Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafemuddy

Post to this Thread - Printer Friendly - Home
Page: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40] [41] [42] [43] [44] [45] [46] [47] [48] [49] [50] [51] [52] [53] [54] [55] [56] [57] [58] [59] [60] [61] [62] [63] [64] [65] [66] [67] [68] [69] [70] [71] [72] [73] [74] [75] [76] [77] [78] [79] [80] [81] [82] [83] [84] [85] [86] [87] [88] [89] [90] [91] [92] [93] [94] [95] [96] [97] [98] [99] [100] [101] [102] [103] [104] [105] [106] [107] [108] [109] [110] [111] [112] [113] [114] [115] [116] [117] [118] [119] [120] [121] [122] [123] [124] [125] [126] [127] [128] [129] [130] [131] [132] [133] [134] [135] [136] [137] [138] [139] [140] [141] [142] [143] [144] [145] [146] [147] [148] [149] [150] [151] [152] [153] [154] [155] [156] [157] [158] [159] [160] [161] [162] [163] [164] [165] [166] [167] [168] [169] [170] [171] [172] [173] [174] [175] [176] [177] [178] [179] [180] [181] [182] [183] [184] [185] [186] [187] [188] [189] [190] [191] [192] [193] [194] [195] [196] [197] [198] [199] [200] [201] [202] [203] [204] [205] [206] [207] [208] [209] [210] [211] [212] [213] [214] [215] [216] [217] [218] [219] [220] [221] [222] [223] [224] [225] [226] [227] [228] [229] [230] [231] [232] [233] [234] [235] [236] [237] [238] [239] [240] [241] [242] [243] [244] [245] [246] [247] [248] [249] [250] [251] [252] [253] [254] [255] [256] [257] [258] [259] [260] [261] [262] [263] [264] [265] [266] [267] [268] [269] [270] [271] [272] [273] [274] [275] [276] [277] [278] [279] [280] [281] [282] [283] [284] [285] [286] [287] [288] [289] [290] [291] [292] [293] [294] [295] [296] [297] [298] [299] [300] [301] [302] [303] [304] [305] [306] [307] [308] [309] [310] [311] [312] [313] [314] [315] [316] [317] [318] [319] [320] [321] [322] [323] [324] [325] [326] [327] [328] [329] [330] [331] [332] [333] [334] [335] [336] [337] [338] [339] [340] [341] [342] [343] [344] [345] [346] [347] [348] [349] [350] [351] [352] [353] [354] [355] [356] [357] [358] [359] [360] [361] [362] [363] [364] [365] [366] [367] [368] [369] [370] [371] [372] [373] [374] [375] [376] [377] [378] [379] [380] [381] [382] [383] [384] [385] [386] [387] [388] [389] [390] [391] [392] [393] [394] [395] [396] [397] [398] [399] [400] [401] [402] [403] [404] [405] [406] [407] [408] [409] [410] [411] [412] [413] [414] [415] [416] [417] [418] [419] [420] [421] [422] [423] [424] [425] [426] [427] [428] [429] [430] [431] [432] [433] [434] [435] [436] [437] [438] [439] [440] [441] [442] [443] [444] [445] [446] [447] [448] [449] [450] [451] [452] [453] [454] [455] [456] [457] [458] [459] [460] [461] [462] [463] [464] [465] [466] [467] [468] [469] [470] [471] [472] [473] [474] [475] [476] [477] [478] [479] [480] [481] [482] [483] [484] [485] [486] [487] [488] [489] [490] [491] [492] [493] [494] [495] [496] [497] [498] [499] [500] [501] [502] [503] [504] [505] [506] [507] [508] [509] [510] [511] [512] [513] [514] [515] [516] [517] [518] [519] [520] [521] [522] [523] [524] [525] [526] [527] [528] [529] [530] [531] [532] [533] [534] [535] [536] [537] [538] [539] [540] [541] [542] [543] [544] [545] [546] [547] [548] [549] [550] [551] [552] [553] [554] [555] [556] [557] [558] [559] [560] [561] [562] [563] [564] [565] [566] [567] [568] [569] [570] [571] [572] [573] [574] [575] [576] [577] [578] [579] [580] [581] [582] [583] [584] [585] [586] [587] [588] [589] [590] [591] [592] [593] [594] [595] [596] [597] [598] [599] [600] [601] [602] [603] [604] [605] [606] [607] [608] [609] [610] [611] [612] [613] [614] [615] [616] [617] [618] [619] [620] [621] [622] [623] [624] [625] [626] [627] [628] [629] [630] [631] [632] [633] [634] [635] [636] [637] [638] [639] [640] [641] [642] [643] [644] [645] [646] [647] [648] [649] [650] [651] [652] [653] [654] [655] [656] [657] [658] [659] [660] [661] [662] [663] [664] [665] [666] [667] [668] [669] [670] [671] [672] [673] [674] [675] [676] [677] [678] [679] [680] [681] [682] [683] [684] [685] [686] [687] [688] [689] [690] [691] [692] [693] [694] [695] [696] [697] [698] [699] [700] [701] [702] [703] [704] [705] [706] [707] [708] [709] [710] [711] [712] [713] [714] [715] [716] [717] [718] [719] [720] [721] [722] [723] [724] [725] [726] [727] [728] [729] [730] [731] [732] [733] [734] [735] [736] [737] [738] [739] [740] [741] [742] [743] [744] [745] [746] [747] [748] [749] [750] [751] [752] [753] [754] [755] [756] [757] [758] [759] [760] [761] [762] [763] [764] [765] [766] [767] [768] [769] [770] [771] [772] [773] [774] [775] [776] [777] [778] [779] [780] [781] [782] [783] [784] [785] [786] [787] [788] [789] [790] [791] [792] [793] [794] [795] [796] [797] [798] [799] [800] [801] [802] [803] [804] [805] [806] [807] [808] [809] [810] [811] [812] [813] [814] [815] [816] [817] [818] [819] [820] [821] [822] [823] [824] [825] [826] [827] [828] [829] [830] [831] [832] [833] [834] [835] [836] [837] [838] [839] [840] [841] [842] [843] [844] [845] [846] [847] [848] [849] [850] [851] [852] [853] [854] [855] [856] [857] [858] [859] [860] [861] [862] [863] [864] [865] [866] [867] [868] [869] [870] [871] [872] [873] [874] [875] [876] [877] [878] [879] [880] [881] [882] [883] [884] [885] [886] [887] [888] [889] [890] [891] [892] [893] [894] [895] [896] [897] [898] [899] [900] [901] [902] [903] [904] [905] [906] [907] [908] [909] [910] [911] [912] [913] [914] [915] [916] [917] [918] [919] [920] [921] [922] [923] [924] [925] [926] [927] [928] [929] [930] [931] [932] [933] [934] [935] [936] [937] [938] [939] [940] [941] [942] [943] [944] [945] [946] [947] [948] [949] [950] [951] [952] [953] [954] [955] [956] [957] [958] [959] [960] [961] [962] [963] [964] [965] [966] [967] [968] [969] [970] [971] [972] [973] [974] [975] [976] [977] [978] [979] [980] [981] [982] [983] [984] [985] [986] [987] [988] [989] [990] [991] [992] [993] [994] [995] [996] [997] [998] [999] [1000] [1001] [1002] [1003] [1004] [1005] [1006] [1007] [1008] [1009] [1010] [1011] [1012] [1013] [1014] [1015] [1016] [1017] [1018] [1019] [1020] [1021] [1022] [1023] [1024] [1025] [1026] [1027] [1028] [1029] [1030] [1031] [1032] [1033] [1034] [1035] [1036] [1037] [1038] [1039] [1040] [1041] [1042] [1043] [1044] [1045] [1046] [1047] [1048] [1049] [1050] [1051] [1052] [1053] [1054] [1055] [1056] [1057] [1058] [1059] [1060] [1061] [1062] [1063] [1064] [1065] [1066] [1067] [1068] [1069] [1070] [1071] [1072] [1073] [1074] [1075] [1076] [1077] [1078] [1079] [1080] [1081] [1082] [1083] [1084] [1085] [1086] [1087] [1088] [1089] [1090] [1091] [1092] [1093] [1094] [1095] [1096] [1097] [1098] [1099] [1100] [1101] [1102] [1103] [1104] [1105] [1106] [1107] [1108] [1109] [1110] [1111] [1112] [1113] [1114] [1115] [1116] [1117] [1118] [1119] [1120] [1121] [1122] [1123] [1124] [1125] [1126] [1127] [1128] [1129] [1130] [1131] [1132] [1133] [1134]


BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 13 May 08 - 04:24 PM
Amos 13 May 08 - 04:23 PM
Amos 13 May 08 - 04:23 PM
Little Hawk 13 May 08 - 11:45 AM
Amos 13 May 08 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 13 May 08 - 09:01 AM
Acme 13 May 08 - 12:39 AM
Amos 12 May 08 - 10:25 PM
Rapparee 12 May 08 - 09:29 PM
Amos 12 May 08 - 05:41 PM
Acme 12 May 08 - 05:30 PM
Amos 12 May 08 - 04:30 PM
Amos 12 May 08 - 03:42 PM
Donuel 12 May 08 - 01:43 PM
Rapparee 12 May 08 - 01:33 PM
Acme 12 May 08 - 01:16 PM
Amos 12 May 08 - 12:36 PM
Amos 12 May 08 - 09:34 AM
Rapparee 12 May 08 - 09:29 AM
Rapparee 12 May 08 - 09:12 AM
Rapparee 12 May 08 - 09:06 AM
Amos 12 May 08 - 08:27 AM
Acme 11 May 08 - 11:50 PM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 11:34 PM
Acme 11 May 08 - 11:27 PM
Amos 11 May 08 - 10:23 PM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 09:28 PM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 09:27 PM
Amos 11 May 08 - 07:26 PM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 06:32 PM
Little Hawk 11 May 08 - 05:55 PM
Amos 11 May 08 - 05:51 PM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 04:57 PM
Little Hawk 11 May 08 - 04:54 PM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 04:53 PM
Amos 11 May 08 - 04:15 PM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 02:57 PM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 02:40 PM
Amos 11 May 08 - 02:38 PM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 02:07 PM
Amos 11 May 08 - 01:08 PM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 12:49 PM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 11:33 AM
Amos 11 May 08 - 11:24 AM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 09:00 AM
Amos 11 May 08 - 01:38 AM
Acme 11 May 08 - 12:31 AM
Rapparee 10 May 08 - 11:14 PM
Acme 10 May 08 - 08:41 PM
Amos 10 May 08 - 07:05 PM
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:






Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 08 - 04:24 PM

And in the ranks, the sinners sin,
The singers sing, the spinners spin


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 08 - 04:23 PM

While BS rages high and low,
And numbers wane or thrive....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 08 - 04:23 PM

The hours and days go round and round
While we here dig and strive.

....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 May 08 - 11:45 AM

That Ainu "Big Thing" sounds like an attempt to render an effigy of Spaw's major (and perhaps only) source of pride...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 08 - 10:52 AM

This is getting worse and worse.

Rapaire, try to exercise some discriimination here,w ould you? Just because you can ionvent a pun for almost any word int he English language, doesn't mean you should go ahead and burn the midnight oil composing these long, scurrilous backgrounds for them and then post them here!!

Don't you have a forum of your grade-school classmates for this kind of material?


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 08 - 09:01 AM

Up in the mountains in Northern Japan live the Ainu. Traditionally, they worshiped bears and other creatures and indeed found the world around them filled with spirits. But archeologists have recently discovered that originally they worshiped a...well, they really don't have a name for it. Not a fetish, not an idol, not a symbol. It was a very large carved pole nearly six meters around and proportionately tall. Worshiped but largely ignored by the Ainu people, the word used for it translates best as "large object of great girth." Historians refer to it as the "Ainu big thing."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 May 08 - 12:39 AM

We want it Illustrated, Man!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 08 - 10:25 PM

I think you're feeding me a heinie line.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 08 - 09:29 PM

Did I ever tell you the story about the Middle East Peace Conference? No? Well, I hope you like story's that are Zion's friction.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 08 - 05:41 PM

Iuse a system similar tot his at work--the second monitor is a real blessing when you are trying to coordinate several apps at once.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 May 08 - 05:30 PM

I have a card on the computer that allows me to run two monitors at once. I could actually run four if I wanted. This means a larger work area and it is easier to have multiple programs running and browser window open for dragging stuff back and forth. Now I'm going to have one standard 17" monitor and beside it a wide 20" monitor meaning they'll both stand about the same height, they cost about the same, but the new one will look better and be wider. I'll see how long I can stand it. No point in spending the same amount of money on an old outmoded monitor. ;)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 08 - 04:30 PM

We need to bring Megan over here to skelp the Books guy.



A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 08 - 03:42 PM

Donuel:

You misunderestimate me, amigo. I meant those who try to make people live in fear in order to profit from it, such as Stilly's security-system salesperson, President Bush, and some Life Insurance salesmen, the kind who like to say "If anything should ever happen to you, Heaven forbid!, what would happen to your family?" and similar bon mots of FUD.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 12 May 08 - 01:43 PM

"I don;t like people who make the world seem LESS safe than it is"



Amos, I am sorry you don;t like me.

