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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 15 Dec 08 - 12:15 PM
Acme 15 Dec 08 - 12:22 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 08 - 01:33 PM
Little Hawk 15 Dec 08 - 02:09 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 08 - 02:18 PM
Little Hawk 15 Dec 08 - 02:21 PM
MMario 15 Dec 08 - 03:15 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 08 - 03:27 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 08 - 03:36 PM
Amos 15 Dec 08 - 04:06 PM
Amos 15 Dec 08 - 04:22 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 08 - 06:50 PM
Acme 15 Dec 08 - 06:57 PM
Amos 15 Dec 08 - 07:47 PM
Amos 15 Dec 08 - 08:35 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 08 - 09:11 PM
Amos 15 Dec 08 - 10:42 PM
MMario 16 Dec 08 - 09:12 AM
Rapparee 16 Dec 08 - 09:15 AM
Acme 16 Dec 08 - 10:54 AM
Amos 16 Dec 08 - 11:11 AM
Amos 16 Dec 08 - 02:12 PM
Little Hawk 16 Dec 08 - 02:49 PM
Acme 16 Dec 08 - 03:05 PM
Rapparee 16 Dec 08 - 03:15 PM
Amos 16 Dec 08 - 03:21 PM
MMario 16 Dec 08 - 03:23 PM
Rapparee 16 Dec 08 - 03:28 PM
Amos 16 Dec 08 - 06:01 PM
Rapparee 16 Dec 08 - 06:07 PM
MMario 16 Dec 08 - 07:04 PM
Rapparee 16 Dec 08 - 09:40 PM
Amos 16 Dec 08 - 10:16 PM
Amos 16 Dec 08 - 10:42 PM
Little Hawk 17 Dec 08 - 06:34 AM
Rapparee 17 Dec 08 - 08:16 AM
Acme 17 Dec 08 - 10:22 AM
Little Hawk 17 Dec 08 - 10:47 AM
Amos 17 Dec 08 - 11:08 AM
Amos 17 Dec 08 - 12:13 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 08 - 06:05 PM
Acme 17 Dec 08 - 06:16 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 08 - 06:41 PM
Little Hawk 17 Dec 08 - 06:49 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 08 - 07:15 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 08 - 07:17 PM
Amos 17 Dec 08 - 07:59 PM
Little Hawk 17 Dec 08 - 08:15 PM
Amos 17 Dec 08 - 09:11 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 08 - 09:33 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 12:15 PM

BEsides, it is a matter of literal mindedness of the dullest sort to cleave to such a fine distinction: pointy-end forward is awful close to Tits Up (or perhaps "Tits Ahead" or even "Tits Ahoy"). Just because your own obsessions incline to steel jackets rather than delicate aureolae does not mean we all have to jump in.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 12:22 PM

Just so people don't read a double entendre into that motto, Rap. You wouldn't want people getting the mistaken idea that the library staff has a sense of humor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 01:33 PM

What is this "sense of humor" of which you speak?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 02:09 PM

This thread is like a 3-way pingpong game on a specially designed table with the nets set up like a triangle. ;-)

Now and then some vile intruder like me steps in to offer a comment.

I think I will start paying a few other people to do the same thing. I won't pay them much, mind you, but a small stipend, I suppose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 02:18 PM

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 02:21 PM

N'hodt zin glavici nas raputoczehk!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 03:15 PM

boghaj *QISmaS* Quch 'ej boghaj ram majQa' jach 'e' leghghach mejpa' vIQoy


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 03:27 PM

Got it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 03:36 PM

Homo sapiens non urinat in ventum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 04:06 PM

Except for the last few posters, for whom exceptions are always expected. As the Great Poet once said, "Ya don't need a vas deferens to know which way the wind blows...".



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 04:22 PM

Rapaire the Brave, Rapaire the Strong
Rapaire the Big of Ego;
Whose fame resounds from Ekatong
To rhe backwoods of Oswego!
While some were dull, and some asleep,
And some were merely zonkered,
Rapaire upon the world did creep,
And the Palindrome he conquered!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 06:50 PM

Yeah. And in additional to the Satanic Palindrome, I've just snatched 26666.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 06:57 PM

That's a rather roly-poly looking number, isn't it? Take it out back on the golf course (is there snow handy?) and see if you can sled on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 07:47 PM

This is really an historic occasion--TWO palindtomes sucked up in as many hours!! Snatched from hands of the many and the innocent by the perspicacious market timing of the few and the initiated. Satanic, indeed!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 08:35 PM

All right you wise guys. I'm doing this for Mom's sake... This area is now posted!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 09:11 PM

My plea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 10:42 PM

Jeeze, man--what, you wanna exterminate MOAB???


