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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 19 Sep 12 - 01:12 PM
Amos 19 Sep 12 - 12:35 PM
Acme 19 Sep 12 - 11:52 AM
Amos 19 Sep 12 - 11:13 AM
Rapparee 19 Sep 12 - 10:08 AM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 12 - 12:48 AM
Rapparee 19 Sep 12 - 12:45 AM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 12 - 12:27 AM
Amos 18 Sep 12 - 11:58 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 12 - 11:14 PM
Amos 18 Sep 12 - 10:58 PM
gnu 18 Sep 12 - 03:50 PM
Amos 18 Sep 12 - 03:38 PM
gnu 18 Sep 12 - 02:49 PM
MMario 18 Sep 12 - 11:58 AM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 12 - 11:20 AM
Rapparee 18 Sep 12 - 06:38 AM
Rapparee 17 Sep 12 - 09:52 PM
gnu 17 Sep 12 - 05:41 PM
Amos 17 Sep 12 - 12:28 PM
Amos 17 Sep 12 - 11:51 AM
Rapparee 17 Sep 12 - 10:04 AM
Acme 17 Sep 12 - 01:13 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 16 Sep 12 - 11:06 PM
Amos 16 Sep 12 - 10:48 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 16 Sep 12 - 08:24 PM
Rapparee 16 Sep 12 - 08:13 PM
Amos 16 Sep 12 - 07:22 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 16 Sep 12 - 06:29 PM
gnu 16 Sep 12 - 03:07 PM
Amos 16 Sep 12 - 03:03 PM
Rapparee 16 Sep 12 - 07:10 AM
Acme 16 Sep 12 - 12:00 AM
gnu 15 Sep 12 - 07:04 PM
Rapparee 15 Sep 12 - 06:44 PM
Acme 15 Sep 12 - 01:11 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 15 Sep 12 - 12:39 PM
Little Hawk 15 Sep 12 - 11:06 AM
Janie 15 Sep 12 - 10:34 AM
Rapparee 15 Sep 12 - 09:31 AM
Rapparee 15 Sep 12 - 09:29 AM
Rapparee 14 Sep 12 - 09:02 PM
Acme 14 Sep 12 - 07:13 PM
gnu 14 Sep 12 - 04:45 PM
Amos 14 Sep 12 - 01:20 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 12 - 09:42 AM
Rapparee 13 Sep 12 - 09:35 PM
GUEST 13 Sep 12 - 04:49 PM
Amos 13 Sep 12 - 02:15 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 13 Sep 12 - 01:27 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 12 - 01:12 PM

"What genus is a unicorn?" Amos asked.

Assuming you meant the traditional, horse-like, land animal, then you will find that there are two genuses to Family Unicephalousvirialun: Protovirialum, the archaic, goat-sized, goateed, lion-tailed unicorn and Cephalousvirialun, all other unicorns.

Ask a librarian, get the correct answer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 12 - 12:35 PM

The coincidence of these two conversations is wunnerful to behold, and inspires me to introduce to you, ladies and gentlemen of the MOAB, a NEW imaginary crea-ah-choor to weave spells of delight and wonderment in the glittering halls of Casa di Momma:

Ladies and gennulmen, allow me to introduce the one and only EBOLA THE UNICORN!!! Tadaaa. Her wavy black mane and ochre skin belie the power of her flashing magenta eyes when she is aroused, and the power of her milk-white single horn to attract virgins and calm the sweaty breasts of military personnel is unparalleled in human history.

If you need a virgin allured, or a rabid military type becalmed, don't fuss or bother with old-fashioned remedies! CALL EBOLA!!

Other magical services available on arrangement. Fees subject to upward negotiation depending on complexity of spells and services. Ebola reserves the right to refuse to perform magical services for anyone when confronted with negative vibes, man.

