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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 29 Jun 15 - 01:08 AM
Acme 28 Jun 15 - 11:56 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 15 - 08:37 PM
gnu 28 Jun 15 - 08:08 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jun 15 - 04:50 PM
Amos 28 Jun 15 - 04:38 PM
gnu 28 Jun 15 - 01:22 PM
Acme 28 Jun 15 - 12:58 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 15 - 09:52 AM
Rapparee 28 Jun 15 - 09:46 AM
GUEST,Tintype 27 Jun 15 - 10:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Jun 15 - 10:02 PM
Amos 27 Jun 15 - 10:33 AM
Rapparee 27 Jun 15 - 10:19 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Jun 15 - 10:06 AM
GUEST, *^* 27 Jun 15 - 09:54 AM
gnu 27 Jun 15 - 06:53 AM
Rapparee 26 Jun 15 - 09:16 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Jun 15 - 06:50 PM
gnu 26 Jun 15 - 05:39 PM
Rapparee 26 Jun 15 - 08:48 AM
Ebbie 26 Jun 15 - 01:06 AM
GUEST, ^*^ 25 Jun 15 - 10:47 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 15 - 09:57 PM
gnu 25 Jun 15 - 09:36 PM
GUEST,Gluon the Cosmic Duckdog 25 Jun 15 - 08:45 PM
GUEST,The Duke of Bilgewater 25 Jun 15 - 07:17 PM
gnu 25 Jun 15 - 11:35 AM
Amos 25 Jun 15 - 11:10 AM
Rapparee 25 Jun 15 - 08:36 AM
Ebbie 25 Jun 15 - 03:20 AM
Rapparee 24 Jun 15 - 09:39 PM
gnu 24 Jun 15 - 09:32 PM
Amos 24 Jun 15 - 07:13 PM
Amos 24 Jun 15 - 05:54 PM
gnu 24 Jun 15 - 05:13 PM
gnu 24 Jun 15 - 01:35 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 15 - 12:31 PM
Amos 24 Jun 15 - 11:03 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Jun 15 - 10:43 AM
Rapparee 24 Jun 15 - 06:42 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Jun 15 - 04:33 AM
Ebbie 24 Jun 15 - 02:37 AM
Acme 23 Jun 15 - 11:07 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 15 - 09:21 PM
gnu 23 Jun 15 - 07:41 PM
Amos 23 Jun 15 - 03:07 PM
gnu 22 Jun 15 - 08:26 PM
GUEST, ^*^ 22 Jun 15 - 05:11 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 15 - 04:23 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 15 - 01:08 AM

I remain clammed up, rather than floundering.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 11:56 PM

Bivalves come to mind as I read all of this muscle flexing of marine puns.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 08:37 PM

Orca not understand you, to please say it an otter way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 08:08 PM

That seals the deal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 04:50 PM

Penguins eat fish, not ice cream. It was tartar sauce.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 04:38 PM

"Honest, no--it was just a little ice cream."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 01:22 PM

Bear stops for a crap, sees rabbit doing same next to him and asks if his shit sticks to his fir. "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

It's a good joke but you have to flesh it out and it's best in person with a visual. Like the hooker that gives $20 penguin blowjobs. Some jokes, ya just gotta 'see'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 12:58 PM

Damn straight, Rap. Otherwise, visitation privileges can be suspended at any time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 09:52 AM

It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope.
                                          -- St. Pope John XXIII


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 09:46 AM

What!!!???? Bee-Dub, you mean to say that you've NEVER used a sandblast to.... I thought you were a real man! REAL men have a bidet that uses carborundum instead of water! REAL men use bear fur -- with a living grizzly still attached! REAL men know that men who use a finer grit that #40 sandpaper are from Southern California!

REAL women use whatever they want. Never, ever, mess with a REAL woman!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Tintype
Date: 27 Jun 15 - 10:05 PM

"Have courage and do not fear the assaults of the Devil. Remember this forever; it is a healthy sign if the devil shouts and roars around your conscience, since this shows that he is not inside your will." - St. Padre Pio


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jun 15 - 10:02 PM

Sand? People wipe their asses with sand? Personally, I go to great lengths to keep sand out of my butt crack. How do you spell "chafe"?