The first report from China regarding their 7.8 earthquake today is that 100 people have lost their life. THis has now been upgraded to 10,000 people.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 08 - 01:33 PM

Stilly, you usin' a KVM switch or what?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 May 08 - 01:16 PM

I discovered last night when I looked at an image I photoshopped (using my left-hand monitor) that when it is on the right-hand monitor there is a lot that I can't see on the older left-hand side any more. I do web design and photo correction, so I have to guy buy a new monitor. I've tried adjusting the color and blurriness for a few weeks. This was the "writing on the screen," so to speak.

I'll see you after lunch, MOM. I've done some comparing and it looks like either Office Depot or Dell. Probably Office Depot because the savings I get at Dell I'll pay in shipping.

I won't repeat this!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 08 - 12:36 PM

It's not that it is forbidden. It is just, so to speak, that it seems wrong to inflate the numbers this way.

Not to repeat myself or anything.

He may have unleashed a demon here...



A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 08 - 09:34 AM

Rapaire reminds me of the current banking crisis, caused by evading the constraints imposed on banks after the Great Crash, thus cleverly steering us toward a second one.

In doubling the number of posts he makes for each concept of BS he creates, he is doing nothing illegal; but should Mom stand for it? I mean, sure, it gets her numbers up, and all, but is it right?


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 08 - 09:29 AM

I guess I repeated myself. Sorry about that, but I'm at the age where I start to repeat myself. So I'm sorry if I repeat myself.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 08 - 09:12 AM

I had a guy give me that "...but they can't call 911" line once out here. I'd told him that I was armed (true, but the guns are locked away in the basement and the ammo is locked up seperately). I looked at him with what I hope was a cold, deadly eye and replied, "If I call 911 I won't have any fertilizer for the roses."

He really didn't have much to say to that, so he gave me a funny look and left.

Or am I repeating myself?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 08 - 09:06 AM

I had a guy give me that "...but they can't call 911" line once out here. I'd told him that I was armed (true, but the guns are locked away in the basement and the ammo is locked up seperately). I looked at him with what I hope was a cold, deadly eye and replied, "If I call 911 I won't have any fertilizer for the roses."

He really didn't have much to say to that, so he gave me a funny look and left.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 08 - 08:27 AM

I don;t like people who make the world seem LESS safe than it is. Insurance sales people, take note.

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 May 08 - 11:50 PM

So on Friday afternoon I was sitting in my home office at the computer near the window and through the mini-blinds I see a man walk next to the house from the front walk around to the side of the house, heading for the side door. Why didn't he ring the front bell, and what is he doing wandering on the lawn? Peeping?

I hurried to the side door and there this young man was, clipboard and bag of metal signs in hand. I opened it and he starts right out, no introduction, with an authoritative tone (like maybe he's a city official?) quizzing me on the survey he did of my front yard. "Survey? Who's asking?" was my response.

"Such and such security company." He was trying to impress me with his professionalism, apparently, by having trod through my gardens before knocking.

"I'm not interested," I tell him through the attractive heavy gauge wrought iron and steel grill security door. "I have a pit bull and a catahoula in the back yard" And I'm talking through a security door which I haven't opened to this stranger. The door is next to decorative iron security bars on the windows.

"I have a pit bull in my yard also," he informs me, "but he still doesn't know how to dial 911."

"Go away. I'm not interested," I tell him as I shut the regular door in his face. I could have really singed his ears about the stupidity of his argument, but I was busy. I almost suggested he walk around to the side gate without me beside him and see what the dogs have to say to him. They're good girls, and gregarious, but if they haven't been properly introduced, they really make a fuss. And it is always much better to make a show of being secure so calling 911 is not necessary.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 11:34 PM

I guess I'm repeating myself. Sorry about that.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 May 08 - 11:27 PM

Rapaire, you need to get out more. Go plant some kudzu on the fence you share with the golf course. That ought to keep you and the greens keepers busy for a while.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 08 - 10:23 PM

I quite understand. I was that age myself, once. I think. Or may be soon, or am at present. One way or the other, I understand perfectly.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 09:28 PM

Sorry for repeating myself, Amos. I guess I'm just getting to that age.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 09:27 PM

Amos, when you get to be my age you start repeating yourself. I think I've said before that you start repeating yourself. You simply can't help repeating yourself at my age.

