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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 25 Nov 11 - 10:37 AM
Rapparee 24 Nov 11 - 07:09 PM
Acme 24 Nov 11 - 01:40 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 24 Nov 11 - 12:18 PM
Little Hawk 23 Nov 11 - 12:28 PM
Rapparee 23 Nov 11 - 11:41 AM
Rapparee 23 Nov 11 - 11:39 AM
Acme 23 Nov 11 - 09:31 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 22 Nov 11 - 06:21 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 22 Nov 11 - 06:07 PM
gnu 22 Nov 11 - 06:03 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 22 Nov 11 - 06:00 PM
Eiseley 22 Nov 11 - 05:45 PM
Little Hawk 22 Nov 11 - 05:14 PM
Rapparee 22 Nov 11 - 05:06 PM
Amos 22 Nov 11 - 04:14 PM
Amos 22 Nov 11 - 02:04 PM
gnu 22 Nov 11 - 01:11 PM
GUEST 22 Nov 11 - 09:18 AM
Little Hawk 22 Nov 11 - 06:58 AM
Acme 22 Nov 11 - 01:05 AM
Little Hawk 21 Nov 11 - 11:34 PM
Amos 21 Nov 11 - 11:00 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 21 Nov 11 - 10:10 PM
gnu 21 Nov 11 - 01:56 PM
Amos 21 Nov 11 - 01:42 PM
Amos 21 Nov 11 - 09:37 AM
Rapparee 21 Nov 11 - 09:27 AM
Rapparee 21 Nov 11 - 09:20 AM
Acme 21 Nov 11 - 09:09 AM
Acme 21 Nov 11 - 12:27 AM
Eiseley 21 Nov 11 - 12:03 AM
Rapparee 20 Nov 11 - 11:08 PM
Amos 20 Nov 11 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 20 Nov 11 - 05:41 PM
Eiseley 20 Nov 11 - 05:34 PM
Amos 20 Nov 11 - 05:26 PM
Amos 20 Nov 11 - 03:06 PM
Amos 20 Nov 11 - 02:42 PM
Acme 20 Nov 11 - 01:08 PM
Little Hawk 20 Nov 11 - 12:32 PM
Rapparee 20 Nov 11 - 09:10 AM
Acme 19 Nov 11 - 11:18 PM
Amos 19 Nov 11 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 19 Nov 11 - 10:06 PM
Rapparee 19 Nov 11 - 08:31 PM
gnu 19 Nov 11 - 06:34 PM
Amos 19 Nov 11 - 06:20 PM
Rapparee 19 Nov 11 - 06:10 PM
gnu 19 Nov 11 - 04:57 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Nov 11 - 10:37 AM

That's a pretty good list, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 11 - 07:09 PM

Today is Thanksgiving Day in the US. I have many things to be thankful for:

1. Having had a brother from 1948 to 2011.
2. A good marriage.
3. Being mostly healthy.
4. Being able to pay make ends meet and a tiny bit left over.
5. For having had a long and satisfying career.
6. For good friends.
7. For Mom.
8. BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE I'M NOT SHAME MCBRIDE, THE PRINCE, NAY, THE ULTIMATE, OF LOSERS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Nov 11 - 01:40 PM

MOM stopped by the grocery store earlier this week to order a pre-made Thanksgiving dinner. She said with as scattered as all of her kids are she's not going to the trouble to cook if none of them get here today. But she's hoping a few will, hence the ordered dinner.

Better get over early if you want to have a visit with her, she's drinking cider out on the sun porch and I don't think it's the sparkling variety.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Nov 11 - 12:18 PM

You peple bad mouthin' me again? Yer a buncha flipheads! Rappoop is the flippin' worst of the lott! He is a majer flippin' enbarrissment to the hole flippin' human race. He awt to be on flippin' tryal somewheres for all the bad stuff he has siad aobut me and then throwed in jail fer the rest of his unnacheral flippin' LIFE!

You lissenin', Rappoop? FLIP YOU!!!!!!!!!

- Shane

p.s. I am moonin' you right now, bolthole. My pants are down and my ass is pointin' straight in yer flippin' direction, so you can just flip right off!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 12:28 PM

You got that right!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 11:41 AM

Correction:

3. I already wear glasses. But Shame won't quit until the hair on his palms needs a lawn mower and he can't feel his guide dog's harness because of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 11:39 AM

My answers:

1. Bite me.

2. Bite yourself.

3. When I go blind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 09:31 AM

Eiseley, I had to do a couple of those for my daughter's fish also. Sad, even when it's a fish.