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 09:12 AM

uhnnnnn. I have done 13 Chritmasses so far. Have numbers 14, 15, 16 and 17 coming up this weekend, number 18 on the 24rth.

Then family Christmas will be on New Year's this year as the sister and b-i-l will be in Venice (italy) on the 25th.

Counting the visit w/ the great nieces (which of course MUST be counted) it looks like the 20 days of Christmas for me this year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 09:15 AM

Fortunately, my family is 1,800 miles away. All I have to do is send some gift cards and things. Of course, my brother wants to come out here and go elk hunting next Fall...that along could extend Christmas for years and years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 10:54 AM

I haven't done much of anything. It sticks around too long, but I'm about to the point to start pulling out boxes of decor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 11:11 AM

One wreath on each door---period.

Quick and easy.   We're going over the Colorado River and through the Verde Valley cottonwoods to Grandmother's house for Xmas.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 02:12 PM

Half the way downward, hotter and sweeter
Into the dark at the bottom rode Mamacita.
DOwn to the edge of the lowest thread's bottom;
Calling for new posts from any who'd got 'em.
Calling for BS from just anywhere
Even plagiarized content from such as Rapaire!
Spiralling south with a plea for new stock
Some new inspiration or banter or talk
From MMario, Stilly, or Little the Hawk!
But down she still fell, like a cold silet rock.
The upstepped a brave soul, one Amos yclept,
And avowed, though my silence too long have I kept
I offer my fortune, my typing and tongue
To renew out fair Mother, and keep her thread young.
Then upward he posted, a lengthy new ditty,
Though its scansion was iffy, and its imagery shitty
At least it was BS, beyond any question!
The sort that our Mom says is good for digestion!
The purest and brightest and truest of bull
(Though self-referential, and tending to pull).
ANd with this new fodder, our Mom's course reversed!
Headed straigh toward the best from the nadir of WOrst
And proves as the shine shown upon her again,
That BS is stronger than the weakest of men.
And lifted her up to the top of the list
By sunbeams and starlight and moons to be kissed.
Hurrah for our Mom! She again shines on men!
Let's see that this bull doesn't happen again!!

Alfred Binary Decimason
The Ballad of the Light-Wit Brigade
"Light-Wits and Other Luminaries", 2d Edition

Ponder and Reflection, Birnmingham, 1876


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 02:49 PM

Still awash in our grandiloquent hubris, are we? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 03:05 PM

But down she still fell, like a cold silet rock.
The upstepped a brave soul, one Amos yclept,


You consider 2 hours a steep fall, out of the range of 24 hours?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 03:15 PM

Once he built a poem, he made it run
Meter, scansion, and rhyme,
Once he built a poem, now it's done
Brother, why'd he spend the time?

Once in Navy blue, gee, he looked suave
Full of Pusser's Admirals Rum
Driving a ship he went charging through waves
And he was the guy who was numb!

Say don't you remember? You called him "Al"
It was "Al" all the time,
Say don't you remember? He was your pal,
Though his mom named him "Amos", that's fine.

       --Irving Dusseldorf Halterope, "The Sailorboy"
       (Penhopscotch Community Press, 1823ff.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 03:21 PM

But down she still fell, like a cold silent rock.
Then up stepped a brave soul, one Amos yclept,



Note typographical corrections. The rate of descent is a function of the number of posts, which defines the relative location of any single thread of interest x in the display of a fixed number of threads y such that Locx[Y] is a function of n, the number of posts added since Locx=0. If a practical average rate of posts can be determined, this is also a function of T1-T0 where T0represent the time-stamp at which Nx=1, and T1 represents the time-stamp at the time of interest. As n or t increase the distance from y of post x decreases approaching the point where n=Y+1, which is essentially a catastrophic and existential end-time. In light of these considerations, I hold that my characterization was apt.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 03:23 PM

rate of fall = 24 hours from last post to thread. period. It may appear that she is falling faster, but that is an optical illusion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 03:28 PM

An optical delusion?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 06:01 PM

The period of complete fall from 1 to Y+1 is defined by the viewer filer:1 day, 3 days, or more.

But you have corrected me on the important thing, that it is period, not count.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 06:07 PM

A friend of mine got in trouble about missing a period.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 07:04 PM

The Punctuation Police?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 09:40 PM

Girl's father and brothers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 10:16 PM

Oh, please don't rag on the poor fellow. He probably doesn't know what got into him!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 10:42 PM

He probably went into a comma.

Little Hawk, you above all should appreciate the surly dark impulses that lead the ignorant to belittle any remark they cannot appreciate.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 06:34 AM

Oh, indeed. Indubitably. Without question.

Didn't expect me up this early, did you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 08:16 AM

I didn't expect ME up this early.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 10:22 AM

You're probably a couple of night owls who never went to bed. You're not up early, you're up really really late.

