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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 03 Aug 04 - 03:53 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 04 - 04:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Aug 04 - 10:26 PM
42 03 Aug 04 - 10:29 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 04 - 10:41 PM
Amos 03 Aug 04 - 11:30 PM
Rapparee 04 Aug 04 - 09:21 AM
Rapparee 04 Aug 04 - 11:17 PM
Amos 04 Aug 04 - 11:55 PM
GUEST,MMario 05 Aug 04 - 10:31 AM
MMario 05 Aug 04 - 11:06 AM
Amos 05 Aug 04 - 02:34 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 04 - 02:52 PM
Amos 05 Aug 04 - 11:56 PM
Acme 06 Aug 04 - 02:15 AM
Rapparee 06 Aug 04 - 03:12 PM
GUEST,tattletale 06 Aug 04 - 03:35 PM
Amos 06 Aug 04 - 05:28 PM
Amos 06 Aug 04 - 10:32 PM
Acme 07 Aug 04 - 01:13 PM
Amos 07 Aug 04 - 02:53 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 04 - 08:37 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 04 - 08:37 PM
Amos 08 Aug 04 - 02:08 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 04 - 12:06 PM
Amos 08 Aug 04 - 12:27 PM
Acme 08 Aug 04 - 12:45 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Aug 04 - 03:56 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 04 - 09:55 AM
Acme 09 Aug 04 - 10:07 AM
Amos 09 Aug 04 - 10:08 AM
Rapparee 09 Aug 04 - 05:18 PM
Amos 09 Aug 04 - 06:57 PM
Amos 09 Aug 04 - 09:28 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 04 - 09:46 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 04 - 11:08 PM
Amos 09 Aug 04 - 11:17 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Aug 04 - 01:29 AM
Rapparee 10 Aug 04 - 09:18 AM
Acme 10 Aug 04 - 09:24 AM
Rapparee 10 Aug 04 - 09:57 AM
GUEST,MMario 10 Aug 04 - 11:00 AM
Acme 10 Aug 04 - 11:02 AM
GUEST,MMario 10 Aug 04 - 11:18 AM
Acme 10 Aug 04 - 12:20 PM
Amos 10 Aug 04 - 12:49 PM
Little Hawk 10 Aug 04 - 01:01 PM
Amos 10 Aug 04 - 01:51 PM
beardedbruce 10 Aug 04 - 01:57 PM
GUEST,mmario 10 Aug 04 - 02:03 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 04 - 03:53 PM

Actually, you have to begin to think in terms of metrics -- the measure of things that can be reduced to numbers. This is like learninig to follow th emoney in politics, a hard lesson but one that will be learned sooner or later by thoser who survive in the game.

Consider that the opportunity for a really MEANINGFUL number like 4000 will not recur for quite a while. And th record for the highest NUMBER of posts to the MOAB is probably held by someone beyond recourse. So Rapaire, who is clearly a brilliant and innovative thinker, has come up with a way to glory by going for COLUMN INCHES as his metric of choice. He will soon have more of them than even McGonigal by posting long, long, poems to the MOAB.

Clever strategy, Rapaire!! Pour it on, dude!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 04 - 04:02 PM

My metrics are metric, so I'm going for column centimeters. Or kilometers. Whichever comes first.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Aug 04 - 10:26 PM

Measuring BS? It is a pointless and fruitless endeavor! As Douglas Adams pointed out in The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy, the Universe is empty. Well, it might as well be, because the teeny, tiny, itty-bitty motes of matter that do exist are totally irrelevant compared to the huge enormous tracts of nothingness that are the Universe's dominant feature. Compared with the enormous amount of BS in the Universe (infinity minus one or, maybe, one-and-a-half) Rapaire's attempt to set some sort of record for the greatest number of centimeters of BS on this thread is meaningless. He might as well be Bobert, who has only posted about fifty centimeters worth of BS here. Fifty centimeters or fifty thousand centimeters or fifty million centimeters - it amounts to the difference between pouring a cup of water into the Pacific Ocean and pouring a gallon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 03 Aug 04 - 10:29 PM

Rapaire's opinionated, arrogant attitude to life makes him the centre of his own universe and only the second person to survive the Total Perspective Vortex without becoming a gibbering idiot (mostly because he was one when he entered.)

