he handed it to the astonished Lee. "There you are. General," said Grant. "We dam' near licked you. If I'd been feeling better we would of licked you."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 05:26 PM

LOL!!!

Nice alternative version of Appomatox, Amos. Being somewhat of a Southern sympathizer in some ways, I like it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 11:31 PM

Thanks...I stole it....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 01:56 AM

Mom, stay comfortable out here on the sleeping porch tonight. Good thing you had the boys replace the mesh to keep the mosquitoes out!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 10:33 AM

What a name for a pop song: "Who let the skeeters in?"

Dang, I'm a-gonna be famouser!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 12:22 PM

Don't take much...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 02:15 PM

In other news, Martin Guitar has just released their next Great American Instrument, the "Click and Clack Tappett Brothers -- Don't Drive Like My Brother Bluegrass Guitar". It's a winner. See the "Car Talk Today" thread of this date for a YouTube link to listen to the Brothers playing "Good Ole Mountain Dew" in fine bluegrass style.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 02:41 PM

Amazing that those two haven't long since discovered the comfortable back porch here at the MOAB establishment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 02:57 PM

It would be really fine to have Click and Clack haunting the 'Cat. Maybe when they retire. They could trade notes with Spaw.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 03:07 PM

My dachshunds would enjoy hanging around the back porch too...specially if there is food to be had.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 03:49 PM

Well, the Tappett Brothers could feed them an occasional worn out pump gasket with a little salsa on it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 04:21 PM

Oh, they'd give that a try, I'm sure. But they might find the Salsa too spicy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 10:54 PM

Even see a dachshund who's partaken of habanero salsa?

Even see a Saturn V gettin' up and goin'?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 09:20 AM

It's not a pleasant thing to contemplate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 11:00 AM

When I was a kid we tried putting buttered bread with a huge load of cayenne pepper on the edge of the kitchen counter to teach the dog to stop snatching food off of the counter (this was an English pointer mix). He would slobber and drool up a storm but would come back for more if you'd butter and pepper it up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 01:05 PM

Hi, Mom!

Saturday I returned before dawn to the long beach at La Jolla shores, and drove out onto the sand and unloaded my kayak -- a bright yellow plastic sausage with designer curves-- from the roof rack with much grunting and cussing, and after all necessary rituals, went forth paddling heartily, through the surf, slicing the waves with my bold little prow, onto the deep waters beyond the offshore beds of wide-leafed kelp. The fingerlings flip and flitter near the water's surface, the deep breathing of the ocean itself rises and falls; an occasional harbour seal comes by, breathing noisily. The stillness of deep water is entrancing, in a way, although nothing there is still. It is more the sound of quietude, that steadies the nerves the way a mother's heartbeat does to an infant.

Retuning from my wanderings on the water, paddling in toward shore I could see the breaking surf as a faint white line of foam, and feel the march of the waves rising and falling under me, as they headed toward their crashing destiny on the shoreline.

You could just sit there and wait, let the waves carry you in, and in the end, swing and drift beam onto the crest, until the rollers threw you out, crashing and tumbling in the mix of sea and sand and shards of kelp, onto the saving shoulders of the shoreline.
But you don't.

You insist on doing things to control your fate. You study the timing of the foam, watch how the water moves out after each crash, look for the moments, and feel the rhythm of the sets as they rise under your stern. You use your paddle to keep your prow intersecting the line, like an arrow crossing a bowstring, until you think you have found the right moment. Then, you reach and pull and paddle like a fool, accelerating toward the shore from the startled water where the surf first begins to form, just as another wave moves in under you to make its fatal approach to the sands. You paddle madly and find you are lifted up, going faster, faster than any human could ever paddle, lifted by the hand of God like a toy boat, fighting the back of the wave to keep yourself straight. If you turn, you will roll, and in these moments that is anathema. You stroke wider and stronger, fighting the swerve, and the crest picks you up neatly and you are in the slot, and the break comes out from under and you launch into the shallows like an arrow truly shot, the paddle aloft in triumph as your prow cuts through shallows, riding the wave out straight and true, and the slope comes up to welcome you home on the rustling sand, and the waters recede again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 07:38 PM

Mom:

Jeeze -- don't start swooning, now!!

Later Saturday we took friends to the long wide-open sand beach at Torry Pines, and then drove up to the top of the buffs and hiked about three miles along the wilderness region on the bluffs.

I was aching and groaning by the time I got to bed, but I am better today! Up you go, mom!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 09:24 PM

Aw, Mooooom....c'mon now. Don't be like that. Somebody wants to come listen to ya. I'm sure of it...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 10:28 PM

Well, let's see.

