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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 21 May 09 - 04:34 PM
Amos 21 May 09 - 03:09 PM
Amos 21 May 09 - 02:26 PM
Amos 21 May 09 - 10:49 AM
Acme 21 May 09 - 10:26 AM
Amos 21 May 09 - 10:20 AM
Rapparee 21 May 09 - 09:22 AM
Amos 20 May 09 - 11:37 PM
Janie 20 May 09 - 11:29 PM
Rapparee 20 May 09 - 10:37 PM
Amos 20 May 09 - 10:10 PM
Little Hawk 20 May 09 - 09:47 PM
Rapparee 20 May 09 - 09:39 PM
Amos 20 May 09 - 03:33 PM
Rapparee 20 May 09 - 03:24 PM
Amos 20 May 09 - 02:54 PM
Amos 20 May 09 - 02:07 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 May 09 - 02:02 PM
Amos 20 May 09 - 12:53 PM
Janie 20 May 09 - 12:49 PM
Acme 20 May 09 - 12:11 PM
Amos 20 May 09 - 08:50 AM
Rapparee 20 May 09 - 08:34 AM
Acme 20 May 09 - 12:52 AM
Janie 20 May 09 - 12:24 AM
Janie 19 May 09 - 10:38 PM
Rapparee 19 May 09 - 07:45 PM
Amos 19 May 09 - 06:21 PM
Acme 19 May 09 - 04:00 PM
Donuel 19 May 09 - 03:39 PM
Amos 19 May 09 - 03:36 PM
Rapparee 19 May 09 - 03:06 PM
Amos 19 May 09 - 02:55 PM
Amos 19 May 09 - 10:15 AM
Rapparee 19 May 09 - 09:47 AM
Amos 19 May 09 - 09:45 AM
Rapparee 19 May 09 - 09:26 AM
Amos 19 May 09 - 08:05 AM
Acme 18 May 09 - 10:57 PM
Acme 18 May 09 - 07:41 PM
Little Hawk 18 May 09 - 06:58 PM
Amos 18 May 09 - 04:33 PM
Rapparee 18 May 09 - 03:52 PM
Acme 18 May 09 - 02:35 PM
Little Hawk 18 May 09 - 02:14 PM
Amos 18 May 09 - 02:11 PM
Little Hawk 18 May 09 - 01:59 PM
Amos 18 May 09 - 01:57 PM
Acme 18 May 09 - 12:49 PM
Rapparee 18 May 09 - 11:53 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 09 - 04:34 PM

At 29 and two-six-five
The MOAB thread was still alive.
Her pulse was weak, her visage pale,
Her smile was forced, her thoughts were stale,
Her pals had wandered here, and yon,
A threadbare muumuu had she on;
She rambled, uncomposed in mind,
And pallid were all vital signs.
But still to answer she did strive,
By God, our Mom was still alive.
And as I held her hand and prayed,
I heard her mumble, pause and say,
PRESS ON! And reach that Thirty Kay!!
And then fell back, to catch her breath,
And once more fend off looming Death,
ANd rest, and catch her breath awhile;
But through it all, a flickering smile
Made me believe I'd see the day
When Mom slid home to Thirty Kay!

Rufus Ruthful Woebegone Slantbastard Fitz-Sapiens
The Sadness of Sisyphus' Mother

Doctrine Expositions, Chicago, 1938


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 09 - 03:09 PM

Hi, Mom:

I am very frustrated today. I was finally, once and for all time, going to put an end to the huge intractable mess at the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed, by god. I was going to close it down, permanently. Spaw had no business inventing the place anyway, all his perfervid justifications notwithstanding.

But no-o-o-o, now it turns out that everyone who thought it was a great solution really meant as long as it costs them nothing, and they won't vote for the funds to do it. ALso, they are afraid to let the crackpots loose for fearthey will spray the contents of their bedpans along downtown Main Street in Saint Paul.

