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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 31 Dec 06 - 11:04 PM
Acme 31 Dec 06 - 11:58 PM
Acme 01 Jan 07 - 02:44 AM
Amos 01 Jan 07 - 10:21 AM
Rapparee 01 Jan 07 - 10:27 AM
Amos 01 Jan 07 - 01:19 PM
Acme 01 Jan 07 - 02:33 PM
JennyO 01 Jan 07 - 10:42 PM
Amos 02 Jan 07 - 12:03 AM
JennyO 02 Jan 07 - 12:30 AM
Amos 02 Jan 07 - 10:17 AM
JennyO 02 Jan 07 - 10:26 AM
MMario 02 Jan 07 - 10:30 AM
JennyO 02 Jan 07 - 10:37 AM
Rapparee 02 Jan 07 - 11:03 AM
Acme 02 Jan 07 - 04:17 PM
Amos 02 Jan 07 - 04:26 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jan 07 - 05:07 PM
Amos 02 Jan 07 - 11:33 PM
Acme 03 Jan 07 - 02:17 AM
Rapparee 03 Jan 07 - 10:11 AM
MMario 03 Jan 07 - 10:12 AM
GUEST,freds new order 03 Jan 07 - 10:13 AM
MMario 03 Jan 07 - 10:16 AM
Acme 03 Jan 07 - 10:52 AM
GUEST,freds new order 03 Jan 07 - 11:00 AM
MMario 03 Jan 07 - 11:05 AM
Amos 03 Jan 07 - 11:10 AM
GUEST,freds new order 03 Jan 07 - 11:19 AM
Amos 03 Jan 07 - 11:45 AM
MMario 03 Jan 07 - 11:48 AM
Amos 03 Jan 07 - 12:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Jan 07 - 12:58 PM
Acme 03 Jan 07 - 01:31 PM
Amos 03 Jan 07 - 01:36 PM
Amos 03 Jan 07 - 06:18 PM
Acme 03 Jan 07 - 06:31 PM
Rapparee 04 Jan 07 - 12:20 AM
Acme 04 Jan 07 - 02:11 AM
Rapparee 04 Jan 07 - 09:27 AM
Amos 04 Jan 07 - 12:58 PM
Acme 04 Jan 07 - 08:36 PM
Amos 04 Jan 07 - 08:45 PM
Rapparee 04 Jan 07 - 10:42 PM
Acme 05 Jan 07 - 01:38 AM
Rapparee 05 Jan 07 - 09:16 AM
Amos 05 Jan 07 - 09:33 AM
MMario 05 Jan 07 - 09:34 AM
Acme 05 Jan 07 - 10:38 AM
Amos 05 Jan 07 - 10:59 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 06 - 11:04 PM

That George and Martha Feldenstern, from Mount Vernon, Idaho. LEst there be any misunderstanding. They called him over to a corner on the sidewalk outside the Capitol grounds, where they needed help reading their map. They were holding it upside down, so Rapaire was able to be of assistance.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Dec 06 - 11:58 PM

Were they nude?

I'm scraping the adhesive from the floor in my front hall. Maybe next week I can finally put down the tile that has sat in boxes for several years. It's about time!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jan 07 - 02:44 AM

I'm stopping on the floor for now--I have it about half-way completed. I took a break and brought the dogs in for about 45 minutes at midnight. They normally never come in the house so they found it pretty exciting for a few minutes. The pit bull calmed right down, the catahoula took a bit longer, but after about 20 minutes they were both lying quitely on the floor at my feet. While the cats are locked safely in the bedroom. Too bad the dogs can't come in more and calm down, but they haven't mastered the "cat's have tons of power so you'd damned well better leave them alone" lesson yet. We heard fireworks (illegal in town) and pistols (way illegal anywhere on this kind of occasion) going off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 07 - 10:21 AM

Happy New Year, Mom.


This morning. a great many silly folks will be starting the New Year by wishing they hadn't been so free ushering it in. Silly way to start, by making yourself sick and then getting over it.

But Happy Year to all my MOAB sibs anyway. I know they are much smarter than that.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 07 - 10:27 AM

Some unmentionably ignorant, uncaring, selfish, louse-covered, scrofolous, pox-ridden, son of a ditch whore pulled the fire alarm at the hotel this morning at 2:30 a.m. I am not please.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 07 - 01:19 PM

OOOH!!! FIRE ALARM!! Did you all have to traipse out onto the street ion your jammies??? I want pictures!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jan 07 - 02:33 PM

I had that happen in a hotel a few years back--I saw a bunch of teenaged boys flee the building as I stood near the window grasping my ears tightly to try to block the pain from the noise. I knew it was a prank--and I knew who pulled it. My head hurt for a while after that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 01 Jan 07 - 10:42 PM

We had that happen a few years ago in the dead of night at a hostel in the mountains of Snowdonia in Wales, when our choir was touring the UK. Most interesting of all, was seeing which rooms which people came out of, in various states of undress with gowns wrapped hastily around them ;-)

It turned out to be a childish prank. Some that had been disturbed were NOT AMUSED!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 12:03 AM

I like the part about folks tumbling out from unexpected bedrooms. I still want pictures.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 12:30 AM

I wish I had some Amos, but alas I don't. Having just tumbled out of bed myself, I didn't have the presence of mind to take my camera out with me. Probably just as well in some ways, but still....

