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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,freds 23 Jun 09 - 05:42 PM
Bobert 23 Jun 09 - 05:34 PM
Amos 23 Jun 09 - 05:29 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 23 Jun 09 - 05:25 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 23 Jun 09 - 05:10 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 23 Jun 09 - 04:53 PM
Amos 23 Jun 09 - 04:27 PM
GUEST,Colonel Sir Nigel West, CGC (Ret.) 23 Jun 09 - 04:17 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jun 09 - 04:13 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 09 - 04:13 PM
Amos 23 Jun 09 - 04:08 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 23 Jun 09 - 04:02 PM
Amos 23 Jun 09 - 03:54 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 23 Jun 09 - 03:47 PM
Acme 23 Jun 09 - 03:25 PM
Amos 23 Jun 09 - 03:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Jun 09 - 03:01 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 09 - 02:56 PM
Amos 23 Jun 09 - 02:29 PM
Janie 23 Jun 09 - 01:57 PM
Amos 23 Jun 09 - 01:31 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Jun 09 - 01:22 PM
Amos 23 Jun 09 - 01:08 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 09 - 12:40 PM
GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll 23 Jun 09 - 12:30 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 09 - 12:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Jun 09 - 12:23 PM
GUEST,Corridus 23 Jun 09 - 12:21 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jun 09 - 12:16 PM
Amos 23 Jun 09 - 11:56 AM
Little Hawk 23 Jun 09 - 11:47 AM
Amos 23 Jun 09 - 11:44 AM
Amos 23 Jun 09 - 09:52 AM
Rapparee 23 Jun 09 - 08:55 AM
Acme 22 Jun 09 - 10:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Jun 09 - 10:24 PM
Janie 22 Jun 09 - 10:13 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 09 - 10:12 PM
Janie 22 Jun 09 - 09:01 PM
Janie 22 Jun 09 - 08:49 PM
GUEST,South Carolina dude 22 Jun 09 - 05:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Jun 09 - 05:45 PM
Amos 22 Jun 09 - 04:16 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 09 - 03:29 PM
Amos 22 Jun 09 - 03:23 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Jun 09 - 03:21 PM
Amos 22 Jun 09 - 12:29 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 09 - 12:09 PM
Amos 22 Jun 09 - 10:16 AM
Rapparee 22 Jun 09 - 09:00 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:42 PM

Hello! Congratulations on approaching EJ9. Sorry, 30,000 in your cumbersome base 10 rather than in our much more efficient base 22. While we have found several sources of DNA here on your planet, and some of it was excellent, we are still looking for more. We sampled a "Shanne MkBrid" (or some similar nomenclature) but found the DNA was not suitable even for our disposal. If you know of excellent DNA sources please let us know.

Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:34 PM

How many more, Amos???

Bettter get here soon 'er we might just loose LH to exhaustion... Or melt down...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:29 PM

Aha. Here we see the paradigmatic tension within the multipersona syndrome, the core tension. The virginal feminine principal which cannot take any responsibility for existence, and the hard-hearted animal side which bares its teeth to achieve survival in the crudest terms, and at any price. These two aspects of LH's perfervid interior battleground demonstrate between them the alpha and omega of his inner core being, which is battered beyond recognition by the emotional forces motivating these poor substitutes.

This will take several years of intensive work. But it will be worth it. LH, have your people call my people.


Liebenscheiss


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:25 PM

Hi. This is Bill. I just had to drop in and make a brief comment, because I may not be able to be here when the thread hits the great 30,000th post later tonight, as I expect it will. I've got a very busy evening ahead of me at this point. Appointments to keep, people to see, papers to sign, obligations to fulfill.

I hope you can understand just how busy a man I am and realize that I am not rejecting you or failing to appreciate just how vitally important it is for this thread to reach the critical benchmark of 30,000 posts. I can think of some things that are more important of course....but not many! Well, not too many. Only a moderate number. Not a small number, mind you, but not what I'd call an...enormous...number. We all have different ideas, of course, about what would constitute an enormous number, but I think you get my drift. At least I hope you do.

My good friend Leonard would probably say something like "Live Long and Prosper", but I wouldn't want to visit a hoary old cliche like that on good folks like you. No. I'd say something more along the lines of...

Get a life!!! ;-D

Ha! Ha! Just joshing you there. Look, enjoy the 30,000th post even if I'm not there. Make the best of it. That's the advice I always try to follow. Have a good time while you still have a time to have.

