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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 11 Nov 10 - 03:07 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 10 - 02:41 PM
Amos 11 Nov 10 - 02:30 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 10 - 01:12 PM
Amos 11 Nov 10 - 10:23 AM
Acme 10 Nov 10 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 10 - 10:35 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 10 Nov 10 - 09:23 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 10 - 08:24 PM
Acme 10 Nov 10 - 08:16 PM
Amos 10 Nov 10 - 04:21 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 10 - 03:28 PM
gnu 10 Nov 10 - 01:22 PM
Amos 10 Nov 10 - 12:59 PM
gnu 10 Nov 10 - 11:20 AM
Acme 10 Nov 10 - 11:03 AM
Rapparee 10 Nov 10 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 09 Nov 10 - 02:43 PM
gnu 09 Nov 10 - 01:58 PM
Amos 09 Nov 10 - 12:18 PM
Acme 09 Nov 10 - 11:41 AM
Amos 09 Nov 10 - 11:14 AM
Rapparee 09 Nov 10 - 10:37 AM
Amos 09 Nov 10 - 10:33 AM
Rapparee 09 Nov 10 - 10:13 AM
Amos 08 Nov 10 - 11:16 PM
Acme 08 Nov 10 - 10:52 PM
Eiseley 08 Nov 10 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 08 Nov 10 - 09:32 PM
Rapparee 08 Nov 10 - 09:27 PM
Amos 08 Nov 10 - 06:30 PM
Eiseley 08 Nov 10 - 05:40 PM
Amos 08 Nov 10 - 03:26 PM
Rapparee 08 Nov 10 - 03:02 PM
Rapparee 08 Nov 10 - 02:59 PM
Little Hawk 08 Nov 10 - 02:47 PM
Rapparee 08 Nov 10 - 02:40 PM
Amos 08 Nov 10 - 02:38 PM
Amos 08 Nov 10 - 01:23 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 08 Nov 10 - 11:47 AM
Acme 08 Nov 10 - 11:28 AM
Rapparee 08 Nov 10 - 09:59 AM
Rapparee 07 Nov 10 - 10:54 PM
gnu 07 Nov 10 - 10:04 PM
Rapparee 07 Nov 10 - 10:03 PM
Rapparee 07 Nov 10 - 09:53 PM
gnu 07 Nov 10 - 09:49 PM
Rapparee 07 Nov 10 - 09:31 PM
Amos 07 Nov 10 - 08:16 PM
Rapparee 07 Nov 10 - 07:51 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 10 - 03:07 PM

I cheer for Madam Eiseley
For living oh, so wisely!


Well done, ma'am.

Raparree, I am most impressed at your ultimate recognition of the Path of the True Phonemes. Praise be!!!

In other news:

"There is a photo here of the great, aging actress Sarah Bernhardt, sitting in a car, speaking with Houdini, who later recalled their meeting. She said to him, referring to her amputated limb: "Houdini, you do such marvelous things. Could you ? could you bring back my leg for me?"

Houdini replied: "Good heavens, Madame, certainly not; you cannot be serious. You know my powers are limited, and you are actually asking me to do the impossible."

He continues: " 'Yes,' she said, as she leaned closer to me, 'but you do the impossible.' "

Houdini is, he confesses, "thunderstruck at the extraordinary, unintentional compliment she was paying me." But he can only repeat that it is beyond his powers. Even his."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 10 - 02:41 PM

There, Amos. Is that better?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 10 - 02:30 PM

"Far from its being accidental, (T.S.)Eliot's fame was planned for, carefully cultivated, and nurtured once it arrived. From the first volume of Eliot's letters, newly revised and just released in Great Britain*, we learn that, in 1919, when he was 31, he wrote to J.H. Woods, his philosophy teacher at Harvard: "There are only two ways in which a writer can become important?to write a great deal, and have his writings appear everywhere, or to write very little." He chose the latter: to write very little but always to dazzle. "My reputation in London is built upon a small volume of verse, and is kept up by printing two or three more poems in a year," he wrote. "The only thing that matters is that these should be perfect in their kind, so that each should be an event." "

Commentary Magazine


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 10 - 01:12 PM

Eiseley's news is more important....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 10 - 10:23 AM

Go out and reparee the car,
The weather is faree and warm,
But take caree not to go far,
Or in some laree come to harm.
But breath the pleasant summer aree
ANd shun the barree who sleeps within
For you've a flaree at pissing off
And causing swaree with clever sins.
Or sit a while in this charee
And do not glaree so and scowl!
Of trials my sharee you have caused
From many affarees dark and foul.
And so repent and in praree
Attempt to purge your many sins
Do not your soul thus imparee
But squaree accounts both out and in.
For though you debonaree are
No billionaree will you be
If you change not your bill of faree
And to disreparee tumble free.

