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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 22 Nov 10 - 02:28 PM
MMario 22 Nov 10 - 02:16 PM
Little Hawk 22 Nov 10 - 12:31 PM
Amos 22 Nov 10 - 12:06 PM
Acme 22 Nov 10 - 11:49 AM
Rapparee 22 Nov 10 - 10:13 AM
Rapparee 21 Nov 10 - 10:01 PM
Eiseley 21 Nov 10 - 05:59 PM
Acme 21 Nov 10 - 05:05 PM
Amos 21 Nov 10 - 03:47 PM
GUEST,Albert Einstein 21 Nov 10 - 03:12 PM
GUEST,Albert Schweitzer 21 Nov 10 - 03:11 PM
Acme 21 Nov 10 - 11:30 AM
GUEST,Rapparee 21 Nov 10 - 11:09 AM
Amos 21 Nov 10 - 11:01 AM
Little Hawk 21 Nov 10 - 01:24 AM
GUEST,Rapparee 20 Nov 10 - 11:18 PM
Acme 20 Nov 10 - 07:01 PM
Little Hawk 20 Nov 10 - 06:21 PM
Amos 20 Nov 10 - 05:45 PM
Little Hawk 20 Nov 10 - 05:23 PM
Donuel 20 Nov 10 - 05:03 PM
Amos 20 Nov 10 - 04:44 PM
gnu 20 Nov 10 - 03:27 PM
Amos 20 Nov 10 - 02:56 PM
Eiseley 20 Nov 10 - 01:50 PM
Little Hawk 20 Nov 10 - 01:04 PM
Acme 20 Nov 10 - 12:14 PM
Eiseley 20 Nov 10 - 10:30 AM
gnu 19 Nov 10 - 04:14 PM
Little Hawk 19 Nov 10 - 03:41 PM
Amos 19 Nov 10 - 02:22 PM
Little Hawk 19 Nov 10 - 12:12 PM
Acme 19 Nov 10 - 12:09 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 19 Nov 10 - 12:03 PM
Little Hawk 19 Nov 10 - 11:57 AM
Acme 19 Nov 10 - 10:28 AM
Amos 19 Nov 10 - 10:09 AM
Little Hawk 19 Nov 10 - 01:00 AM
GUEST,Rapparee 18 Nov 10 - 11:01 PM
Eiseley 18 Nov 10 - 10:30 PM
Amos 18 Nov 10 - 10:15 PM
Little Hawk 18 Nov 10 - 10:08 PM
Amos 18 Nov 10 - 09:04 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 18 Nov 10 - 08:32 PM
Little Hawk 18 Nov 10 - 06:38 PM
Eiseley 18 Nov 10 - 06:31 PM
Acme 18 Nov 10 - 06:04 PM
Amos 18 Nov 10 - 05:56 PM
Little Hawk 18 Nov 10 - 05:42 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 02:28 PM

"... semi-literate, semi-educated, person. Not even Bobert or gnu!"

I'll have you know I am good edjamacated, litterally. I are a injuneer with four and a haff majers (in five years) AND a Masterbaters degree in yer transportation planing and inguneering and I am publicated. I have dezined everything from shithouses to wherehouses to docks to airports and I got near $300M of constructin in my kuriculum veeteh.

And, I can shoot rings around you with my commie over and under 12 what's got the stock grip bound with duct tape on accounta it got cracked cuz it was in the scabbard when the wind pushed my 3wheeler sideways in the big beaver dam and I tangled in the alders just before I made it to shore. I shot so many birch with that there gun, the bead's wore out me zon... even with a cracked stock. I don't need no semis.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 02:16 PM

Only twenty-five posts to 48,500!

Only 33 days to Christmas!

ONly 4 days until Queen Victoria visits Skaneateles!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 12:31 PM

Amos has been in the utmost confusion for years, Rapparee. I hardly think than posting lengthy excerpts from the Nibelungenlied would make matters any worse.

His idea for an Unreality TV show, however, is a brilliant one. Chongo and Shane and a host of other mental creations of mine stand ready to rush into the breach and contribute their considerable talents toward realizing this worthy concept.

