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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 08 Jun 09 - 05:27 PM
Amos 08 Jun 09 - 03:41 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 09 - 02:41 PM
Amos 08 Jun 09 - 02:00 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jun 09 - 01:09 PM
MMario 08 Jun 09 - 11:21 AM
Amos 08 Jun 09 - 11:16 AM
Acme 08 Jun 09 - 10:58 AM
Amos 08 Jun 09 - 10:39 AM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 09 - 10:36 PM
Amos 07 Jun 09 - 10:09 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Jun 09 - 10:04 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 09 - 09:46 PM
Acme 07 Jun 09 - 09:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Jun 09 - 07:53 PM
Acme 07 Jun 09 - 01:15 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 09 - 11:29 AM
Acme 07 Jun 09 - 10:55 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Jun 09 - 09:32 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Jun 09 - 12:08 AM
Janie 06 Jun 09 - 11:33 PM
Janie 06 Jun 09 - 11:15 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 09 - 10:59 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 09 - 07:17 PM
Amos 06 Jun 09 - 07:14 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 09 - 07:02 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 09 - 06:56 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 09 - 06:34 PM
Amos 06 Jun 09 - 05:29 PM
Amos 06 Jun 09 - 05:11 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 09 - 03:44 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 09 - 03:00 PM
Acme 06 Jun 09 - 02:54 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 09 - 11:42 AM
Acme 06 Jun 09 - 11:33 AM
Rapparee 06 Jun 09 - 10:57 AM
Amos 06 Jun 09 - 10:52 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Jun 09 - 10:15 AM
Janie 06 Jun 09 - 08:44 AM
Amos 06 Jun 09 - 02:57 AM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 09 - 01:22 AM
Acme 06 Jun 09 - 12:34 AM
Little Hawk 05 Jun 09 - 11:41 PM
Amos 05 Jun 09 - 10:33 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Jun 09 - 09:42 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 09 - 07:12 PM
Amos 05 Jun 09 - 06:23 PM
Little Hawk 05 Jun 09 - 05:55 PM
Amos 05 Jun 09 - 04:50 PM
Acme 05 Jun 09 - 04:20 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 05:27 PM

I must admit that I used the word "unsavory" deliberately, as I dislike the taste of rapscallions. Even when used in a made dish their flavor is too strong for my palate, although I know that others find them delicious.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 03:41 PM

Oh, sir, I could not take credit for such an accomplishment.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 02:41 PM

Please note that I have overlooked your pathetic attempts at scurrilous verbiage, Amos, and your attempt to link me with the unsavory.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 02:00 PM

You wastrels and gallivants, moon-beam chasers, idle supernumeraries and poltroon gadabouts, rakes, rascals and Rapairean rapscallions!!!

Although I feel I must apologize to any individuals who were mis-identified by this tasty rubric of disapprobation, and do so freely, I must also add in all honesty that I was pleased with the construction, form, weight, and impact of it.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 01:09 PM

Dreadful, just dreadful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 11:21 AM

That's because she was sipping from that jar that bee-dubbya left on the porch all last night!

I tried to take it away from her, but she yelled something about "Get your own!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 11:16 AM

Well, I am sure that's easy to _say_, but you didn't see the glazed, painedlook in her eyes as I tenderly picked her up and she mumbled, "Wha..where am I? How did I get here?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 10:58 AM

Twelve hours and three minutes does not a catastrophe make, Amos. You're hysterical. I prescribe some quiet time in a small boat somewhere.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 10:39 AM

You wastrels and gallivanters, moon-beam chasers, idle supernumeraries and poltroon gadabouts, rakes, rascals and Rapairean rapscallions!!! Mom fell down the threads again last night, and I had to carry her up myself...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 10:36 PM

Strange. It seems that four gorillas drowned last night in the waters off Chicago after a "boating accident". A fisherman claims to have seen an odd submersible vehicle of some unknown kind leaving the area at high speed shortly after hearing an explosion. It was reputedly being driven by a dark-haired woman with goggles who could be seen in the glass enclosed pilot's position on the top of the odd craft, and it had another woman in scuba gear clinging to the rear deck and a chimpanzee standing in a bathtub lashed to the deck beside her. They were embracing.

The police have dismissed the fisherman's claims as the ravings of a drunken idiot who was hallucinating due to having consumed far too much whisky in lieu of catching any fish. He is being charged with causing a public nuisance.

Three of the four drowned gorillas appear to have been members of the famed North Side Gorillas gang. The fourth hales from Harvey and is reputed to also be a gang member with a long record of crimes including illicit banana dealing and armed robbery. It is assumed that they were attempting to illegally dynamite fish, but accidentally set off a charge either in their own boat or too near to it.

