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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 07 Apr 07 - 01:47 AM
frogprince 07 Apr 07 - 10:25 AM
Acme 07 Apr 07 - 11:42 AM
Amos 07 Apr 07 - 01:47 PM
Acme 07 Apr 07 - 03:09 PM
Rapparee 07 Apr 07 - 08:55 PM
Acme 08 Apr 07 - 03:59 AM
Rapparee 08 Apr 07 - 10:47 AM
Rapparee 08 Apr 07 - 10:51 AM
Amos 08 Apr 07 - 11:53 AM
Acme 08 Apr 07 - 12:44 PM
Amos 08 Apr 07 - 03:08 PM
Amos 08 Apr 07 - 04:15 PM
Acme 08 Apr 07 - 07:28 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 07 - 07:37 PM
Amos 08 Apr 07 - 07:54 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 07 - 09:23 PM
Acme 08 Apr 07 - 09:30 PM
Amos 08 Apr 07 - 10:28 PM
Acme 08 Apr 07 - 11:58 PM
Rapparee 09 Apr 07 - 08:54 AM
Rapparee 09 Apr 07 - 08:54 AM
Amos 09 Apr 07 - 09:58 AM
Acme 09 Apr 07 - 11:11 AM
Amos 09 Apr 07 - 11:25 AM
Rapparee 09 Apr 07 - 01:05 PM
Amos 09 Apr 07 - 01:30 PM
Rapparee 09 Apr 07 - 03:41 PM
Amos 09 Apr 07 - 03:56 PM
Rapparee 09 Apr 07 - 05:33 PM
Amos 09 Apr 07 - 09:33 PM
Amos 09 Apr 07 - 10:03 PM
Acme 09 Apr 07 - 10:16 PM
Rapparee 09 Apr 07 - 10:25 PM
Amos 09 Apr 07 - 11:21 PM
Acme 09 Apr 07 - 11:38 PM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 12:14 AM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 12:15 AM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 12:16 AM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 12:17 AM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 12:18 AM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 12:20 AM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 12:22 AM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 12:23 AM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 12:24 AM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 12:25 AM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 12:28 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Apr 07 - 12:47 AM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 03:26 AM
Rapparee 10 Apr 07 - 09:15 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 01:47 AM

Ms Dewey goes into various rotuines when asked questions. The rouotines don't answer the questions. Sometimes they are marginally related. Some are rants.

In other news:

Humpback whales boast the longest mammal migration
12:50 05 April 2007
NewScientist.com news service
Rowan Hooper


"It's a long way to go for a warm bath. Each winter, humpback whales travel from the Antarctic to the northern tropics to find warm water in which to raise their young, researchers have discovered. The migration is the longest for any mammal ever recorded.

Kristin Rasmussen at Cascadia Research Collective in Olympia, Washington, US, and colleagues photographed the tails of humpbacks wintering off the Caribbean coast of Costa Rica. From their individual tail patterns they identified seven of the same animals after they had returned to the Antarctic. One mother and calf made the 8300-kilometre (5160-mile) trip in 161 days."




I am very glad to have this settled.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 10:25 AM

I've a whale of a tale to tell you lads,
A whale of a tale it's true...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 11:42 AM

Well, this mom (lower case, meaning ME) has some bragging to do! Moonglow has plans to go to a Renfaire thing tomorrow, so last night (she comes home from college most weekends) she brought home some fabric and sat up late designing and making a dress to wear. I'm going to help her hem it in a minute. I'm so pleased with how resourceful this young woman is! It's a cold weekend (today it is snowing, in fact) so she decided to make something that would hide her long-johns and keep her warm. Laces help adjust the bodice snugness, and if she wears this in warm weather she can flaunt her incredible bosom with this outfit.

It seems like just yesterday when we were fighting battles about choosing the right fabric for the outfits she wanted to make. She would go by color, and I would refuse to let her buy it because it would mean she would have all of that expense and work only to have it not appear right (too limp, to stiff, whatever was wrong about the fabric choice). She has a good eye for the right material now, and this soft combed muted blue cotton will look like a country fabric when she finishes. I've had to pick my battles with this child, and it is nice to see it paying off. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 01:47 PM

Moms of great wisdom earn their rewards!! Nice job, Maggie!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 03:09 PM

Thanks!