I can still recall the incredible steel cage match where Amos and his parakeet took on William Shatner and a Hillary Clinton inflatable doll and Osama's goat in a free-for-all battle to the finish! The goat, Esmeralda, finally won the match after Hillary exploded and Amos and Shatner and the parakeet were rendered mutually hors de combat. It was unforgettable! A film of that match should definitely be shown to give historical context to the proposed TV show.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 12:06 PM

Used to be, but since he reached retirement, he has calmed down somewhat.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 11:49 AM

Are you going to hunt the bird for the table on Thursday, Rap? There must be a few wild turkeys around your neck of the woods.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 10:13 AM

Ah, Mom! I reach out to you from the Wilderness of West Central Illinois to help you reclaim your rightful place in the hierarchy. I notice that the extract from the Nibelungenlied that I posted has thrown Amos into the utmost confusion, but Eiseley PMed me that SHE had no problem with it. Neither has Schweitzer, Einstein, Liebscheiss, Stilly, LH, Bee-Dubya, Khandu, MMario or any other semi-literate, semi-educated, person. Not even Bobert or gnu!

It just goes to show that ALMOST anyone can read Middle High German, doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 10:01 PM

Da wuchs im Niederlande eines edeln Königs Kind,
Siegmund hieß sein Vater, die Mutter Siegelind,
In einer mächtgen Veste, weithin wohlbekannt,
Unten am Rheine, Xanten war sie genannt.

Ich sag euch von dem Degen, wie so schön er ward.
Er war vor allen Schanden immer wohl bewahrt.
Stark und hohes Namens ward bald der kühne Mann:
Hei! was er großer Ehren auf dieser Erde gewann!

Siegfried ward geheißen der edle Degen gut.
Er erprobte viel der Recken in hochbeherztem Muth.
Seine Stärke führt' ihn in manches fremde Land:
Hei! was er schneller Degen bei den Burgunden fand!

Bevor der kühne Degen voll erwuchs zum Mann,
Da hatt er solche Wunder mit seiner Hand gethan,
Davon man immer wieder singen mag und sagen;
Wir müßen viel verschweigen von ihm in heutigen Tagen.

In seinen besten Zeiten, bei seinen jungen Tagen
Mochte man viel Wunder von Siegfrieden sagen,
Wie Ehr an ihm erblühte und wie schön er war zu schaun:
Drum dachten sein in Minne viel der waidlichen Fraun.

Man erzog ihn mit dem Fleiße, wie ihm geziemend war;
Was ihm Zucht und Sitte der eigne Sinn gebar!
Das ward noch eine Zierde für seines Vaters Land,
Daß man zu allen Dingen ihn so recht herrlich fand.

Er war nun so erwachsen, mit an den Hof zu gehn.
Die Leute sahn ihn gerne; viel Fraun und Mädchen schön
Wünschten wohl, er käme dahin doch immerdar;
Hold waren ihm gar viele, des ward der Degen wohl gewahr.

Selten ohne Hüter man reiten ließ das Kind.
Nun war er in der Stärke, daß er wohl Waffen trug:
Wes er dazu bedurfte, des gab man ihm genug.
Schon sann er zu werben um manches schöne Kind;
Die hätten wohl mit Ehren den schönen Siegfried geminnt.

Da ließ sein Vater Siegmund kund thun seinem Lehn,
Mit lieben Freunden woll er ein Hofgelag begehn.
Da brachte man die Märe in andrer Könge Land.
Den Heimischen und Gästen gab er Ross und Gewand.

Wen man finden mochte, der nach der Eltern Art
Ritter werden sollte, die edeln Knappen zart
Lud man nach dem Lande zu der Lustbarkeit,
Wo sie das Schwert empfiengen mit Siegfried zu gleicher Zeit.



Amos, old chap -- I've pretty much been out of the computer circuit today. Ich bien Herr Doktors Einstein und Schweitzer nicht.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 05:59 PM

Ha ha ha, Herr Schweitzer, that was good.

I'm making chicken curry for dinner. I'd be honored if any of my "siblings" would care to join me, even virtually.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 05:05 PM

Ah, Buxtahude! Good to hear from you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 03:47 PM

What a pair of triads, really!! The Axis of Lunacy, featuring Little Hawk, Chongo and Shane versus the Axis of Self-Inflation, anchored by Rap with support from Schweitzer and Einstein figments. This is a wonderful pilot for a new, exciting kind of television--the Unreality Show--in which individuals bring their imaginary playmates to do battle with each other in teams. Who wants to bet on the Pope? Condumus Maximus, Jesus and a host of angelic trumpetists. And in THIS corner...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Einstein
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 03:12 PM

I don't really care for organ music. I prefer the music of the spheres.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Schweitzer
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 03:11 PM

I thought you might like to read the review of today's inaugural concert. I just streamed this in from the author's telethink site. I wish I could attach the file, but you don't have the technology to access it yet.---Al Schweitzer

Despite the surprisingly clear influences of both Igor Stravinsky and George Crumb on the theme of this morning's celebratory cantata, the piece was quintessentially Bach. His delicate and hauntingly beautiful melody, introduced by the elfin C-G-A-B in the upper rank, was tossed to the lower woodwind stops, braided into a glorious fugue by the strings, and delivered into the reverential tones of the deepest pipes as a fitting offering for God's magnificent new Schweitzer organ.

