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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 31 Aug 10 - 03:44 PM
Rapparee 31 Aug 10 - 03:18 PM
Amos 31 Aug 10 - 02:50 PM
gnu 31 Aug 10 - 01:59 PM
Little Hawk 31 Aug 10 - 01:12 PM
Amos 31 Aug 10 - 11:13 AM
Amos 31 Aug 10 - 10:38 AM
Rapparee 31 Aug 10 - 10:19 AM
Amos 31 Aug 10 - 10:07 AM
Eiseley 31 Aug 10 - 07:55 AM
Acme 31 Aug 10 - 12:32 AM
Little Hawk 31 Aug 10 - 12:25 AM
Rapparee 30 Aug 10 - 09:31 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 30 Aug 10 - 07:32 PM
Amos 30 Aug 10 - 07:07 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 10 - 07:03 PM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 04:08 PM
Amos 30 Aug 10 - 04:03 PM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 04:00 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 10 - 03:38 PM
Amos 30 Aug 10 - 03:32 PM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 03:09 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 10 - 02:53 PM
gnu 30 Aug 10 - 02:48 PM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 02:37 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 10 - 02:18 PM
Acme 30 Aug 10 - 01:44 PM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 01:36 PM
Amos 30 Aug 10 - 01:21 PM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 01:16 PM
Amos 30 Aug 10 - 01:01 PM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 12:34 PM
Amos 30 Aug 10 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 30 Aug 10 - 10:17 AM
Amos 29 Aug 10 - 11:03 PM
Eiseley 29 Aug 10 - 10:46 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 10 - 09:11 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 10 - 09:08 PM
Amos 29 Aug 10 - 04:31 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 10 - 04:21 PM
Amos 29 Aug 10 - 04:07 PM
gnu 29 Aug 10 - 03:36 PM
Amos 29 Aug 10 - 01:58 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 10 - 01:46 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 10 - 01:45 PM
gnu 29 Aug 10 - 01:24 PM
Acme 29 Aug 10 - 01:06 PM
Amos 29 Aug 10 - 12:23 PM
Acme 29 Aug 10 - 12:05 PM
Amos 29 Aug 10 - 01:04 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 03:44 PM

It was a dark and wintry night,
And the dark was wet and cold,
And the wind, it blew among the trees,
T'would make your bones feel old.
And hurrying down a frozen path
Beside a frozen weir
I thought of the home and the fireside
And the smile of my dearest dear.

But I had miles of midnight trail
Before I could sit by her
And the night was dark, and the night was cold,
As I dreamed about that fire.
The moon was just a pale complaint
Through the shadow of the hill,
When I saw a sight I'll ne'er forget,
And it chills my old blood still.

There through the trees a spectre grim
Came fumbling through the wood,
Its eyes were crazed, as if to him,
There was no right, nor good.
His hair was wild, his eyes were wild,
And his maddened face was young.
He pierced the dark with a cry from the heart
In a babbling, evil tongue.

Oh, it was the ghost of Shane McBride
With a Molson's in his paw,
Condemned by sin to wander the wood
Forsook by life and law.
Forsook by daylight, and by love
And even the sunlit air,
He wandered, undead, through the night
With garbage in his hair.

Now some may say my eyes are old,
Some say my brains are tired,
But I know what I saw, and I know 'twas him,
His eyes with madness fired,
His clothes all torn, his soul Unborn,
Oh, I know full well what I saw.
T'was the ruined shade of Shane McBride,
With a Molson's in his paw.


Guttersnipe Amberly Chitlin
Never North Again
Madcap Chapbooks PRess, Ottowa, 2011


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 03:18 PM

Hardly rains 'tall out here, 'ceptin' when ya don't want it to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 02:50 PM

What would fit was jammed into the garage and the kitchen and my office all of which are not carpeted. The remaining large pieces are on the patio under a tarp. It does mist in Southern California. And as they say, a mist is as good as a smile.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 01:59 PM

I figured it would be outside on accounta it never rains in...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 01:12 PM

Where did you put all the household stuff while this work was being done, Amos? I realize you probably explained that below somewhere, but I'm too lazy to look for it, and besides, this gives you a good excuse to post again. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 11:13 AM

Going up the Big Hole Battlefield area for the long weedend -- just poking around.

