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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 28 Aug 12 - 07:21 PM
Amos 28 Aug 12 - 02:43 PM
gnu 28 Aug 12 - 02:07 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 12 - 01:54 PM
Amos 28 Aug 12 - 12:15 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 12 - 10:05 AM
Amos 28 Aug 12 - 09:40 AM
Amos 28 Aug 12 - 12:14 AM
Rapparee 27 Aug 12 - 11:19 PM
gnu 27 Aug 12 - 09:08 PM
Amos 27 Aug 12 - 06:45 PM
gnu 27 Aug 12 - 03:47 PM
Acme 27 Aug 12 - 03:40 PM
Amos 27 Aug 12 - 10:50 AM
Rapparee 26 Aug 12 - 08:24 PM
gnu 26 Aug 12 - 07:20 PM
Acme 26 Aug 12 - 07:02 PM
gnu 26 Aug 12 - 05:15 PM
Amos 26 Aug 12 - 04:22 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 12 - 11:14 AM
Acme 25 Aug 12 - 11:46 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 12 - 09:11 PM
Amos 25 Aug 12 - 12:02 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 12 - 12:02 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 12 - 10:07 PM
Amos 24 Aug 12 - 09:27 PM
Acme 24 Aug 12 - 09:25 PM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 12 - 11:21 AM
Amos 24 Aug 12 - 09:38 AM
Rapparee 23 Aug 12 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 12 - 10:34 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 12 - 10:32 PM
Amos 23 Aug 12 - 09:34 PM
gnu 23 Aug 12 - 06:29 PM
Little Hawk 23 Aug 12 - 04:35 PM
Amos 23 Aug 12 - 04:22 PM
Acme 23 Aug 12 - 04:16 PM
Little Hawk 23 Aug 12 - 01:53 PM
Amos 23 Aug 12 - 11:51 AM
Rapparee 23 Aug 12 - 10:25 AM
Rapparee 22 Aug 12 - 11:14 PM
Amos 22 Aug 12 - 10:08 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 22 Aug 12 - 12:21 AM
Rapparee 21 Aug 12 - 09:48 PM
Little Hawk 21 Aug 12 - 05:55 PM
Amos 21 Aug 12 - 05:06 PM
Amos 21 Aug 12 - 12:35 PM
Little Hawk 21 Aug 12 - 09:51 AM
Acme 20 Aug 12 - 11:23 PM
Acme 20 Aug 12 - 07:16 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 07:21 PM

Another lovely tale told in heroic verse by the Bard of San Diego!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 02:43 PM

Poor Lucy's father died one night
From a stroke at forty-three;
WIth complications caused by drink
And perhaps an S.T.D.
Her mother, she could not recall.
She went to Heaven, see,
When Daddy worked at a banking job,
And Lucy was but three.

And Daddy could not handle it.
The loss destroyed his heart.
The life he'd built had suddenly lost
Its one most precious part.
And so he drank, and drank again
And lost a job or three.
And Lucy wondered at his grave,
"What will become of me?"

A lovely lass of seventeen
And full of love and hope,
She quickly spent her savings bank
And found she could not cope.
She'd used a small inheritance
To pay her Daddy's bills.
And now she starved, no roof or food,
Beset with woes and ills.

She would not turn to the dirty streets,
She had her pride, at least,
And many's the offer she turned down
From a monied, hungry beast.
She held her morels dear and close,
While in this living hell.
And finally found her pathway out:
She became a chanterelle.

And now she tours in a velvet car,
And sings before the Crown,
And many a suitor, rich and kind,
She regretfully turns down.
Oh, there's many a song-bird on the wing,
From the Liffey to the Don,
But of them all, no man denies,
Our Lucy's champignon.

Aloyisius Allcott Winslow Lodge
Morels in Modern Thyme
Cordon Bleu Press, Le Vesinet, 1892


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 02:07 PM

"Kayak Hell's Canyon?"

Now THAT is just stunned as me arse it is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 01:54 PM

To do whate'er I please

Speed through school playgrounds? Sell dope to children? Hold up banks? Play off key? Kayak Hell's Canyon?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 12:15 PM

I'm not afraid of a wooden spoon
And I don't fear Momma's ire,
I just refuse to cringe or swoon
'Cuz I'm goin' to retire!

I'm walking out of the nine to five
To do whate'er I please,
And Still can have my blankets,
ANd Rapparee, the fleas.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 10:05 AM

Tsk, tsk. Calling attention to yourself again. Mom taught you better. You should have quietly gone to her and in a civil tone (using the magic words) excused yourself for interrupting and quietly asked her your question.

