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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,The Brav e and Noble Rapaire 24 Dec 09 - 07:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Dec 09 - 08:30 PM
Acme 24 Dec 09 - 09:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Dec 09 - 10:10 PM
Acme 24 Dec 09 - 11:56 PM
GUEST,The brave, noble, and kind Rapaire 25 Dec 09 - 01:12 PM
Janie 25 Dec 09 - 01:20 PM
GUEST,The Audacious Rapaire 25 Dec 09 - 02:15 PM
Acme 25 Dec 09 - 04:27 PM
Acme 25 Dec 09 - 06:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Dec 09 - 07:52 PM
Acme 25 Dec 09 - 09:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Dec 09 - 10:13 PM
Janie 25 Dec 09 - 11:18 PM
Acme 26 Dec 09 - 02:01 AM
Amos 26 Dec 09 - 01:00 PM
Acme 26 Dec 09 - 01:57 PM
GUEST,The Wonderful, Gracious, Rapaire 26 Dec 09 - 04:16 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Dec 09 - 05:03 PM
Janie 26 Dec 09 - 07:07 PM
Acme 26 Dec 09 - 08:26 PM
Amos 26 Dec 09 - 10:03 PM
Little Hawk 27 Dec 09 - 01:16 AM
GUEST,The Daring, Yet Delightful, Rapaire 27 Dec 09 - 08:18 AM
GUEST,Amos the Beyond All Imagining How Cool 27 Dec 09 - 12:37 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Dec 09 - 01:01 PM
Acme 27 Dec 09 - 01:09 PM
Janie 27 Dec 09 - 01:11 PM
Acme 27 Dec 09 - 04:00 PM
GUEST,Amos the All Imaginative 27 Dec 09 - 06:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Dec 09 - 07:25 PM
GUEST,The Omniscient Rapaire 27 Dec 09 - 07:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Dec 09 - 07:51 PM
Janie 27 Dec 09 - 08:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Dec 09 - 08:38 AM
MMario 28 Dec 09 - 09:53 AM
Acme 28 Dec 09 - 12:17 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Dec 09 - 01:29 PM
Acme 28 Dec 09 - 05:01 PM
GUEST,The Incomparably Magnificent and Splendid LH 28 Dec 09 - 05:32 PM
GUEST,The Universal Overmind 28 Dec 09 - 05:42 PM
GUEST,The amazingly incredible Apotheosis of All t 28 Dec 09 - 06:04 PM
GUEST,Bubba the Bodacious 28 Dec 09 - 07:39 PM
Donuel 28 Dec 09 - 08:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Dec 09 - 08:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Dec 09 - 08:33 PM
GUEST,Those who are already perfect.... 28 Dec 09 - 09:01 PM
Rapparee 28 Dec 09 - 09:32 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 28 Dec 09 - 10:21 PM
Acme 28 Dec 09 - 10:23 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Brav e and Noble Rapaire
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 07:24 PM

You want to set up a flan club for me? Well...I'm flattered, albeit still humble.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 08:30 PM

No, Rapaire, it wouldn't really be a flan club. It would be more in the way of a charity. Sort of a flanthropic organization.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 09:36 PM

Ugg. Be careful what you wish for. . .

It's snowing steadily. Stuck to the ground and the street. This is friggin Texas, and we have a white christmas. I just took cookies next year and got snow in my shoes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 10:10 PM

I assume you meant "next door", Stilly. Only Gluon can take cookies "next year".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 11:56 PM

Yes, I just saw that. Disconnect between brain and fingers. I was probably going to say something about the end of the year and edited myself. Still baking. Still frozen out. I propped the side door into the garage shut with a couple of bricks. It has been drifting open because the knob thingie doesn't quite engage to keep it closed. My poor pooches will get cold that way! (They have their dog houses filled with hay in a stall covered with a tarp and a radiator heater tied upright to keep them warm.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The brave, noble, and kind Rapaire
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 01:12 PM

Merry Christmas, Mom. I see that I'm the first to say it to you today.

Which is understandable, I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 01:20 PM

I take heart in the fact that there is a character limit and Rapaire has probably reached it, so we are not likely to note anymore self-flattering adjectives appended to his name.

Since Mom is spending with me Rapaire, so there was no need to post greetings to her. She was a little upset that you were too cheap pay her air fare to DC, but now that she has opened all the lovely and expensive gifts and is basking warmly in the presence of those who truly care for her, she is much consoled.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Audacious Rapaire
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 02:15 PM

Two bottles of cheap wine, a loaf of Wonder bread, some kale in potlikker, and a plate full of grits and red-eye gravy are expensive presents?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 04:27 PM

That's what that stink was? Kale?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 06:51 PM

The sun is setting on a yard still with patches of snow. I wonder how many sore butts there are in North Texas, being worn by those who didn't exercise appropriate caution when approaching this white holiday?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 07:52 PM

I was gonna be first to wish Mom a merry Christmas, but the storm that came through last night knocked our power out and it hadn't come back up by the time we left to do Christmas with relatives in town. We had some pretty strong winds and they must've knocked a tree onto a power line or something. Anyway, Mom knows it's the thought that counts and she says she forgives me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 09:36 PM

I hope you didn't end up with bruised butts, going out in that weather. Though I suppose if you landed on a flan you might not have much of a hematoma.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 10:13 PM

No bruised butts here. The nasty stuff (heavy rains & 40+ MPH winds) had all passed over by daybreak. And there were no cold temperatures with it. They're coming tonight.

