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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST, ^*^ 13 Aug 15 - 09:50 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Aug 15 - 09:24 AM
Amos 13 Aug 15 - 01:34 AM
Ebbie 12 Aug 15 - 11:48 PM
Acme 12 Aug 15 - 10:06 PM
Amos 12 Aug 15 - 10:02 PM
gnu 12 Aug 15 - 06:11 AM
Amos 11 Aug 15 - 10:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Aug 15 - 09:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Aug 15 - 11:32 AM
GUEST, ^*^ 11 Aug 15 - 10:48 AM
Amos 11 Aug 15 - 12:07 AM
GUEST, ^*^ 10 Aug 15 - 10:09 PM
GUEST,Le Bon et Grand Rapparee 10 Aug 15 - 05:58 PM
Amos 10 Aug 15 - 11:52 AM
Amos 10 Aug 15 - 12:12 AM
GUEST, ^*^ 09 Aug 15 - 11:39 PM
gnu 09 Aug 15 - 07:42 PM
gnu 09 Aug 15 - 05:20 PM
gnu 09 Aug 15 - 07:50 AM
gnu 08 Aug 15 - 06:01 PM
gnu 08 Aug 15 - 12:12 PM
gnu 08 Aug 15 - 08:09 AM
Amos 08 Aug 15 - 01:43 AM
gnu 07 Aug 15 - 10:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Aug 15 - 08:42 PM
gnu 07 Aug 15 - 05:43 PM
GUEST, ^*^ 07 Aug 15 - 10:09 AM
Acme 06 Aug 15 - 11:14 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 15 - 09:08 PM
Amos 06 Aug 15 - 02:36 AM
Acme 05 Aug 15 - 11:59 PM
Amos 05 Aug 15 - 05:23 PM
gnu 05 Aug 15 - 05:14 PM
Amos 05 Aug 15 - 04:58 PM
gnu 05 Aug 15 - 03:32 PM
gnu 05 Aug 15 - 03:17 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 05 Aug 15 - 03:13 PM
GUEST,Le Rapparee en Paris 05 Aug 15 - 02:56 PM
gnu 05 Aug 15 - 02:16 PM
gnu 05 Aug 15 - 02:14 PM
Amos 05 Aug 15 - 11:41 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Aug 15 - 10:04 PM
gnu 04 Aug 15 - 02:43 PM
gnu 04 Aug 15 - 12:50 PM
Rapparee 04 Aug 15 - 10:47 AM
Amos 04 Aug 15 - 02:28 AM
Rapparee 03 Aug 15 - 09:45 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Aug 15 - 06:21 PM
gnu 03 Aug 15 - 04:39 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 13 Aug 15 - 09:50 AM

Pitbull enthusiasm is a sight to behold. My pit smiles (the showing her teeth and snorting kind of smile) and her tail circles like a helicopter blade. Mix that with lab and you have a potent mix. I'm glad to hear you're keeping the dog (or is she keeping you). Don't let a couple of broken bones come between a good relationship. MOM understands that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Aug 15 - 09:24 AM

The guilty dog is a mix breed. Definitely some pit bull. Possibly some Lab as she loves water. She just showed up on our doorstep a couple of years ago. No mean feat since our driveway is 1/4 mile long through the woods.

Future trips home from the pond will be prefaced by, "Tina, calm down!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Aug 15 - 01:34 AM

What, she can't type, take dictation? Come on, BW! This is MOM we're talking about...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Aug 15 - 11:48 PM

BWL: sheesh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Aug 15 - 10:06 PM

That dog wouldn't be a Labrador retriever, would it? Mine has knocked a couple of us ass-over-applecart at least once. He's a great dog, but every now and then he just can't contain his excitement. That's why he lives with me now, instead of my more fragile friend (who was on the losing end of an automobile/pedestrian encounter and she is weak on the left side as a consequence. He was too much for her before that accident). I suspect your wife will hurry home, but she probably won't type your posts to MOAB for you. One out of two isn't bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 15 - 10:02 PM

Mom's sons and daughters--scattered! The wounded lying about like so many broken branches after a gale! The parted and departed and imparted and un-parted flying hither and yon! The Guns of August are growing still, their brave cannoneers shaken, muted, dazed and staggering about the planet.

