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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 13 Apr 13 - 11:23 PM
gnu 13 Apr 13 - 09:18 PM
Amos 13 Apr 13 - 08:08 PM
Acme 13 Apr 13 - 05:35 PM
Little Hawk 13 Apr 13 - 12:57 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 13 - 09:09 AM
Amos 13 Apr 13 - 01:35 AM
Rapparee 12 Apr 13 - 10:19 PM
Amos 12 Apr 13 - 06:41 PM
Amos 12 Apr 13 - 12:58 PM
Amos 12 Apr 13 - 11:41 AM
gnu 12 Apr 13 - 11:41 AM
Rapparee 12 Apr 13 - 10:08 AM
Amos 12 Apr 13 - 02:42 AM
Acme 12 Apr 13 - 12:56 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 13 - 03:38 PM
Amos 11 Apr 13 - 03:13 PM
Amos 11 Apr 13 - 11:08 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 13 - 09:02 AM
Rapparee 10 Apr 13 - 05:57 PM
Acme 10 Apr 13 - 01:16 PM
Amos 10 Apr 13 - 12:05 PM
Little Hawk 10 Apr 13 - 11:52 AM
Amos 10 Apr 13 - 11:01 AM
Rapparee 10 Apr 13 - 09:37 AM
Little Hawk 09 Apr 13 - 07:53 PM
Amos 09 Apr 13 - 06:47 PM
gnu 09 Apr 13 - 05:27 PM
Little Hawk 09 Apr 13 - 04:52 PM
Rapparee 09 Apr 13 - 03:00 PM
Little Hawk 09 Apr 13 - 02:20 PM
Amos 09 Apr 13 - 10:07 AM
Rapparee 09 Apr 13 - 08:33 AM
gnu 09 Apr 13 - 07:30 AM
Amos 08 Apr 13 - 11:41 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 13 - 09:28 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 13 - 09:23 PM
Acme 08 Apr 13 - 08:37 PM
gnu 08 Apr 13 - 07:59 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 13 - 07:32 PM
Amos 08 Apr 13 - 12:00 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 13 - 10:15 AM
gnu 08 Apr 13 - 07:29 AM
gnu 08 Apr 13 - 06:19 AM
Amos 08 Apr 13 - 01:33 AM
Rapparee 07 Apr 13 - 10:52 PM
Rapparee 07 Apr 13 - 10:48 PM
Amos 07 Apr 13 - 10:04 PM
Rapparee 07 Apr 13 - 08:15 PM
gnu 07 Apr 13 - 05:58 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 11:23 PM

If you are equating Amos with Heaven I think both your theology and your logic are out of whack. Sure, Amos flies like an eagle and has the voice of an angel, he plays the guitar like it was an angelic harp, but...well...I got it backwards.

Amos has the voice of an eagle and ties flies like an angler or maybe eats flies and plays with Guitars. Angela Guitar. And if her boyfriend finds out...well, I hope Amos will be missed. Probably not though, because that dude practices every day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 09:18 PM

Imagine there's no Amos... it's easy if you try... no Rap below us... above us only cute cuddly dogs and kitties... pie in the sky...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 08:08 PM

Oh, Little Hawk, give it up. Stun me into SILENCE? SUrely you know full well that such an event is beyond the realm of all probable wave-forms. In short, it ain't gonna happen. Why, I bet you can't even IMAGINE it happening!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 05:35 PM

Have we exhausted all possible sources of BS? Is that your conclusion, Little Hawk?

Dogs and doggerel - it seemed to be running along about like normal lately.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 12:57 PM

Why all this wretched doggerel all of a sudden? Did you guys get bitten by the Ghost of MacGonagall? Or is another supposedly vital number rapidly approaching?

I've resisted posting here myself for some time now, because I am waiting to be inspired to say something so absolutely brilliant and insightful that it stuns Amos into awed silence for a period of at least 24 hours.

;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 09:09 AM

If you think poor Mom is sick --
Throwing up, her mucous thick,
Rashes on her dear old skin --
Sure, I'll try to find her Next Of Kin.
I'm certain that she'd never rue
Another visit from Khandu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 01:35 AM

Oh Rapparee, thou wise and great
I knew if called you would not wait
And in not waiting would not fall
But haste to answer Mother's call.

