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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

MMario 20 Feb 07 - 10:04 AM
Acme 20 Feb 07 - 10:00 AM
Amos 20 Feb 07 - 09:39 AM
Rapparee 20 Feb 07 - 09:11 AM
Acme 19 Feb 07 - 10:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Feb 07 - 10:54 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 19 Feb 07 - 10:21 PM
Little Hawk 19 Feb 07 - 10:13 PM
Rapparee 19 Feb 07 - 09:53 PM
Rapparee 19 Feb 07 - 09:18 PM
Acme 19 Feb 07 - 05:43 PM
Amos 19 Feb 07 - 05:29 PM
Amos 19 Feb 07 - 03:04 PM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage 19 Feb 07 - 01:07 PM
Acme 18 Feb 07 - 11:23 PM
Amos 18 Feb 07 - 10:07 PM
Acme 18 Feb 07 - 07:04 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 05:03 PM
Little Hawk 18 Feb 07 - 04:38 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 04:13 PM
Amos 18 Feb 07 - 04:12 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 03:22 PM
Little Hawk 18 Feb 07 - 02:31 PM
Amos 18 Feb 07 - 02:10 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 01:47 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 01:45 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Feb 07 - 12:25 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 11:35 AM
Amos 18 Feb 07 - 10:40 AM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 10:08 AM
Acme 18 Feb 07 - 02:07 AM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 12:59 AM
Amos 18 Feb 07 - 12:35 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Feb 07 - 12:24 AM
Amos 18 Feb 07 - 12:11 AM
Rapparee 18 Feb 07 - 12:08 AM
Amos 18 Feb 07 - 12:06 AM
Rapparee 17 Feb 07 - 07:46 PM
Amos 17 Feb 07 - 07:22 PM
JennyO 17 Feb 07 - 06:56 PM
Little Hawk 17 Feb 07 - 05:35 PM
Acme 17 Feb 07 - 05:31 PM
Little Hawk 17 Feb 07 - 05:06 PM
Acme 17 Feb 07 - 04:58 PM
Amos 17 Feb 07 - 04:46 PM
Rapparee 17 Feb 07 - 10:38 AM
Amos 17 Feb 07 - 09:05 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Feb 07 - 12:54 AM
Amos 17 Feb 07 - 12:18 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Feb 07 - 12:05 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Feb 07 - 10:04 AM

Now, Stilly - I've been told he does an excellent dramatization of "Why Pecos Bill wasn't allowed to Join the Idaho Legion; and other tales of wimps not from Idaho"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Feb 07 - 10:00 AM

I want to sit in on children's story hour at the Marshall Public Library on the day when Rap does the reading.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Feb 07 - 09:39 AM

I have asked Gluon what he thinks Shane's problem is. Being Gluon, he replied it is all relative. So now, I want the truth. Which one of youse guys is related to that hoser, eh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Feb 07 - 09:11 AM

Shane won't come 'round for several reasons. First of all is Gluon. Gluon is keeping an eye out for him and Gluon is the kind of dog folks like S. McBridge fear most: they'll knock you to the floor and lick you clean.

Secondly, Shane is only vaguely aware (I'll continue, but I don't have to do so) of where Idaho is. To be more precise, Shane is only vaguely aware of where Shane is. He gets lost inside a sleeping bag.

Thirdly, Shane knows that I bite boulders in two, that I can outfight, outshoot, and outdrink any ten of him. He knows that I eat dynamite and spit pure nitroglycerin. He knows that I use hydrofluoric acid as a chaser to my drinks of sulfuric acid. He knows that I eat Rocky Mountain Oysters for breakfast and that I season them with potassium cyanide. He knows that the last time a guy tried to shoot me I caught the bullets in my teeth and spit them back, writing "Go Home To Yer Momma" on the side of the guy's armored car in bullet holes.

Lastly, he knows that I'm just a wimpy librarian when compared to some of the REAL women and men out here in Idaho. He knows our secret and it frightens him so much that he spends him time curled up in a little hole, sucking a bottle of Budweiser and wetting his pants from fright, the yellow blankie with the teddy bears pulled up over his head.

And here's our secret, the one that causes Shane McBride to soak his Depends because of fright: out here in Idaho, we bathe. Regularly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Feb 07 - 10:59 PM

Shane, your hair matches that old red carpet in Rapaire's basement. Didn't you get all of the raspberry jam out of it yet? Gluon will help.

Gluon. . . .her girl. . . Gluon. . .

SLURP!!!

Now, doesn't THAT feel better! Naw, don't worry. Your hearing will come back and your vision was probably that blurry to begin with. Honest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Feb 07 - 10:54 PM

Jesus H. Christ! I come over here to tell Mom something and the whole place stinks like Shane McBride! Dude! Take a fuckin' shower! Invest in some deodorant!