"Bewaree, Oh, Bewaree"
Agnes Saint Claree
Songs from County Claree
Faree Play Press, Montclaree, NJ, 1984


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 11:02 PM

So will you be down here in Texas in the spring at all during the semester, or just for graduation? My daughter (Moonglow) will probably be graduating from UNT also (undergrad, double major, English and Theater Arts).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 10:35 PM

That's very nice, dear. Be a good girl now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 09:23 PM

Dear Mom,
Guess what? They're paying me to go to school next semester! It will be my last one, too, before I walk across the auditorium and receive the expensive parchment stating my credentials. Just thought you'd like to know.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 08:24 PM

High upon the windswept summit
Of Woodpecker Mountain lived Amos McGurk.
He was a badman, a shootist, an outlaw
He lived by the gun and Noah's old spelling book.

Tho' more than two centuries had skidded
And slid down the razor of Old Father Time
Amos still lived using "Y" for the "Th"
F-types Esses, and iambic rhyme.

He'd "thee" and "thou" more than a Quaker
Until one day an Irishman came
Pointed out bluntly that Amos was backwards
And that English was living and never was tame.

He told him that English took words from all over
From Arabic, Latin, even Choctaw and Cree
And especially from the widespread Celtic language
"Such as the word for the bold Rapaire."

Amos broke down and wept 'til his eyes ached
He knew than that spelling was not his forté
His back it was broken on "humour" and "humor"
And he was drawn upon the rack of misspellings today.

Many years have passed since Amos he left us
He was right that spelling should matter a lot.
But he realized then that he wasn't all-knowing
And for his criticisms no one gave a jot.

       -- Whittlesey Crumbcomb, Pomes I Writ All By Myself
          (Lewdington-on-Sur: Fiveshooter Press, 1883)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 08:16 PM

Another poetic rebuke. Someone is going to pull both of your poetic licenses one of these days. Then you'll have to confine your insults to haiku. And I'm sure you'll manage it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 04:21 PM

But never ask your Mom to tell
You why somehow you cannot spell
The names of poets large and small
And your own name not least of all.
FOr all your literate trappery
You fail at spelling Rapparee
And those of us who can don't care
To see you spell it as "Ra-PAYRE"

WInsome Rebuttal, Junior
Back Atcha in Spades and Other Pomes
Red Button Press, Nukem, IO 2009


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 03:28 PM

Phooey, phooey on all your noses!
Mom was smelling like four roses
Wandering 'midst the trash and junk
Falling down from being drunk
And none to help her up again
None to cover o'er her shame
Save me, her best-belov'd kid,
So help up is what I did.
And we set beneath the leafy tree,
Wondering why Amos can't pronounce "Rapaire".
I said that it was because his brain is numb,
But Mom replied, "Nah, he's just plain dumb."

      --Ogden De Soto So-Called Poetry
       (Dell, Montana: Press Here!, 1907)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 01:22 PM

Rapairea sailing?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 12:59 PM

Praise be to our noble Rapaire
Who saw Mom lying down there
Near the foot of the page,
And in virtuous rage
Flung her back to the top, through the air.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 11:20 AM

Rap... I shant spend that kinda money on my relatives.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 11:03 AM

I brought a glass of my favorite smoothie - banana, frozen strawberries, and a cup of yogurt. Mmmmm! Don't get brain freeze.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 10:46 AM

Oh God, Mom! Just eighth from the very bottom! Please don't go slumming like that -- before you know it you'd be consorting with Evil Companions and worse, people like Shame McBride or even politicians. If you want cheap whiskey we'll get you some. And I hesitate to ask, but where did you get all that money?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 02:43 PM

Would you PLEASE give up on those TV-schlepped wimp-ass toys and get something that actually WORKS? Stop wasting your money!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 01:58 PM

Well, Kissmeass is upon us. But, last night I saw an advert on TV for a new thingywhotsit at Home O' The Hardware Man that is a stout knife which can be turned into shears for cutting veggies such as carrots. And it looks like it would be suitable for peeps with arthritis or diminished hand strength.

Kissmeass shopping half done in a jiffy.

Slicer Plus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 12:18 PM

Was HEisenberg uncertain about Hobbesian parameters? Possibly nasty, potentially brutish, ambiguously short?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 11:41 AM

Whatever, just avoid the Hobbsian approach to your understanding of our MOAB lives - solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 11:14 AM

Oh, to be sure!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 10:37 AM

I apologize, Amos. I am certain that you are as certain about non-Heisenbergian uncertainties as I am.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 10:33 AM

To make such a remark about me, good Rapaire, is profoundly misguided. You obviously don't understand understanding.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 10:13 AM

You obviously don't grasp numbers as numbers, Amos. True understanding of that which attempts to bring us an understanding of the life, the universe, and everything might not be something we can understand, but to view and then grasp the meaning of (for example) the brilliant, frozen crystalline matrices of non-Heisenbergian uncertainties gives one a fleeting and faint glimpse of both the finite and infinite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 11:16 PM

Ahh, the endless dance of the numbers, whirling through time like substitute thoughts....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 10:52 PM

That's a cute little round number. And an awfully pretty spinner looming in the middle distance. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 10:48 PM

Thanks! I got it!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 09:32 PM

Once again I shall exercise the self-restraint for which I am noted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 09:27 PM

Maybe three years fixed, four years indeterminate....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 06:30 PM

It is veeery sad that such a lady should fall to such a state as this witch of yours, Ms Eiseley. She sounds like she really needs Dianetics, or Rolfing, or intense feng shui, or Christian Togetherness or AA or some damn thing or other.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 05:40 PM

Just had to call the police to escort a raging woman from the library. She couldn't understand why we needed her to verify her address: it's just that she has several cards and several names and a streak of belligerence that manifests itself by shouting profanity at the staff and scaring the little children in the building. She put a hex on one of the circulation staff because she's a self-proclaimed professional practicing witch. The staff member did not pay for the hex, however, so I'm still skeptical about the "professional" part.