Thanks to Douglas Adams for the concept!
j


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 04 - 10:41 PM

Last one for a while. This, I understand, is Wallace McRae's favorite.

OLD PROC
by Wallace McRae

Old-timers in the neighborhood
Would bandy words on who was good
At puncher jobs for hours on end when I was just a kid.
They'd get wall-eyed 'n paw and bawl
And swear, "By damn I knowed 'em all.
If'n Josh he wasn't best trailhand, I'Il eat my beaver lid!"

"Down and dirty, I'm the dealer.
Old Bob Seward? Best damn peeler
Ever snapped a bronc out, jist give me one he broke."
"Give, you say? That's what I heard.
You're right that Bob's a tough ol' bird.
But better practice cactus pickin' and work on your spur stroke.

Cain't stay astraddle one of his'n
When he pops the plug and goes t' fizzin'
She'Il be adios caballo and howdy to the nurse."
They'd move from bickering bronc peelers
To rawhide hands 'n fancy heelers.
"Red Carlin?" "Young Mac Philbrick?" They'd testify and curse.

They'd analyze Link Taylor's cuttin':
"His bag-splittin' way of calf denuttin'
Is pure askin' for trouble, 'sides he don't cut by the sign."
"You cut your calves by the moon?
Keep on night brandin' and pretty soon
The sheriff'll change yer address and you'Il be twistin' hair and twine."

On they'd rave and postulate
'Bout who was fair 'n who was great.
As they scratched brands in the hot dust, I'd never say a word.
But in their jousting verbal battle,
Among the boasts and barbs and prattle,
I sat in youthful judgment as they sorted out the herd.

So I came early to understand
The names of every good top hand.
In my scope of country, from hearing tough hands talk.
But when they'd crow and blow and boast
The one name that came up the most
Was a wily wild horse runner they simply caIled "ol' Proc."

"You boys jist start 'em. I'll stop 'em."
Old Proc'd say and then he'd chop 'em
Off at some escape route. He'd wheel 'n bring them in.
"Proc thinks horse," I'd heard them say,
And finally there came the day
That I would get to meet this fabled mounted paladin.

My mother's father, John McKay,
Up and said one fine spring day
While I was staying with them, "Minnie, get your bonnet."
"Let's go up by the Castle Rock
'N see some country, visit Proc.
If you're late, I'll be upset. You can bet your life upon it."

He never paused for her reply.
My grandma fussed around and I
Asked grandpa, "Is he the wild horse man?" "That's him," my grandpa said.
As we ricocheted and bounced our way
In a tobacco-stained green Chevrolet
My grandpa told "Proc stories" and chewed and spit and sped.

From all the tales Grandpa told me
I felt like an authority
On this ranahan, Joe Proctor, who came north with Texas cattle.
His wife had been the JO cook.
But Proc had sparked and won and took
Her for his bride. They fought and won the homestead battle.

I couldn't wait to meet Mr. Proc,
Whose peers all praised his ways with stock.
But when his calloused hand gripped mine, surprise hit me in waves.
Those old cowboys who cut no slack
Deemed it unimportant Proc was black,
And wasn't worth a mention that Joe Proctor's folks were slaves.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 04 - 11:30 PM

Goldurn, Rap!

That was worth the column inches!! Way tuh get it said!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 04 - 09:21 AM

Yeah, well, there's one more but I'll do that later.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 04 - 11:17 PM

Nay, Mother. E'en though you are forgotten by your other children, cast out into a cold, dark world, I shall do what I can to keep your memory green. Tho' Amos, Bee-Dubya-Ell, MMario, Carol C. SRS, 42, and all forget, I shall not. I shall see that MOAB continues to carry the torch that Enlightens all who seek Enlightenment.

MOAB FOREVER!! NEVER SHALL THE BS WAVER OR QUAYLE BEFORE THE COLD, MERCILESS, PITILESS WORLD!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 04 - 11:55 PM

Hey Rap -- stop saying bad things to Mother about me. I posted less than 12 hours ago, so don't be a jerk, ok? Or I'll tell her what you really do for a living.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 05 Aug 04 - 10:31 AM

MOAB told me I didn't have to post. So there!