And while modern day MREs (Meals-Ready-to-Eat) are a great improvement over old style C-rations, the toilet paper is still more suitable for patching bullet holes in entrenching tools than wiping your bum. But MREs do have moist towelettes. And Skittles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 15 - 10:33 AM

I am an old man, and have seen much. For decade upon decade, every year, I watch the barbarous hordes mill and march and chant their tribal sounds, do their ritual obeisances to pumpkin, turkey, dead leaders and assorted forebears. I have seen them burn the skies with loud explosions for the sake of jollity, pretending it is happiness. Year upon year the arcane symbols are resurrected and run aloft in every neighborhood--the pie tree, the evil pumpkin, the happy sacrificial bird, the virginal Mom, the sturdy Father, the pagan bouquets. The minds of the nation, year upon year, are soaked in fumes of cheap alcohol, their human potential sacrificed on the dull-pated altar of ritual and repetition.

Those who cater to the mindless wheel grow wealthy, and their wealth reported as part of the ritual in turn, forming a gruesome self-feeding, frenzied loop.

Thus the dream of democracy is devitiated and suborned, becoming a dance for the shorn and bleating celebrating less the virtues of courage and genius which they recite, but the sadder virtues of compliance, ritual and a sort of patriotic self-abnegation.

This I have seen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 15 - 10:19 AM

Well, you know that old newspaper squared, the Old Farmers Almanac, and the pages from the late, lamented, Sears catalog were pretty stiff and scratchy. Before using any of them they were played with, crumbled, folded, and otherwise softened; even back in the old days they weren't no fools.

You might have heard about corn cobs. Yep, they were used, but only as a joke on city slickers. Leaves can be an emergecy substituted, but not poison ivy (a friend in the Boy Scouts once made that mistake, but only once) or nettles or other such plants -- it helps to know botany.

The National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS) recommends using a smooth rock. They also suggest cleaning it and carrying your rock with you in case you can't find another one. (All of the stuff herein is, by the way, true.)

Them old Romans used a bit of sponge fastened to a stick. It was rinsed after use in container of water and kept in a second container of water.

Others people have used water, sand, and water mixed with sand. Of course, scraps of cloth or soft leather were also well thought of.

In the C-ration boxes the US military included a packet of "toilet paper" which was suitable for other uses as well -- roofing a bunker or patching the armor on a tank, for example.

Don't say you never learned anything from reading MOAB!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jun 15 - 10:06 AM

Yes, nothing lets you get in touch with your inner redneck quite like leaning on a pickup truck's tailgate. It's why people buy those so called pickups that are really SUVs with teeny tiny truck beds. They don't need to haul building material, they just need a tailgate to lean on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, *^*
Date: 27 Jun 15 - 09:54 AM

MOM is glad to be privy to that tidbit of privy trivia, gnu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jun 15 - 06:53 AM

BWL... great idea but, first, I'll have to make friends with some good ol' boys. Rap... sounds like quite a partaaaay.

If you notice a hole in the upper left-hand corner of your Farmers' Almanac, don't return it to the store! That hole isn't a defect; it's a part of history. Starting with the first edition of the Farmers' Almanac in 1818, readers used to nail holes into the corners to hang it up in their homes, barns, and outhouses (to provide both reading material and toilet paper). In 1910, the Almanac's publishers began pre-drilling holes in the corners to make it even easier for readers to keep all of that invaluable information (and paper) handy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 15 - 09:16 PM

The big doin's are starting at the Idaho Legion Hovel. The Glorious Fourth is coming so more tanker cars of beer are being routed onto the Legion Siding, a couple of boxcars of meat for grilling are sitting in the Yards chillin', and the boys and girls are out working on The Boss -- the biggest grill in the American West.