A funeral will be held at Shady Acres Crematorium on June 14. Black tie only. Expect no lemurs or chimps to attend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 10:09 PM

I guess we all exceed the pale of normal existence in our own special little ways, huh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 10:04 PM

Old car radiators? Hah! That don't put enough lead in the shine to give it a good kick. Ya gotta run it through some old car batteries if ya want real shine! Drink a pint of that stuff an' ya can stop x-rays with yer bare hands!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 09:46 PM

Just for that, Stilly, you get shine from the still made from old car radiators.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 09:43 PM

Sounds wonderful, BWL. Got any extra for anyone who happens to wander in?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 07:53 PM

Supper time, Mom!

My name is Bee-dubya and I'll be your server tonight. We're having chanterelles (fresh from the woods) sauteed along with onions, garlic and green beans (all fresh from the garden), served on a bed of saffron rice. Hope you enjoy it, and thanks in advance for the generous tip.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 01:15 PM

Oh, good! I need some of that to wash down my legs after walking in the prairie. Gotta knock off the chiggars before the dig in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 11:29 AM

And here's quart jar of some fresh moon I jist ran off in the GOOD still!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 10:55 AM

No mushrooms I'd consider eating around here. Have a fresh blueberry muffin on the side, MOM.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 09:32 AM

Good morning, Mom!

Here's breakfast... Chanterelle mushrooms (just picked this morning) sauteed along with some finely chopped bacon and served with shredded cheddar cheeese on top.

What? You wanted them served over grits? Tough! I may be from the south, but I'm not putting chanterelles on grits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 12:08 AM

Why a biscuit? You got something against bisquits?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 11:33 PM

Or perhaps a biscuit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 11:15 PM

Now MA, don't you fret. You know the boys get fractious and rowdy every now and again, but so far no trips to the ER for knife wounds or VD.

Tomorrow be Sunday. They'll come sculking up to the kitchen door long about the time the church bells commence to ring, hopin' fer a fresh 'mater and mayo bisquit to lower the testoterone a notch or two. And askin' fer yer sure fire hangover cure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 10:59 PM

I understand the boat left, with Chongo aboard and complete with cement and chains, about an hour ago.

Splish splash he is takin' a bath....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 07:17 PM

Not a bad idea. Chongo's old friend Laura M. should be able to spring him. Not to mention his new friend Renata.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 07:14 PM

I am sure the lovely Ms Ryder could think of some way to distract his guards...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 07:02 PM

That sounds like a situation Chongo would get into all right. Hmmm. Time for another daring escape, sounds to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 06:56 PM

Chongo, I hear from my sources in Chicago, isn't in any position to do much of anything. As of last night he was nicely chained up while the washtub of cement into which he had for some reason stuck his feet was hardening. Apparently he decided to walk between the doings of Big George of the Northside Gorillas and Louis-the-Face's "corporation" out of Harvey. They called a truce cooperate in the matter of Chongo who, by sometime tonight, will be "an anchorman, just not on television!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 06:34 PM

You're treading on thin ice, pal. Don't make me call up Chongo to set you straight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 05:29 PM

Well, it is beginning to look as though LH is much more the man of action than we gave him credit for. I sent the Marshal around to check up on him last week, and he walked into the apartment and was hustled out again by an irate LH reciting privacy rights and demanding a warrant. So he left apologizing nicely. But just before he left, who should come traipsing out of the one bathroom but the lady herself, carrying one of his used skin things...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 05:11 PM

BEsides, Little Hawk rarely sees anything BUT Winona's bosom (or complementary components) in his mind's eye, except when he is seeing Shatner's flaccid bosom.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 03:44 PM

Oh, fer gunnessakes now you've got LH all hot and bothered. He probably hopped in his Bugatti and whizzed off to join Shame in his eternal search for a women who will actually glance in his direction without throwing up. Oh, there will be Awful Things happening now along the banks of Lake Huron! For all we know LH might already be in durance vile for Lascivious Thoughts (Ont. Prov. Stat. 2004, 83-342(A)(3)b(1) et seq. "El Tee" (as it's called up there) is good for 5 years to life, chained to walls of the "hole" of Makewater Gaol.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 03:00 PM

OY!!! View Halloo!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 02:54 PM

Esthetically Winona is better than Rap, that's for sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 11:42 AM

Why am I seeing Winona's heaving bosom in my mind's eye?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 11:33 AM

I don't want to think about what that looks like, Rap.


























Oh, darn. I thought about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 10:57 AM

"The vice of gravity" -- that is a nifty description of it, Amos.

Early this morning I too was on a heaving bosom -- my own, heaving from the lack of desire to arise and face the day. My desire to alleviate a heaving bladdder over my lack of desire and so here I is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 10:52 AM

Aazing--a brilliant man like our own BeeDub can make such a profound and far-reaching paradigm shift in such a straightforward, simply-worded sentence.

Mom, I was out at dawn, adrift on the heaving bosom of the deep as it came landward becoming the snorking bosom of the shallow. The sea swells ran slow and deep. Among them the seals cavorted and the sea lions bragged and bellowed by the seacaves; a pelican made a vertical drop into the water of my port beam and came up with a baggy mouth full of silver fingerlings.