Eiseley

P.S. Yep, betcha don't miss this part of the work, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 03:26 PM

Lo how his mind doth wander like a magic wind
That unto every part imparts a myth
And into every eyes a golden mist
That frames the heart and soft betrays the mind.
Thus in perverse imaginings behold
The treacherous siren-song of thought awry;
The sorry soul's forgotten strengths decry
In mourning for a keen eye now grown old.
These are the phantasms of our age, which tear,
When three score years have filled our tale,
And leave, bewildered as our friend Rapaire,
The shell of dust, blown hazy down the vale.

Agonistes Murphy Junior
Tough Songs from a Tough Town
Oedipal Press, Humping-on-Molme, 1875


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 03:02 PM

Oh, I just remembered: dibs on 38383!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 02:59 PM

Amos, if you dig deeply enough you come back to where you started. You know that. And as I mentioned, under my skin it's even more exciting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 02:47 PM

Har! Har! Oh, you are so mean!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 02:40 PM

Shame only says things like that because the one time he WAS here (he'd taken a bit too much to drink, crawled into an open boxcar, and was inadvertently shipped as radioactive waste) he was beaten senseless by any of the railroad police who could come close enough to hit him without gagging from the odor, kicked into a garbage pit, and then flung on the next train to Blind River -- which happened to be carrying manure so he didn't violate the manifest in any way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 02:38 PM

I see Rapaire has desperately started flogging memes of his own naked body in cyberspace, a form of cyber-memetic prostitution I would have thought below him. I am growing accustomed to the idea that new depths are always possible.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 01:23 PM

Holy Moly!! Shane's RIGHT!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 11:47 AM

NOBODY wants to visit flippin' Pocatello cos it is a flippin' dump! Only boltholes live there, eh? It is like a flippin' hole in the ground.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 11:28 AM

Ah, that's easy. The Grand old Duke of York was the second cousin, once removed, of the Vicar of Bray. Easy Peasy.

MOM had a cuppa tea with me early this morning. Our internal clocks are still on Daylight Savings Time so I found both she and I had woken earlier than our alarm clock settings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 09:59 AM

Well, Mom, I guess it's just you and me. Here's some huckleberry pancakes, reindeer sausage, freshly churned butter, and pure maple syrup. Take some of that Jamaica Blue Mountain coffee, too -- it's freshly ground and made with filtered glacial water. And I'd like to hear again your explanation of the quantum mechanics behind "The Grand Old Duke Of York" -- it's fascinating and you make it so clear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 10 - 10:54 PM

So? Are you fearful? A coward? A wuss? Are you some sort of Shame McBride?

Other Canadians aren't afraid to visit Pocatello. In fact, Gordon Lightfoot is appearing just a bit north of here in a week or so and there ain't nobody more Canadian than Gordon Lightfoot (except maybe Dudley Do-Right or Sgt. Preston or Labatt's).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Nov 10 - 10:04 PM

That's the fear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 10 - 10:03 PM

Ha! Copped another one!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 10 - 09:53 PM

Well, from the number of Canadian cars and motorhomes that run north and south on the Interstate I guess they like it.

If you're Canadian, come on down! You'll have an experience you'll never have again!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Nov 10 - 09:49 PM

Pocatello... visit... exprience.. die...

Not a good tourist strategy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 10 - 09:31 PM

Oh, goody! The Legion Riders (not related to the Idaho Legion) will be glad to see them. Some of the Legion Riders haven't killed anyone since they were in, oh, Vietnam...Iraq...Kuwait...Afghanistan...the SEALs...the Special Forces...the Rangers.... Them folks can be mean.

Did I mention the police force? They LOVE to have biker gangs come 'round 'cause it gives them a chance to use equipment they rarely get to use except in practice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Nov 10 - 08:16 PM

I told them I was you and that if they wanted to see REALLY tough motorcycle gangs they should come to Pocatello where they would look like pussies in comparison to the native bikers who hang out around the golf course.   They said it was an interesting opportunity to broaden their horizons, and they would bring all their friends.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 10 - 07:51 PM

Wimp. You should have told those "motorcycle gangs" (probably with names like "Golden Age Riders" and "Hell's Old Fogeys" that they were blocking traffic and that only idiots and fools ride motorcycles. Then give them the finger.

They'd know you were only kidding and you could have made lots of new friends.


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