Word pictures will have to do instead ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 10:17 AM

By the way, 16,500,000,000 divided by 300,000,000 is exactly 55. No need to round down.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 10:26 AM

By George he's got it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 10:30 AM

oops! I guess my finger slipped when I typed; but 53 *is* closer to the correct answer (55) then is 5.5. Much closer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 10:37 AM

Well I'm definitely not doing my part then. I think I've had maybe one or two hot dogs in the last year.

Then again, I'm in Australia. I wonder what the statistics are here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 11:03 AM

All numbers are immaterial. They are simply constructs of human scientists, created to create confusion and dissention among us. This is easily shown by the "kinds" of numbers there are: imaginary, irrational, irrelevant, irregular, regular, rational, real, unreal, even, odd, queer, different, indifferent, Fibonnuci, weird, wrong, impossible, whole, fractional, differential, partial, impartial, and many, many others.

Have you ever tried to tell your bank that you have plenty of money in your account because they use "real" numbers and you use "imaginary" ones? They won't accept your figures. Take it from me, they won't.

And to hear Mathematicians talk about numbers! Why, I haven't hear such language since Polecat Joe called Foul Fred a nasty name over at the Legion Hovel and Fred replied with something that turned a whole square mile bright blue and then Joe...well, it was something to hear, and mules all over Eastern Idaho sighed in reminiscence.

Should you doubt any of this, I refer you to the epic "The Society On The Stanislaus" by Mr. Brett Harte, a real author.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 04:17 PM

42


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 04:26 PM

Bankers believe quite rightly that imaginary numbers should be reserved for business plans, not applicants for loans. The square root of minus 1 has no place in such an application, unless it happens to be your Social Security number. Which would make you either terribly old, or a Republican.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 05:07 PM

Mrs. Bee and I had one of those 2:30 AM alarms at a hotel we stayed in this past October. The alarm had one of those "modern" tones instead of a good old-fashioned fire sireeeeen, and it wasn't really all that loud. In our sleep-disoriented states we thought it was the bedside alarm clock going off and started beatin' hell out of the thing trying to get it to shut up. By the time we realized it was a fire alarm, we would have been dead if it had been a real fire instead of just some idiot smoking in the hallway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 11:33 PM

It's an interesting metaphor, like one dipshit throws the wrong switch and all these dreams are shattered, all these lovemaking sessions torn asunder, all these nights of sleep running in parallel are simultaneously brought to a screeching, ugly, halt and several hundred souls are brought kicking and screaming back into common reality over huge protest. The villain escapes, unidentified, and three hundred souls grouse about him for days, souring their lives until something else comes along.

Kinda like W, in a way.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 02:17 AM

Some of those folks can hopefully pick up where they left off.

Did you see W escort Betty down the aisle for Gerald's funeral today? I bet he thought those folks were standing up for him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 10:11 AM

I have it on good authority that he thought he was marrying her. He thought it was part of the President's job, as explained in the Old Testament.

Hi, Mom! I'm flying home shortly!

Thank goodness....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 10:12 AM

You really should take a plane instead of flying yourself. Otherwise you will be very tired.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds new order
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 10:13 AM

we have overthrown the old order and are the new order. you are protein and taste yummy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 10:16 AM

well, duh, f.n.o. Good Taste is in direct proportion to ascendancy in the universal schema; and MOABITES are well up there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 10:52 AM

I cooked a batch of beans yesterday and added some jalapeno peppers. Nice and warm, if you know what I mean, freds--you may want to examine the history of the previous freds--you'll find that ingesting capsaicin causes you guys to cook from the inside out and cause unsightly splats inside the space ship if you're so foolish as to try it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds new order
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 11:00 AM

we do not believe in your myths, which are lies and which hold back freds new order from our rightful place, which is to rule All and to consume all protein which tastes yummy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 11:05 AM

Why would you want to rule All? Do you have a detergent fetish? Wouldn't the box be a bit cramped?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 11:10 AM

Kinda like King Canute trying to rule the Tide. Or modern conservatives seeking to suppress Joy. Or schoolteachers trying to suppress Shout.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds new order
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 11:19 AM

do not mock us and your consumption will be with dignity. mock us and we will messily consume you with catsup or ketchup whichever is at hand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 11:45 AM

Forget it. You have no chance whatsoever to ketchup.