Solo soprano Jenny Lind was joined by the Etruscan prodigy, Valo, for an exultant exaltation of voice and ten-stringed lyre. Simply glorious, as we have come to expect from the Angel Choir, the chorus was neither too pious nor too full of vibrato. Instead there was a precision of pronunciation, a clarity of tone, and a blending of harmony reminiscent both of early Tibetan chant and of a Polynesian rowers' chorus. The level of performance was exceptionally high, especially in the case of the surprise appearance of the Imps' Glee after the third recitative. Accompanied by the highest and smallest pipes, these imps joined with the celestial choir in a planned discord juxtaposing the melodic Procession in the lower registers with the cacophonous keening and ululations of the exquisitely rehearsed imps. Truly it was a marriage of heaven and hell.

For his text, Bach used both William Butler Yeats' famous posthumous poem "Elegy for the Mortal World" and the Phoenician poet Oephra's epic Á'ħ [Eternity]. Truly the performance was beyond magnificent. It was sanctifying, inspiring, diabolically pleasurable, and rapturously transporting. An instantaneous re-experience of the concert is now available by telethinking the universal access number TX^/4462.

Dietrich Buxtahude


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 11:30 AM

Have any of you been to the Shakespeare museum in an obscure neighborhood in London? They insist that the original line in Richard III was "my kingdom for a spatula!" and have several period pieces to bolster the claim.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 11:09 AM

I myself have, documented, the original spatula used by Dorothy Lamour as an antenna for the first band-skipping radio transceiver.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 11:01 AM

What??? You are claiming to have the actual, original Bankhead Spank Spatula? Are you sure? Does it have a certificate of provenance? It was lost at the end of the Second World War, as I recall, and there were rumours it had been smuggled to Berchtesgaden to satisfy the intense interests of a certain Schicklgruber there...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 01:24 AM

I have an antique left-handed spatula here, a rare item, but better than that, it's the one that Errol Flynn used to spank Tallulah Bankhead with...at her request, I understand. It seems to have held up quite well, and works fine for omelets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 11:18 PM

Hi Mom! I'm back! They shot 3 deer and we caught no fish. I just thought you'd like to know. We also didn't get any grapefruit, but the spatulas were spectacular.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 07:01 PM

Personally, I think I'd feel a little bilious if I spent much time imagining being inside Chongo, let alone with an accompanying grapefruit.

I ate a beautiful shiny mandarin orange a few minutes ago and it reminded me of Chongo. It was quite seedy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 06:21 PM

Ha! You think I can't do it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 05:45 PM

Well, no problem then. You can just imagine being inside of a grapefruit inside of a chimpanzee; you should feel right at home.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 05:23 PM

LOL!!! I think we've lost him, folks...

Well, I can eat all the grapefruits I want, because I don't take any pharmaceuticals, aside from the occasional aspirin.

Amos, I cannot take you up on your generous offer, because I very much doubt that I have in fact won a yacht. I think they were scamming me and the "yacht" was the bait. They only needed me to pay a $1500 tax and delivery charge before shipping it here. Such nice people! I put them off, saying I just don't have room for another yacht at the moment. I did, however, take the liberty of calling them back and I advised them to get in touch with you instead and gave them your number. You will probably be hearing from them shortly, and will be very excited when they tell you that YOU have won the yacht! Good luck with that, eh? They usually call about 3 times a day, and always at suppertime.

The mystery of the missing grapefruit has been solved, by the way. Chongo ate it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 05:03 PM

I have always heard that one should not eat or drink grapefruit in asociation with pharmaceuticles. It has somthing to do with removeing a protective layer in the intestine or it has an enzyme that multiplies the effect of the drugs, possibly making you overdose.

Although it wasn't my intention, allt his talk about grapefruit reminded me we have some so I figuring it would only help with the meditation contest to win a yacht...anyway I had several grapefruits.