The Boss has a total grill surface only slightly smaller than that of two football (any sort) fields and a cricket pitch, cunningly designed so that two people can flip burgers and burn hot dogs without help. Shucks, one person can do it in a pinch! The charcoal used to come in by the carload, but air pollution laws forced the switch to propane and that comes in by the carload now; four cars, the average amount needed, are sitting by the reefers in the Yards.

Up on the hill The Biggest Show In Idaho is winding up. Raucous rock bands have disturbed my peace since I got back and fireworks are being trucked up every couple of hours. It's rumored that they have a small air-burst nuclear weapon this year, but I doubt it.

Meanwhile, the Elks Lodge has turned the parade over to the Old Town group. It will kick off at 10 a.m. and wend its way from Old Town to the parking lot at Holt Area (a/k/a The Dome or The Minidome). Floats will float and candy will be thrown to those viewing, even though city ordinance says to hand it, not to throw it.

Fireworks stands proliferate. Legal "safe and sane" fireworks are those which don't fly into the air or explode. This is honored in the breech. Sometime in the coming week the Fire Department will delineate those areas thought to be especially prone to wildfire and will ban fireworks there.

All in all it's shaping up to be a gigantic anticlimax.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jun 15 - 06:50 PM

Gnu, get a couple sheets of plywood and a handful of two-by-fours and cobble yourself together a mock pickup truck to go in your driveway. Doesn't matter how accurate a facsimile it is as long as it has a tailgate to lean on while you drink beer and shoot the shit with the good ol' boys. Even if you no longer need a truck for trucking, and even if you're no longer able to drive, you still need a tailgate to lean on now and then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jun 15 - 05:39 PM

My driveway looks 'lonely'. And the neighbour... you know, George... has yet again gotten the apartment complex manager to whipperfuck all the undergrowth under the pines out back so NO ladybugs for me!!! Asshole he is. Stunnedasmearse he is. Chemhead poison sprayin idiot! And, this year, due to the fungi that killed all the Double Impatiens last year (I did get, by chance, at a good price, 192 Snapdragons last year), all I have is petunias so aphids may kill them all... I will not use pesticides and I can't get up woods to gather ladybug larvae. BTW, George mowed his lawn 3 times in the last four days. Either he is fightin with the wife or he is an old, miserable, ignorant, senile... have a nice day eh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 15 - 08:48 AM

It's kinda like a purse, Ebbie, but not satin lined or with a clasp and lots, lots smaller and better organized.

I shall now stay indoors in a windowless room all next week....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Jun 15 - 01:06 AM

Guest #, that's an experience I expect few of us have. Is the pouch fur-lined or is it like a membrane?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 10:47 PM

Huck Finn does provide a great escape. I've read it several times.

BWL, any tomatoes cooked on the vine I can meet and top here, I imagine. But I won't, I don't want to go dig through the tall grass to see what is up. That's for this weekend. It won't be pretty, the hornworms have had free reign in the garden so far, but it ends on the 27th. After that, everything gets weeded, gets enough water, gets organic fertilizer, and gets treated the way my garden expects to be treated.

gnu, you sound like a candidate for the declutter threads. That is sometimes a daily diary of accomplishments, and people who read that thread (many who lurk and rarely say anything) appreciate the updates. There have been times when people went back into old posts to find dates and lists and such that they know they posted. For now, put your cash in the bank. And think about sharing your eBay and Kijiji successes with the x-hoarders.

I rescued 11 baby opossums this morning. With the blessings of my co-workers, even. Within an hour we had spirited them off to a wildlife foster person who will release them when they're big enough, probably come September. What a day. MOM would have loved to have seen those little guys, except for the fact that I had to pick them off and out of their dead mother in the street. But even that, in an organic way, was interesting. I've never been able to look into a marsupial's pouch before.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 09:57 PM

Any minute now the Lost Dauphin is going to show up. Then Huck and Jim on a raft. Then a steamboat with Sam Clemens at the wheel and Horace Bixby chiding him about knowing the difference between a reef and wind reef at night....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 09:36 PM

Duck? OUCH! Did you mean DUCK!?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Gluon the Cosmic Duckdog
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 08:45 PM

Quark!



