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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

John MacKenzie 05 Mar 06 - 05:48 AM
Acme 04 Mar 06 - 11:28 PM
Rapparee 04 Mar 06 - 08:23 PM
Amos 04 Mar 06 - 07:15 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 04 Mar 06 - 06:44 PM
Acme 04 Mar 06 - 09:57 AM
Amos 04 Mar 06 - 09:43 AM
Rapparee 04 Mar 06 - 06:27 AM
Acme 04 Mar 06 - 01:23 AM
Amos 04 Mar 06 - 12:11 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Mar 06 - 11:36 PM
Amos 03 Mar 06 - 10:53 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Mar 06 - 10:17 PM
Rapparee 03 Mar 06 - 09:46 PM
Amos 03 Mar 06 - 01:25 PM
Acme 03 Mar 06 - 01:00 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Mar 06 - 09:17 AM
MMario 03 Mar 06 - 09:15 AM
Rapparee 03 Mar 06 - 09:11 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Mar 06 - 10:00 PM
Rapparee 02 Mar 06 - 09:32 PM
Amos 02 Mar 06 - 07:50 PM
Rapparee 02 Mar 06 - 05:43 PM
John MacKenzie 02 Mar 06 - 04:52 PM
MMario 02 Mar 06 - 04:00 PM
Acme 02 Mar 06 - 03:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Mar 06 - 03:41 PM
Amos 02 Mar 06 - 02:48 PM
John MacKenzie 02 Mar 06 - 12:52 PM
Rapparee 02 Mar 06 - 12:32 PM
Amos 02 Mar 06 - 10:02 AM
Rapparee 02 Mar 06 - 09:09 AM
John MacKenzie 02 Mar 06 - 09:04 AM
Rapparee 02 Mar 06 - 08:57 AM
Rapparee 01 Mar 06 - 08:20 PM
John MacKenzie 01 Mar 06 - 06:52 PM
Amos 01 Mar 06 - 06:19 PM
John MacKenzie 01 Mar 06 - 04:16 PM
Rapparee 01 Mar 06 - 04:12 PM
MMario 01 Mar 06 - 03:56 PM
Rapparee 01 Mar 06 - 03:54 PM
Amos 01 Mar 06 - 03:07 PM
MMario 01 Mar 06 - 02:42 PM
Acme 01 Mar 06 - 02:40 PM
John MacKenzie 01 Mar 06 - 11:35 AM
MMario 01 Mar 06 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 01 Mar 06 - 11:25 AM
Acme 01 Mar 06 - 09:38 AM
Rapparee 01 Mar 06 - 09:17 AM
John MacKenzie 01 Mar 06 - 09:17 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Mar 06 - 05:48 AM

Gaylord Glow Facial fer keerist's sake.
Rapaire it sounds like this is the book for you. You can also download it onto your PDA if you have Plucker installed.
If you do have a Plucker installed best no to mention it if you ever get home.
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Mar 06 - 11:28 PM

Do me a favor, Rap--go take one of these massages then write back and describe it. They all sound wonderful (put it on the room tab, of course).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 06 - 08:23 PM

There are over two thousand rooms in this joint. I'm in a standard "southern hospitality" room in the Cascades section. Fortunately, I don't here the water falling. I walked out by the waterfall and noticed all sorts of people running to the bathrooms. Frankly, I can't shake the notion that this my name for this whingding is more appropriate than the official name, "Superconference 2006."

I call it "Super Con."

Next year it's at the Broadmoor in Colorado Springs, fer chrissakes!

The conference I usually go to is at the Little America hotel in Salt Lake City this coming November. My group doesn't DO resorts -- we meet, learn stuff, get work done, drink a little tiny eensy bit....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 06 - 07:15 PM

Confused Librarian Arrested for "Homesteading" on Local War Memorial



Nashville, March 5 A misplaced and dislocated librarian was taken into custody in the wee hours of Sunday morning when officers found him attempting to plow the greensward around the Hempstead War Memorial. The librarian, who insisted to officers that he was named only "Rapaire" and that he was the greatest librarian and swordsman in the Western hemisphere, pleaded with officers to release him on his own cognizance, stating there was serious risk that his "Mom might fall off the threads" if he did not take care of her. On investigation, however, it was determined the gentleman's mother was not in Nashville, or for that matter, anywhere in Tennessee. Authorities are awaiting responses to enquiries made to the State Bureau of Investigation in Idaho, where the librarian asserts he is domiciled, which essages were dispatched late Sunday morning by express pigeon.

...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 04 Mar 06 - 06:44 PM

Hi again Mom! I'm in Nashville, having wended my way through four airports and Nashville traffic to get to this hotel. I'm at the Gaylord Opryland, and Mom, there are so damned many plants I'm afraid of snipers. It's about a hundred miles from my room to the Conference and to get there I have to cross rivers and mountains and ford every stream, follow every byway, and even then you need a map, a compass, and GPS stuff. When I go out tomorrow to the Conference itself I think I'll take a backpack with extra food, shelter, matches, tinder, water, a survival rifle, a small axe, a knife, maybe a plow -- that way, if I get lost I can just homestead whereever I stop.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Mar 06 - 09:57 AM

That line comes from the days when I made several cross-country trips a year and drove with a CB radio for company. The stories I could tell you. . .

