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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Janie 18 Oct 09 - 02:02 PM
Acme 18 Oct 09 - 01:19 PM
Little Hawk 18 Oct 09 - 01:08 PM
Amos 18 Oct 09 - 01:05 PM
Janie 18 Oct 09 - 12:37 PM
Janie 15 Oct 09 - 11:54 PM
Janie 15 Oct 09 - 11:51 PM
Rapparee 15 Oct 09 - 09:49 PM
Amos 15 Oct 09 - 06:42 PM
Rapparee 15 Oct 09 - 06:27 PM
Rapparee 15 Oct 09 - 04:56 PM
Ed T 15 Oct 09 - 04:48 PM
Ed T 15 Oct 09 - 04:46 PM
Amos 15 Oct 09 - 04:10 PM
Ed T 15 Oct 09 - 01:28 PM
Rapparee 15 Oct 09 - 01:10 PM
Amos 15 Oct 09 - 12:18 PM
Janie 14 Oct 09 - 11:02 PM
Janie 14 Oct 09 - 10:59 PM
Rapparee 14 Oct 09 - 10:54 PM
Janie 14 Oct 09 - 10:06 PM
Ed T 14 Oct 09 - 09:40 PM
Amos 14 Oct 09 - 09:14 PM
Janie 14 Oct 09 - 08:30 PM
Ed T 14 Oct 09 - 06:07 PM
Ed T 14 Oct 09 - 05:57 PM
Ed T 14 Oct 09 - 05:52 PM
Amos 14 Oct 09 - 03:49 PM
Rapparee 14 Oct 09 - 03:43 PM
Amos 14 Oct 09 - 02:56 PM
Rapparee 14 Oct 09 - 12:41 PM
MMario 14 Oct 09 - 12:24 PM
Acme 14 Oct 09 - 11:57 AM
Amos 14 Oct 09 - 10:41 AM
Janie 13 Oct 09 - 11:03 PM
Ed T 13 Oct 09 - 08:42 PM
Acme 13 Oct 09 - 07:50 PM
Rapparee 13 Oct 09 - 06:50 PM
Ed T 13 Oct 09 - 06:24 PM
Ed T 13 Oct 09 - 06:17 PM
Acme 13 Oct 09 - 09:51 AM
Rapparee 13 Oct 09 - 09:33 AM
Janie 12 Oct 09 - 11:42 PM
Amos 12 Oct 09 - 08:01 PM
Amos 12 Oct 09 - 08:00 PM
Acme 12 Oct 09 - 05:48 PM
Rapparee 12 Oct 09 - 04:57 PM
Amos 12 Oct 09 - 03:05 PM
Rapparee 12 Oct 09 - 02:03 PM
Amos 12 Oct 09 - 01:51 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 02:02 PM

Damn! In all the excitement of the homecoming I up and snapped the esr peirse off my glasses.    ntil I get out to the drugstore, I have qn excuse for any typos.

Mebber that would be a good reason to nit get anogher pair?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 01:19 PM

Coma, shomoma, she snuck down to the Legion Hovel and did a Liz the Squeak stunt and accidentally got herself locked in the ladies room.

I'm glad you're back, MOM. Good thing someone finally took the hinges off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 01:08 PM

Birdie num-nums?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 01:05 PM

Mom!! How nice you came back. You were in a coma. But now you're fine and we will live happily ever after. While you were away the Obama administration put I ran in a headlock and they threw out I;m-A-Dinner-Jacket and foreswore nuclear weapons forever, and Obama gave Congress such a tongue lashing that they passed a modern health care act with a universal option, and the economy turned around when all the insirance companies confessed and the large banls paid back all their bailout money. Education got half of the money, too, so the whole scene is looking much healthier. Oh, and Universal Marriage Rights regardless of hue, orientation or gender was added to the Consittution.

Welcome back!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 12:37 PM

We're home MOM! Did you miss us?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 11:54 PM

I'll use the money to buy a dictionary so I spell stuff correctly - at least when I bother to use it.

Or maybe just to buy a bottle or two of nice wine. (To be shared liberally with MOM, of course.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 11:51 PM

Me posts keep pissadearing, regardless of thread to which I post.

Tres strange, not that I take it personally.

At about 9:15 I posted "Hi MOM. I'm home." Expecting accolades from all my darlin' sibs for the long hours I put in today between my public and private practices.

It moved MOAB to the top of the list.

Honest, it did! So I assumed the post "took."

Obviously it did not.   

Now, of course, I anticipate extra accolades for my persistence in calling attention to myself.