Translation: Nobody wants to buy a duck. MOAB doesn't need another duck. I'm half duck and that's good enough for Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Duke of Bilgewater
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 07:17 PM

Wanna buy a duck? You'd be quackers not to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 11:35 AM

You can't be Syrian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 11:10 AM

I, for one, am glad you have decided not to ever be Hungarian again. Your contribution to the goal of ending ALL world Hungarians is appreciated. DId you know that Shakespeare felt the same way? He said that Cassius had a lean and Hungarian look.

Of course, the worst part is child Hungarians. Allowing a child to go Hungarian in the world is really sinful because he carries the mark of that experience through his whole life, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 08:36 AM

I wrote a great post last night. It incorporated everything Mother is about, it defined the human condition and ways to better it, it presented positive proof that Chongo Chimp and Shame McBride are locked away kissin' and smoochin' in a secret love nest, it presented a clear path to world peace now and in the future, it gave a clear and succinct definitive definition of "folk music".

It wouldn't post and wouldn't post. So I rebooted the router and then it was gone....

I lay awake all night, singing sad silent songs and my soul keening in woeful lamentation that it was now gone forever to that Great Bit Bucket In The Sky, that without my guidance humanity would continue on its present primrose path to perdition.

But as one of my old girl friends used to say, "Tomorrow is another day, I hope, and I vow that I'll never be Hungarian again."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 03:20 AM

guhnu, I feel for you. It is hard to give up what one dearly loves but be glad for the memories. The other day I realized one reason that our memories are so precious; noone else in the world has the same ones. I cherish mine, even though a good many of them make my spine cringe and curdle. But again- they are precious.

BTW, I like your little interjections. Don't stop. OK?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 15 - 09:39 PM

Amos, remember the Ireland is on the euro and Northern Ireland is on sterling. I mention this so you do something to embarrass us, such as
this (about 7 minutes in).

Mind you, about the time you are in Ireland I'll be in Alsace...boat on over to the Rhine and say hello.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Jun 15 - 09:32 PM

Oh dear! What great news! Fair thee well, A! I wish I could join you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 15 - 07:13 PM

Ok, it is settled, booked and on record. We are off to merry Dublin in August--oi!--and on from there to Athlone to take over a charming wee river barge and kanoodle our way up the Shannon to the Erne waterway and back again. Six days of rivers and pubs ought to be enough to float any boat.

I am anticipating, whoooa--wooo--whoaaaa.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 15 - 05:54 PM

Ah, me zonn, listen to an old bore. Never you mind your auld petunias, but go forth spruced and waxed and find yourself a true Petunia, or Dinaa, or even a little Sadie who needs your friendship, and befriend her.

Life is too damn short not to have a good conversation.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Jun 15 - 05:13 PM

Bank draft in hand! Plus, I got $20 cash for my camo coveralls. $19,020.00 today. I am a happy camper. Not that that means a whit to anyone but me. Hmmm... why do I post my personal shit on the internUt? Oh dear... I am a lonely old man. Well, that shit has gotta stop! I shall spend time with my petunias! And bore the shit out of youse with that instead. Petunias ain't personal. Just as fucking boring but not personal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Jun 15 - 01:35 PM

I shall miss my truck, especially when the snowbanks are over 6', but I shall enjoy the $19k in the bank and the not having to spend $4k a year for depreciation, insurance and the maintenance that comes after the 5 years are up (that's serious beer money!)... and the fucking grief of having to clear ice and snow off of it to move it to the street when the snow removal guy gets here and shoveling out the box and...

After I shook hands with the guy, I went into Mum's house to get the third key and told her the truck was sold. She started crying. She knows for sure now that I can never get back to the woods I spent every minute in that I could until the arthritis took hold. I explained again why I had to sell it and, as is her way, she came around... she's a grand lady, she is. Had to be. She raised the likes of me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 15 - 12:31 PM

Naked. Some folks got naked here last winter and run around outdoors. We used them to hold the street lanterns until the warm weather arrived and they started to droop a tad but not too much, so we froze 'em up again and will reuse them next winter. Most folks who get naked and run around outdoors in the winter can be reused for three or four winters iffen we're careful and don't use 'em up too fast.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 15 - 11:03 AM

Here in Southern California, the heat is making people crazy and driving them to go naked.