We had brunch at my step-daughter's and dinner later on at her in-laws. No flan was served at either place. Cranberry chutney, but no flan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 11:18 PM

MOM dined on prime rib. No flan here, either.

Amos is in big trouble with MOM for not even showing up for Christmas. Do you think it had anything to do with the turgidity of flan?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Dec 09 - 02:01 AM

If Janie and MOM are mad at Amos I guess that means the shit has hit the flan.

Is Little Hawk around? Any comment on the claim that the Shat man is Jewish? I knew Nimoy was, but didn't realize Wm was. Hmmm. (I first heard this recorded by Neil Diamond on YouTube, and started poking around. Seems to originate with Sandler).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Dec 09 - 01:00 PM

Hi mom! I am sitting in a coffee shop Berkeley doing nothing useful at all and having lots of fun


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Dec 09 - 01:57 PM

I'm glad someone is having a casual day! I walked into the kitchen this morning and all I could smell was salmon (we opened a package last night for a late snack). After cleaning down the counter, mopping the floor, and scouring the front of the cabinet drawers and ornate pulls, I finally realized the smell came from a dishtowel sitting off to one side.

The upside is that in addition to doing a load of laundry, the kitchen looks great!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Wonderful, Gracious, Rapaire
Date: 26 Dec 09 - 04:16 PM

Happy Boxing Day, Mom! I hope that everything has gotten boxed by now and put in the boxing ring in the box room. I'm still in Maryland, but I'm flying home on Monday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Dec 09 - 05:03 PM

I'm not observing Boxing Day this year. Well, actually, I am observing it, I'm just not participating in it. I'm being a passive observer.

These are my Boxing Day observations so far:

1) I haven't observed anyone doing any boxing.

2) I haven't observed anyone doing any fencing either. But I'll probably be doing a bit tomorrow.
    The deer and rabbits have about wrecked the winter garden.

3) I've heard a fair amount of shooting, but that's normal. One of the neighbors seems to have gotten a new black powder rifle for Christmas.
    (Click-BOOM!) Another seems to have scored a new semi-automatic rifle. (Bat-Bat-Bat-Bat-Bat-Bat-Bat... until the clip runs out.)
    I haven't seen or heard anything to indicate that any of the shooting is being shot at anyone.

That is all. If I observe anything exciting, you can bet I'll let you know about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 Dec 09 - 07:07 PM

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my mother fixed for me
Smoked turkey breast
And all kinds of other good food.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Dec 09 - 08:26 PM

My house is sooooo quiet. And the dogs need baths, so they're outside (otherwise I might let them in for the company).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Dec 09 - 10:03 PM

Mom, pay no mind to the bodacious narcissism of yon Rapaire. I have been working hard to bring a wunnerful Xmas to Barky and BBW. Tomorrow we head north yet again for a memorial service in Grass Valley. Your name is on the tip of all our tongues.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 01:16 AM

Amos, take a look at Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story thread. It seems that Shane is hoping to pay you a visit in the near future.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Daring, Yet Delightful, Rapaire
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 08:18 AM

I hope Shame does. Amos has immense amounts of good dope stashed in his house, along with lots and lots of beer, and the girls in his neighorhood are always "willing." Shame could hang out there for a long, long time and Amos would be happy to support him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos the Beyond All Imagining How Cool
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 12:37 PM

I will support him, indeed, from the neck with some stout hemp rope we keep out here just for his sort. Fifteen minutes, max.


Berkeley is bodacious. But, man, the traffic!! We did the King TUt exhibit at the De Yoounge museum yesterday. Most impressive.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 01:01 PM

If a southern Californian thinks your traffic is bad, (    insert punchline of your choice here    ).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 01:09 PM

Take care up in Grass Valley. Wish your brother a fond farewell.

It's sunny and cold here. It's usually sunny and warm here, so though I grew up in a northern clime, I'm no longer acclimated to sunny and cold. I'm thinking the suitable response is to head for dark and warm (a movie theater).

MOM, do you want to see Sherlock Holmes kick ass, or some blue creatures on a made up moon kick ass? Or George Clooney symbolically kick ass? Or John Travolta and Robin Williams act like asses?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 01:11 PM

The good news is my car over-heated within just a few miles of me leaving my parents' to head home, and that Triple A had a tow truck there very quickly.

The bad news is I could not keep MOM from sticking out her thumb, or of refusing the offer of the Overnite trucker to take her to Louisiana for a little holiday down in the bayou.