Since it's snowing and I'm not out digging my garden as I planned, I'll spend the afternoon watching a movie and hemming this for her. I told her how to go about getting it ready to hem, and she did that (trimmed off enough excess so we could work unimpeded). I stood her on a heavy-duty coffee table and pinned my way around her, then showed her how to block it and turn the hem under, and we discussed the look of the hem (it is supposed to be 1600s, so no machine stitching). She's at work now and I'll make a good start on it, anyway. Since she's planning in a minor in theater arts and costume design, these are interesting discussions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 08:55 PM

No machine stitching!

Ha! The Brigade of the American Revolution requires that ALL clothing, including underclothes, be not only authentic but completely hand-sewn. I am not a member of the BAR....

If they would have had it they would have used it....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 03:59 AM

We're not so picky! I'm just trying for no visible machine hem.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 10:47 AM

No problem...use glue.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 10:51 AM

Shucks, I knew a guy in my undergrad days who managed to tear out the stitching of the seam in the crotch of his pants. They were black pants and the white interlining was glaring, but being resourceful he simply colored the white lining with a black magic marker. And it worked. Only it also bled through his nether garments and colored Parts Of His Anatomy. And I mean parts -- his, um, marriage tackle looked like a piebald pony and it took quite some time to resume its normal appearance.

(No, this wasn't me.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 11:53 AM

I don't know, personally, of course, but I have been given to understand that under some circumstances of extended abstinence, a piebald pony can look quite appealing...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 12:44 PM

Better a magic marker than staples.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 03:08 PM

Well, then they have those little rings with balls on them that some folks like to have attached to their piebalds...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 04:15 PM

The world is too much with us,
Too many share its face,
Too many humans in the towns
And dogs most every place.
Too many bugs, and flies and birds,
And cats all seeking fare,
And peeing on our good green Earth,
And crapping everywhere.
A man should his part to help
And makes things better grow,
I cannot just stand idle here
While the crowds and hordes do grow!
So I've reached a decision,
And my is simply this:
Should it ever pass that I grow up,
I'll be a neuteronomist!
I'll specialize in testicles,
And helping eunuchs mend,
And tying tubes and making short
Shrift of vas deferens.
I'll stand and block the DNA
In its frenzied quest for future
And deft my scalpel I shall yield,
And deft, as well, my sutures.
The tiniest bug beneath my lens,
The duck, the boar, the sparrow,
The lumpy Baptist and the wren
Shall feel my well-aimed arrow!
Reducing off-spring by the score
And taming the desperate spasms
Of bodily quests to multiply
And spreading protoplasm!
I'm sure my life will be well-spent
As life's rising drive I leaven,
And though I won't make too much dough,
I'll get rewards in heaven.

Alfed E. Neuman-Entropy
Neuteronomist-In-Training
"What I Want to Be When I Grow Up"
Mrs. Delwood's Home Room, Grade 5


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 07:28 PM

Gee, when I was in fifth grade all we had to do was memorize a poem.

"Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land. . . "


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 07:37 PM

Gee, when I was in fifth grade we had to memorize a poem that started out

    HwŠt! We Gardena    in geardagum,
    ■eodcyninga,    ■rym gefrunon,
    hu ­a Š■elingas    ellen fremedon.
    Oft Scyld Scefing    scea■ena ■reatum,
    monegum mŠg■um,    meodosetla ofteah,
    egsode eorlas.

Of course, that was considered contemporary poetry then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 07:54 PM

It is not unusual for people to get their various lifetimes mixed up when under extreme stress, under threat, or when using psychotropic substances.

Perhaps Rapaire has tumbled into a past-life experience.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 09:23 PM

Perhaps Rapaire is about ten times older than God. Or at least feels that way right now.

Backaways a friend of mine arose and as he started the coffee stretched and remarked, "Boy, I feel like I've been dead for three days!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 09:30 PM

Not a good feeling, I would imagine.