Is this what "getting short" does to your manners? If so, Mom still have that wooden spoon and isn't afraid to use it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 09:40 AM

Hey!! MOOOM!! UP HERE!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 12:14 AM

One thing to be sure of, Rapparree--you'll never find a mooter schoen.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 12 - 11:19 PM

Stilly, please don't talk about my mooter that way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Aug 12 - 09:08 PM

I shall accept/interpret, as the case may be, that, Amos, as, if not an accolade in my own mind, an approval of my attempt at the ultimate act of spoken comedy... one word placed in space and time in perfection.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Aug 12 - 06:45 PM

Well, there is that, also. :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Aug 12 - 03:47 PM

Jesus, SRS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 12 - 03:40 PM

Because it's moot?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Aug 12 - 10:50 AM

You DO like to live dangerously, good Bookster. Not being a guitar playing saint like yours truly, see, you may not appreciate the sanctity of the groundd on which you presume to tread. To threaten a man's Martin like that just is not done. It's like questioning the virginity of one's mother. You just don't.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 12 - 08:24 PM

Amos, you bring that there geetar case ta Gitaway and lemme see iffen I kin deestroy it. Put yer Martin inside so's I know how I'm doin'...or that fancy new one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Aug 12 - 07:20 PM

I hope da wasps ceder bats and buzz off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Aug 12 - 07:02 PM

Hey MOM, I bought a cedar bat house today. I'm gonna have to get the tall ladder out and put this up on the garage. Until the bats find it I suppose the wasps will enjoy it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Aug 12 - 05:15 PM

I bu pro fen? Is that Latin fer "only an ameteur drinks bog water"? I ain't up on the sytax in yer classy languages eh?

Round here in the bog country we goes by a cardinal rule fer yer drinkin. Stay up late and drink so yer still drunk when ya wake up on accounta who wnats ta wake up with a hangover... eh??!!

I see Japan won the World Series in REAL baseball just now. Must be that there radiation what allowed them to beat Tennesee eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 12 - 04:22 PM

Dang, we had one helluva fine small dinner last night. We had two physicists--one retired from UCSD and one high up in the technology circles of Qualcomm, and a third physicist, too, married to the latter, who does molecular modeling in software. We had a choreographer and an artist, and a 6 year old angel, and we atre most well and tippled the night away. Ibuprofen is my friend.

In less than a month I will be flying out East to visit Dani, and Janie, and Chance, and Micca, and Bobex, and Gene and Sandra, and gosh, I dunno WHO-all. I swan, seems like the best pickings are in that mid-Atlantic escutcheon. Anyway, hat's where I'll be.

Guess what I got to do today? All right, I'll tyell you! I got to take a power saw and slice up an ancient (1969) old guitar case that came with my D-35. Reason being that tyhe new, bullet-proof Hiscox case that was kindly provided with my Nick Apollino Apollo angel also fits my Martin perfectly. It's tough as nails, so I will just use it for either guitar. This brightens up the music room by removing one tattered old road-worn case. Yay.

Two weeks, Mom. Two weeks until I no longer have an excuse for not making up my mind what to do with myself. Yayyy!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 12 - 11:14 AM

Today we head for home. It's a long draw, over the mountains and plains, through South Pass. Haveta make sure the horses are fed and we-uns got food and water fer the trip. Fortunately the Indians ain't hostile -- anything but! because there are casinos all along the way. We don't visit 'em, but I'm glad to see 'em skinnin' the white man instead of 'tother way 'round fer a change.

Ain't got no more clean clothes no how anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 12 - 11:46 PM

Hey, MOM! Today I talked with old friends who I lost track of years ago. Turns out they're back in the town where they moved from last time I knew where they were.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 12 - 09:11 PM

I ride a new Subaru, I've done left Cheyenne
I'm goin' back to Idaho, I've thrown in my hand
I've crossed all the coulees, no water in the draw
My clothes are all dirty, my feet are walked raw.

Ride down the little highways, ride down them slow,
For they're two-lane and snuffy and rarin' to go.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 12 - 12:02 PM

His eyes are crossed, my ole swayback
He limps and snoozes like a hack
His eyes are dim and lined with crud
There ain't much iron in his blood,
But for him I will stay the course,
My friend, companion, buddy, HORSE!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 12 - 12:02 PM

Amos, don't worry none about retirement. You'll get old, sick, flabby and irrelevant real quick, just like the rest of us. You too can go sit on a bench in the park and say to the old fart next to you, "Now look at that 'un! Whoo-ee! she can park at my place anytime?" and you'll be talking about a pick up truck.

Don't worry about holding your liquor -- just grab the glass of metamucil with both hands.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 10:07 PM

And I'm singing my song:

"My rifle's rusty, my sword is bent
My boots are wet with rain
And my moldy socks and my stinky drawers
Have driven folks from the plain.
But my spurs are as crossed as my horse's eyes
My whiskey's cheap or free
What care have I for your rules or laws
I'm an in-law, Rapparee
I'm an out-law, Rapparee!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 09:27 PM

The clock is ticking down; in two weeks from today they will pull the plug on me, and I on them. This breaking of connection will resonate through all the rest of my years as a turning point, although I cannot say into what it is turning! It is understandable, then, that I am just a wee bit stirred up about it.

Across the wide, rich, redolent rolling hills of Wyoming, Rapparee's train is cantering steel on steel through the midnight blue evening. He knows, as he looks out the window, that he is being sent to prison. He knows it is no more than he deserves. But in his heart the thin, twee voice of hope and an appetite for unbounded liberty continue to ring, defying all the sobersided efforts of the Establishment to make this proud man humble by punishment.

