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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 01 Aug 09 - 01:11 PM
Little Hawk 01 Aug 09 - 01:18 PM
gnu 01 Aug 09 - 01:51 PM
Amos 01 Aug 09 - 04:43 PM
Little Hawk 01 Aug 09 - 05:10 PM
Amos 01 Aug 09 - 06:55 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 09 - 07:03 PM
Amos 01 Aug 09 - 07:12 PM
Little Hawk 01 Aug 09 - 07:51 PM
Acme 01 Aug 09 - 08:11 PM
Amos 01 Aug 09 - 08:21 PM
gnu 01 Aug 09 - 08:26 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 09 - 09:55 PM
Amos 02 Aug 09 - 12:19 AM
Acme 02 Aug 09 - 11:39 AM
Rapparee 02 Aug 09 - 12:06 PM
Amos 02 Aug 09 - 12:24 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 09 - 01:02 PM
Amos 02 Aug 09 - 01:35 PM
gnu 02 Aug 09 - 02:10 PM
Amos 02 Aug 09 - 02:48 PM
gnu 02 Aug 09 - 03:02 PM
gnu 02 Aug 09 - 03:14 PM
Amos 02 Aug 09 - 03:17 PM
gnu 02 Aug 09 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 09 - 04:25 PM
Amos 02 Aug 09 - 04:43 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 09 - 05:20 PM
Acme 02 Aug 09 - 05:21 PM
Amos 02 Aug 09 - 06:37 PM
gnu 02 Aug 09 - 07:11 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 09 - 09:28 PM
Amos 02 Aug 09 - 10:35 PM
Amos 02 Aug 09 - 11:29 PM
Little Hawk 03 Aug 09 - 12:43 AM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 12:50 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 03 Aug 09 - 01:08 AM
Acme 03 Aug 09 - 01:14 AM
Rapparee 03 Aug 09 - 10:25 AM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 10:49 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 03 Aug 09 - 12:39 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 12:48 PM
Little Hawk 03 Aug 09 - 12:53 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 09 - 01:38 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 02:04 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 02:11 PM
gnu 03 Aug 09 - 02:36 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 03:37 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 06:11 PM
gnu 03 Aug 09 - 06:15 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 01:11 PM

I hear she pulls a mean tooth, too. Diversification is required in the global marketplace. She gets em gummin and goin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 01:18 PM

Yeah, that makes sense. She probably uses a pair of cheap pliers and a bottle of whiskey or a sharp blow to the head to calm the patient.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 01:51 PM

9/10!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 04:43 PM

It is really wonderful to see Little Hawk come to his senses about the independent reality of Chongo's long-neglected sister!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 05:10 PM

Yes, isn't it? But she's not really his sister, Amos. She's a gold-digging impostor who's trying to cash in on Chongo's well-deserved fame and inherit his millions---err, make that thousands---, err, well, no make that about fifty bucks and change plus a couple of 1930s silver dollars and a baseball autographed by Moe Berg*. Chinga's father was a chimp gunsel from St. Louis who died in a gangland war. Her mother was a chimpette of the evening from El Cajon.

So...how was the sex this time, Amos? Did she let you assume the dominant position or did you just stick to the usual humiliating routine with the whips and bananas?

* Moe Berg


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 06:55 PM

Man, LH, I dunno what it is with you, with the sex stuff on your mind all time. Furthermore, I ill have you understand, you plug-ugly camp, that I have never wanted for affectionate female companionship of the most inspiring sort, especially since I got married, and your slurs and scandalous denigrations are reflections on your own tribulations, sir, and none of mine. Bite your tongue, you steam-brained whippersnapper.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 07:03 PM

If his brain is steam wouldn't his head explode? Or would his ears and nose act as pop-off valves? Could he manipulate his cranial openings to make, oh, calliope music? That could be very nice, especially if he played something like "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" while seated in the stern of a canoe that was paddled away by a couple of husky Courierettes Du Bois.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 07:12 PM

He relieves pressure on it by venting sewage, obviously. Odd anatomical idiosyncracvy; must be the Beaver genes, eh?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 07:51 PM

LOLOL!!! Aww, Christ... ;-) This is gettin' pretty good around here today. Nice tirade there, Amos. Tell me more!

Those Courierettes de Bois are nothing to sneeze at, Rap, lemme tell ya. As Mike C. always says at the Tuesday night song circle: "Let me have a wench. And let her be French!" He's a lascivious old scoundrel, but he has a lot of great tales about the seminal folk club days in the late 50s, early 60s. He ran one of the original folk clubs in Toronto and hosted ALL the early greats, such as: Lightfoot, Bonnie Dobson, Joan Baez, Carolyn Hester, Buffy Sainte-Marie, and even Bob Dylan. The first place Dylan played in Toronto (and in Canada, I guess...) was Mike's club.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 08:11 PM

"Courierettes de Bois"? What is that? A wood pecker?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 08:21 PM

No, the ones with peckers were called Couriers de Bois--the voyageurs or wood-runners who ran the furs by canoe down from the frozen north woods.