But I say to you, FEAR NOT!! Be NOT dismayed!! Be bold, and hale!! Heal and flourish!! Prosper and rally!! Come forth jeering and blaring and sneering and cavorting! For verily a NEW DAY shall reign upon this land that is Mudcat, and at its dawn the SPIRIT OF BS will again rise up and reign over the harmony and cacaphonic delights of free spirits near and far!!

Mark ye my very words!

A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Aug 15 - 06:11 AM

Ditto Amos. Heal well and soon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 15 - 10:06 PM

Dear friend BWL,

I am so sorry for your recent pains and tribulations. May the God of the Everglades look upon you with grace and relieve you of your suffering.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Aug 15 - 09:32 PM

Hi again, Mom. I have just returned from the emergency room. My overly energetic 65# dog bowled me over and I broke my left wrist and left ankle at about 2:30 this afternoon. The fall occurred at my pond which is about 150 yards from my house down a footpath through the woods. I did not have my phone with me, and my wife is still in Indiana visiting friends. I had to crawl back to the house on hand (singular 'cause only one was usable) and knees. Then I called a friend to take me to the hospital.

I quit now. Typing with one hand sucks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Aug 15 - 11:32 AM

Hi, Mom! I'm home from Indiana, land of corn and soybeans, and back in Floribama, land of cotton, peanuts and oppressive humidity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 11 Aug 15 - 10:48 AM

I think he should head to the Mediterranean if he's looking for ideas to redecorate his living room(s). More air, warm rich colors. Just what a house next to a golf course needs. You want anyone playing the hole nearest the back fence to glimpse the color and shapes through the partially open blinds and envy your lifestyle. That's what redecorating is for, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 15 - 12:07 AM

Oh, ya, gonna export your wicked expertise to the fine young fellows of Germany ya? THAT's a good idea.

In exchange, maybe they can help you redesign your living room?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 10 Aug 15 - 10:09 PM

Call home now and then. MOM appreciates it, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Le Bon et Grand Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 15 - 05:58 PM

Je suis sans puer et sans reproche.

A demain je voyage a Germany. I just thought y'all would like ta know. Deutschland, Deutschland über alles....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 15 - 11:52 AM

I found our Mom sinking low, under the pressure of a high-intensity attack of banality in multiple systems. So I am lifting her weary head, soothing her fevered brow, offering a nice cup of tea and a biscuit, and looking for Rapparree who was supposed to be keeping an eye on her!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 15 - 12:12 AM

We are relishing balmy evening breezes after a swlretering August sort of day. Not insufferable, but velly, velly, warm like, ya know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 09 Aug 15 - 11:39 PM

It was 106o here today (42o C). The only cool blast was when I opened the freezer looking for some venison sausage to add to the beans I made. Why cook in such weather? Well, it was too hot to go outside and I had stuff in the fridge I needed to use up. Making a pot of beans means most of it can go in there. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 15 - 07:42 PM

I was just out for a walk and the breeze BLEW. I almost came back in to grab a hoody! Then, I remembered I am a Canuck and not some pussy from the tropical climes and sucked it up and went nipply in just a tee. Not 'cut glass' nipply but sort of nipply. Well, my ears did hurt from the cool breeze but I do have ears from the LeBlanc side of the family so they are sensitive to any cold and... it's August and I almost put on a hoody because of the cool air... not to fend off skeeters while sweating! Praise Dog this is amazing weather.

I understand the heat waves and droughts in the Lotus Lands are devastating. My thoughts and prayers are with them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 15 - 05:20 PM

Cue the music. AUGUST NINTH, 2015. This is the weather report with Gary gnu Owens. 19? 19 fuckin C baby! And a breeze! Oh, it's cloudy and a bit misty at times but NINETEEN on August 9? I am absolutely lovin this. My windows have been open for a few days and I am in heaven... 'cept fer the fuckin crows. I swear, if I get a terminal illness diagnosis, crows will fuckin die. Bastards wake me up at zero dark hundred hours? I'll gladly eat crow. And I'll have a full belly given the amount of incessant cawing that goes on before my alarm clock goes off. But... 19C in August? WOW! And, I saw a hummingbird today... early fall baby! Then, with the moons and signs on the go, a long and cold winter with little snow*.