I knew that you would stand a man
Who does whate'er one man can
Who thinks and posts to seize the day
That leads us toward the next of K.

Now let us chastise, haze and tease
Those worthless siblings, if you please,
Who though we harp and chafe and bridle
Say nothing, but relax and idle
Letting their keyboards tuern to dust
And never doing what they must.
Leaving their thoughts to drift in air
Which hardly strikes me very fair.

But though you've answered duty's trump
And to the thread have made a bump
One wheel alone makes not a wagon
And is not grounds for windy bragging.
So turn your hand again. old pal,
To answer Mother's nobloe call
And never cease and never rest
In promulgating fine BS
Until the day--oh, noble day!--
When we have reached the next of K!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 10:19 PM

Why does Amos expect me oft to post
When he goes running off the most?
While I stay home and cut the grass,
Clean the cesspool, kick some ass,
Deal with the VA, pound the cable,
Swab the decks and clean the stable,
Do everything that must be done
To keep poor Mother number one
In our hearts and in our lives
Amos goes on the oddest drives!
Tomorrow morn, in pouring rain,
I'll go cut the grass again
Then after that (for duty calls)
I'll with my wife go to Twin Falls
And there, where the Snake drops and tilts,
We'll go and view some pretty quilts.
But I a netbook shall take along
So Mom can have a post or song -
A poem, perhaps, like this one here
While Amos soaks his face in beer.
Yes, in the inn I'll online be
And post as I can -- you wait and see!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 06:41 PM

I t irks me much. my darlin' sibs
That Mom must live on drabs and dribs
And crumbs of jests like bits of haddock
ANd posts from you much too sporadic.
Three times my pen has signed my name
To add and echo Mother's fame
Whole Little Hawk has naught to tell
And Rapaire tolls a silent knell
And Gnu and Stilly are not seen
In or around our great mosheen.
I urge you all, recall the ghost
And write BS, and finally, post.
For I must warn you if you stray
You may postpone the next of K!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 12:58 PM

Maggie the Dog tells me I should go to the vet to be tutored. I told her that I wasn't going to spend money on such nonsense. I know plenty of veterans. Why Rapaire here on MOAB is a vet and he's more than willing to tutor me all day long just to have something interesting to do.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 11:41 AM

IT is true that Maggie the Dog, a.k.a. Rocket Dog, aka Mudflanks McFuzzbutt, has me well trained by now, but not in the way you expect from Rapaire's misguided rhetoric. Sometimes I really think he is a Republican. I have learned that when she bows down and yawns, it means "You MUST take me walking." And there are other things she does to teach me that I am profoundly guilty for being out of sight for a couple of hours, or for letting her foodbowl stay empty too long.

In other news:

O! Santianna's men were brave,
Away, Santianna!
And many found a hero's grave.
All across the plains of Mexico!

And its heave her up, and away we'll go
Heave away, Santianna!
Heave her up, and away we'll go
All across the plains of Mexico

Now Santianna's dead and gone,
Away, Santianna!
And all the fighting has moved on
All on the plains of Mexico!

We'll dig his grave with a silver spade,
Away, Santianna!
And mark the spot where he was laid.
All on the plains of Mexico

O! for Santianna now we mourn
Away Santianna!
We left him buried off Cape Horn.
All on the plains of Mexico!

Yes we buried him deep around Cape Horn.
Away Santianna!
And close to the spot where he was born
All on the plains of Mexico!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 11:41 AM

When does he go to be neutered?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 10:08 AM

Maggie the Dog has taught Amos how to do that as well. He's quite proud of himself; the dog is going to enter him in the Southern California Human Show. I've been told that he's having a bit of trouble with "Sit...Stay" but Maggie expects to have that worked out in a week or so. His biggest problem is that when he meets other humans he has to smell their...their...well, their nether parts and this would be a big no-no at the SCHS. Everyone is relieved that Maggie has finally gotten him housebroken!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 02:42 AM

In times of duress, nothing restores joy like a well-seasoned chocolate lab!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 12:56 AM