Their spice were what was being referred to as Courieriettes. Pure whimsy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 08:26 PM

Rente pi haule une bushe la! I want to hear more of La Courierettes Du Bois and twitching of logs from youse. Little Hawk and his beaver must have been poplar on da pond la, ne'Spaw?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 09:55 PM

Ne, Spaw's not around right now. Or, rather, Spaw has gone, wee wee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 12:19 AM

This ruse will NOT succeed, monsieurs. Le Grand Spaw will not be trifled wid!! En garde!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 11:39 AM

I'm sure Spaw would love to be trifled with! Ask him!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 12:06 PM

Ho hum. Amos is playing musketeer again, and he not knowing his foible from his forte. Try not to cut yourself again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 12:24 PM

You, sir, are my favorite foible, and puncturing you my forte!! Don't be so condescending!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 01:02 PM

My, what a weak riposte.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 01:35 PM

Obviously you did not understand my last post, thou snidely bookman. Go to, mend your sorry shoulder, do your passive exercise. I will not cross blades with you even in ASCII. First, because it is silly, and second because I actually wish you well despite your many invitations not to.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 02:10 PM

Rapier wit? Is the penguin mightier than the swordfish? Or is the pot calling the kettle carbonized?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 02:48 PM

The problem with Rapaire is that when he gets near a Rapier he becomes witless, a disarming trait.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 03:02 PM

To wit, youse are the eppeetomee of oneupmanship.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 03:14 PM

Oopps... I p'd too much. Sorry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 03:17 PM

The epéetome of Overpee. Well, that's what good blades or for. We should be grateful for our point and click interface.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 03:25 PM

"point and click"... parry and thrust?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 04:25 PM

In Amos' case, engage, beat in quartre, cut under to sixte, feint, cut over to quartre, beat to sixte, and skewer in quartre. Withdraw and administer a coup de Jarnot and then a coup de grace. Stand and salute the fallen, then check his blade to see if it's better than your own. If it is, keep it, and if not, return it to him point first.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 04:43 PM

Well, I was referring to the male peeing device, gentlemen. It strikes me as characteristic that such an innocent jest should evoke a complicated array of aggressive stances from our esteemed fencer. I, of course, am a sailor and a lover, not a stabber of my fellow-man. I do not even fantasize, mostly, about spilling human blood. Chacun á son mauvais gout.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 05:20 PM

I, of course, am a sailor and a lover

Like this guy? Or this one?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 05:21 PM

Withdraw and administer a coup de Jarnot and then a coup de grace.

Is this a step I forgot in making jelly this afternoon? Will it affect the flavor?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 06:37 PM

Actually, he is referring to the coup de Jarnac, not Jarnot, named for the French the Duke of Jarnac, in a duel against the Duke of La Chataigneraie, who was acting as a proxy for the king, Henri II. It is a somewhat unconventional blow, and not considered a particularly glorious fencing stroke, to say the least, Chabot won by striking his opponent down with a blow to his calf. From that day on the stroke became known as "Le Coup de Jarnac" and entered the French language as a popular expression, usually implying a dirty tactic or one beneath the scruples of an honorable opponent.

Interestingly enough, the cause of the duel was a rumor started by Henri II, that the Duke of Jarnot, yclept Chabot, had taken his mother-in-law as a mistress, which apparently, for reasons which are obscure, was considered an unhonorable thing to do in the French court circle.

However, I am not the one who started this rumor about Rapaire, and I am not among the many who have passed it on.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 07:11 PM

Cut n off at da knees eh wha? Dat's the less known east coast way ta say it. No nare so oigh n fancy needder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 09:28 PM

Merci, Amos, for correcting the spelling. I am still under the effects of the surgery.

But I'd like to point out that the coup de Jarnac was not a cut to the calf, but a cut across the tendons at the back of the knee, which causes the cuttee to collapse. It is similar to the coup de Rapaire, which is done by a cut straight up between the legs while blocking the opponent's sword with a targe, shield, or other thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 10:35 PM

I can only say that the calf begins just below the knee, of course, and the effect of hamstringing could be described either way. My description was lifted from a historicl document somewhere on the Internet. As for the coup de Rapaire -- which in French is pronounced "koo da Rah-payre". I might add --it certainly falls in the same general category of low and/or dirty and/or dishonorable assaults. But, tant pis and ta soeur, mon vieux canard.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 11:29 PM

4 days, 14 hours, 30 minutes. If this were easy I would not be posting about it, now would I?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 12:43 AM

Have you guys seen that old film clip from the 40's where the villain prances around before Chongo Chimp, demonstrating a stunning set of elaborate sword flourishes to terrorize his simian adversary before delivering the fatal stroke...

...and Chongo gives him a sort of world-weary look, pulls out his trusty .44 Special, and POW!!! One dead expert swordsman.

It was so cool that they used the identical setup later in that first Indiana Jones film, and Chongo never even got any royalties. That's Hollywood specism for you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 12:50 AM

I think that was DOuglas Fairbanks, Jr., LH...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 01:08 AM

Douglas Fairbanks Junior was good. No doubt about it. But me and the kid who played "Cheetah" in them Weismuller films taught him at least half of everything he knew about action scenes. We was not credited for none of it due to the "species line" that was in effect at the time.