Back in winter, as I recall, it was a bit chillier, you know, and some folks wore sweaters, but the cold weatherand the rains and fog also, strangely enough, drove some people crazy and made them go naked.

Things got better in the Spring, though--it became pleasant and balmy, light warm breezes blessed the land and made green things spring forth and bright blooms of flowering plant celebrated the season of renewal. Pulses began to stir and people went a little crazy and went naked.

I guess there's just no pleasing some folks, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Jun 15 - 10:43 AM

In contrast to yesterday's 100°F swelter, today's weather is cloudy with intermittent light rain and only 73°F. What a difference a day makes. The down side is that cooler temperatures make it much more difficult to make up lies about how hot it is, and it's not raining enough to make up lies about flooding. But it'll probably rain enough to provide for a healthy mosquito hatch in a few days, and mosquitoes are always good for a lie or two.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 15 - 06:42 AM

The cab that was to take us to the house yesterday was late (it overheated) so I was able to adjust to the heat a bit. I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog and the guy who runs the barbecue joint across the street (lousy barbecue, by the way) was carrying the ribs outside for a few minutes to cook in the sunshine. The air conditioning at the courthouse apparently had a literal meltdown and the bailiffs were keeping things cool by using subpoenas as fans in the courtrooms. There is a police order against heated arguments,too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Jun 15 - 04:33 AM

It was so hot here yesterday that the tomatoes in our garden stewed themselves right on the vine. No cooking required.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Jun 15 - 02:37 AM

Yesterday's Juneau skies were hazy but with no apparent cause. We don't have industry nor do we have farms. Tonight for the first time I smell the aftermath of the wildfires raging in British Columbia or maybe also in the Yukon Territory. 'Tain't nice- it's acrid with tones of char.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jun 15 - 11:07 PM

Hot and muggy in my neck of the woods. Had to get up early to mow before the heat stroke temperatures kicked in.

Rap, that image was so . . . so . . . accurate, yet unkind at the same time. Shane has feelings. Somewhere. I suspect. Maybe. Well, in theory they're there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 15 - 09:21 PM

Temps down as low as -62F, winds, well, I don't know how high they were, but high!

Anyway, I'm back in sunny, beautiful, blue-sky-dappled-with-white-clouds, Idaho.

The first box arrived last week; there is another awaiting pickup or redelivery. Pat doesn't sell her quilts; they are held in a Sacred Place Of Trust to await Their Call, except for Project Linus and Quilts of Valor. I sold some of the family plate to finance this trip and now we are eating off of paper towels. It was, however, well worth it.

One place we did visit was Dangle, County Concealedcarry, the ancestral home (if such a term can be so applied) of the notorious McBrides of Blind River. While nearly all of the place is a ruin, as you can see some of Shame's family still lives there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Jun 15 - 07:41 PM

14C, rain and 25-35 kph wind here. I win!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 15 - 03:07 PM

Toasty and bright in beautiful Southern California! Light sea breezes curling over the shoreline hills, dog happily asleep in the bushes. Life is SO interesting! :D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jun 15 - 08:26 PM

13C for a high with RAIN today! Temps for the coming week about 20C. Usually, over the past 20 years, we'd be in the 30s now. Thank you, Dog! Good Dog! Yes you are!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 22 Jun 15 - 05:11 PM

Perhaps Pat will offer to create quilt works-of-art to sell to defray some of those costs. Have the boxes of fabric arrived safely?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 15 - 04:23 PM

I am in the US of A. Indiana, to be precise. Tomorrow I will be home in God's Country. I saw sheep, horses, cows, stone walls, and lots of green. I also spent enough for Ireland to graciously pay off Greece's debt and still continue for twenty more years. The bills are starting to come in. Pray for me.


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