I think I will have to sell off all the assets of the Shatner School for Bad Acting in order to raise enough dough to fold up the NYCFTTS, but it has to be done; it is an ethical obligation of the first order.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 09 - 02:26 PM

And while we are at it, what does rope-a-dope really mean?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 09 - 10:49 AM

Why would a perp-in-a-box want to call someone he doesn't even know?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 May 09 - 10:26 AM

Earlier this week I had a couple of calls through the downtown jail system--the prisoner randomly dials and the system asks the recipient if you will accept the charges. There is a point in the recorded message where the inmate is supposed to insert their name, but this one said "please accept it is an emergency." Since I don't know anyone who is in jail, I imagine the emergency is entirely in this guy's head, and possibly his desire to try to piggyback more calls on one I would be incredibly gullible to accept. They say they've fixed that glitch, but I doubt it.

I don't think it sounded like one of the Legion Hall boys, anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 09 - 10:20 AM

It's a civil-rights matter--having a cell-phone is one of the natural rights of mankind, according to SoCal Constitutional law. So you can't mess with a perp's cellphone without being sued for torture...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 09 - 09:22 AM

You know a cop in a cell? I didn't know they allowed telephone in jail cells. But then, Southern California....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 11:37 PM

Janie:

Hell. I thought you meant a piece of plastic your ex left behind!! Never mind--I know that cop and he owes me a couple. I have his cell phone number.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 May 09 - 11:29 PM

Oooh,

Rapaire be playin' the dozens!





Jeez, Amos. Why didn't ya' tell me you had cancelled that card. Now yer gonna have to pay cash to go my bail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 09 - 10:37 PM

Hey! Momma!
Amos wants you to
Git up and do something
Cuz you an old bag
An old hag
An old rag
Raggin' on Amos
Raggin' on Janie
You jist on the rag
Alla time
Ragragragrag
Ragragrag
Quit yer raggin'
Quit yer hatin'
Playah hatin'
Alla time
Amos hatin'
Hatin'hatin'
Have a drink
Set it down.
    --Blushing Brides, Raggin an hatin
      from their Li(VI)D(II) recording,
      "Hatin and raggin" (Edison Phonograph, 2008)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 10:10 PM

Ah, Mom, Ah, Mom, you linger low
ANd low you slowly stay.
How if you slum about like this
We will see our Thirty K?

What is it draws you eye so low,
To go where no Mom should?
You are not made for such coarse realms,
But higher things, and Good.

Come Mom, away, the clock chimes six!
Put down your drink! Away!
We cannot leave you here like this
After the close of day.

You dare not walk these streets at night
After the close of day;
And we have miles and miles to reach
The Thirtieth of Kay.


Abner Little and Billy Hill
Oh, Momma, Oh, Momma
from their chart-topping tritium album,
Oh, Momma and Other Songs


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 May 09 - 09:47 PM

If ya got good foresight ya don't need hindsight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 09 - 09:39 PM

My ligaments are just about wore down, too. Been a lot of wear and tear on this ol' body, some of which was, in hindsight, quite unnecessary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 03:33 PM

THe problem with the joint is not weatherization, its wearing down of the ligaments.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 09 - 03:24 PM

This morning some of the PAMMSC went out to the range. One shot a 10X -- a bullet right through the middle of the "bullseye". Then I had to get back by 10:30 for an energy audit visit so we can get some of that stimulus money to improve the weatherization/energy efficiency of the joint.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 02:54 PM

At twenty-nine two fifty, Mom,
The wind does veer and play
ANd on its air, the golden smell
Of the coming thirty K.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 02:07 PM

Ooooo!! Ya shoulda got it for Rapaire!! He's having shoulder surgery!! And he might not know the difference...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 May 09 - 02:02 PM

Hi, Mom!

I found an artificial leg in the recyclables drop-box today. I say "found", but that doesn't mean I brought it home. It's still there, as far as I know. It was plastic, so I guess it's recyclable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:53 PM

AHa...the velleities and the palimpsest behind the virginal screen of innocence begin to come into focus.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:49 PM

That's a great idea, Stilly!

Oh, but wait - I can actually go anywhere and do anything that I want - I still have that little piece of plastic he left lying around -

New Zealand, here I come!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:11 PM

Janie, go to Amos' house. He has that new guest house up in a tree. Remember that little remodel job we did a couple of weeks ago? Might as well go try it out. And see if that San Simeon kitchen (the rustic one on 40 acres, not the Hearst Castle) is as nice as it looked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 08:50 AM

Rapaire, you have to take some responsibility here. If you hadn't been so determined to shoulder the woes and cares of the world, your shoulder would not be hurting so much. You and your shoulder need to have a heart-to-heart talk.