Hell, I can't even remember what I was gonna say now. Screw it! I don't think I can handle the stench much longer anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 19 Feb 07 - 10:21 PM

You ain't flippin' SEEN TOUCHY YET, Rap-man! I will flippin' find you and when I do...it's lights OUT. You are goin' DOWN, MOTHERFLIPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Feb 07 - 10:13 PM

Godzilla has had worse days than that, Rapaire, and does he get touchy? Well???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Feb 07 - 09:53 PM

And one of the books is entitled Pete Seeger's Storytelling Book by some guy named, of all things, Pete Seeger. Bearded fella....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Feb 07 - 09:18 PM

Touchy? Touchy? You don't know touchy! Touchy is going to Wild Oats and buying some great stuff and then to two (2) bookstores and buying some great stuff and then, when heading home, having the sidewall of your left rear tire blow out. On I-15. Which is always a mob scene in SLC metro area. Me, touchy?

Of course, it all turned out for the best. Of course. AAA changed the tire, one of the dealers was only a couple exits away, they put on a used tire which got us home, and tomorrow Pat will deal with the tire store, God help them.

Yes! I'm back and I'm bad! I'd show ya all how bad 'cept I was twirling one of my .44s and it went off and I put a bullet right smack inta the north wall. Gotta work on my twirl, I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Feb 07 - 05:43 PM

I couldn't get my post to stick earlier, I had to enter with another browser and sign in as a guest to give her the boost she needed. The 'cat does seem a bit touchy today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Feb 07 - 05:29 PM

Mom, don't go down into the cellar anymore, okay?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Feb 07 - 03:04 PM

The siubtelties of human emotional comparisons are surely one thing computers will never master!! :D

Mom, come back up the page with me. Give me your hand. There ya go. It is raining, Mom, and one of my oldest friends has taken off for the Great Beyond. So I am a bit bemused.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Feb 07 - 01:07 PM

It's a gorgeous day, Mom! Too bad I don't get a holiday today like the post office and banks, but with good weather at least I'm just a bit displeased, not miserable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 11:23 PM

Once he meets Pat in SLC she'll see the problem and get his blood sugar and calcium levels back in line again. He'll be fine (maybe a little embarrassed to find he's been spouting off like one of the characters on one of Mr. Shat's Star Trek planets).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 10:07 PM

Well, it meets SOME of his qualifications. He does raise interesting questions. Probably a survival mechanism...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 07:04 PM

I wonder if he likes raspberry jam?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 05:03 PM

And now, farewell! I go to the Land of the Temple! Yes, I am off to Salt Lake City! I shall return tomorrow.

After all, if one is Perfect In All Things one must be both perfectly sinless AND perfectly sinful.











Peace is war, freedom is slavery....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 04:38 PM

Interesting concept, Rapaire. You may be right. What am I saying?! Of course, you're right. You are the Supreme Being!

Shane McBride has attained perfection in such things as gormless stupidity, slothfullness, aimless lust, alcoholism, and lack of personal hygeine. As such, he is a proud reflection of a number of your divine characteristics at their most perfect. Cool, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 04:13 PM

Odd that you should know my job title, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 04:12 PM

Which, of course, completely ruins the use of the word perfect to describe anything except as itself, the only standard -- including flaws -- that can be used to define perfection by this tortured, definitely counter-neo-platonistic worldview. To be precise, oxymoronically enough, it is anti-post-neo-platonic nihilistic nepotistic monotheistic solipcism of the worst kind.

Leave it to a librarian, eh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 03:22 PM

On the contrary, LH. Being perfect means being perfect in all things, includding boredome, stupidity, boorishness, mental aridity, and, indeed in imperfection itself.

John Donne wrote about this in Macflecknoe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 02:31 PM

That just goes to show how imperfect you are. The perfect are not subject to boredom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 02:10 PM

Hmmm... The Cosmic Cheese is sounding a tad strident. You don't suppose his Unfathomable Certainty is being, um, eroded a bit? All in sport, of course. Perfection gets to be SUCH a bore after a while, especially in someone not me.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 01:47 PM

I double-dog dare you to make a fuss on the "Meredith Grey" obit thread!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 01:45 PM

I've already done that, Bee-Dubya, in PMs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 12:25 PM

Oh, yeah? Well, Rapaire, if you're such a Big Cheese, let's see you go over to your "OBIT: Shane McBride" thread and tell all those people who are giving you shit about using the "OBIT" heading in jest to go piss up a bunch of ropes! Go on! I double-dog dare ya!

And if anyone gets offended by being told to go piss up a rope, just tell them that I double-dog dared you. Everyone knows that one is not really responsible for one's actions if those actions are pursuant to a double-dog dare. There's legal precedent, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 11:35 AM

Yes, but not this one, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next cycle.