- Bill


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:10 PM

Hi! Veronica here! That nice Colonel West is such a gentleman. He helped me get my new lemon-yellow Porsche out of the ditch. England needs more good men like Colonel West if you ask me. Young men these days are mostly a sorry lot. They don't have any idea how to behave because they've all been brought up watching WAY too much television and coddled by their mummies! It's sad, but what's a girl to do?

Well, I have found a few boys who are a cut above the pathetic average, thank God! One just has to look a bit harder.

My Aunt Penelope says I am looking altogether too hard. She really is becoming a trial! She complains about my driving (which is almost perfect), she complains about the men I date (not her problem!), she complains about the hours I keep (And I'm not that late generally. I feel that it can't really be said to be "late" if the sun hasn't risen yet...) She complains about the clothing I wear (too "suggestive"). She complains about the way I talk!!!

What a bore she has become. I can't believe that I used to worship her and hang on her every word! Anyway, she's not that smart. She should have married Nigel West, not Uncle Winston, because he's a selfish, egocentric boor. I can't imagine why a man like him would marry anyone...he's already married to his own reflection in the mirror of life as it is!

Mind you, he did pay for the lemon-yellow Porsche, so I shouldn't be so critical of him, should I? No, that needs to be taken into account.   

My wretched Aunt Penelope refused point-blank to buy me another Porsche after what happened to the zebra-striped one. And it wasn't MY fault!

Ah, well, water under the bridge. Just like the zebra-striped Porsche (sigh). I did love that car just to death. I did.

TTFN!

* Veronica


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:53 PM

You could be onto somethin' there, Amos. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy. He is my pal. Still, I keep findin' these links to Winona Ryder picture sites on his computer. He just can't accept the fact that he ain't got a dog's chance in hell with a woman her age, let alone that woman. Talk about yer dreamers, huh? He reminds me of a baboon searchin' the desert for a mango tree. Hopeless.

Well, it looks like you people are closin' in on 30,000 posts here. Impressive. Useless, but still impressive. Man, I only wish I had a dollar for every one of them posts! I would have all my bills paid off and be able to just coast for a month or two. That would be a nice change from poundin' the pavement, lemme tell ya.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:27 PM

This is a second-string bit part in LH's vivid interior dramatic dialogue; as can be seen, the characterization is thin, based only on faint impressions of the actual "plum" style of speech the character wishes he could master. Notice, too, how many of LH's own traits, such as a tendency toward middle-aged lechery, have been distributed amonghis "others" to be acted out at a safe distance.

Liebenscheiss


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Colonel Sir Nigel West, CGC (Ret.)
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:17 PM

Good show. I never thought that this would continue as long as that set-to in Iraq; perhaps there is cause and effect, eh what?

I was able to help young Veronica get her car out the ditch last week. Difficult, what with the leg acting up and all, but I managed. Nice young girl; I hope she lands a nice young man one of these days.

But again, good show.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:13 PM

LOL! Aww Christ. I love it when you start analyzing the shards of my multi-faceted soul in that fashion, Amos...

Let's see who else shows up. This is great. It's like a class reunion, only better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:13 PM

Money, Amos, money.

They sent me a check for US $50.00 for being one of the first 100 people in Indiana to enter. I thanked my wife for entering me, since I wouldn't have done so myself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:08 PM

This is LH's lizard-brain persona. It comes out from time to time when he reaches the end of a cold, gray day and realizes he has only a cold, gray night ahead. The temptation to dramatize complete abandon and embrace bottomless hoserhood grows strong. I can't tell you how many times Mom and his sibs have pulled him back from the brink. When that happens this personality usually submerges temporarily and one of his DIvine Archangel characters moves in, instead.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:02 PM

I said it before and I am gonna flippin' well say it again....and say it LOWD!

YOUSE people are ALL FLIPPED!

Speschully Rapiare. He is flipped so bad that it would make me feel real sad if he was not a total fliphead allreddy. And he is, eh?

- Shane

p.f. I am on Don's girl fiend's computer today. She is hot. But I ain't been buggin' her none so she let me use the computer. Maybe later when Don is out she will let me look at her floppy disks, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:54 PM

That is one of LH's snottiest facets. Really. I am surprised he dares to show it in public. He must have been an awful Tory in a past life.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:47 PM

I can barely see the point in doing it at all, but various casual friends of mine have suggested that I drop in to post here and comment on the fact that this ancient thread is soon to reach 30,000 posts.

Very well, here I am.

My comments shall be limited to a brief shrug, a slight rolling of the eyes, and an interrogative glance as if to say, "Does it really matter?"

No it doesn't. Not in the least. Ask Diane Easeby if you don't believe me.

But far be it from me to rain on your little parade. By all means, celebrate, get tipsy together at the bar, do a little dance in the street, frolic, romp, and enjoy yourselves I suppose...