Ppppppffffffflllllllttttttttt! ttt!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Aug 04 - 11:06 AM

MOAB!

Amos says I'm talking dirty! He can just take his Ding Tac Ta and shove it in his kalimba!

fangshenfg!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 04 - 02:34 PM

Never did, MM -- and my Tic Tacs are all safe in the box!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 04 - 02:52 PM

Hey, playing music is a legitimate job! Y'all are just jealous 'cause I do it in Sagebrush Sadie's House Of Joy & Livestock Auction!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 04 - 11:56 PM

Well, I was talking about the other job -- if MOAB ever found out about your relationship with that there Dewey Decimal system she'd write you off instanter as not fit to post B.S. anywhere EXCEPT at Sady's.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 04 - 02:15 AM

Rapaire is probably okay with the MOAB--I bet he's using the Library of Congress (LC) system.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 04 - 03:12 PM

I'll bet he ain't.

He's using DDC 21, locally modified in certain areas to reflect local needs and quirks. But he's thinking about going to either UDC or, perhaps, Ranganathan's Colon Classification or even resurrecting Charles Aimee Cutter's Expansive Classification. ANSCR hasn't been updated so that it's feasible in the current musical environment, so that's out for sound recordings (although it was excellent in it's day).

Besides, LC's too complex for a middle-sized public library. It's in use up at the Oboler Library at ISU, though. And probably in the library out at INEEL.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,tattletale
Date: 06 Aug 04 - 03:35 PM

never did, eh?



Subject: RE: What is this instrument?
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 04 - 10:38 AM

MM is talking dirty again....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 04 - 05:28 PM

IS that cute, or what!! A forged message!! Dang!! :>)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 04 - 10:32 PM

Oh, I'm sorry! Really, I take it back with apologies. I did say it, but on a different thread because MM was making cracks about plucked psalteries... my error. Sorry.

Go ahead squeal if you want, MM -- you're the one that will get in trouble, not me, for using words like plucked.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Aug 04 - 01:13 PM

phucked psalteries. . .???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 04 - 02:53 PM

Aw, Geeze...now ya got SRS talkin' dirty too, MM!! See??? That's why you shouldn't use such language. It is contagious and little pitchers have big ears.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 04 - 08:37 PM

A couple of hours ago my wife hit me in the head with a garage door.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 04 - 08:37 PM

Door's okay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 02:08 AM

You back on your feet there pal? What did you do to piss her off?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 12:06 PM

Nothing that I know of, except dumping some ice cubes on the lawn. I walked into the garage and she hit me. She pushed the button again and the door went back up, but I still have a whopper of a headache.

I'm going to call and have a more modern door opener put in, one that automatically reverses after it hits you in the head.

I look like a job Simon Girty didn't get to finish. Or like she took a shot at me and creased me.

Yeah, I'm back on the feet. Didn't got the emergency room, yet, and don't want to. No vision problems, pupils are the same size, etc.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 12:27 PM

Take a few aspirin and call that garage door guy pronto. We cannot have the source of so much fine-quality BS being put at risk by Garage Door Opener Abuse. Maybe we should arrange foor some Secret Service watchstanders at least for your daytimes hours....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 12:45 PM

OUCH!!!

I'm going to call and have a more modern door opener put in, one that automatically reverses after it hits you in the head.


Definitely time for a new opener! They're code down here, if you want to sell your house I think house inspectors will tell you to change out the opener if you have the old one. And in my little town you have to have an opener and it has to be one that stops on a dime. (It also stops ripping off my bumper if I don't back the truck quite far enough into the garage!)

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 03:56 PM

Consider yourself fortunate, Rapaire. At least you have a garage door opener. A lot of people have to open their garage doors the old-fashioned way. Heck, a lot of people don't even have garages and have to park in carports. In fact, some people don't even have carports, but have to park out on the street. For that matter, there are billions of people who don't even have cars! You should ask your wife to hit you with the garage door opener daily just as a way of showing the Universe how grateful you are for having all the crap you have.