I'm booked pretty solid for the next few epochs, eons, and lives of universes.

Sorry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 10:40 AM

By pulling a few strings I have managed to have the librarian-who-believes-he -is-cosmic condemned to a few cycles of ordinary mortality, as a sort of political wrst-slap on charges of Cosmic Arrogance and Occasional Plagiarism. What really tipped the scales was when he tried to steal an ancient traditional Scots song.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 10:08 AM

I shall go, I shall go
When the morning is over
To the land of Salt Lake
Where I'll pick up my wife
And we'll come back tomorrer
I shall go, I shall go.

       -- Old and anonymous Scottish song, ca. 1746?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 02:07 AM

Shoulda seen that one coming. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 12:59 AM

Dear Amos,

Do your worst.

Sincerely yours,

Rapaire
Chair and Supreme Overlord Extraordinary,
Better Cosmic Business Conduct Bureau


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 12:35 AM

Fine, I'll take a ten percent reduction as a restocking fee. Just take this damned everything off my hands and give me back my nothing.

Otherwise, there will be a major uproar, and the Better Cosmic Conduct Bureau will be all over this two-bit pasteboard universe like stink on a skunk...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 12:24 AM

Rapaire's right, Amos. You forgot to factor in the gradual slowing of the earth's orbit around the sun and the consequential gradual lengthening of the year. You should always read the fine print in contracts with supreme beings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 12:11 AM

I don't think so, If the process of becoming everything from nothing took seven notional days, as indeed the irrefutable Old Testament affirms, then my thirty is not up until roughly 13,105, on June 8.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 12:08 AM

Too late. There was a 30 day trial period and you missed it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 12:06 AM

I'd like to turn in this everything please; it doesn't work properly. No credit -- just give me back my nothing and I'll leave happy.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 07:46 PM

What is existence? What defines something's or someone's existence? What causes something to exist in the first place? If Amos steals my wallet (again) and uses my American Express card, does that mean that "I" exist twice whenever he uses it?

Sartre, Kant, Socrates, Aquinas, and many others wrestled with this question. Descartes' "Cogito ergo sum" can hardly apply in an era when a cheap computer can "outhink" many national leaders, but the entire quotation, ""Dubito ergo cogito; cogito ergo sum" is just as applicable now as it was when it was first uttered.

Bergson wrote, "To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly." Camus wrote, "For if I try to seize this self of which I feel sure, if I try to define and to summarize it , it is nothing but water slipping through my fingers...This very heart which is mine will forever remain indefinable to me."

Is Shane McBridge (whoever it is) more "real" and have more "existence" than Amos Jessup?

Of course, it all begs the question since I created everything out of nothing in the first place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 07:22 PM

How can a nonexistent entity assume a disguise? This is like trying to find a picture of Yaweh, or get a place-mat with an autographed photo of Jesus and the 12 disciples on it. It lacks a certain, um, evidentiary substance.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 06:56 PM

Could this be Shane in disguise?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 05:35 PM

Ha! Ha! Ha! Looks like Shane on the back porch...late Saturday night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 05:31 PM

Maybe this will work?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 05:06 PM

I still have not found any picture on the Internet that really looks like Shane. Darn it. You wouldn't think it would be so hard to find something like that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 04:58 PM

That's the idea! It's how Bush conducts business (and then some), why shouldn't librarians?

Hey MOM it finally warmed up some, but it's so windy that it still seems cold. [sigh] But we're headed in the right direction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 04:46 PM

Thanks for the suggestion. Tell her to charge all the traffic will bear.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 10:38 AM

Actually, that's one of the members of the staff who will be working on the problem. She is so good that she can work at several libraries at the same time since she can travel faster than light and therefore back and forth through time. In fact, she'd have your grant data yesterday except that she's off this weekend and we're closed Monday for President's Day. So this coming Tuesday she might have the data on a grant that you asked for yesterday by last Wednesday.

That's not a lot of money for a grant. Are you sure you wouldn't want more?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 09:05 AM

Rapaire likes to claim he bosses a large staff, but the fact is, every morning he slips into a phonebooth and comes out in his alternate identity which allows him to single-hand the show with strength of ten men.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 12:54 AM

Found a picture of the staff. I wouldn't be too worried.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 12:18 AM

Well, I will get back to you as soon as I can estimate the wordage; it depends, you see, on the quick and affluent results of the staff getting their part done. If I don't know how much and how soon, there is no way to estimate how many and how good.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 12:05 AM

Might not be a good idea to try to hide that transaction from You-Know-Who. I heard You-Know-Who is omniscient, clairvoyant, and infinitely wise. Then again, the same fellow who told me that tried to sell me a Rolex for $39.95.


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