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:25 PM

Here's one more to push MOM closer. It's so hot out and I have to go out so many times as Mom's Taxi that I barely have time for more today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:15 PM

Yes, but won WHAT?


Well done, BWL, a lithe and fluid pen you wield.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:01 PM

Fare the well, oh Twenty K.
Before long, you'll be gone away.
Ten thousand posts have started "2",
When "3" comes, we'll be done with you.

Not long ago, when you were young,
Your praises from the heights were sung.
But now you're old and in the way.
Get out of here! You've had your day!

To thee we bid "Goodbye! Shalom!"
As we truck you off to the old posts' home.
And, soon, MOABites will be heard to say,
"Whatever happened to Twenty K?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 02:56 PM

I've won in the Publishers' Clearing House Sweepstakes. Really, and my very own wife will vouch for it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 02:29 PM

That , BTW, was 29909. A really first rate number, topographically speaking.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 01:57 PM

I know just how you feel, BWL. I guess now I'll never win the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 01:31 PM

Well, you could ask, "How can they tell?". And, you know, this could all be dejà vue all over again.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 01:22 PM

The passing of Ed McMahon has tossed me over the precipice of gloom and into the pit of dank, dark, deepest depression. Yes it's true. You see, I thought the old goat had died years ago. I'm depressed because I must be losing my memory.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 01:08 PM

A pox on lamebrains and dull-wits and marjoys and peabrains, sez Oi.
People with handkerchiefs, broken-souled desperadoes of the tiny and plain. Antimacassar menders and flowerpot tenders, lost mesmerized animal spirits locked in mercantile jacketing, strapped down with tulle and velvet. Pshhw, ptui, fooey, and goddamn. Fed to the birds, their cells would at least go higher than their souls. Give them molecules a chance to fly!! Feed a clutch of nutbags to the birds today!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:40 PM

At least that idiot, that schmuck, that lout, that drunken fool, S**** M*B**** won't be around. I've talked to the library in Blind River and they have banned him for the rest of his life and beyond. As the librarian said to me, "Garbage in, garbage out -- permanently."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:30 PM

Cor Blimey! You lot still ravin' on 'ere? Bloody 'ell! I fought the lydies sewin' club in 'Ull were the worst lot of flappin' mouths I ever 'eard tell of, but they're nowt next to you lot. You people could bloody well talk the pynte off a fence, I bet. Most of wot you say is bollocks and rubbish too.

- Olive Whatnoll


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:28 PM

Amos is quoting me, Amos is quoting me! I must be a hetja, a true reystmenni for that to happen!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:23 PM

MOM! They's talkin furrin! Make 'em stop!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Corridus
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:21 PM

Ahem! I have a very important announcement to make. This thread has just crossed the line over 29,900. A milestone. We now begin the countdown to the magic moment when the MOABS reaches 30,000 posts! You will be able to tell your grandchildren that you were there when it happened. I'll be able to tell my great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren I was there when it happened. Hamsters breed quickly.

Watch carefully! There are only about 99 posts to go now. Expect cameo appearances by many luminaries who have not been seen for some time in these hallowed pages.

Whew! I feel my little heart beating faster at the thought of it!

- Corridus the Hamster


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:16 PM

Es puayco vu nan't memsichyeu mi langwe, Amos. Neb vnanni par vu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 11:56 AM

COme, come, Little Hawk. You are not making sense, man!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 11:47 AM

Sghah neb ochnyezi sim sligrachyipot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 11:44 AM

Καλά, είναι επίσημο. Αυτό ο υγρότερος Ιούνιος στο αρχείο έξω εδώ. Η βροχή το έκανε σήμερα.

Hurrah; Οι δεξαμενές είναι πλήρεις και πέρα από το σύνολο, υπάρχει προειδοποίηση, ρολόγια και advisories πλημμυρών όλα πέρα από τη θέση, και ακόμη και μερικά βουνά είναι κλειστά στην πεζοπορία και τη στρατοπέδευση λόγω του κινδύνου ξαφνικών πλημμυρών.

Καλά, η ξηρασία τελειώνει.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 09:52 AM

Jane,

Don't let Rapaire sucker you--that is NOT his cabin. He rents it.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 08:55 AM

Oh fer gosh sakes, jist give her the old 12 gauge and a few loads of #9 shot and sit her in her rockin' chair. You know she loves it when the recoil rocks the chair and skids it around the porch. She calls it "rock and roll".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:51 PM

Supposed to hit 100 tomorrow, MOM. We'd better make sure your porch fan is running. And that the beer cooler has lots of ice in it.