Aplause is nice, but I would much prefer that you send money.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 09:49 PM

You do?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 06:42 PM

Thing about it is, once you done it, you always think twice about those one-liners with the risqué overtones.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 06:27 PM

Being able to make up his mind, he is a decisive excessive recessive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 04:56 PM

No, Amos is a recessive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 04:48 PM

Mom.... "Who dat is? She do nails? I need to have my nails did".
Quote Diary of a Mad Black Woman 2005


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 04:46 PM

Isn't that a bit excessive?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 04:10 PM

Ed:

In Mom's house one aspires to certain refined standards of expression, sir. Otherwise Mom makes ya sleep on the porch with no blankets.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 01:28 PM

Was it pick up lines, or pick up trucks?

Your eyes are the same color as my 1972 Ford Pickup Truck. I mean without the mud. Or the nude girl on the mud flaps.

Can I borrow your t-shirt? I gotta go wipe the oil off my dip stick.

Howdy. You're not the kinda unchristian girl that goes out drinking and then spends the night with the first loser she meets are ya? Well then, how about your uglier friend there?

Can I make you a drink? My still is in the back of my camper- Or as I call it- my sheep shack.

Well, tie me to a pig and roll me in the mud! You are mighty purdy for a heavy girl.

You're hair is just about as purdy as that squirrel's I skinned this morning. And it smells just as good!

A few more beers, and I'd probly do ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 01:10 PM

We wuz sitting in the Hovel, swilling beer and sipping booze
The parkin' lot was fulla cars, pickups an' lotsa hoss
Snotfaced Garry was a-dancin' on the bartop with a mop
An' Filthy Esmerelda was movin' in on Curly Top.

In the midst of all this rowdiness an' gaiety an' such
A stranger walked into the room -- he didn't look like much.
One eye in the middle of his face wuz surrounded by yeller fuzz
Three legs, six arms an' a horn or two above.

But a Stetson wuz perched upon his head, er mabbe a Resistol
An' his boots were scuffed an' bad in need of touch of polishin' oil.
He stood a bit over seven feet tall and knocked the lamps with his head
At the sight of him sixteen took the pledge and trundled off ta bed.

(Ta be continued)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 12:18 PM

Truer words were never said--they capture the longings of millions of dutiful housewives across America every night.

"Wish I weren't allergic to him...".



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 11:02 PM

Mister and me is headed fer bed.

Wish I weren't allergic to him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 10:59 PM

Aha, Rapaire has been outed.

"I don't do pick up trucks...."

You poser, you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 10:54 PM

Sorry, Mom, but I don't do pickup trucks. I don't have one. But my brother does!

Last year he took a riding lawn mower off his truck. He did this all by himself, using a ramp. He also managed to dump it off the ramp and onto himself, tearing the heck out of his right shoulder in the process. Just for him we were writing a little ditty called "The Dumbshit Blues" but never finished it, as he threatened us with extreme bodily harm.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 10:06 PM

MOM is starting to chuckle.

I'ffn I was good at rhyming stuff I would turn a true life adventure regarding a folboat, and F250, mangrove mud flats, and what happens when you park said F250, overloaded with gear and craftshow stuff, on mangrove flats, while you mount a sail on said folboat and mess around for 6 hours in Sugarloaf Sound, into somethin' at least as thrilling as "the Wreck of Old 97."














Except, in our case, nobody died.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 09:40 PM

She's a 99 Ford working truck
A guys 250, a real pick-up

Was special ordered, XLT Lariat
It's clean, one owner, good as it gets

Has five good tires, turned 80000 miles,
Diesel, 4wd , on road for all the while

Its auto, loaded, with driving lights,
A 7.3 turbo that drives real tight

Leather inside to please the Mrs.
Has air, all power, and receiver hitches

Been well maintained, have all the papers
Ready to pull whatever you make her

More of a truck than most folks have
Bed liner, Crew Cab with ABS

Got a snow plow to throw i n with her
Come on over make me an offer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 09:14 PM

Ya gotta stretch or cli[p the sllables and imagine a lot R&B band backing you up:



Hey sweet Momma, put your paddle in with me
I got the sweetest little kayak boat that you ever did see,
If the weather's wet, never mind, just wait and see
We can run through the woods in my four-wheel ATV!

I got a F250 truck with four wheel drive
A fifth wheel trailer RV
I got two dirt bikes for running side-by-side
And a great big double-barreled high-lifter dirt-moving dooly-wheeled SUV!


When the evening comes come and cuddle up, honey,
I got a wide-screen flat TV!
You can whip up margaritas in my Cuisinart
And ride the LAZBoy while we watch in full HD!