But I wish like hell that I could remember the trilingual pun I made on the word "voiture" once. Unfortunately, I was drinking wine, as was everyone else, and I don't remember it. Anyway, as I was saying, when you reach a certain age you start repeating yourself. And you'll have to forgive me, because I think I've reached the age when you start repeating yourself.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 08 - 07:26 PM

That was genuinely funny, the first time you told it.

But it must have been a male, not a female pelvis, because it does not bear down on retelling.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 06:32 PM

What? You guys don't appreciate the intelligence, wit, and wordplay of puns? Okay, true story:

Last October I was flying out of the Denver airport and behind me in the security line were two guys, each of whom were carrying a model (I think it was a model) of a human pelvis. "So," I said to them, "pelvis is leaving the building, huh?"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 May 08 - 05:55 PM

Well, it's true, most actors simply cannot be compared to William Shatner.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 08 - 05:51 PM

Rapaire is to a Humorist
With his mindless, sadistical twist
As a thespian might dare
To an an actor compare
Fat Shatner; or to bourbon, horse piss.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 04:57 PM

Envy ill becomes you, too, LH.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 May 08 - 04:54 PM

You are to humor what Shane is to bodily functions, Rapaire...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 04:53 PM

Harry and Roy worked for the Manhattan Project. As is well-known, the Project really had no idea of what would work and so funded and supported research in many areas. Harry and Roy wear working on a circular radio wave.

They had worked for three years, researching many different directions. Finally, Roy yelled, "Eureka!" Harry rushed over to Roy.

"I've done it!" yelled Roy. "Here it is! A diagram of a circular radio wave!"

Harry took one look at it an exclaimed, "You fool! That's nothing but a naught, a nothing! Here's what I think of your diagram!"

And he rolled the sheet of paper into a tight tube and ran it through the pencil sharpener, which due to budget restrictions had no pencil-shavings-catcher on it. The crumbs of Roy's work fell to the floor.

Immediately, the two scientists were surrounded by a large group of janitors, all of whom criticized their unsavory habit of littering.

This was immediately followed by brilliant flash of light and heat, a huge explosion, and a mushroom-shaped cloud of dust, dirt, and debris, because that's what always happens when you get a critical mass at ground zero.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 08 - 04:15 PM

I knew there was something shady about you. You're secretly a manufacturer and distributor of Witticisms of Mental Destruction. This is worse than I feared.

I am in a serious ethical quandary -- the fate of the western world on one hand, and my loyalty to my MOAB sibs on the other...



A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 02:57 PM

The great Arab-Israeli Peace Conference, the final hope for a lasting peace in the Middle East, was going very well. And the person who finally brought it all together, who created a view upon which all could agree, was a Bey from a nomadic tribe who had been summoned simply because of the position he held. The world stood in awe of this simple man.

The parties recessed for a lunch just before the historic document would be signed. And the Bey who had brought the disparate waters together went outside (accompanied by his bodyguard, of course) for a bit of fresh air.

There was a street carnival going on and the Bey, who had never seen one before, was entranced by the carousel and its animals. Finally, he commanded his bodyguard to buy him a ride, all by himself, and for half an hour the Bey rode around and around and up and down on a carousel horse.

Finally the carousel slowed and he staggered off and started to make his way back to the Legation for the signing.

A shepherd chose this time to bring his flock to town, and the Bey staggered in the middle of the sheep. He stumbled and fell between three young sheep, and the second one ate him.

Aghast, the shepherd shouted, "Middle lamb! You've had a dizzy Bey!"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 02:40 PM

I created that one. Would you like to enjoy one I did not?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 08 - 02:38 PM

Oh, aye, that it does. But in this case, sir, you have misidentified a faint frisson of disgust for envy; mine feeling is of a different hue altogether.

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 02:07 PM

Envy ill becomes you, Amos.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 08 - 01:08 PM

I am filing that right in between "People who live in grass houses shouldn't steal thrones" and "Never change streams in the middle of a horse", in the "Very Long Bad Jokes" file. Right next to "A rolling moose gathers no stones."

It is really pathetic. I mean, Pathos incarnate. I struggle against the impulse to send a withering blast of hot fire down upon you, the Legion Hall, and all the Pocatellians in the library, out of simple vengeance for such a bad joke.