What's the ugliest thing on a naked woman?


















A Roadway driver.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 06 - 09:43 AM

LOL, Stilly! I confess that particular variant had never crossed me ears before.

And don't start on what it feels like to go around cross-eared, now. Why is it that it is common to look cross-eyed, but few notice when you look cross-eared, cross-nostreled, cross-browed, or cross-elbowed?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 06 - 06:27 AM

I'm flying...look at me, way up high, like a bird, in the sky, I'm flying!

Well, I'd better take a shower and get dressed first. Preferably in that order.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Mar 06 - 01:23 AM

And there will never be a shortage of those trucks. You know what they say--old truckers never die, they just get a new Peterbilt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 06 - 12:11 AM

LOL!

BWL, you are TOO much, dude!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Mar 06 - 11:36 PM

Yes, there may still be a few wild corduroys in the Nashville area, but not nearly as many as there were years ago. When the highway engineers sited Interstate 65, they didn't realize they were putting an on-ramp on top of the corduroys' ancestral mating ground. Every time the procreative urge strikes, another corduroy gets flattened by a Louisville-bound Peterbilt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 06 - 10:53 PM

Actually, in Nashville you might want Levi trousers for the same reason; the Levis are multiplying there, and where there are that many Levis you know the khakis will be close behind, so it should be a rich season for trousing generally. Might even be some wild corduroys about out that way!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Mar 06 - 10:17 PM

Be sure to take your yellow trousers, Rap. Never know when you might come across a few yellows that need to be troused.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Mar 06 - 09:46 PM

Mom,

I'm off to Nashville tomorrow morning before the sun comes up over the mountains. I won't be posting until I get there; at least, I HOPE I can post from my room. From the cost of the thing I should be able to. Anyway, Mom, I've got enough clean underwear and socks and I've packed my good toothbrush. And I'll be wearing clean undies tomorrow so that if I am hit by a car or something you won't be embarassed for me in the Emergency Room. Until later,

Your humble child,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 06 - 01:25 PM

Actually it wasn't their fault; their project manager was only half Polish and half Italian; he made himself an offer he couldn't understand.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Mar 06 - 01:00 PM

No, but I heard about the Polish astronauts going to the sun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Mar 06 - 09:17 AM

So did ya hear the one about the Polish comet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Mar 06 - 09:15 AM

OHMYGAWD there's a blight blue rectangle in the sky! How un-natural! How Strange! How Bizarre - Obviously one of the signs of the apocolypse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Mar 06 - 09:11 AM

This is important. It's REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT and it seems to have escaped your notice. I mean, it's SUPER IMPORTANT. It's so IMPORTANT that I'm eschewing bolding and italics and color and size and everything except all caps to let you know how IMPORTANT this is. I think you you should either hide in the cellar or go arm yourself because this has slipped "under the radar" and that means it's stealth and probably a plot. But it is IMPORTANT and now you can't say I didn't warn you about Pojmanski

Get out your guns and hide in the cellar. I have to go to Nashville tomorrow, so I can't. So

"If I should get a lucrative singing contract, think only this of me
That there is some corner of a rich, spoiled C&W singer
That is forever MOAB."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 10:00 PM

Makes a helluva lot more sense to develop implants that monitor and control the behaviour of animals than to develop implants that monitor and control the behaviour of rocks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 09:32 PM

So that's why all the sharks flee from UFOs!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 07:50 PM

In other news of note, two items qualify for this highest of shrines:

1. Several groups around the world have now gained ethical approval to develop implants that monitor and control the behaviour of animals, from sharks and tuna to rats and monkeys. A team funded by the US military even claim to have created a neural probe that will be able to manipulate a shark's brain signals or decode them to tell us more about how the animals interact with the world. More controversially, the Pentagon hope to use remote-controlled sharks as stealth spies, exploiting their ability to move quietly through water, , sense delicate electrical gradients and follow chemical trails.

So now the millitary will be operating sharks. How d'ye like THEM apples?

2. The Onion's obsession with Cow Abduction has been inerrupted by a more pressing querstion for those of you who have a cat, or two, or more: Are Your Cats Old Enough To Learn About Jesus?.

Only in America.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 05:43 PM

I lived very near to Akron, Ohio when I lived in Ohio. In fact, I took classes at the U. of Akron and my wife got her law degree there. Akron is okay, except for the time that Geraldo Rivera chased a pimp through the streets. They have a HUGE dirigible hanger in Akron. And no, they no longer make lots of tires (or tyres) there -- I'm not sure that they make any at all, actually.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 04:52 PM

Well there must be some connection between the wheel of life and the Firestone Tyre Company as this too is in Akron Ohio. Maybe there's something circular about Akron!