You haven't even mustard yet! While we are on a roll.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 11:48 AM

Hold the pickle,
hold the lettuce,
Freds new order don't upset us.
All we ask is that you let us
feed you to ralfs!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 12:18 PM

From Sussex out to SLigga
We live our lives with vigah
Riding motorsickles bought at Alf's.
From Tucson up to Fenwy
We'll celebrate it when we
Feed your bleedin' orfinks to the ralphs.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 12:58 PM

Dear freds,

Catsup is not made from cats. It is not very high in protein. You would be much better off eating hot dogs which, by the way, aren't made from dogs. The average American human eats 55 hot dogs a year. In exchange for not eating me, you may have my 55 hot dogs. Well, not quite.... You may have 53. I just ate two for lunch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 01:31 PM

They can have all of my hot dogs for this year and 49 from last year. That ought to cover a couple of MOABites. And Little Hawk can defend himself--he has a talon for that.

Yours truly,

Saucy SRS

Ha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 01:36 PM

Feeling spicy, are we? LOL! I think Leedle Hack is getting a bit long in the tooth to use his talons in a dog-eat-dog world. Or a freds-eat-dog world. Hold the Mayo, hold the Clinique, I think we need to adjust the meds around here...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 06:18 PM

Bernard enters, stage right, looking moonstruck. He stares at the sky, rubbing his stomach.

Bernard: Oh!! How I wish I had a hot dog! Or a HAMBURGER!! How I wish the Cow-Burner was here!!

Strings intro. Bernard sings while moving to stage front and traipsing to and from melodramatically"
Cow-burner, cow-burber, burn me a cow
Don't ask me when, don't ask me how!
Make me a burger so full of a delight,
And burn me a cow
To-night!


Dog maker, dog maker, make me a dog!
Long as a mile!
Thick as a log!
Rich with red catsup and mustard so bright!
And make me a dog,
To-night!!

You can make my stomach growl,
Make the rafters sing!
All I'm asking, take my soul
And make me one
With everything!!

Cow-burner, cow-burner, burn me a cow
Any old way! Any old how!
Fire your charcoal up, burning and bright,
And burn me a cow,
To-night!!



Coda of light-hearted strings plays as he dances of stage left, leaping....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 06:31 PM

Fiddling around with a tune, are we? That one ought to raise the rooftops.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 07 - 12:20 AM

Oy. Ya just git home and see what happens? Well, I'm Alichem the idea of going to bed. As Woody wrote, Sholom, it's been good ta know ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jan 07 - 02:11 AM

Are you feeling better, or just delirious?

(Good to see that you're back home! Get some rest!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 07 - 09:27 AM

Today, I call the doctor about this #$@%!@!!ing cough I've developed. And if I didn't have one before, the bus trip back from SLC in a load of coughing college students would have given me one. Sounded like a busload of pneumonic plague victims or the active ward of a TB sanitarium.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 07 - 12:58 PM

If I had the plague
I would aroint
And sit me down in a burger joint.
Eating the whoppers,
Fat and swell,
Guaranteed to make me well!!

Whack fall diddly, doo rum ring
Make me one with everything


If I were a mindless,
Bureaucratic cog
Each day for lunch I would eat hot dogs!
Chow down buns and relish times three
Guaranteed to make me free!

Whack fall diddly, doo rum ring
Make me one with everything


If I were a mean ole
Alley Cat
I'd eat hot dogs to make me fat
Steal from the vendors in their carts
And break those lady kittens' hearts

Whack fall diddly, doo rum ring
Make me one with everything


And if I were under
A bodhi tree
I'd use hamburger to set me free
Eat all the bacon burgers I could wanna
Make my way up to McNirvana!

Whack fall diddly, doo rum ring
Make me one with everything


Bogus McFaddist
Songs My Father Wouldn't Want to Hear
Folk-Dump Music, Vancouver, 1997


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jan 07 - 08:36 PM

I believe the imprint for that song is actually out of Nanaimo, not Vancouver.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 07 - 08:45 PM

Yeah, some folks dinna ken the difference.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 07 - 10:42 PM

I've been to both places.

Really.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jan 07 - 01:38 AM

So have I. And I've been through Bucksnort and Tubby (Tennessee and Mississippi, respectively). Not all equally odd as names go, but interesting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 07 - 09:16 AM

I've also been to Big Neck, Fishhook, French Lick, Rabbit Hash, Las Putas, and Condom.

Having been born in Quincy, IL I sorta like to collection Quincys. I've been to Quincy, CA; Quincy, MI; Quincy, MA (but it's a Quinzee, not a Quinsee); and Quincy, IN. There's also Quincy, WA and Quincy, OR. I'm pretty certain I've missed some, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jan 07 - 09:33 AM

Faux 8880!

One of my favorite numbers, and the phone numberof my first house.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Jan 07 - 09:34 AM

and the phone numberof my first house.

oh - what we could do with that statement - if we wanted to ...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jan 07 - 10:38 AM

In this environment I think more of us might have familiarity with 8088.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jan 07 - 10:59 AM

What an obscure proposition!

What does it mean, Sage?


A


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