He knows, deep down, that he will never be punished where it counts, will never bow, will never yield.

He is, and always has been, Rapparree.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 09:25 PM

He was so embarrassed he repeated himself!

Alas, a chocolate lab would go to waste here, I'm allergic. Good thing I am not allergic to dogs!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 11:21 AM

And it's a damn good thing they don't...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 09:38 AM

Seems our Rapp has been looking for Lust in all the wrong places.

There's plenty of town lust in Wyoming, but they don't organize it.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 10:35 PM

Oopsy. I meant LUSK, Wyoming. There is no Lust in Wyoming. I mean, there is no town Lust. Er...you know what I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 10:34 PM

Oopsy. I meant LUSK, Wyoming. There is no Lust in Wyoming. I mean, there is no town Lust. Er...you know what I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 10:32 PM

Hi, Mom! The Army said I was too old to re-up, so I stampeded their horses, spiked their guns and went AWOL. I'm now in Lust, WY, just up the road from Lingle. Casper tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 09:34 PM

A chocolate arm, and a chocolate leg
Are sure to build up flab
And costly both they're sure to be
In Stilly's chocolate lab!

Where chocolate dreams, they all come true,
And no-one ever fears,
And bunnies from the chocolate lab
Keep both their chocolate ears.

For just one time, before you pass,
ANd they lay you on the slab,
You really must pursue your dreams
At Stilly's chocolate lab!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 06:29 PM

Cost an arm and a leg? It can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 04:35 PM

I didn't think they needed a lab to make chocolate! I was under the impression it was a relatively simple process. It's a wonder the stuff doesn't cost an arm and a leg.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 04:22 PM

More I think on it, the more the similarities become apparent between Rapp and a chocolate lab. For example, you give a chocolate lab to a six year old, first thing he's gonna do is eat off the ears on it. Same with Rapp.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 04:16 PM

He has a sense of guilt like my chocolate lab has a sense of guilt - caught in the act and if I use "that" tone of voice (the one that turns my pit bull into a quivering groveling puddle of pup) he gives a MICRO expression that says "well, yeah, maybe" and then he's back to his old open gregarious "what, who me?" expression.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 01:53 PM

Unless he became stricken with an overwhelming sense of guilt!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 11:51 AM

Hell, the jail hasn't been buit would hold Rapparree for long. For one thing,k he hasm't even GOT long.

Besides, he'd have to invent a jail to hold himself, and as the solipsist king of All Universes, he would obviously never be so cruel on himself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 10:25 AM

Now I'm off to Ft. Laramie. I decided to re-enlist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 12 - 11:14 PM

I'm free! Released with a full pardon! Free! All I had to do was spill my guts about Chonga Chimp! And Amos! And for some reason they also want gnu and LH, so I sold y'all down the river! Hahahahaha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 12 - 10:08 AM

Oh, man, Rapp is being sent down for unnatural acts??? Holy Moly!! That's hard time, especially in a crossbreed town like Laramie!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Aug 12 - 12:21 AM

You'll never catch me makin' insensitive statements like that! ;-D Ook! Ook! So...are they gonna put you in solitary, Rap, or chuck you in a cell with a buncha father rapers?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 12 - 09:48 PM

I'm in Laramie and I have to go to prison tomorrow for violations of the Man Act, specifically, acting like a man. Wyoming isn't known at "The Equality State" for nothing...and all I did was say something about women not being able to hold their liquor like a man can. I never got the chance to finish and say, "...no, they hold it better." WHAM! 271 days in solitary on stale bread and moldy water.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Aug 12 - 05:55 PM

Ah...brilliant and heroic verse! Truly, the art of the Bard is not yet dead, but lives on in San Diego.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 12 - 05:06 PM

There is a man you hear about
Where folks are making free,
He comes from Pocateloo,
An' his name is Rapparee
And he hasn't got much money
But he doesn't just much care,
'Cuz the thing he likes to do the best
Is put out that hot air.

I made friends with Rapparee
And I took him on for fair
And we'd spar and banter loudly
'Til the quiet folks would stare
He would put out lists of sources
Of repute, renown and fame,
ANd was often known to post them up
Signed by someone   with his name.

He would generate translations
From the Aramaic tribe
Or the Mandarins of China
FUll of hexadecimal jibe
And he'd fill you with quotations,
Boys it's wholly plain to me
That there never was a scholar born
Could BS like Rapparee.

Well we tried to make him quiet, boys
But he argued in a way
That drove the MOAB upward
To the realms of Fifty Kay
And if BS overwhelms me,
And I'm ever forced to flee,
Lock the leather mask upon his face,
But give Stilly Sage the key.


Arduino Mayquer
Novo Ballads of the Novo Oueste
Braken, Wynde, and Denayenit, Chicago, 1976


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 12 - 12:35 PM

YEah...don't show it to Rapparee--I wouldn't want to discourage him!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Aug 12 - 09:51 AM

Scary!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 11:23 PM

Wow! Someone snapped a photo of Amos after one of his kayak trips. Look at those arms! (From here).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 07:16 PM

How clever, LH! They'll be miles away before they get drunker and forget the whole thing.


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