I'm feeling better, more energetic. I'm working on losing a few pounds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 10:28 PM

I spent four hours on my hands and kneecaps balancing on two by fours in the ceiling crawlspace this morning. I feel like carpet dirt from two years ago. But Then we watched a feel-good movie about a gang of teenage Japanese schoolgirls who finally figure out how to make a swing band. Oy, the things they make movies of these days.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 11:58 PM

What were you doing in the ceiling crawlspace?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 08:54 AM

Amos does that. It's his exercise. He goes into the crawlspace above the kitchen and balances 2 x 4 on his back. This puts him in touch with the Eternal Spruce, the inner core of "tree", Ygdrisil, and all that other tree stuff. You see, Amos is trying to reach "Dicot" and then he will be Brother To All That Have Xylem And Phloem -- only one step from Arborhood.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 08:54 AM

You could say that then his bark will be worse than his bite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 09:58 AM

Well, Rapaire's delusory flights of imagination notwithstanding the truth is I was putting down some planking on the rafters so the space could be navigated. Then, repairing some gaps in the old hot air ducting joints and remedying some sloppy workmanship in the bathrom fan installations.

I return more and more often tot he question of psychotropic substances in Rapaire's case. Perhaps library paste?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 11:11 AM

No, not library paste. But I'm convinced that the supply locker in the library administration office holds some hallucinogenic properties. It's the tape cupboard that knocks me for a loop. Adhesive tape, Scotch tape, masking tape, recording tape (I think they still have some reel-to-reel in there, along with cassettes), flagging, and wide yello "Danger!" tape to keep people away from ranges being moved and new air conditioning units, etc. All of that plastic and adhesive gives off a lot of hydrocarbons. Or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 11:25 AM

You may be sniffing out a major national scandal, there, Still. Think of all the innocent young grads who are waylaid by the foul psychememetic brew wafting around in those big closets where they are sent to find PostIts, file folders, roller-ball pens, Dymo labeling tape, blank CDs, little yellow pads of paper with sticky backs, highlighters, and so on.

No wonder interns and new hires sometimes succumb to animal urges in such places.

Consider, too, the scale of this dastardly industrial corruption of our youth nation-wide. The entire economy rolls along on the backs of closets like these, and on the unsuspecting labors of white-collar beginners who are laid low by these mind-altering substances.

It is a scandal of epic proportions, as big as global warming. Someone should run up some numbers and alert Al Gore.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 01:05 PM

Amos denies what I said because it's embarrassing to him. He actually suffers from a rare disease, Arboritis, and is slowly becoming a tree (they think it will be a box elder and attract stinky bugs, not something majestic like an oak).

I thought that I should never see        
Poor old Amos as a tree.        

Poems are made by fools like me,        
But only Amos became a tree.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 01:30 PM

Sigh. I am becoming a Majestic Elder, nothing tree-ish about it. I have a deep voice, graying temples, accrued Wisdom, crinkly laugh lines, bright shoe-button eyes, pthe Patience that Comes from Seeing Much of Life, a long checklist of Interesting Experience, a huge collection of Wise Clichés, and a bent frame, man. All the qualifications. Plus steely determination and hard-earned courage in the face of adversity. Definitely Majestic Elder material.

If you continue to strive, grashopper, maybe some day...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 03:41 PM

...I'll be used as fishing bait?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 03:56 PM

YEs. I am thinking now of a ceremony I recently performed in which a friend's ashes were strewn on the majestic blue waters of the Pacific. Although we watched them twirl and drift in the wake, we paid little attention to them after a few minutes, turning our attention to things of more human interest. And a certain flask belonging to one of the party. But now, in retrospect, i wonder where they went in their various travels, those ashes, and which if any of them attracted the attention of the various skipjacks, rock bass, dorados and other fish of deep water in these parts. There are worse ways to go, as far as physical bits are concerned.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 05:33 PM

CAPE ST. MARY'S
Otto Kelland

Take me back to my western boat,
Let me fish off Cape St. Mary's,
Where the hangdown sail and the foghorns wail,
With my friends, the Browns and the Clearys,
In the swells off Old St. Mary's.

Let me feel my dory lift
To the broad Atlantic 'cumbers,
Where the tide rip swirl and the wild ducks furl,
And the ocean calls the numbers,
In the swells off Old St. Mary's.

Let me sail up golden bays,
With my oilskins all a-streamin',
Where the thunder squalled, where I hauled my trawl,
And the old Cape Anne's a-gleamin'.
In the swells off Old St. Mary's.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 09:33 PM



Oh, the old Ernestina and the Anna Christina
All rafted up there at Digby.
While one was a plug and the other pristiner
But both of them fine schooner rig-by.
And we went for a ride on the four-story tide
A sight to every land-lubber
The tidal fantastic called for gangways elastic
And bow, stern and springlines of rubber.