*Offer prohibited where Mom Nature is a bitch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 15 - 07:50 AM

I have just restored to a restore point. I feel refreshed but somewhat stalked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Aug 15 - 06:01 PM

The fucker called again 6:18 PM and hung up when I answered. If he pulls this shit again... en garde motherfucker! That there be yer Franglais for I am totally pissed and since you started it, yer gonna hafta just see how I finish it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Aug 15 - 12:12 PM

Kijiji. Scope see through mounts. $10. Ad's been up for just shy of two month. My email reply to a buyer was...

Yes. 55 Leeside Drive. Take Walker Street which is across Mountain Road from the community college at the traffic lights. Walker tees on to Leeside. Turn right. First double driveway on left. White over green house. You MUST call (BEFORE 6 PM), 384-8738 before you come as I am on call 24/7. Click the box under Poster Contact Information to see my other ads.

He called at 8:45 PM. I said he would have to wait until today.

My ad was removed because : The exchange of weaponry involves far too many safety protocols for staff to enforce. As unregulated exchange of weaponry poses many potential dangers, no weapons are permitted on Kijiji, regardless of whether they are legal for sale in Canada.

What a miserable prick! I'd like to throw the mounts at him... free of charge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Aug 15 - 08:09 AM

Fresh green beans, carrots, spuds, cabbage... boiled ham dinner!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 15 - 01:43 AM

There's a difference between evasive alliteration and constructive alliteration. Every critic should understand the distinction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Aug 15 - 10:28 PM

Alliteration always allows anyone an adjunct annotated amusement about anything at all. Jussayin eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Aug 15 - 08:42 PM

"Professional Practices for Purveyors of Pulled Pork"

Pulled pork peddlers are prohibited from pulling pork in public. All pork must be pulled in private. Purveyors will then be permitted to peddle portions of pulled pork in public, provided they have procured proper permits.

Provisions of this publication preempt any previously published procedures.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Aug 15 - 05:43 PM

Acme... yes but not in open forum. I should not have done so just yet. A moment infused with The Devil's Alcofluence and a 'mood'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 07 Aug 15 - 10:09 AM

Has MOABland completely emptied this week? Is anyone still at home, keeping an eye on MOM? Ireland, Paris, the upper Midwest . . . oh, wait. I'm home. I guess it's just MOM 'n me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 15 - 11:14 PM

The last post was not looking at any adjacent remarks as BS - it was a quick drop in to boost MOAB before heading to bed. Interesting story, gnu. Is it one you've told somewhere else before now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 15 - 09:08 PM

Hi, Mom. I'm not in gay Paree. I'm in Goshen Indiana. All the male waiters at the restaurant we ate at tonight were obviously gay, but that doesn't make it gay Goshen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 15 - 02:36 AM

Guess the moment ran a bit long, there. We are ramping up for our flight to Erin and a week on the broad, misty back of the silver Shannon. I swan it shall be a merry and restorative time.

Maggie Darling Dogg has a small injury on her left forepaw and limps around. The vet provided an antibiotic spray and what is quaintly referred to as an E-Collar. Do you know WHY? It isn't because it's electronic, no--it is just a plastic cone that gets tightened around her neck at its narrower end and surrounds her heard like some kind of surreal acrylic halo or a megaphone with a confused soul trapped in it. No, it's called an E-collar because it looks like an Elizabethan ruff, anchored to the neck and sticking out around the face like one of those Regina Elizabeth I paintings. How about them apples?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 11:59 PM

MOM, what are you doing down here on the bottom rung of the page? The boys must be out back perfecting that bullshit detector and forgot all about you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 05:23 PM

A moment of acknowledgement for a quiet hero, sir.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 05:14 PM

No... sorry for my foul up in communication. The diaper incident was in the late 50s while Dad was deployed at CFB 3Wing. Dad was in the prison in the early 40s... WW2. Dropped in behind the lines with a sapper (explosives engineering) team as an evasion and navigation expert.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 04:58 PM

ANd why was in there in the first place?   Not the diaper, surely?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 03:32 PM

Ah, gay Paris! I was a babe. I remember the cop with the machine gun scaring the shit out of my mother whilst I was in the back seat of the car with her. I will never forget that imprint on my mind. Funny how something can stick in your memory even when you are just in diapers. She was holding my diapers out the back window to dry them and Dad got stopped as there was an ongoing threat by a faction that used a white flag as their symbol.