Tomatoes are slowly beginning to look like they might ripen. The onions have been picked. I didn't grow anything like Brussels sprouts to throw at people this year, so if MOM has too many people panhandling for beer, we'll just have to leave a pile of pebbles on the side table so she can chase them off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:24 PM

I have a cabin in the mountains!

Well, it's not really in the mountains... more like in the rolling hills... the really low rolling hills... the perfectly flat rolling hills...

Okay, it's in a friggin' swamp!

But it's only an hour's drive from the beach!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:13 PM

Alright then! See youse next Sunday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:12 PM

Why, shucks, I got a place in the mountains (Rockies) iffen ya wanna come a-visitin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 09:01 PM

One big void in my life is the lack of a good friend who owns a beach house or a cabin in the mountains.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 08:49 PM

Just checked out Sanford's Wikipedia bio.

He may be smart, but he sure is a corporate Republican.   Suggest we drag our feet. Keeping him incommunicato for as long as possible may be an excellent idea!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,South Carolina dude
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 05:59 PM

Were holding Gov Sanford incommunicato until MOM reaches 30,000

get busy


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 05:45 PM

Well, I've been to Mobile dozens of times, but not since they started making the table dancing librarians keep their G-strings on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 04:16 PM

I heard it was the Mobile librarian, not one of yours. She had a sort of Southern accent. As for whether you dance on tables or not, I suspect you've lost a weekend or two.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 03:29 PM

Musta been Kathy. I don't dance on tables and I've only been to Mobile once.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 03:23 PM

Well, their senior librarian was seen dancing on the table the other night in downtown Mobile, yelling "Idaho!! Idaho!". She must have gotten home okay, though, because she didn't get fired.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 03:21 PM

If the Pocatello library has a Bookmobile, does that mean the Mobile library has a Bookpocatello?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 12:29 PM

It was pretty near sundown when the report came in; the orange light of late afternoon was spilling down the Sangre de Cristos foothills, and some of the streetlights had started flickering on. It was Bauxman took the report, because it was his night on dispatch. He had just settled in, with his Starbucks carefully located to his right hand, and the headset carefully installed around his impeccable haircut. The radio call was from Flynn, a reliable veteran of some fifteen years, a man who had no envy or ambition in him, but the salt of the earth, and a good cop.

Fxxzzzzzht.....dffffszzzzzzhtt...Yeah, Flynn, here, howahya? Say, I'm over on Interstate 15 about ten miles east of Pont Neuf. I just got my doors blown off by a hot-rod Zxxxhhtt... bfff...dfff..zzzhhhhxxttt..

Bauxman : Yer breaking up, big boy. Did you say a hot-rod Lincoln???

zzcssggtt...bzzzxxx...Hell, no, it was no goddam Lincoln. It was a goddamn hot-rodded out Book mobile....

Bauxman : Jaysus, Flynn, did you say a goddamn Bookmobile??? Are you nuts????

Yeah, assright!! Damn thing musta been breaking a hunnert when it went by me. I started hot pursuit and it just ran over thehorizon, couldn't catch it.

Bauxman : I readja, Flynn. Didja catch a look at the driver? Over.

Bzzzxszzz...You ain't gonna believe this, man. I swear I am sober....but I did, yeah. It was being driven by some kinda giant worm...

Bauxman : ...Jaysus, it sounded like you said the guy was a giant worm!!!

Yeah, that's what I'm tellin' ya, gawdammit!! Big horn-rimmed spectacles, a scarf around his, um, neck, and stubby little hands, but I am telling you, man, he was a worm!!!

Bauxman :Flynn, you ()&**%'in' juice-head!! I am NOT putting out no APB for no worm. Some of the guys out there are fishing buddies of mine, fer cry-i!!!

Bzsghhhtt...fzzxxxxxx... uckyew too buddy. It wasn't that kind of worm, anyway...more like one of those bookworms you see in cartoons at thuh Liberry....

And so the legend of the Pocatello Bookworm, highwayman of the 21st century, began.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 12:09 PM

Yeah: Hurst shifters, 409 engine, big-ass ol' blower, dual carbs....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:16 AM

I don't care how it makes you feel
Or if you think its all unreal
Jes let me drive your Bookmobile!

Oh, baby!! You're driving me crazy!!
Didja think my heart was made of steel?
C'mon, baby!! I can't stand still for "Maybe"
Let me drive, drive drive that Bookmobile!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 09:00 AM

It's using the whip to make them gee and haw that's the tricky part. The roller layers, I mean. The pushers have their own drivers (it's one of them rear engine vehicles, like the old volkswages). Of course, using reverse gear can give a whole new meaning to "flat top".


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