As for gnu's query:

Who wants to know?

Why do you want to know?

None of your goddamed business!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 06:21 PM

What does it cost?

Will you take 10% down?

Can I pay for it this time next year if I take it right now?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 06:07 PM

My ansers would be:

"Lookin' to get laid."

"Are you stoopid?"

"Never!"

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 06:03 PM

Nuthin. Because. I ain't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 06:00 PM

You are spellin' "the" wrong all the time, eh? I bet you did not get yer grade 10!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 05:45 PM

I have just performed the latest of at least seven fish funerals this year. Here are the words I read over the porcelain bowl as they go off on their long swim:

Oh hush thee, my baby
The night is behind us
And black are the waters that sparkled so green
The moon or the cold looks downward to find
At rest in the hollow that wrestle between

Where pillow meet pillow
Then soft be thy prayer
A weary beat flipper
Is curled at thy knees
The storm shall not wake thee
Nor shark overtake thee
Asleep in the arms of this slow swinging sea

Where pillow meet pillow
Then soft be thy prayer
A weary beat flipper
Is curled at thy knees
The storm shall not wake thee
Nor shark overtake thee
Asleep in the arms of this slow swinging sea.

Rudyard Kipling


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 05:14 PM

There are 3 essential questions...


















What are you doing?















Why are you doing it?
























When are you going to stop doing it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 05:06 PM

This computer had tossed my cookie, probably because I'm using a friend's device. The last GUEST was me.

So, Amos will come back all tarry, huh? Feathers too, do you suppose?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 04:14 PM

So long Mom, I am off to the wilds of the High Desert of Arizona!! There I shall tarry until Sunday!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 02:04 PM

Mockery is as mockery does, my one-winged friend; I believe you began this reciprocal hurling of undeserved aspersions, did you not?

Have you looked deep into your soul and asked why such a sinful impulse should rise up within your tortured being?

I have not.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 01:11 PM

California vintners in the

Napa Valley area,
Which primarily produce

Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot
Grigio wines,

Have developed a new hybrid grape

That acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips

Older people have to make to the
Bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be
Marketed as








PINO MORE


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 09:18 AM

Were my arm not damaged I would have been there, as you well know. It prevented (and still prevents) me from playing accordion and banjo, both singly or simultaneously. It has all but ruined my musical career. I doubt that I shall ever again rise to the heights of, say, Joseph Pujol or Pat Patterson. Yet you mock my disability! Fie and shame upon you, sirrah!

Rap


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 06:58 AM

It was, but I think it's Tuesday now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 01:05 AM

42800

Is it only Monday?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 11:34 PM

It may have been Henry Porter that someone was referring to back there, instead of Henry Fonda.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 11:00 PM

Such a prattling tongue for one so under-exercised. I might ask you to recall, good sir, who succeeded in arriving at the Getaway--me with my arms, or you with yours?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 10:10 PM

Mom, I'm currently anchored in Indiana, where I'll be until Saturday when I fly home (in an airplane, not like Amos does, flapping his arms and running around the yard making "VROOM! VROOM!" sounds).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 01:56 PM

-14C here tonight. High today is -1C. But it's a dry cold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 01:42 PM

We wuz 42 seven and ninety some
On the way to Forty-three.
And the wind blew high, and the wind blew low,
And it boiled up a follerin' sea.
As we trimmed our sheets, and froze our feet
On the way to Forty three!

On the long sea road, with a BS load
Such merry souls were we,
As the main yards groaned midst the holy stones,
On the way to Forty-Three!


We was short of hands, and wuz far from land
Not a beachhead could we see,
And the rollers came on every hand
In a dark and wind-torn sea.
But we never blinked, nor slept a wink,
We was bold as bold could be,
On the way to Forty Three!

On the long sea road, with a BS load
Such merry souls were we,
As the main yards groaned midst the holy stones,
On the way to Forty-Three!


Oh, the lee rail drowned in the whistling sound
Of the foam caps blowing free,
And the cold sea roamed by the hatches coam,
And the bilges smelled like pee.
But the hands were stout, and they all turned out,
When the bosun's pipe sang wee,
God bless us all, on that cannon ball,
Making way for Forty Three!