Don't forget:

Spitzen Zeigen Vorwärts

especially if you're walking around in a daze of no sleep.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 10:47 AM

Not so! I woke up at 5:30 AM and could not get back to sleep, so I got up. This rarely happens. I have no idea why it happened today, but there you are...or rather, here I am. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 11:08 AM

What a layabed thou art! Sluggard! Ne'er-do-well!! Twelve-o'clock-scholar!

I am up at 5 almost every morning.

I am the embodiment of Pure Virtue, on this basis alone.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 12:13 PM

The Rising of Little Hawk



The morning dullards gathered there
At the coffee bar in the village square.
ANd what it was informed their talk
Was the getting up of Little Hawk.

The early crowd had left by eight,
To work, and no more time to wait;
The useless laggards came in then,
And sat around until half-ten.

And still their conversation stock,
Was the getting up of Little Hawk,
"How does he do it?", wondered one;
"I cannot sleep much past the sun.

The light annoys my sleeping brain,
And sets my daily rites in train."
Another swore he knew for certain
That Little Hawk used black-out curtains;

While one did swear he worked all night
Playing the E-Bay Auction site
And for advantages by morning
Worked while other folks were snoring.

But while the guesses were all fun,
Most of them wandered off by one.
The lunch crowd then, they wandered through
And dallied there 'til ten past two;

And still their buzz and earnest talk
Was all about yon Little Hawk.
And later, some asked while they supped,
"When is the bastard getting up??"

And while the idlers chatted long,
Little Hawk just slept on and on.
His head was full of colored dreams,
ANd metaphysic profit schemes,

Of dachsunds and erotica,
And Dylan on harmonica,
Of songs and history's mighty stories
Of guns and swords and battle's glories.

ANd while the people ate and talked,
He slept and slept around the clock.
When finally breakfast came around,
The word was out, and spread around.

He'd risen up!! He was alive!!
His lights came on at half-past five!!
Amd all discussed, with awe and shock,
The getting up of Little Hawk.

Tony Paisano Tenore
"When Little Hawk Gets Up"
Crude Songs My Father Taught Me
Family Endeavours Publications, Queens, 1959


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 06:05 PM

Little Hawk, O Little Hawk! Your lonely sleep is done!
Winona's knocking at your door, the prize you sought is won!
The bed is near, the belle is here, you should be out rejoicing
And follow eyes the beauteous keel that looks so trim and daring!

But O snore! Snore! Snore!         
      O sleeping, droopy head!        
       For on the bed the L'il Hawk lies,        
          Sleeping like he's dead.


                  -- Ulrich Guttermouth, Songs From Mommy's Knee
                     (Bedford-Stuyvesant Press, 1783).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 06:16 PM

Amos, if you're up at 5 Little Hawk isn't impressed because your 5 is his 8 o'clock. He doesn't see that as a big deal, getting up at 8 o'clock.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 06:41 PM

Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 06:49 PM

Awww....Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Marvelous!!! Amos and Rapaire, thank you for the wonderful doggerel you have churned out on my behalf. Indeed, that poem by Amos, "The Rising of Little Hawk", is simply incredible! I have printed it out, laminated it, and put it on my wall. I may elect to even have it engraved on my memorial some day. Wonderful, just wonderful.

Since I was up so bright and early...well, early anyway...I siezed the moment and got a whole bunch of extra work done today. I am now basking in the contentment of a job well done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 07:15 PM

LH -- braccae tuae aperiuntur.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 07:17 PM

Roma locuta est. Causa finita est


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 07:59 PM

Rapaire, who struggles manfully with erudition as it is not his native language, wishes to say, approximately, "In ancient times, newborns were put to death that way." and "Your back opening!" Unfortunately his Latin does not say these things. I had to read his mind to find out what he thought he was trying to say.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 08:15 PM

Oh, for heaven's sake! ;-) Just how gullible do you think I am? Well?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 09:11 PM

That last one is "Rome has spoken; the lawsuit is over."


Like I said....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 09:33 AM

Poor, poor Amos. A perfect example of merda taurorum animas conturbit. Even though his teachers used to say "Hic puer est stultissimus omnium" Mom continued to have faith in him, saying "Studium discendi voluntate quae cogi non potest constat" and reinforcing his tiny ego with statements like "Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur!" Even though his teachers and those who knew him "back in the day" felt strongly that exemplum de simia, quae, quando plus ascendit, plus apparent posteriora eius, we kept after him, plying him to better himself by posting placards of encouragement, such a "Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinis alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!"

But we failed, and now he lives in San Diego where the motto seems to be "Da mihi sis bubulae frustrum assae, solana tuberosa in modo Gallico fricta, ac quassum lactatum coagulatum crassum."


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