Expect a copy of it to arrive in your email about eleven times in the next 48 hours.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 12:49 PM

I was up at the Legion Hovel last night and met a guy from Kansas. We don't allow many folks in since most of 'em just want to drink free beer, but since this guy had long ago been a member he was welcomed back in on the "Once a member always a member, except when we think otherwise" principle. He told me this story, and since it came from an ex-Legionaire it has to be true. Remember, some of it he experienced himself and other stuff he learned later.

Everybody know that Sandy Claus lives up at the North Pole. His real name is Alexander Claus and so everyone calls him "Sandy." What most people don't know is that he has an older brother, William, who folks call "Bill."

Now Sandy stands six-three in his stocking feet, and Bill is only four feet four inches. "Boy never grew much," their mother used to say. Anyway, Bill has always wanted to make the Christmas Deliveries, but he knew that his younger brother was, because of his size, the best one to control those eight tiny, but unbroken to harness, reindeer.

Every Christmas Ever Bill would help load the sleigh, harness up Dunder and Blitzen and the rest, and have a big hot buttered rum waiting for his brother when he returned.

Well, it seems that two Christmases back Sandy come down with chest pains. His Mrs. slammed him into the North Pole Elf Clinic faster'n you can say "Jack Robinson" and Sandy was moaning that it was Christmas Eve and the Deliveries had to be made by Sandy Claus! Obviously, it was a world-wide crisis in the making!

Mrs. Claus (whose first name is Fanny Belle) said, "So, let Bill do it. It's about time he did something around here anyway." Sandy just groaned and Bill was off!

The sleigh was loaded and ready to roll and the elves were all "So, who's gonna do it? Our union contract won't let us" when Bill Claus
saunters out of the house, dressed up in that red and white outfit that'd been hangin' in the closet for so long. Yeah, his boots looked a trifle too big, but you need to wear extra socks up there in the sleigh and nobody thought anything of it.

Into the sleigh he jumps, cracks the whip, and with Rudolph's nose flashing like an airplane beacon they were off across the sky!

Things went pretty good at first, but over the flat lands of Kansas Blitzen was spooked by a witch who was late for Hallowe'en and the next thing Bill knew the reindeer, sleigh, bag of toys and all were slammed into a snowdrift outside of the little town of Picklock, just barely missing hitting the Triple X ranch house!

Bill was pretty shook up, and when the rancher and his wife came out to see what had awakened them from their deep winter's sleep he was laying there bootless, bruised, groaning and cussing reindeer and witches impartially.

The rancher brought Bill inside and gave him a tot of whisky while the good ranch wife calmed the reindeer down, mended some of the harness, and in general got the sleigh straightened out.

After about a hour the rancher and Bill Claus stepped out on the porch and it was then that Bill realized that he didn't have boots or shoes. So the rancher lent him a pair that his son (who was away at college) had worn at the age of 10 or so. Cowboy boots, of course.

Bill thanked his hosts profusely, lined up the reindeer, and took off. And ever since the owners of the Triple X talk and sing about their little old shod Santy on the plains.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 11:33 AM

Yeah, but the next time I ate them (inadvertently) I was on a hunting trip. Nailed four pa'tridge, five deer, two ducks, and sixteen good-sized trout. I don't want to talk about the trout.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 08 - 11:24 AM

Tsk. Lose more damn britches that way.



A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 09:00 AM

Been there, tried that. They gave me wind upon the stomach, and when I bent over to pick up a fork I'd dropped I shot out two windows and killed the canary.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 08 - 01:38 AM

Rapaore:

Just to be bold, try inedible peas next time. Dibs watching...


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 May 08 - 12:31 AM

The tooth is good to go! I can chew on that side and the molar doesn't ache. Yes!!!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 08 - 11:14 PM

I cooked dinner for one: coconut and lemongrass chicken over red quinona pilaf, with edible peas and other veggies. Quite tasty, too.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 May 08 - 08:41 PM

I get to cook dinner for one. Not bad, either. No one to say they don't want whatever it was I fixed!

I'm thinking about fixing some flautas this evening and giving the new crown a test. That tooth always used to hurt when I bit down on firm crunchy stuff like tortillas. Scoop up some of my homemade guacamole with them--mmmmmm! Salad on the side, nice glass of red wine. . .


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 08 - 07:05 PM

Oh, I knew that.

Anny Hoo (you ever meet Miss Hoo?) I must go begin to start preparations for intitiating the first steps f cooking dinner for six.

It will be fun.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
Next Page

 


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 20 October 6:03 PM EDT

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.