On the long sea road, with a BS load
Such merry souls were we,
As the main yards groaned midst the holy stones,
On the way to Forty-Three!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 09:37 AM

Straight from the bull's mouth to the bull's eye, sirrah. A good hunting tip, useful as well for Robbing Hoods as they come out from yonder little john.


a


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 09:27 AM

It's dead on the mark, and I'm not just shooting the bull here. If you doubt me, Tell old Bill. Not his son, he's just a fletching, but have someone point out the man himself, nock on his door, and ask him straight. He won't string you along.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 09:20 AM

We shall loose, but we shall miss him,
Tho' we've practiced everywhere.
We do our best to try to hit him,
But our arrows hit but air.
When a year ago we gathered
Life was in his pale blue eye
Now the apple's not yet scattered
And our marksmanship a lie.

          --Gustav Holster, William Tell Overture in D flat minor,
            op. 485
, E. 1907, "Big Joe" Green, conducting. Berlin:
            Dutchy's Grammaphone WQ371, p1912.

(This is a VERY rare recording. You should be all a-quiver.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 09:09 AM

MOM, looks like all of the sibs have flown the coop, but I'm still here to help you up. Have some tea, and a slice of fresh banana bread. And here is a cup of Tiddlywinks LH left behind. Let's test fire these little suckers. No, don't worry where they land, LH will pick them up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 12:27 AM

You guys make me smile. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 21 Nov 11 - 12:03 AM

See, Mom, that's why I miss him.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 11 - 11:08 PM

You are old, Father Amos, the young man said
And your hare's grown exceedingly long
Yet you still play guitar with a capo and pick
Do you think, at your age, it is wrong?

In my yout, said the old man, I took to the sea
And fought in bars from Olso to Aden
The scar tissue resultant quite addled my brain
So with picks and with capos I'm laden.

You are old, Father Amos, the young man said
And your...Shut up! you nasty young bounder!
If you cannot keep a civil tongue in your head
I'll feed it to sharks and to flounder!

Well, I never! said the young man, completely aghast.
Oh, surely, the old man replied
I doubt that you could do it at all very well
No matter how hard that you tried.

    --Farnsworth Quentin Youngman. The Complete Poem.
      (Roy, Idaho: Job Printing Welcome Reasonable Rates, 1886)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 11 - 09:39 PM

It was the abandoned son, Hargrove, whose mother, an ill-starred minor actress, had to confess to him that she and Henry had once over-indulged in rare liqueurs over one long and well-forgotten weekend. She looked at her growing son sadly and told him, "Absinthe made thee, Hargrove Fonda."

Or have I told that story before? I forget.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 11 - 05:41 PM

Was that Henry, Peter or Jane Fondness -- or all three?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 20 Nov 11 - 05:34 PM

So glad your feet are warm, Amos. Alice sounds like a wonderful dinner guest! I remember the day you and Daley and I spent together with fondness.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 11 - 05:26 PM

Last night we had Alice to dinner; Alice is 78 years old and leathery as a working bridle, with bright black eyes that are always laughing. She is bright of soul, having been through six hells in her many years. She is a wrangler and a rider and a lover of beaten dogs and good horses.

I served a nice dinner of brown rice with vegetables and nuts, broiled bison flank steak, red wine and salad.

It was nice sipping wine and talking to Alice. I sang her "Buffalo Skinners" and we talked about all sorts of things. Then she went home and we washed all the dishes so we would not have to deal with them in the morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 11 - 03:06 PM

There's a rare cold snap blowing through my SOtuhern California town, with gray skies and rattling branches, and a dank chill to it all which I am ill equipped to survive. I suffer, and wish for summer again. I am even wearing a sweater. But to no avail!! I am wearing my wooly bedroom slippers, tyoo!! But nothing works!!

Then in my fit of chilled shivers I remember Eiseley, whose patient fingers made me a pair of beautiful warm green woolie socks for my footsies. I hasten to my old bureau and dig them out, and put them on!!! Ahh, relief!! Warmth!! The chills subside and I can think clearly once more.

So today I am grateful to our own Ms. Eiseley whose perspicacity and wit are matched only by her dexterity and generosity of soul.