Zeke wanted me to write to tell you all that he has learned a new trick. My chocolate lab has figured out how to time it when he retrieves his bumper thing (floating things that dogs retrieve from land or water) that he can now usually catch it in the air after the first bounce. He is SO proud of himself!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 13 - 03:38 PM

Nay, nay, good poleman, good fuller. I have been to my leech and he finds me in good health.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 13 - 03:13 PM

Doest thou then deedle the whap, good finnegan? Surely my diminuitive salacious extrapolation did not render thy contumacious iridescence comatose? How pearlescent a gerrymander are you?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 13 - 11:08 AM

Offenbach, salutarian. Dying windlust colour all thy Harleys with ochre spindrift!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 13 - 09:02 AM

Goddag, moder. Gid du har en herlig dag. Morgenmad er beredvillig.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 13 - 05:57 PM

No, she wasn't born in Siam. She was born in Roanoke Rapids, NC.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Apr 13 - 01:16 PM

I forgot to mention she plays the ocarina. She's a lesbian thespian octogenarian ocarinan vegetarian Virginian virgin version.

And Unitarian. But you missed Simian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 13 - 12:05 PM

Well, I'm not the one who dives into realms of sheer fantasy and insists on inalienable rights to be the sole authority on what happens there, am I?

Perhaps the subtle power of projection is in play here.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Apr 13 - 11:52 AM

Your inability to face and accept the unpalatable truths of life, Amos, indicates that you are in dire need of some form of corrective therapy to break down the emotional armouring. Perhaps we should call on Herr Liebenscheiss?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 13 - 11:01 AM

You are so full of it, your eyes must be brown this morning. I can't BELIEVE you let yourself do this kind of semantic dirty work. You should be wearing a cement overcoat out in Narragansett Bay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 13 - 09:37 AM

Wasn't there a "Doctor Estrella" who worked in the "Intensive Care Unit" of Chinga's place in Tijuana? The newspapers from a couple years ago mention "hombres y 'ICU' en Casita Chinga'" when it was raided. My Spanish is strictly first year collge, but I puzzled out words that led me to believe that some men liked watching the "medical procedures" other men underwent. There was some mention of a "Doctor Estrella" in the article -- I remember because the name was close to my mother's (who's been dead since 1981).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Apr 13 - 07:53 PM

Heh! Heh! ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 13 - 06:47 PM

Little Hawk is fond of swallowing howlers, a nasty habit he picked up from his detective friend's sister Chinga, who has never been in Mexico, at least never in the vicinity of Dr. Estrella's sparkling clinic.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Apr 13 - 05:27 PM

LH... I am shocked at the pent up sexual anger in your language. Gie yersel well laid, laddie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Apr 13 - 04:52 PM

Yes...

He's still denying his illicit liasons down there with the alleged Chinga Chimp. Says he's going for "dental work". Ha! Informed minds know better than to swallow that howler.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 13 - 03:00 PM

LH, I just let it go. I consider the source, and realize that I can expect nothing more from a Volvo-driving rabid millionaire Southern California Tea-Partyer who goes to Tijuana for his "kicks."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Apr 13 - 02:20 PM

Amos, you said to Rap awhile back: "You are a militant elitist with the humanist sensibilities of a psychotic fucktard."

That was a shockingly abusive use of language, sir! An offence to elitists and pyschotic fucktards worldwide! You should be ashamed of yourself! Get down on the floor and do 150 pushups in penance, you damnable miscreant! And after that, a couple of hundred knuckle crunches as well. If you get to it right away, we may find it in our heart to forgive you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 13 - 10:07 AM

WHat you say, good Gnu, is true
And worthy of a guy like you.
Two halves can have a sight of fun
But half wits in two minds, in my view,
Cannot create a whole in one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 13 - 08:33 AM

Did I mention her religion? She's a Unitarian.

As Al Pope once remarked to me while we were sharing a few drinks with "Dean" Swift and Johnny Arbuthnot, "Half a wit is better than none."

Little Hawk is on vacation in Tenerife with "Bad Penny" and Roni Rutledge. Roni and Shame are quite the thing, I understand, and are being "covered" by no lesser person than Hector "Balls" Worthy (a reptilian Rotarian).