I wish I knew the name of the prison in Paris that Dad was kept in. Kept in a dudgeon. There were bars on a window at street level. They used their urine to slowly "scrape away the sand" below the bars. They replaced what they scraped when they knew the guards were delivering meals or might bring back a guy being "interrogated". They made a break and Dad led the way. A French cop drew his pistol and Dad ran straight at him. The cop gave Dad the pistol and the crowd closed in to stop the Germans from getting them. They got out. All except for a few who were beaten too badly to try to make a break for it. I have to stop... I am in tears.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 03:17 PM

Black or red currents?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 03:13 PM

Well, hell, I'll do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Le Rapparee en Paris
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 02:56 PM

Wonderful news! My hearing aids work on French current!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 02:16 PM

Huh? http://smackstephenharper.com/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 02:14 PM

Speaking of The Hair...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 11:41 AM

Well, of` COURSE bowling balls are bald. Can you imagine what a bowling alley would sound like if they were wearing hairpieces? That clean smashing sound of wood on wood would be gone, replaced by a sort of smarmy muffled dragging kind of fwoosh sound. It would be the laughingstock of sound bites! All the other sound bites would snicker, chuckle, smirk, guffaw, and grimace whenever someone played the old "bowling alley sound clip". A national disgrace would ensue. Not to mention the shedding problem.

TO be fair, a national disgrace is probably going to ensue anyway, even if bowling balls stay bald. But at least it won't be about either robot hair OR bowling ball hair.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Aug 15 - 10:04 PM

Hi, Mom! I was driving through Nashville, Tennessee today and saw a billboard advertising "robotic hair transplant". Why would anyone want robotic hair? If I were vain enough to want a hair transplant, I'd want human hair. And if robotic hair is so great, why are all the robots in movies bald as bowling balls. If robotic hair doesn't even work on robots, how the heck is it supposed to work on humans?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 15 - 02:43 PM

Oops! He make a thou for the PX.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 15 - 12:50 PM

If you get to Zweibrücken, say hello to the Heinz family for me and chuck a penny in the Rosengarten pond (just don't get caught... them their Krouts is pretty down on that there eh?). Oh, yeah, the bakery that Carl Heinz started? My old man and him made a lot of coin. My old man would buy flour and contract him to bake a thousand loaves of bread. He'd make 1100 loaves for the PX and they would split the profit on 100 he sold in his bakery. Speaking of, ahhh, errrr, crafty, my old man's scam on buying Mercs to be shipped to Montreal was fuckin brilliant. He was invited to and given a personal tour of the factory. Elvis bought Mercs from him (no scam there; my old man got cut rates)... even had him and Mum over for supper once. He was well trained as an intelligence and subvert warfare officer. Maybe that's why I am so fucked up? >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 15 - 10:47 AM

I'm off to France
I'll wear my pants.
And Germany too
I'll spend my due.
Two weeks to burn
Then I'll return.
But with the Web
You can't run or hide from me and I'll try to post as often as I can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 15 - 02:28 AM

Chongo fricassee! Chongo bouillabaisse! Chongo-slaw! Corned Chongo Hash! Paté de Chongo foie gras! There's no limit when the imagination and the chef's brain join hands!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 15 - 09:45 PM

And Chumpo is just a grown-up pork chop. I understand that "bush meat" is quite tasty, especially with a chili-and-plantain sauce. "Short pig," we can call it. Or perhaps "squatty pig." Or "waddle pig." Chumpo with crayfish...hmmm....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Aug 15 - 06:21 PM

Perhaps the basic difference between humans and chimps is the human ability to recognize "cute". Human babies are cute. That's why we don't usually eat them. Chimp babies are cute too, at least to human eyes. But do adult chimps understand cuteness? I think not. So, sometimes a baby chimp starts to look a bit too much like a pork chop. And pork chops, though remarkably handsome and thoroughly delicious, are not cute worth a damn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 15 - 04:39 PM

Ya look em in the eye with a steely gaze and say, "That truck for that truck. How much for my truck and what's the bottom line. Two prices. No more. No bullshit. I'll accept or not. No further conversation after you quote those two prices."


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