Janie, the cheapest vacation I know of is going to the beach with a good book.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 09 - 08:34 AM

Come to Idaho. We have spare potatoes. Besides, I need more folks to nurse me through my pain & suffering to come.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:52 AM

Come to Texas. :) We have spare beds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:24 AM

Wanted: Super-super-cheap summer vacation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 19 May 09 - 10:38 PM

Take your oxycotin like a good boy, and go to sleep.


It will all feel better after 6 months of physical therapy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 09 - 07:45 PM

Alone, all alone in my pain...oh Mom, thank you for caring and for the warm cookies and the cold milk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 06:21 PM

Hell, yes, it is. I'd rather be a snorkeller or a kayaker. But my fingers keep jumpingback to the goddamn keys...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 09 - 04:00 PM

I've been working on a new blog page, Mom. It's a lot of work, figuring it all out. Next I have to design a printed newsletter. Being a "writer" is so much more than words on a page. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 19 May 09 - 03:39 PM

I call dibbs on post # 30,000



PS July is a good month for surgury since healing goes more quicly in the summer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 03:36 PM

One thought to bring you some small comfort.   It will NOT, for once, be a pain in the ass.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 09 - 03:06 PM

The "man of books" is going to have shoulder surgery in July.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 02:55 PM

Oh, what a place for stunning looks!
The man of Emms, the man of Books,
The glowing health of Leedle Hack,
And AMos in his sea-kayak.
The curvy form (I beg your pardon)
OF Stilly, kneeling in her garden,
And, like a sylph found in your dreams,
Yon Janie, dressed to show her seams.
No need to ask what Mom is cooking,
When all her kids are so good-looking!


Winnie Snortin-Naye,
Romantic Horselaughs and Other Doggerel
Pansy-on-Wuss, 1928


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 10:15 AM

IF drinking gallons, nay, whole rivers of moonshine from Rapaire's grandfather's whiskey still could somehow make him actually wise (instead of making him simply loud and swollen-headed), would he not become the Stilly River Sage?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 09 - 09:47 AM

Grandpa turned out some mighty good drinkin' from that still, and it can do so still.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 09:45 AM

Hmmmm--I acknowledge insight, and you claim disparagement??? Surely there is an aging problem in play...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 09 - 09:26 AM

I say, are you disparaging my mother? She used that sword numerous times and it is, in fact, our family's more treasured keepsake (along with my grandfather's still).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 08:05 AM

Now, that explains all kinds of things...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 09 - 10:57 PM

I found Rapaire's photo album.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 09 - 07:41 PM

I thought it would be more like this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 May 09 - 06:58 PM

The image I have in mind is more like this:


Much better....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 09 - 04:33 PM

Amazing!! That's EXACTLY the image I had in mind!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 09 - 03:52 PM

Kevlar won't stop puncture wounds, like knife thrusts or dog bites. THIS is what you need, especially for dachshunds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 09 - 02:35 PM

Have more time in the day, for starters. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 May 09 - 02:14 PM

What would we do without each other's brilliant advice?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 09 - 02:11 PM

And what you need to do is equip yourself with a full-body Kevlar stocking, toes to hair-do, and live in it forever. That way, if one of your dachshunds gets bitten by a rabid mouse and develops psychotic hydrophobic foaming frenzies and decides to go after you, you'll be fully prepared.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 May 09 - 01:59 PM

What you need to do is sit strapped in your kayak as much of the time as possible. Even eat and sleep in it. Then if the worst happens and you tumble into the sea you will be fully prepared to deal with the situation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 09 - 01:57 PM

We didn't feel a thing! We were enjoying wine and pork roast at a friend's house perched on a cliff high over the Pacific. It's probably a good thing it wasn't closer and larger or we might have tumbled into the sea.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 09 - 12:49 PM

Amos, I'm assuming you're far enough south that you're not all shook up this morning? I heard from my brother up in L.A. Seems his dog is well trained in earthquake response. She headed straight for a table to hide under.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 09 - 11:53 AM

I even remember my own wedding: at St. Andrew's Church, Silver Spring, Maryland. The reception was at the Bethesda Naval Medical Center Officers' Club. The party afterwards is a blur, except that my brother pantomimed an automated brewery.


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