These little fingerlings, when the seals are on the prowl, hasten toward the light and throw themselves into it in a fit of cultic frenzy, leaping inches into the air, only to find themselves seized by the pale relentless vice of gravity and pulled back again into the dangerous water. It is quite odd--they are like astronauts or scuba-divers--they throw themselves into another environ, where they cannot operate, and yet they do so in an effort to survive. What is more puzzling is that they do not know they ate in water, according to the accepted wisdom concerning the consciousness of fish; Yet they know enough to leap out of it. This is a subtle point, perhaps, but one I find compelling.

The shallows are full of them this time of day, because it is breakfast time for gulls, cormorants, seals, sea lions and pelicans. And the little fingerlings are the Big Macs of the sea. So the odds are stacked at sunrise, and it is no wonder they get a it frantic; yo can hear, more than see them, as they leap and fall in every direction-- kerflip, kerflip. All the while the ponderous waves, who have rolled on in from as far as Okinawa and Ketchikan, arrive in majestic tonnage and find themselves being squeezed into the hard places of shallows-land, their majesty divided and broken into smaller rollers, and these into breakers and sprays of foam, and finally, thrashed and depleted, into foamy fingers of dying, thrown and drawn apart on the sucking sands. What is left subsides back into the sea, and having been completely overwhelmed by the conquering enemy, joins ofrces with and lashes back against its former home, throwing turbulence and counter-tactics into the teeth of the next arriving flotilla of travelers.

Arriving back from the caves and the lionized shore cliffs, there is always a moment of doubt as you ride the big one shoreward. You feel the lift and the thrust and the roll of it under you, and you want, for a moment, to cry "Take me!!" and run to the break, catch the curl, and become one with the crashing death of the waters. But this you must not do. You let it pass, instead, like an express train passing a bicycle; and when it has crashed its weight onto the bar, you then thrust forward and ride in to the shoal as the great wave, now broken, escapes back under you. Then you scrape to a happy, balanced stop at the foam-line and all is well, the process is working, you haul out and go off to get the car, and forget, for another time, those ponderous wet, rolling majesties you traveled among for awhile.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 10:15 AM

This discussion of a "________ of Shatners" has gone in the wrong direction. We've attempted to apply decriptions indicating large, disgusting quantities to Shatner when, in fact, Shatner is the large, disgusting quantity. It's not a "________ of Shatners", it's a "Shatner of ________".

The satellite photo Stilly linked to is an image of a Shatner of penguin shit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 08:44 AM

Cursed be iTunes.

SumYungSun stumbled across songs by both Shatner and Nimroy and has been playing them constantly to annoy me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 02:57 AM

ANd the incompetence to supply them, too...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 01:22 AM

Of course he's my hero. Bill rises above all this sort of thing with the effortless grace of only those few who have played the game of life to its fullest, mastered it, and risen to a perspective where nothing can throw them any longer. I know Bill has done that, therefore I have no fear of how this sort of humour might affect him. Do you know he has an anecdote in the book "Get a Life!" where an African elephant shits on his head when he sticks it out of his tent to see what's happening? I kid you not. And he sees the humour in that, although he found it very hard to see at the time it happened...but his wife thought it was just hilarious...until she realized that he would necessarily have to remain in the same tent with her for the rest of the night!

Then there was the time he tried to rescue a black and white cat that he'd clipped with the wheel of his 4 x 4. It turned out to be a skunk, just momentarily stunned, and it revived, gave him both barrels and flounced off. He sees humour in that now too. William Shatner is a man who knows how to get a laugh at his own expense.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 12:34 AM

If Shatner should read these posts I know what he'd look like--the hit will be visceral, his pain exquisite, his expression anguished.

LH, how could you? He's your hero!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 11:41 PM

Or a shitner of Shatners.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 10:33 PM

Or, more colloquially, a suck of Shatners.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 09:42 PM

Most members of Shatner's family despise him. The only reason they'd come to his barbecue would be to stay on his good side in hopes they'd be mentioned in his will. Such a grouping should be referred to as a "sycophant of Shatners".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 07:12 PM

Perhaps "load" or "dump" or "movement" might be appropriate?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 06:23 PM

Well, for more formal circumstances, perhaps a run of Shatners...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 05:55 PM

You nailed it, Amos. A tuxedo of penguins is the right term for sure.

How about when William Shatner calls together all his near and distant family members to a huge gathering and holds a barbecue. What have you got then????


























A shitload of Shatners!!! ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 04:50 PM

Naw--She built a cellular-scale MEMS device and encoded it into their DNA in Her lab. The prototype was a flop--it kept turning around at the wrong time and freezing on the spot. But eventually She got it right and went into full-scale production.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 04:20 PM

Wow? Does god have a huge kitchen timer she sets and then tells them when to move?


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