This morning Pat and I cut down the tree in the front yard. We planted flowers and mowed the lawn. Yesterday I got out all of my summer clothes (finally!) and we did some shopping -- got another fan for the basement, for instance. Right now she's unloading the dryer and I put away (sorta) the tools we needed with the chain saw (which is going in for servicing).

Tomorrow at 4 p.m. I have to attend a Library tea. Silver tea set and all. I think I'll wear my leather codpiece, mask, and boots and carry my bullwhip.

Mom, you know, Amos talks about his kayak but he only talks the talk. If he were a real kayaker he'd have run Hell's Canyon by now. He'd have an umiak or a baidarka, preferably one he'd made himself from walrus hide and sealskin and things like that. And he'd epitomize the meaning of "kayak" as "man's boat" -- but no, he buys his and wimps out by using it in the gentle waters around San Diego when he KNOWS Real Men kayak the Davis Straits or the Bering Sea or runs Hell's Canyon (not the placid Grand Canyon!). I just wanted to give you a little perspective on his talking.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 10:31 PM

AS usual, Rapaire's perspective is like a cracked prism; it comes out wonky on the other side, slanted with mixedup colors and screwy bandwidth.

The day will come, Bookman, when you will eat those very words, with a light sauce.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 11:06 PM

I do hope that your remarks about "color" are not to be construed as racist. I have enough problem in laudromats with signs that say, "Separate Your Whites And Coloreds".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 11:08 PM

Boy, I'd love to see it when they REALLY dress up at the Marshall Public Library! This casual dress is just a hint of what is to come, methinks.

So Amos, you were surfing in the kayak, is that what you were trying to tell us? Were you tied into your boat so you couldn't fall out?

Either way you had more fun than I did today. Cutting down a tree (I have several hackberry candidates I can name in the back yard) or hiking is better than cleaning kitchen cupboards.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 11:57 PM

Well, it's not that I haven't paid my dues around the ole homestead, I do assure you!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 08:52 AM

Well, I'll be in informal Summer Attire, so to speak. Normally I wear a shirt and tie (and shoes with socks). Except for Story Hours, when I don full riot gear under plate armor -- if you've ever seen a library story hour you'd understand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 08:53 AM

And, of course, breathing apparatus.

24242.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 08:59 AM

Fond memories of library story hours; of course it wasn't that much different from staying at home because we (sibs and I) were usually 90% or more of the attendees - but at least it was a chnage of scenery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 09:01 AM

The average story hour here runs about 50 kids....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 09:12 AM

we were rural, small town.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 09:18 AM

Hi, Mom! I have a new goal in life! Well, it's not really a goal, it's more of a diversion. Okay, so it's not really a diversion either, it's more of a stupid idea.

Anyway, my stupid idea is to visit as many US towns with three-letter names as humanly possible. Just this past weekend I went through Opp and Ino in Alabama. I've driven past Ina, Illinois on I-57 once or twice. I wonder if Ina and Ino are brother and sister?

Anyway, I'll get right on the pursuit of this lofty goal as soon as gasoline comes back down to 40˘ per gallon so I can afford to do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 09:33 AM

Head straight for the Pacific Northwest and swing by the wide spot in the road on the way to Darrington from Arlington, a town called Oso that used to have a nifty old school (and that's about all). Odd in the heart of Norwegian/Swede/German pioneer territory with Salish-language Indians around and next door to a bunch of Tarheels escaped from the withering forests in North Carolina that someone would name it "Oso" instead of "Bear" is beyond us, but they did, and it's still there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 09:43 AM

It was named after Oso L'Ommio, the renowned operatic tenor who, in midcareer, abandoned La Traviata for the collected works of Stephen Foster, and won the heart of a youthful America.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 09:47 AM

Amos! How could you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 10:12 AM

It was challenging, but, my friend, my fellow MOABite, it was Mom's need and wish that drove my hand. With our Mom in want, how could I do less?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 10:14 AM

that pun was bad enough to make a skunk retch!

(I'm really envious - wish I could think that fast)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 12:15 PM

++blush++

Thanks, man.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 12:30 PM

He left right in the middle of Traviata? Weren't the producers upset? What about his contract?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 12:50 PM

There's an Ono Island down on the Gulf right at the Florida/Alabama border, but it doesn't really qualify as a three-letter town because "Island" is part of its name. I'd never be able to actually get on the place anyway. It's one of those gated communities where everybody's a millionaire. They have guards with Mace, M-16s, trained attack dogs, stun grenades, and small tactical nuclear weapons. If you don't have an "Ono Island Resident" sticker on your windshield or your name on a pre-approved list submitted by a resident, you ain't gettin' on the place. Telling a guard, "Aw man, I just wanna see where Kenny Stabler lives!" won't do.


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