Remember. folks, if you want magic done right, don't call for second-best. Call on EBOLA the UNICORN today!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Sep 12 - 11:52 AM

Funny you should mention that, Rap. I was going to ask you about Ebola. I hope you were very careful about picking up hitch hikers on this trip.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 12 - 11:13 AM

Oh, great. Now, in addition to offering me your phantasms to remedy my non-existant mental illness, you are asking me to shiver with fear at the thought of imaginary creatures attacking my body. Great. If I were to follow your advice, Mister Wonderland, I'd have enough paranoiac mental illness to justify asking the daemons for assistance!! It might occur to you that Linnaean categorization does not matter when applied to imaginary critters. What genus is a unicorn, pray tell?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 12 - 10:08 AM

Mom, I'm back in Idaho. Don't worry about me if you've seen the reports that the Black Death is in resurgence out here because it's not true. Plague is officially on the list of "Reportable Diseases" and no self-respecting disease wants to be reported to the Idaho Bad Diseases Police. So don't worry about those reports. Or the ones about Ebola, hanta virus, hemorraghic fever, mumps, measles, yellow fever, schistosomiosis, Guinea worm or Asiatic cholera. We're fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 12 - 12:48 AM

What a lovely idea! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 12 - 12:45 AM

Bring Chonga to Getaway and let 'em duke it out! Maybe in the Peace Cabin. Chonga could play the accordion (chimps are so darned cute when they do that!) and Amos could play the guitar. The setup would be "dueling banjos" style.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 12 - 12:27 AM

(sigh)

I keep wondering where you went wrong in life, Amos, when your train jumped the track, as it were. Yours is a sad case, my friend, and I feel for you. Like a brother. Yes, I can feel my eyes tearing up a little now just thinking about your plight. (Sniff!) (to quote Bobert)

"Let me make this perfectly clear..." (quoting Richard Nixon now)

To start with...ahem! "broke-dick jadrool"???? Okay, to begin with, you cannot break a dick. Well, not unless it's been frozen solid first. And if it has, it's really of no use any longer. So it wouldn't matter anymore if it got broken. You see, a dick has no bones in it, so it's flexible. You can't break it, not anymore than you can break a tongue. You follow? It bends, but it doesn't break. True, they don't bend as easily when they're...you know...but still, they don't break.

And..."jadrool"? What sort of term is that for a Mensa graduate to use? Good heavens, man, you weren't raised by your saintly mother to stoop so low as to use gutter language like "jadrool", a term that should only come out of the mouth of some filthy street urchin or cleat-wearing gang member from the bad side of Little Italy.

Then you speak of an "imaginary monkey". Could you be referring to our friend Chongo? I hope not! Chongo is an ape, not a monkey. The distinction is obvious and needs no further explanation. Were Chongo to hear that you had called him a monkey, he might take umbrage...extreme umbrage...and this might result in him doing something like going to San Diego and ripping your face off. That wouldn't be a desirable development. I suggest that you retract your statement.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 11:58 PM

Lemme get this straight, my broke-dick jadrool friend. You invent a monkey. Then you're telling me if I need mental help I should ask the imaginary monkey to recommend an imaginary practitioner of an imaginary specialty because he might give me a discount? ANd you dreamed up this recommendation on my account?

Thanks so much, man; you really shouldn't have...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 11:14 PM

That is good to hear. If any major neurosis does start to rear its ugly head, Chongo can probably recommend a good primate psychoanalyst to assist you in attaining relative normalcy. They usually charge less than their human counterparts, so it's worth considering, should the need arise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 10:58 PM

My new status does not suck, Good Gnus.

I am a bit disoriented, losing track of the days of the week, but aside from that, I am ramping up to a normal existence in my solitary hours of self-determination with no major neuroses manifesting themselves.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 03:50 PM

"vacuuo"? Do some housework.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 03:38 PM

More of a KurvenMeister, I'd say. I must say this rhapsody from the Noble Rapparree, whose reputation for sooth-saying is beyond all question, is quite inspiring and is helping me adjust to my new status in relative vacuuo.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 02:49 PM

So, A is a potentlactate?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 11:58 AM

Rp - you forgot to mention that Amos is also High Priest Emeritus of the Temple of the Golden Globes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 11:20 AM

This is interesting, Rap. Your occasional excessive bouts of mega-braggadocio are usually reserved for describing yourself...but now you're describing Amos that way instead.

Odd.