    O the old schooner life has its ups and downs
    At least that's the case there in old Digby town
    You jump to the ratlines to get to the deck
    But watch that first step, or you might break your neck!

We invited the town, all of Digby came down
To see them two schooners so gaffy
Together, some two hundred years they'd been 'round
But never with crews quite so daffy.
But gettin' the folks from the docks to the decks
Without compound fractures of backs, heads and necks
Was as tricky as gettin' 'em back to the docks
With the water behavin' like Panama Locks.

Well, I'm happy tell that nobody fell
Although there weren't no good solutions;
For the rollin' and twitchin' and tossin' and pitchin'
In time to the tide's evolution.

It came down to a case of schooner elevation
An oceanic reaction to lunar agitation
And whether a little old lady mught ruin her vacation
By bustin' her bum on the decks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 10:03 PM

And furthermore:

Ways of Man Are Passing Strange
Gordon Bok

The ways of man are passing strange
He buys his freedom and he counts his change
Then he lets the wind his days arrange
And he calls the tide his master

Oh the days, oh the days
Oh the fine long summer days
The fish come rolling in the bays
And he swore he'd never leave me

But the days grow short and the year gets old
And the fish won't stay where the water's cold
And if they're going to fill the hold
They've got to go offshore to find them

So they go outside on the raving deep
And they pray the Lord their soul to keep
But the waves will roll them all to sleep
And the tide will be their keeper

Oh the tide, oh the tide
Oh you dark and you bitter tide
If I can't have him by my side
I guess I have to leave him

I gave you one, I gave you two
The best that rotten old boat could do
You wouldn't be happy till I gave you three
But I'll be damned if you'll get me

Oh the tide, oh the tide,
Oh you dark and you bitter tide
If I can't have him by my side
The water's welcome to him

Oh Lord I know that the day will come
When one less boat comes slogging home
I don't mind knowing that he'll be the one
But I can't spend my whole life praying

I gave you one, I gave you two
The best that poor old boat could do
You'd have it all before you're through
Well I've got no more to give you

Copyright Folk-Legacy Records, Inc.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 10:16 PM

MOM! The boys are slipping again--they've started talking about Music!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 10:25 PM

SCUTTLEBUTT
Chuck Romanoff

See the burly longshoreman, showing off his biceps,
Heavin' and a'haulin' mighty freighters in and out.
All of the townfolk think he's quite a guy, 'cept
He don't lift a finger to help around the house.

Scuttlebutt! Ain't it a shame?
Nobody knows. Nobody's to blame.
The truth ain't pretty. I think you'll agree. Just
Don't ya tell nobody that you heard it from me.

Do you see the dandy yachtsman, posing at the wheel,
The picture of a regular marina buccaneer?
But he doesn't know his rudder from his keel.
It's a jolly good job he doesn't ever leave the pier.

Yonder is a fisherman, wading in a brook
On a weekend with the fellas, feelin' wild and free--
But the bold desperado's afraid to bait the hook
He says "Will one of you people please do this for me?"

Listen to the folk singer, feelin' kinda jaunty,
Singin' out the chorus of a ballad sublime.
He's a three-chord-wonder, thinks he's Belafonte
You know he's gonna bore us with "one more time."

Over and over, day after day
Comin' and a'goin' like ever before,
Gossip is so ugly, try as you may
It comes innuendo and out of your door.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 11:21 PM

I like that Rapaire always has something from some obscure source to throw on the table, like a road-killed Armadillo in a Texas cathouse. :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 11:38 PM

Amos, it's up to you, fella, and maybe Rap, if he isn't out hunting golf balls in the snow by flashlight. I'm headed to bed soon. 10 to go to another of mom's many small hurdles. We're counting on you, kid!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 12:14 AM

We was sixteen nine and ninety,
When the winds began to blow,
And one by one all of MOAB's kids
Had somewhere else to go.
...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 12:15 AM

By sixteen nine and ninety-two
The sky had turned to blood.
There was hail as big as softballs
Slamming into a sea of mud.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 12:16 AM