Regarding the rumors of intensifying the effects of medication I would have to give it a terrifying yes.
The pharmatesticles I took were libitor and Sanscreet and am holding on for dear life as


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 04:44 PM

Or a bowl of fruit and nuts...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 03:27 PM

Take the phone off the hook and imagine YOU are the grapefruit. Or the yacht. Or a grapefruit on a yacht.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 02:56 PM

Only Mom knows for sure, but I will be more than happy to exchange your yacht for a new, beautiful grapefruit, white or pink as you prefer, and will hand deliver it to you anywhere you care to take delivery.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 01:50 PM

BS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 01:04 PM

I have just spent 3 hours attempting to observe a grapefruit from the inside out! It's not easy. You have to enter a deep meditative state where you become "one with the grapefruit". I thought I was almost there, but then the phone rang and it broke my concentration. How annoying! After I had answered the phone and been informed that I have won a 300 foot yacht from some company I never heard of before, I came back to discover that the grapefruit had vanished!

What is the explanation for this strange event?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 12:14 PM

I brought in a fruit and yogurt smoothie, and she seems to have enjoyed that. Sweetened with local honey. Maybe she has allergies instead of a cold? I see a lot of people suffering the last gasp of the ragweed season down here in Tejas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 10:30 AM

Good morning, Mom, I'm sorry you have such a dreadful cold. Here, have some hot tea with honey and lemon and climb back into bed. No need for you to stir today. I'll put on some music and bring you a pile of books, just don't tear the pages out to use as tissues. You'll feel better soon.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 04:14 PM

Fly fishing for deer? Sounds odd to me. Down/Up here we fish for fish.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 03:41 PM

Me too. They will probably teach him how to go about buck naked with no embarrassment whatsoever, and how to head butt most effectively at rutting time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 02:22 PM

Deer Rapparee:

At Deer Camp, do you learn to be a Better Deer? Do you do workshops in graceful shedding, how to wear velvet, and self-esteem for low-point bucks? Do you learn woodcraft? Avoiding tree stands, how to look like a bush, recognizing the difference between biped birdwatchers and hunters? Do you watch Bambi re-runs? Do you have athletic contests in sapling-dodging, trunk-leaping, and broken-field running? Do you dream of being faster than a speeding bullet?

Anyway, I am sorry your parents couldn't keep you home where you can use all your video toys. But I hope you make many new friends among the deer you will meet there and come back a wiser, better deer.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 12:12 PM

I fear that the deer will realize Rapparree isn't one of them and subject him to hazing or kick him out of camp entirely.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 12:09 PM

Send us some venison sausage! I love to use it in my bean recipes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 12:03 PM

I'm off for a night at deer camp. Pray for me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 11:57 AM

Grecian Bend is on the lower Mississippi, isn't it? I heard they have a great restaurant there that serves frog legs and liver paste pie. You haven't lived till you've chowed down on frog legs and liver paste pie. That reminds me, it's time to wind the windowblind. Excuse me for a minute. Albert! Hold the olives!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 10:28 AM

Forget the French Elbow, where is the Grecian Bend?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 10:09 AM

The lid comes off the anchovies as soon as we find out what George is smoking.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 01:00 AM

When does the lid come off the anchovies? Has anyone seen the French Elbow? I thought he had signed up with the Boston Celtics, but I may have him confused with Len Doyle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 11:01 PM

Amos says it's because I'm full of pp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 10:30 PM

I'm still a bit disturbed by the double p in Rap's new name. Phonetics are all well and good, but it does take the elegance out of the presentation. Of course, as Abraham Lincoln said about his wife's family, "One d was enough for God's name, but not for the Todds."

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 10:15 PM

You were expecting it to make some wry remark or other, I guess. Try slipping it some dough first.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 10:08 PM

Have you ever noticed how rye bread doesn't talk, but just sits there?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 09:04 PM

Ah--denial by misdirection!! Good move!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 08:32 PM

I am in Illinois, preparing to go to a night at deer camp tomorrow, where I'll do some flyfishing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 06:38 PM

It's not a very big problem, Amos. People just have to ask me if I posted it, that's all. I did not post the stuff purportedly from Einstein, Einstein's wife or Albert Schweitzer. Not being a Mudcat moderator, I have no idea who did, but can only hazard a guess that it may have been Rapparee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 06:31 PM

Just download the whole thread to that text sender. That should tie up their system for a very long time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 06:04 PM

Just blocked a sender of text messages to my phone. They offer to tell me more about a secret crush (if I pay $10 for the information). Give me a break. I'll just let MOM talk to them if anyone else sends the message.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 05:56 PM

See how you attract suspicion, Little Hawk? Why IS that???? First thing everyone says when something loopy or of-the-wall comes up is, "Oh, that must be Little Hawk!". What have you ever done to create the strange predisposition on the part of others to judge you so???


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 05:42 PM

It wasn't me, Stilly. I think it was probably Rapparree, but I don't know, so how can I say for sure?


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Mudcat time: 18 October 11:53 PM EDT

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