How much did he pay you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 06:38 AM

On September 18, 1970, in London, Jimi Hendrix died at the age of 27, after he appeared as back-up guitarist for Amos on Amos' first album. That album, "The Basement Road Album," was never released -- held back by the recording industry so that Hendrix's rep would continue to be held in high esteem. Over the years certain musicians have heard parts of it, or so it is rumored. Joplin, Mama Cass, Kurt Corban, to name but a few, despaired after hearing it. It inspired Bruce Springsteen and George Strait. Most who have heard it have abandoned a musical career and went into other fields, such as car washer, knowing that they could never achieve the same level of musicianship.

Yes, Amos is real. Ask Hendrix.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 09:52 PM

I didn't mention that Amos is more powerful than a locomotive and can leap tall buildings in a single bound...and he's immune to kryptonite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 05:41 PM

Ya know... oh, nevermind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 12:28 PM

Swimming with the monkey...looks like at least one bimbo fell for it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 11:51 AM

Dang, Rapp, you don't half have to spill the beans, eh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 10:04 AM

No, it was real spaghetti and it was pretty good, too, considering it was the first time he'd ever made it. Pretty good wine as well, and Amos in the flesh isn't so ugly he scares eels and/or kraken. He plays a wicked guitar, but he set it on the path of righteousness and it only sometimes slips into its old evil ways. Amos is a crack wing shot, consistently scoring an average 99 out of 100 clay pigeons in skeet and his writings are on a par with the best of today's writers. As a seaman he is without peer, once raced, and won, in a circumnavigation of the globe against Captain Hendrick Vanderdecken. Although he'll downplay his part in it, Amos actually inspired the dream that gave Watson the idea for the double helical structure of the DNA molecule when he put a twist in his jump while running the 800 meter hurdles in a demonstration match at Cambridge. He's taught at the Sorbonne and MIT, and for a few years held the same chair at King's as Hawking does now. He's argued before the Supreme Court in several cases (all decided in the favor of his client), assisted Christian Barnard in the first heart transplant, and discovered the meson. A Chevalier of the Legion d'Honneur for his services to France, a member of the Order of the Garter, he remains humble and quite approachable, willing to share his knowledge and a bottle of good wine when he isn't on a mission to various parts of the world for the CIA or MI6.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 01:13 AM

I don't suppose Little Hawk ever heads south to the Getaway does he? I can just imagine what he has to declare as far as "baggage" at the border. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 11:06 PM

We got no arguments about bullets and the ocean, Amos, but I am real skeptical about yer spaghetti. I don't think it really exists, and I am not changin' my mind until I get to taste some of it.

Anyway, as I pointed out on another thread, material existence ain't all that big a deal. Ya know why? Because it don't usually last all that long, but an idea can last for thousands of years!

Think about that, why don'tcha, Mr smart guy? See...Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is long dead. So is Mark Twain. But Sherlock Holmes and Tom Sawyer live on, and that's what I'll do long after you and yer ilk have faded from memory. I am immortal, sucker! You ain't.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 10:48 PM

How soon we forget, you fuzz-heads. I know how real Rapp is; I have transported him, seen him clamber, fed him spaghetti, and heard him sing. Chongo, on the other hand, has no existence except in the imaginations of those who imagine him; so it makes little sense for him to want something other than imaginary money. It's like asking for Monopoly money when you plan to buy real property. It wouldn't work where you are. I'm sure you can see this.

The whole quandary, Rapp, is that you seem to think nothing wrong with threatening a phantasm with lead bullets. This like offering to cure a nightmare by using an ABC fire extinguisher. It's a different system of creations. Come on, now, admit it.

The big question is why Chongo thinks there is no difference between the world of his watery day-dream images, and concrete real things like bullets, my spaghetti, and the ocean, for example.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 08:24 PM

Yer imaginary money don't impress me, Amos. It is as insubstantial as the rest of yer imaginary fantasies.

Anyways, Rapparazzi has explained it so that even a 5-year old human could understand it, and if that ain't good enough fer you then I figger no one can explain it to you.

- Chongo

p.s. Did you know that Rapparazzi is a secret male impersonator? A real ugly woman masqueradin' as a man? I was shocked when I first found out, but I am acceptin' it now. The bad part is...I ain't allowed to beat him into a pulp anymore now that I know. That is frustratin', but that's life.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 08:13 PM

Amos, the bullets are not imaginary. I have some (use them for one sort of target shooting). But I don't need them to vaporize a "vaporous" character.