I got a F250 truck with four wheel drive
A fifth wheel trailer RV
I got two dirt bikes for running side-by-side
And a great big double-barreled high-lifter dirt-moving dooly-wheeled SUV!


I got a ride-'em mower with a blower attached
If you want to get up and do the yard.
And for all these toys, girl, you don't want to ask,
I put them all on my credit card!

I got a F250 truck with four wheel drive
A fifth wheel trailer, you bet
I got two dirt bikes for running side-by-side
And a great big double-barreled high-percentage soul-sucking, life-draining mountain of debt!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 08:30 PM

MOM is bored and asked me to tell you she requires a sonnet or song - plagarized or no.

Something that mentions an F250 4wd would put her in quite a jolly mood.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 06:07 PM

Magnets, and more magnets:
http://www.dansdata.com/magnets.htm


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 05:57 PM

A useful magnet for the canoe?

http://www.zazzle.ca/i_hear_banjos_magnet-147869521209455766


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 05:52 PM

Helping Teddy avoid those night time mistakes:

http://www.inmagine.com/is_single0109/is098q6nj-photo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 03:49 PM

I dunno--ask the woman who owns one. Probably like Martians, is my guess.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 03:43 PM

Musicians? Are they like Martians or Mushrooms or something?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 02:56 PM

You may recall some time ago I wrote a sad ballad about how a certain miscreant was visited by a couple of tough-looking Enforcers for certain crimes of misappropriation of couplets, quatrains, and the odd haiku without giving due credit; the ballad told the story of this miscreant's sad disappearance.

It may interest you to know this actually happened. This is what happened when he answered the door.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 12:41 PM

I understood that when she went out of town her sister misted her Mister and her Mister missed her not at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 12:24 PM

I want to know about them magnetic ferrets Ed was posting about. Can you stack them up like the little play magnets they used to sell in joke stores?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 11:57 AM

Gluon, go pee on Amos's front tile floor, please. Let's see later if he missed it when he came in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 10:41 AM

SHe used to spray Mister with a little spray-bottle in hot weather, so as to cool him down. When she'd go away for trips on weekends, Mister missed her mister.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 11:03 PM

I have a great new friend, who I have decided to name Mister. The biggest, softest, laid-back teddy bear I have ever laid eyes on, or arms around. A gift from a dear elderly person who has long collected teddy bears, and is starting to whittle down her collection.

Come on, Mister, time to go night-night.




Stay away from Mister, Gluon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 08:42 PM

Maybe this is i,portant to the number?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27240370/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 07:50 PM

Guess what?

31700!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 06:50 PM

Hmmm...I wonder if a magnetized fish hook would work....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 06:24 PM

Isn't nature wonderful?

From Journal of Applied Ichthyology....

The effects of magnetic fields generated by ferritic magnets and mounted in entrances to fyke nets were studied in 1999?2002. With respect to all fish species trapped (perch, pike, roach, rudd, bleak, bream, ruffe) except eel, the catch potential of magnet-rigged fyke nets was found to be significantly higher (almost 50% on average) when compared with controls. Differences in magnet placement (N or S poles inside the traps) proved to have no significant importance on the number of fish that chose to enter the fyke nets. (Effects of magnetic fields on fyke net performance K. Formicki, A. Tański, M. Sadowski and A. Winnicki, Department of Fish Anatomy and Embryology, Agricultural University of Szczecin, Szczecin, Poland)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 06:17 PM

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken." Chuck Palahniuk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 09:51 AM

MOM, I need a time expander of some kind. There's too much to do in the time available to do it. Can Gluon come help around the house today? Thanks!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 09:33 AM

I put myself to sleep with a Dresden Plate. And stepping on the broken crockery wakes you right up in the morning, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 11:42 PM

I'm gonna go read myself to sleep with the 4th in the Dresden Files series.

Take that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 08:01 PM

Hey MOM!!! Buncha new clips over on the Getaway 2009 thread. Berry berry nice stuff.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 08:00 PM

But grammatically inaccurate--I expressed incredulity, not incredibility. I do happen to also be incredible, but that is neither here nor there except when I put it so.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 05:48 PM

Cute, Rap. Cute!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 04:57 PM

That is because you do not have Understanding, and hence are incredible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 03:05 PM

A loverly sentiment, ye Manne of Gunnes, Swordes, and Bookes. But somehow I find it less than perfectly credible.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 02:03 PM

We who Understand know the Understanding that is The All.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 01:51 PM

Such ribald divinity! How can you seek Permanent Transcendent Joy if you keep churning over such trash in your midden of a mind?


A


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