Or, if you feel that getting hit once sufficiently expresses your gratitude, get a door opener with a photoelectric cell in it so you won't have to express it again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 09:55 AM

A WOMAN'S PLACE
For Karla Gambill
? by Wallace McRae

"A woman's place is in the home." That always has made sense.
They're just not built for riding broncs, nor fixin' barbwire fence.
The "woman's place" is well-defined throughout the cowboy West,
Besides, it's our tradition. Our old ways have stood time's test.
There's lots of things that women do way better than a man.
They're a whiz at washing diapers, or with a frying pan.
Those ladies are a comfort when a man ain't feelin' prime,
So, for cookin' or for lookin', give me a woman every time.
I've always advocated the old values of the West.
I believe, just like gospel, that the old-time rules is best.

A few years back I put things off, like I'm inclined to do.
When branding time come rolling 'round - I didn't have a crew.
And this girl, I'll call her "Laurie," said she'd agree to lend a         hand.
I thought she meant her husband! See, I didn't understand
That she meant her, you savvy now that I was in a bind.
I didn't want to break her heart. I couldn't be unkind.
She said she had these horses that needed lotsa miles.
I said we'd start at daylight. She says, "Great. And thanks," and smiles.
'Bout three o'clock next morning, while I'm still snoring hard,
I starts, and hears a creeping gooseneck ease into the yard.
We invites her in for breakfast, but she's already ate.
It's an hour and half to daybreak 'n I'm already late.
The crew shows up, but she's the one who gives me an assist
When Old Ranger trys to buck me off. She gathers cows I missed!
While I gees and haws Old Ranger, her horse rolls o'er his hocks.
She cuts us cowboys seven ways, 'n does it orthodox.
There ain't nothin' that that girl can't do! I'm feelin' like a dope.
At last in desperation, I says, "Laurie, wanta rope?"
She keeps six rasslers busy. We're all abustin' gut.
She even finds a branded bull that I forgot to cut.
For four long days she shows us how a real hand operates.
She rassles and gives shots and brands. She even "casterates"!
When we gets done I offer up to ride, to pay her back.

In the nicest way that she knows how, she lets me know: I lack
Some basic skills I never learned. My horses ain't the best.
They got more help than they can use. I prob'ly need a rest.

So:

"A woman's place is in the home," to me don't seem so strange,
Because I finally figured Laurie's "Home (is) On The Range."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 10:07 AM

nice! I know a few women like that. They've written some interesting essays here and here and many other places. Hasselstrom has quite a few anthologies out (and a new one I'm supposed to review--perhaps I'll post it at Mudcat!).

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 10:08 AM

Sounds about right, but that doesn't mean you have to let her have a door-opener....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 05:18 PM

Opener button's screwed to the wall.

We're gitting a new door opener.

My head still hurts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 06:57 PM

Talk nice to your head, Rapaire, and acknowledge it was wrongfully hurt. Let your head know you appreciate it and want it to be whole and sound. Have your wife kiss it and apologize to it for pushing that button.

As an aside, if it is this easy between two individuals, just think how close we must have come in the 60's -- it is a miracle that no-one pushed the button.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 09:28 PM

I try to be honest because I believe that it brings spiritual strength into the world, desperately needed in these days.

But it is twisting every nerve-ending, and torquing every fiber of being, to cleave to this principle when faced, in the typical perverse ways of Karma, with the one thing I would never want to communicate:

Shatner is to be brought back to life as James T. Kirk.

The story in its gory and incredible perversion can be found at this sci-fi site.

This is a sad day for New Thought.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 09:46 PM

I have, in my wisdom, directed to to the First Church of Shatnerology. Now, in my goodness, I direct you here.

No need to thank me. No, no, I simply do my humble best for the good of all MOABites.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 11:08 PM

JUST WORDS
by Baxter Black

They were just words:

"Tear down the Berlin Wall" Reagan to Gorbachev at the Brandenburg Gate, 1987.
"Chance of rain. " Weatherman in Iowa during the '93 flood.
"Give me liberty or give me death." Patrick Henry, 1775.
"I wish I'd never read this book. . . so I could read it again for the first time." Dan Trimble about Hemingway's Old Man and the Sea, 1992.
"The Grass Is Always Greener over the Septic Tank." Erma Bombeck, 1976.