For the rest of us life goes on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Apr 13 - 07:30 AM

Don't two half wits make a whole wit?

Say... where's LH? Off monkeying around again?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Apr 13 - 11:41 PM

I am sure she is also a Rotarian and somewhat aurian.

Thank you so much for the wit. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate it and look forward to seeing the second half.

AS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 13 - 09:28 PM

I forgot to mention she plays the ocarina. She's a lesbian thespian octogenarian ocarinan vegetarian Virginian virgin version


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 13 - 09:23 PM

Possibly. I've never asked her about that. Perhaps Amos will know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Apr 13 - 08:37 PM

No, I fixed my own typo, gnu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Apr 13 - 07:59 PM

Not a virgin? Well, she could be a pure lesbian and still not be a true virgin. Might she be a lesbian thespian octogenarian vegetarian Virginian virgin version?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 13 - 07:32 PM

So, I have this actress friend in Richmond. She's very dietary conscious and is in her 80s. I'd have to call her a lesbian thespian octogenarian vegetarian Virginian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Apr 13 - 12:00 PM

There was no wit, but grace and a kindly humor
That this man of tomes and guns offered;
There at the end of his rapier
Hung a link to a song well sung
And the heart of a man too big to die.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 13 - 10:15 AM

Would you rather be the recipient of my rapier wit instead, Amos? I can do that also, you know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xx0xg32qf6c


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Apr 13 - 07:29 AM

FREE SAMPLES!

Too small for me but I know some of you could benefit from the link. No need to thank me. Just trying to be helpful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Apr 13 - 06:19 AM

I didn't thieve nothin from noone!

Sellier & Bellot... I mind back in the 70s my old man bought two boxes a 12ga #6 at yer Kmart for $1.99 a 25 count box! What a bargain! First shot was at a Birch at about 20 yards. BANG! Whirrrr of wings. He stared blankly in disbelief. Told me ta go get it. I did(CIL Dynawad Special Long Range). When I returned about 15 minutes later, he was FUMING! He had cut open two shells and they were mostly wadding. No way they contained the shot and powder stated on the box. Of course, he had CIL in the car and the day was a success. The Sellier & Bellot crap was returned for a full refund and I curse the name to this day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Apr 13 - 01:33 AM

Oh, yeah--like a bunch of specs about lethal mechanisms is sooooo impressive. You are a militant elitist with the humanist sensibilities of a psychotic fucktard. Just so you know how I feel about it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 13 - 10:52 PM

Jes' ta keep it honest, them there cartridges were Sellier & Bellot 158 grain lead round nose bullets in .38 Special caliber (er calibre, iffen yer Canadian er somethin').


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 13 - 10:48 PM

Took mah shootin' ahrns out ta the range Sattiday mornin'. Shot fifty rounds from two revolvers at two targets, one at about twenny five yards and the other a bit further on. That's twenny five round per revolver. The win' was blowin' hard from the southwest, probably aroun' 40 miles per. Plenty hard enough to affect the bullets. But usin' mah usual one-hand grip Ah managed ta put 48 out of 50 on the 7 X 10 inch targets an' that was 10X -- 10 of them shots went dead on center.

Wadd ya mean I ain't accurate? Ya wanna come here an' hold the targets fer me?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 13 - 10:04 PM

I had been concerned that while I was away, Rapp would have no-one to engage his ego-bashing skills in advanced sardonics and ultimate self-justification against; but I see I need not have worried, as he is the sort that takes on all comers. His sabre-like skills in nullification and invalidative repartee are unrivaled in the gutters of Shanghai and points East. Let's have one big hand for our own Manchurian Bloviator. Oh, and note to Gnu, take nothing personally. It's not that accurate!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 13 - 08:15 PM

Not me. I remember 'em. I'm concerned about you, you with the green hair on your palms and nearly blind and all of your cortex smoothed out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Apr 13 - 05:58 PM

You ate in Tronna (learn ta spell it right)?

SRS... thanks for fixing my typo even tho I have no idea what it was.

Rap... if yeee gotta do all those drugs and handwork ta remember shit, my heart goes out ta ya.


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