Round Round git around I git around ♪ ♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 04:00 PM

I'm sorry, could you repeat the question?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 03:58 PM

The answer is "42." And don't forget your towel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 03:41 PM

The Great Wheel of Life was manufactured by the Edward F. Life Wheel Compmany of Akron, Ohio in 1867. To all outward appearances, there is nothing special about The Great Wheel of Life. It looks exactly like this. In fact, it appears to be nothing more than a rather fancy cast aluminum wheel for an electric golfcart. What make the Wheel unique is that neither the electric golfcart nor the process for extracting aluminum from bauxite would be perfected for at least another fifty years.

The Great Wheel of Life received its name when the engineers who developed it presented it to company patriarch E. F. Life, who took one look at it and said, "Great. So it's a fancy little wheel. What the fuck can you do with it?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 02:48 PM

The Great Wheel of Life is the endless cycle of birth, growth, decline, death and birth on which we seem to endlessly rotate. A common figure in Buddhist and some Sanskrit literature, as I recall.

Penetrated mysteries, Rapaire? You sure you don't mean mystresses? I only ask because, while penetrating mystresses tends to make a man feel proud (until apprehended), penetrating mysteries has quite the opposite effect, I am told.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 12:52 PM

Wheels of Death or Juggernaut is the chariot driven by Krishna, under the wheels of which he used to crush unbelievers, surely there must be an equivalent for the Wheel of Life.
Or is it the Carousel of Time which Joni Mitchell thinks we are all captured on?
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 12:32 PM

I have penetrated said mysteries (which aren't all that mysterious). Long ago I learned The Answers to The Questions.

As for the Great Wheel of Life, I think from the ride it's got a flat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 10:02 AM

I tis well known, good Rapaire, that you hold your own thoughts in much higher esteem than those of others. But I assure you, neiother yours nor ours are particularly original. This will e come more clear to you as you continue topenetrate the Profound Mysteries of the Wheel of Life.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 09:09 AM

Mom told me that she likes it a lot better than that spoiled haggis you brought her yesterday! And she said that the tea tasted like soap too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 09:04 AM

You know she prefers Colombian Fair Trade coffee, and she can't have cinnamon since her operation for her hiatus hernia.
What an ungrateful child!
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 08:57 AM

Good morning, dear Mother! I see that you've had a good sleep over over twelve hours. I supposed that since I last posted to you no one has had a thought, but that's understandable. Sometimes I think that I'm the last person in the world with original thoughts. Anyway, here's your breakfast -- homemade cinnamon rolls, freshly brewed Kenya AA coffee, the works. Eat hearty, have a good morning, and I'll be back later to see you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 08:20 PM

Today's porringer, tomorrow's antique.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 06:52 PM

Today's derringer tomorrow's hole in the head.
G ☺


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 06:19 PM

Yes, but....look on the bright side. Today's derring-do, tomorrow's news!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 04:16 PM

Today's news, tomorrow's doggy doo wrapping.
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 04:12 PM

Yes, my mother used a lot of newspaper to train my siblings and myself.

That's why it's called "yellow journalism."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 03:56 PM

See, Amos! I *told* you he was paper trained!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 03:54 PM

That's why my desk is covered with...paper. Paper with writing on it, not, you know, "paper" (as in "Hey, we're out of paper!"). Although, some of it....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 03:07 PM

Yeah, but sometimes you gotta wonder whether they got their basic definitions crossed up...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 02:42 PM

Have you ever had one of those days when you just finished a big project and thought you could relax a little, only to find that while you were racing to finish that very large project that a whole bunch of important little things gathered around on the corner of your desk and in your email and all of a sudden they're overdue or so close to due as to be as good as overdue?


Isn't that what they call "life"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 02:40 PM

Have you ever had one of those days when you just finished a big project and thought you could relax a little, only to find that while you were racing to finish that very large project that a whole bunch of important little things gathered around on the corner of your desk and in your email and all of a sudden they're overdue or so close to due as to be as good as overdue?

Bleh. It's one of those days here. I was going to take comp time, but now I find myself working a 12-hour day instead. (At least I got an "attaboy" from a coworker at work today, that was nice!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 11:35 AM

That's as broad a definition of 'quirk' as I've ever seen!
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 11:31 AM

With a childhood like that no wonder you have a few "quirks" as an adult.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 11:25 AM

...but then, I was a perfect youth. I spent my youth in prayer, kneeling in church; in good works, taking baskets and a cheerful smile to shut-ins; in opposing Demon Rum, and in hymn-singing. My clothes were always neat and clean (albeit nicely patched) and my room, spartan and spare though it was, was always tidy and in good order. I would help with the dishes every meal, and my homework was always completed by 8 p.m. and I was asleep by 8:30 p.m. after having read a few pages of an uplifting and moral novel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 09:38 AM

If the reverse were true I imagine you'd have been wearing a shit-eating grin. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 09:17 AM

Whenever I was a little snot my mommy gave me a swipe across a part of me opposite to my face and lower down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 09:17 AM

Isn't Tequila traditionally drunk from snot glasses Bee Dubya?
You may take that remark with a pinch of salt, and a suck of lemon.
It'll stop you feeling lemoncholy!
Giok


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