We often underestimate the value of words. "Good job, son." "Best cobbler I ever ate." "Did you paint that yourself?" "I'm really proud of you." "Thankya, love."

We underestimate their power. "You shouldn't'a let that kid beat ya." "Maybe you should lose some weight, Hon." "You should'a tried harder." "Not again; they've heard those stories before." "You do that every time!"

There are people whose opinions we truly value. There are people whose praise we'd die for. They are often two different things. Sometimes we genuinely would like to improve ourselves. "Yer lettin' your rope go too soon." "Give him his head." 'Always check the hind feet when you set him up."

Sometimes we just need encouragement: "You did the best you could. " "You looked like you won from where I sat. " "It sure runs better after you worked on it."

Most everyone is the most important person in someone's life. It is no small responsibility. It should be a crime if we don't realize and recognize that importance, because what you say can have such long-lasting effect:

"I believe you got the makin's of a world champion." Ty Murray's mom.
"I know you can do it, but be careful." James A. Lovell, Jr.'s wife.
"Believe in yourself." Martin Luther King's Sunday School teacher.
"Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." JFK.
"Write about what you know." My college English professor after giving me an F on a poem I wrote for a class assignment.
"You'll never amount to anything." Too many of us, too many times.

Words. . . like burrs under a blanket, like nails in a coffin.
Like a single match in a sea of gasoline.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 11:17 PM

A REVIEW of this BEST SELLING BOOK!

THE ENCYCLOPEDIA SHATNERICA!!!!


(Click title for Amazon site link)

1 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

This book has to be updated with new material!, November 21, 2002

Reviewer:
 
picardfan007 (USA) - See all my reviews

From what the author said in one of the reviews; his publisher altered his original concept and manuscript. My solution would be to repackage and update it. Shatty's Priceline troubles will hurt him again because there are still complaints in the news about that company. I have to say after reading Shatnerica I have a very different view of Captain Kirk. He may have had some talent but his arrogance is all that's left. He might have been a great actor if he acted like a human being and not the "leading man" he never was. Except on Star Trek that is. How many of the cast would want to work with him again?

I'd still have to say the author still accomplished his goal. He showed the audience that Shatner has none of the heroic qualities of a Captain Kirk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 01:29 AM

Upon the morrow, I must away to the wilds of Nappanee, Indiana to attempt to sell southern-made pottery to people of the northern persuasion. I shall return in about a week, hopefully with huge bags of money, checks, credit card vouchers and other negotiable instruments. Take care of Mom while I'm gone. Make sure she takes her vitamins and don't let her play in the puddles without her golashes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 09:18 AM

Take them Hoosiers, Bee Dubya. I've been to Nappannee more times than I care to count, and they got so much money there that you'll get giddy just thinkin' about it. Bunch of 'em are Amish, so be careful, 'cause them folks'll git your eyeteeth if you're not careful.

Where you goin'? Amish Acres?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 09:24 AM

I'm glad the subject switched from You-Know-Who. It made me so billious last night I couldn't post to the MOAB. I just went in to lie down for eight hours or so.

I'd like to see your pottery make a Mudcat tour, BWL. Let us know if you think you'll swing through Texas sometime. I can't guarantee that I can afford to buy any (I have it coming out of my ears after inheriting much of my Dad's collection) but I always like to look at it. You could camp out here in the spare room and sell them at the Main Street Festival (late April, early May) in Fort Worth.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 09:57 AM

Now, I just thought of something that would give the TSA fits. And it's all SRS's fault.

Let's suppose that ol' Bee Dubya started a Mudcat Tour. He loads on up and swings West toward Texas. Along the way a 'Catter or two from points in between joins him. Now we've got, say, two vehicles. When he gits to TX, SRS joins the throng and they continue West, pickin' up 'Catters and maybe droppin' a few off as they go. Through New Mexico, into California. Ol' Amos and Barky join up in San Diego or somewhere and the whole string heads North. They pick up folks in the Bay Area and up in Northern California, open mike and Joe Offer and others. Up to Portland and Seattle -- Miken, Deckman, Don Firth and all. By now the convoy is about a hundred vehicles long. Up to Alberta, pick up brucie, down to Western Idaho for Clint Keller and then East for Rangeroger, down here and I'll join up. Over Eastwards to Wyoming for Wyowoman and Sorcha and such and then Eastward Ho! Pick up Art Thieme in Illinois, and even Martin Gibson in Chicago (where we all ENJOY hot dogs). Of course, there's Big Mick and Co. in Michigan.