Thank you, Ms. Eiseley!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 11 - 02:42 PM

Left my vorpal blade out in the rain,
And it rusted 'til I can't use it again
And I don't think I can take it
'Cause it took so long to make it
And the Elvin smith won't work for me agaiiin!
Oh, noooooooo!

The gods decree the man who battles,
Takes his stand and roars and rattles,
Takes what he has and stands for truth,
Fights on for justice, gilt and sooth,
Shall be rewarded life composed
Full free of ruth, and warm of toes
And by his heart-full use of Self
Shall gain composure, and good pelf.
While he who far from struggle bends
And to assert his truth forfends,
Shall slowly --as he condescends --
Succumb to spiritual bends
And like some sanctimonious Hessian
Be all undone by decompression,
And on the heights, shall fall in flight,
Because, when low, he would not fight.

Addison Cartwheel Noumena-Froth III
Chastising Superiority Everywhere I Go, and Other Songs
Phillamon and Fuckett, Philadelphia, 1852


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Nov 11 - 01:08 PM

Would a vorpal blade rust if it was left out in the rain?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Nov 11 - 12:32 PM

I tune in almost every day here to watch the epic battles of those mighty heroes of legend and lore, the Anomalous Amos and the Raging Rapparee, swinging their vorpal blades wildly 'midst roiling clouds of dust and purple prose as the beasts of the field flee in terror all around them and the very Gods above lift a scandalize eyebrow in wonder at the passion and folly of mortal man in the grip of his untrammeled ego.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 11 - 09:10 AM

Oh, yeah. Hi, Janie! What's up?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Nov 11 - 11:18 PM

Whew! Took a while to wade through all of that.

Janie, was there something you were trying to say?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Nov 11 - 10:51 PM

Silly man. Language, ordinary and creative use of, is not plagiarism; while I am sure it would make you comfortable not to know the difference, there is no sense in pretending.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 11 - 10:06 PM

Then there came the hero Amos
Red his rod and red his ringlets
Dripping downward hiding fright-face
Hiding hideous halfling haunted
Gripping grimly a Gibson guitar
Quite at ready to marinate Martins.
This was Amos who fought the sea-mares
Fought the whale-fish fought the monster
Grendel's son hight Junior Grendel
Left him there sword-slashed and axe-cleaved
Long his mother weeped   o'er "Junie"
Long her eyes shed drops of salt-water
Until the Ocean rose itself up
Left its banks its meets and bounds
Leaving longships high on hillocks
Leaving longships moored on mountains
Heroes gon a-viking stranded 'til succumbed they to the sea.
Loud the weeping women mourned   mourned for men who'd come no more
Loud the keening of the kinder kith and kin killed by the waves.
Loud the cursing of dark Hela   adding rooms to her abode
For but few Valhalla-choosen   far but few heroes lived then
But for Amos him the hero who had caused this awful slaughter
Who had brought down Hela's wrath   her dark wrath up his head
She then cursed his Gibson guitar   her curse upon his fingers ten
Cursed to play a cursed Martin   or a cursed Apollonio
Cursed to play a Walmart Special left him cried forever more.

    --The Gruntersaga, ca. AD 784, trans. from Elder Erse, from
       runes of Skuffi Sigirdsdotter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 11 - 08:31 PM

Amos,

Do you deny that every single word you have ever used to post ANYWHERE on Mudcat (and elsewhere) wasn't plagiarized, lifted and used without proper citation and attribution, from not one, but several, dictionaries? (Merriam Webster New Collegiate Dictionary, p. 1 et seq.)

Deny this if you dare!!! (Op. cit.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Nov 11 - 06:34 PM

"closet Republican"

That sounds sordid and kinky. Kinda like that trickle down stuff that you see on the internet and those sordid and kinky TV channels... like CNN and worse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Nov 11 - 06:20 PM

I defy you, sirrah, to find ONE iota ofg plagiarism in this thread posted by myself. This is rampant scurrilous projection on your part, and well you know it.

Fie on you, you closet Republican!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 11 - 06:10 PM

Amos, from old San Diego,
Was naught but guitar strings and ego
To cut Rap down to size
He'd oft plagarize
And then blame it on "El Diablo."

          --Fanny Van Hooters, Verses From Men's Room Walls
             (Pocatello, ID: The Museum of Clean, 2011).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Nov 11 - 04:57 PM

Showoff.


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