"Cheetah's" real name was Bogardus, by the way, but they stuck him with the name of a cat! They figured that the dumb rubes who was goin' to the movies would be too stupid to know the difference between a chimp and a cat and just be satisfied if it sounded like an Afican name, and I expect they was pretty much right about that. You can never go far wrong underestimatin' the intelligence of the average human moviegoer. Bogardus was a good chimp. After he outgrew the "cute" stage he couldn't get much work in Hollywood anymore, so he moved to New York City and was sellin' hotdogs at Yankees games fer years. He passed away peacefully in 1989 after a long and interestin' life. He is missed by his pals. I got some autographed pictures of him that I will always keep, and I drink a toast to his memory on every Jan 12th, the anniversary of his death.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 01:14 AM

Sorry, MOM. Blubbering a little bit as I listen to Joan Baez sing "Where Have All The Flowers Gone" on the Pete Seeger 90th Birthday performance snippit on the PBS site.

Now, where were we?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 10:25 AM

Indiana Jones used a .38 Special, not a .44 Special. It was a Smith & Wesson, I believe, with a 4" barrel, later used in WW2 by US Army as "Revolver, .38 Special, M-2". I have a similar one, only with Pachymr grips for better handling instead of the wooden grips of the original.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 10:49 AM

It is supposed to be comforting, I guess, to know that the Mighty Rapaire, with his adzes, mucklucks, broadswords, rifles, shotguns, sabers, long and short knives, handguns and howitzers is truly ready for anything (well, anything except civilization). The question is, what happens if "anything" never arrives? Who is then the gentleman?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 12:39 PM

"Anything" always arrives eventually, chump, and when it does it is unprepared bozos like you who go down like a lead ball in a millpond.

As fer bein' a gentleman, that don't have nothin' to do with it. I know how to hold a lady's coat and doff my hat proper like, and I betcha Rapaire does too.

Yeah, Indy used a .38 Special, Rap, whereas I sorta prefer the .44, but I have used the .38s a fair bit too.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 12:48 PM

It is nice to know that Little Hawk's imaginary playmates are ready for anything likewise; so if imagined monsters, thugs, rabid gorillas or mauve-skinned saucer-Captains arrive with their imaginary lasers blazing, Little Hawk's population of imaginary playmates can take imaginary cover from the imaginary attack by hiding behind the imaginary skirts of a lone imaginary chimpanzee armed with an imaginary handgun, with the use of which he has had much imaginary experience, thank goodness.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 12:53 PM

Oh, give over, you over-serious nitpicking wet blanket. Get a job that suits your personality. Become a tax accountant or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 01:38 PM

Gee, I didn't know that my .38 was imaginary. Does that mean that my .357, .22s, .30-30, .30-06, 12 gauge, 20 gauge. 7.65mm, and .45 are also imaginary? If so they make a terrible racket when I imaginarily shoot them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 02:04 PM

No-one said your weapons were imaginary, Rapaire; as to the enemies for which you hold them ion readiness, that remains to be seen.

Little Hawk, your suggestion is revolting!! A TAX accountant? Are you trying to drive me mad?? Where would you be without your favorite gadfly to prick your bubble from time to time?? It's only for your own good, you know.... :D No need to get all surly. It's not as though I have been wholly insensitive to the dynamics of your playground--after all, I did give Chongo his sister!! But like you, I wrestle with the impenetrability of the so-called real world, would fain escape its dross and duress, and go somewhere where I could fly and eat sugar-plums. Or swans or something. We both have to keep on our guard not to be sucked too far into either one of these worlds. N'est-ce pas?





A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 02:11 PM

THIRTY AND SIX!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 02:36 PM

Pistols, or, more correctly in the recent vernacular, handguns, are far from my liking. I can only assume that such choice is due to the factor of concealment.

However, I can understand that in certain circumstances, a handgun might be of use. First to mind, obviously, perhaps one wished to have two weapons available for defense. In such a case, I would then question the choice of calibre. Again, more choice as it would depend on such variables as venue and the shooter's ability. Large calibre for penetration of building materials or body armour versus small calibre for accuracy. One of each might be the way to go.

It's all relative to where and at what distance the chump is. Of course, if the chump is swinging on vines, my choice would be a machine pistol of medium calibre whereas if I was playing poker at a Mississippi riverboat table with the chump, a 50 calibre handgun under the table would be preferable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 03:37 PM

I think you make my point exceeding wlel, good Gnu--surely the most probably invasion of your security is more liekly to come from moose or grizzly than from vine-swingers or riverboat gamblers. Your rivers are too shallow and your vines too seasonal.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 06:11 PM

5 days, 9 hours, , 11 minutes.

Sigh...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 06:15 PM

Too shallow? The Mississippi gains it's headwaters in Ontaio. The Mighty St. Lawrence equals any in Calleeforeeahhh. The Mighty Miramichi holds salmon that could eat a chump. There are more.

I have no experience with grizz, but most of the moose I have been friends with were rather docile. My forefathers used axes to dispatch them in mid-winter rather than waste ammo.


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