In the meantime, Kendall and Bat Goddess and Curmudgeon and MMario and the rest are heading Westward from Maine and suchlike places. Seamus and all them other DC-area 'Catters head Northeast, ol' Bobert and DougR and Tweed and Khandu and CarolC head eastward.

Now we got these mighty columns comin' from the West and the South and the North. Folks up in Ontario, folks like Little Hawk, from another column, heading towards the warm southern climes.

To do this right, airplanes start arriving in Philadelphia from Australia and England and South America and Japan and Ireland and Belgium and France and Germany and all them furrin countries. Icelandic brings in Skarpi and his lot. And on a given day, everyone descends on West Chester, Pennsylvania and eats Max out of house and home!

Screw them wimpy Kerouacs and Pynchons and folks! This here's the International Mighty Mudcat Mystery, Music, Drinking, Selling & Busking Tour! (The IMMMMDS&BT for short.)

Yeah, I ain't mentioned everyone, but you know who they are and where they'd join the caravansary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 11:00 AM

Now now - have a little respect for Max and his ladies and their privacy...

but it DOES sound like a GETAWAY!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 11:02 AM

And on the bumper of many of the vehicles, you'll find the following sticker. For those with a literary wit.

Great idea, Rap.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 11:18 AM

and on the bumpers of many more of the vehicles:


Proud Alumnus of NYCFTTS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 12:20 PM

You'll need a wrap-around bumper sticker for this one:

International Mighty Mudcat Mystery, Music, Drinking, Selling & Busking Tour


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 12:49 PM

First rate vision -- we had a fiction thread about this a fewyears back...but maybe we should head further south and surround the White House with vehicles going around and around, singing "Strangest Dream" and "Study War No More" through PA systems....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 01:01 PM

Yes!!! Three more glorious and Shatneriffic links to add to my William Shatner file on my favourites list! Thanks, guys.

Now...I have a solution to the garage door problem, Rapaire. A permanent and elegantly simple solution. Here's what you do, Rapaire:

1. Get a professional carpenter to assist you.

2. Stand immediately in front of the garage door, either facing it or with your back to it. If facing, your nose should lightly touch the door. If looking outward, your back should lightly touch the door.

3. Carpenter traces an outline carefully around your body on the lowered door with a marker pen.

4. You get out of the way now, and the carpenter cuts the shape of your body neatly out of the door, and then finishes off any ragged edges with an attractive edging material in an appropriate color.

5. Presto! You now have a garage door that will NOT hit you if you should happen to be walking under it when it lowers!

6. In fact, you will be able to walk right through quite freely even WHEN the door is lowered! This is highly advantageous if you just want to go in and out of the garage, but do not need to move the car. Think of the energy that you will save by NOT having to activate the door opening and shutting machinery. Your electrical bill will be noticeably lower at the end of 1 year.

7. Fine tuning: It is wise to allow a little extra room around the edges of the opening in the door, in case you don't step in exactly the right place while passing through, so be sure to instruct the carpenter to cut out your shape leaving an extra inch or two around the outline. It is also handy to paint a set of footprints on the driveway showing exactly where to step when entering and leaving. This in fact is a foolproof method to avoid getting conked by the door EVEN if your wife is lying in wait TRYING to conk you with it.

8. If you plan to wear a hat sometimes, have the shape of the hat added into the cutout, at the top.

Many people have resorted to this simple method of garage door safety and beautification in beautiful Lakeland Orillia.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 01:51 PM

Yeah...anyone Rapaire's size or smaller gets permanent free access to all his power tools. Good thinking, there LH!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 01:57 PM

ok, who had dibs on 4300?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,mmario
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 02:03 PM

me!


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