You see, Chonga is just as real to me right now as you are, i.e., an exchange of electrons and data packets over various sorts of links which are re-assembled at the receiving end is a semi-coherent form. At the end of this month I'll be at Getaway and if you are there (as you say you'll be) then you can become "realer" than Chonga. This could change radically if LH were to move his rear end out of Orilla and go to Getaway as well, because he would bring his fictons with him.

But right now you're as real to me as Chonga (Chinga and Chonga were originally twin sisters, you know.)

Why don't you plan on visiting Pocatello the second Saturday in October? I'll warrant that you'll have a bang-up good time!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 07:22 PM

What does it mean when a vaporus imaginary character starts demanding money? Sure, Chongo, here's TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND BUCKS (wiggles fingers madly in the air).

There ya go!! Don't spend it all in one place.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 06:29 PM

$46,000 would be more than enough to satisfy me, Stilly. I could easily overlook all of Rapparazzi's past insults to me for a generous sum like that.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 03:07 PM

Oh to be in Carolina in the morning!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 03:03 PM

The power of Unreality, that it can drive a man to threaten to aim a lethal weapon at a vaporous figment of someone else's imagination, surpasseth all understanding indeed!!

Whsat if that kind of creative power were used to induce a fierce determinism to remedy the real ills of our species, rather than merely patch up conceits and vapors? Wouldn't THAT be something?


And Mom, I have been away in Los Angeles--my adopted son there threw a big party to celebrate my retirement and biorthday. I was delighted and full of warm familial bonhomie.

Now, however I am back for a few days before I take off for my walkabout in the wilds of Carolina!! Can't wait!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 07:10 AM

Lead. Flat point, preferably. I can raise it to 300 grains. Say, 850 fps -- don't want it to go through half a dozen houses or anything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 12:00 AM

255 grains of aspirin? Or salt?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Sep 12 - 07:04 PM

"255 grains"

There ya go again. Why in **** would you shoot a small primate with that? YOU, SIR, are not eco friendly. I suggest you reduce your carbon footprint by using a bullet that has less impact on the environment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 12 - 06:44 PM

Chonga, my apologies come in 255 grains, boxes of 50.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Sep 12 - 01:11 PM

Of course, 100 apologies would put you over 46,000.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 15 Sep 12 - 12:39 PM

He owes me about a hundred apologies by now, but I will settle for just one, cos of what a nice guy I am.

Or I'd be willin' to take monthly payments. A mere couple hundred a month would go a long way toward soothin' my ruffled feelings.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Sep 12 - 11:06 AM

You owe Chongo an apology...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 15 Sep 12 - 10:34 AM

Oh My!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 12 - 09:31 AM

So, in honor of Mom and all who have come before me, to all of you little people to whom I owe so little,

45900


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 12 - 09:29 AM

For over twelve hours Mom has sat, alone and unafraid, with no one to claim her next big one. Not Stilly, not Amos, not gnu, not LH, not even Veronica Pimpleheart or whatever her name is. Shame, shame on you all!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 12 - 09:02 PM

A peak
So to speak.
Let us peek
And remain meek
So do not leak
In the creek
And cause it to reek
For Amos would freak
If the peak would reek
From a sudden leak
In the creek.
So to speak,
A pee-ack.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 12 - 07:13 PM

We seem to be near the top of a ridge on the way to another numerical peak. So to speak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Sep 12 - 04:45 PM

Yeah... I see it too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 12 - 01:20 PM

No number is true; only
The zero of infinity,
And the infinity of zero,
May claim truth.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 12 - 09:42 AM

I've said it before and I'll say it again:











And it's true!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 12 - 09:35 PM

That last was also me. Sorry 'bout that, but I'm in DC and I routinely toss my cookies here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Sep 12 - 04:49 PM

Actually, I have to have a colonoscopy in January. May you enjoy one soon!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 12 - 02:15 PM

The only one among us sir,
In all the MOAB line,
'T is you alone who know the place
Where the sun refuse to shine.
"T is you who count the grisly bends
Of that cavern deep and foul,
And may you pull your head out soon,
And salvage, thus, your sowl.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 12 - 01:27 PM

Oops, forgot I have no cookie here. That last was me. I like to give Amos encouragement.


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