I hope the trucker will be safe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 04:00 PM

So the question, Janie, is did you have your vehicle towed back to your parents house or closer to your own house? Are you sleeping in the car tonight?

I'll keep any eye on CNN. They like exciting news stories, so I'm sure they'll keep their eyes open for MOM and her trucker.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos the All Imaginative
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 06:36 PM

Trucker Abandoned Penniless by Highway by Imaginary Friend!! Claims She Took His Truck Too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 07:25 PM

Hey, Mom! While you're driving down the highway in your that trucker's highjacked Kenworth, ponder this:

Imagine you have a good-sized child's sandbox filled with damp, unpacked beach sand. Now, imagine you were to gently place a bowling ball onto that sand. It would make a shallow depression, right? Then, imagine you were to lift that bowling ball an inch or so and drop it onto the sand. It would make a slightly deeper depression, right? Now, imagine you were to climb a step-ladder, lift that bowling ball over your head, and throw it onto the sand. It would make a hole, wouldn't it? So, at what point does the change from depression to hole occur?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Omniscient Rapaire
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 07:43 PM

When it goes through the sandbox and everything under it and comes out on the other side.

A hole is a board goes completely through the board, a dent or depression does not. Same thing for your sandbox.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 07:51 PM

I understand that, from a mathematical/topological standpoint, a hole must go completely through a surface. But in terms of common everyday usage, when does a depression reach sufficient depth that Bubba or Jim Bob would call it a "hole"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 08:47 PM

When they have dug themselves in deep enough that they can't crawl out. Bubba has a real talent in that direction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 08:38 AM

I think I have it! For regular fokes who don't care about what mathematicians call a hole or not, a depression becomes a hole when its depth is equal to or greater than its width. A six foot diameter depression with a one foot depth is a dimple. A one foot diameter depression with a one foot depth is a marginal hole. A one foot diameter depression with a six foot depth is a by God hole.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 09:53 AM

I would agree with Bee-Dubya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 12:17 PM

It's a hole if the child playing in that sandbox falls in and can't get back out. And if that child lands on a bowling ball in the bottom of that hole, it'll hurt, and his parents are going to be pissed off and wonder what in hell is wrong with that BWL, anyhow?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 01:29 PM

Yes, I see now that I left out an important step in the the thought experiment. I neglected to stipulate that children should be removed from the sandbox before dropping the bowling ball from the step ladder. I hope nobody dropped an imaginary bowling ball onto the head of a hypothetical toddler.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 05:01 PM

I thought it was a hypothetical bowling ball and an imaginary toddler?

I'm so confused.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Incomparably Magnificent and Splendid LH
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 05:32 PM

I just had to get in on this latest craze. Match that, Amos. Eat my dust, Rapaire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Universal Overmind
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 05:42 PM

As the immediately past post here shows, the freds are no more. I could not permit their continued existence, preying as they did upon the genetic materials of other sentient beings. They served their purpose long ago and they are no longer necessary.

You of the mote you call "Earth" are, however, quite important in the schema of things, as laughter is a Universal panacea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The amazingly incredible Apotheosis of All t
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 06:04 PM

You are so right. I have been heard to say the same thing myself, and when I've said it, it's been said!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bubba the Bodacious
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 07:39 PM

Ya'll suck. Yer MOM is real fun, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 08:24 PM

This years Tall tales Whopper award goes to...   Rapaire.


The horse, train and ship poem award goes to... Amos.


I gave myself the MM award.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 08:28 PM

I would log out and join in the anonymous posting fun, but the possible consequences are far too dire. The Mudcat does have rules about anonymous posting on BS threads, you know. If one of your comments should be deleted, it would disrupt the continuity of the MOAB, thus leaving a huge gaping hole in the fabric of BS as we know it. Sorry, but even though I know the mods have far better things to do than monitor this crappy thread, and even though chances are none of them have even opened the thing in years, the possibility of a post being deleted fills me with fear, dread, angst, terror, horror, and other synonyms. YOU can take the risk of opening the BS equivalent of a black hole, but I'm not gonna do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 08:33 PM

Just think about it. If one of your anonymous posts should be deleted, this wouldn't be post #33400. Then everything would be a mess.

Repent your misguided ways!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Those who are already perfect....
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 09:01 PM

...don't have to repent!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 09:32 PM

The gracious and noble Rapaire was posting as a guest whilst he was in Silver Spring, Maryland, visiting his MIL over Christmas. The awe-inspiring Rapaire is again back in his home in Idaho, and will be going to work tomorrow. He greatly fears the horrors that may be lurking there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 10:21 PM

So...yer MILF-in-law finally kicked yer sorry ass out the door, eh? Don't expect no flippin' simpathy from ME! I will be movin' to Californica soon becoz weed is legal their. Eether that or it will be Wahshingten BC becoz it is legal their too. One of them citys is reely in luck, man, cos the Man from the Northlnand is on his way!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 10:23 PM

Just when you begin to think this thread is running out of steam, something like flan comes along, and bowling balls on babe's heads, and it all starts right up again. A verbal juggernaut of staggering proportions.


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