At sixteen nine and ninety three,
The lightning tore through the halls,
And noone knew who'd pull as through,
Or if anyone had the balls.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 12:17 AM

The sky was all afire,
And the hail broke down the door.
But someone was still posting,
We hit sixteen-nine-nine-four.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 12:18 AM

By sixteen-nine and ninety five
The wind'd begun to shriek
Rapaire'd gone after golf balls,
Thet were filling up the creek.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 12:20 AM

There was no-one feeling cheerful,
Pore Still was feeling sick.
But ole Amos kept on typing on,
Through sixteen-nine-nine-six


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 12:22 AM

At sixteen-nine-nine seven
LH pulled out for the woods.
And Bunn, well he was lying low,
An' BL was jes' no good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 12:23 AM

As the storm tore off the roof above,
And the hour was growing late,
Ole Amos lit a stogie up,
On the sixteen-nine-nine-eight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 12:24 AM

Khandu was nowhere to be seen,
An' Tweed had jumped the line.
But ole Amos said, "Doncha worry none"
"Here's Sixteen-nine-nine-nine."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 12:25 AM

Well the wind came down, and the sun came out,
There was cheer across the land.
As Amos carried Mom and all,
Past the Seventeen of Grand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 12:28 AM

Now somewhere MOABites explain,
Why they had to yield the ghost,
An' why they could not make the push
To that seventeen-thousandth post.
But them excuses don't count for much,
They're jes' music for the birds,
Cuz' no-one ever accused Big A
Of running out of words.

Joseph Morgan Homer, Poet Laureate, Order of the Voewels
Hymns of the Great Thread
Feinbottom Puffery and Wynde
Moab, Utah, 2007


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 12:47 AM

When Mom was seventeen,
it was a very good year....

(I'd add some little musical notes, but I lost the code for them when my computer crashed a few weeks ago and I'm too lazy to find them again.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 03:26 AM

It appears there has been a small dedicated clump of inventors making successful water-powered internal combustion cars.

I say let's build us some of these.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 09:15 AM

THE MARY L. McKAY

Frederick W. Wallace

From Portland, Maine, to Yarmouth Sound
Two-twenty miles we ran
In eighteen hours, my bully boys,
Now beat that if you can.
The crew said it was seamanship;
The skipper, he kept dumb.
But the force that drove our vessel
Was the power of Portland rum.

Come all ye hardy haddockers
Who winter fishin' go.
And brave the seas upon the banks
In stormy wind and snow
And ye who love hard driving
Come listen to my lay
Of the run we made from Portland
On the Mary L. McKay.

We hung the muslin on her
As the wind began to hum.
Twenty hardy Nova Scotia men
Chock full of Portland rum.
Mainsail, fores'l, jib and jumbo
On that wild December day
As we passed ole Cape Elizabeth
And slugged for Fundy Bay.

        Storm along, drive along
        Punch her through the rips.
        Northeast gale's a blowin',
        And we'll take all that she gives.
        We're homeward bound to Yarmouth Sound
        Two-twenty miles today
        We made the run on Portland rum
        On the Mary L. McKay.

We slammed her by Monhegan
As the gale began to scream.
Our vessel took to dancing
In a way that was no dream.
A howler o'er the taffrail,
As we steered sou'east away
For she was a hound for running
Was the Mary L. McKay.

We slammed her to Matinicus.
The skipper hauled the log
"Sixteen knots! Lord Harry!
Ain't she just the gal to jog?"
The half-canned wheelsman shouted
As he swung her on her way
"Just watch me tear the mainsail off
The Mary L. McKay."

        Chorus

The rum was passing merrily
And the crew was feeling grand
Longnecks dancing in our wake
From where we left the land.
Our skipper he kept sober
For he knew how things could lay,
And he made us furl the mains'l
On the Mary L. McKay.

Now the captain didn't care to make
His wife a widow yet.
He swung her off to Yarmouth Cape
With just her fores'l set
Past Fourchu in the mornin'
And shut in at break of day
And soon in shelterin' harbor
Lay the Mary L. McKay.

        Chorus

From Portland, Maine, to Yarmouth Sound
Two-twenty miles we ran.
In eighteen hours, my bully boys,
Now beat that if you can.
The crew said it was seamanship;
The skipper he kept dumb.
But the force that drove our vessel
Was the power of Portland rum.


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