I wondered what you would turn to after retirement, and it looks like you've gone the medical weed route. A long weedend floating on a cloud of jocular benevolence. Or are the weedends all pokeweed?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 10:38 AM

I predict he will change his name for show business purposes and make a huge career as the poster boy for Mad magazine...


O, Mom!! The new carpet got ALL installed in ONE day; those guys busted their buns for a good ten straight hours making this happen; it looks fanTABulous. With the new paint you'd think the house was ten years younger. Now we have the long task of putting things back, dusted and cleaned, and bringing order to the interior spaces.
It won't be long before everything is spic and span. We love the carpet. It looks zippy!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 10:19 AM

Oh, c'mon. I've met the kid and this is a photograph of him. Notice that his mother dresses him funny.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 10:07 AM

Awwwww....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 07:55 AM

Actually he looks more like this, but if he keeps losing teeth he'll soon look like this.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 12:32 AM

I loved that story also.

Eiseley, I don't believe snapping turtles have teeth. Is this what you meant about your young son? Did he lose his last tooth and throw it into the water? Does he look like this?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 12:25 AM

Great story, Rapaire! The trouble with those gunslingers, though...if you humiliated them publicly you would just have to kill them as soon as possible after that, because their pride wouldn't be able to let go of it, and they'd be sure to kill you at the first opportunity to restore their image if you didn't do it to them first.

So I figure the old prospector would just have had to kill that young gunslinger and be done with it...or never be able relax enough to fall asleep again.

Still, I love the story. It makes a good point.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 09:31 PM

Well, Mom, we're off again on Friday morning! Going up the Big Hole Battlefield area for the long weedend -- just poking around. Then about next Wednesday we'll be off for about 10 days, poking around the Little Big Horn, Restoration Fabrics in Butte, Chadron NE, Ft. Laramie, Devil's Tower, and wherever the frenzy takes us. When we return it'll be time to prepare for Getaway. I'll be bringing my...never mind...suffice to say that I'll have the obligatory bedroll, pillow, and Teddy Bear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 07:32 PM

You should've heard Tom trying to tell our Michigan friends his version of Rapaire's story. It was a hoot---more funny in the telling than the original.

My son hasn't brushed his teeth for some months, at least not voluntarily. But then neither have the snapping turtles. . .

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 07:07 PM

A teller of tales worthy of the Bard himself.

Full of sound, and fury, and signifying whatever he feels like signifying...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 07:03 PM

Then they can discover differently, to their eternal sorrow (if you take my drift). Perhaps I've posted this little parable before, but if so it bears repeating:

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.
The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.

He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."


There are a few lessons for us all here:

Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid -- and they're tricky.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 04:08 PM

Ah, yes...well, in that respect they come right into congruence with Shane. Grand pretension is the order of the day among both gents and non-gents. Never limit the bounds of your boasting! Others will think you weak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 04:03 PM

Some gentlemen live by the maxim "Even if you cannot, you should pretend that you can."



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 04:00 PM

That the diametrical opposite of Shane's approach to life.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 03:38 PM

Because one chooses not to reply does not mean that one could not reply, Amos. Gentlemen usually live by the maxim "Just because you can doesn't mean you should."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 03:32 PM

Well...hardly ever.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 03:09 PM

Ah-Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! By God, rolling on the floor here...

Paladin's motto was: Have Gun Will Travel

Rambo's is: "Live for nothin' - Or die for somethin'!"

Yours could be: Never at a Loss for Words


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:53 PM

Well, a variety of adjectives comes to mind:

Gracious, intelligent, witty, handsome, self-effacing, humble, wise, slow to anger, upstanding, sober, moderate, temperate, chaste, lovable, loyal, helpful, omniscient, clean, trustworthy, courteous, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, caring, brave, reverent, well-spoken, et sans peur et sans reproche.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:48 PM

What have you the will to say?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:37 PM

What would you have me say?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:18 PM

Mad? Mad? TRUE! nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why WILL you say that I am mad?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 01:44 PM

Eiseley, let's hope the EPA doesn't come after your son for dumping a biohazard in the lake. Had he brushed the tooth before he tossed it? And had the tooth fairy processed the appropriate remuneration?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 01:36 PM

Rapaire was the one responsible (indirectly speaking) for Shane's recent demise. He was going slowly mad in your absence, not having someone to have mock fights with on the Net constantly, so he relieved the boredom by idly killing off Shane. I'm glad you're back. I was a bit worried what he might do next.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 01:21 PM

Well, given his much-touted recent demise, his first order of business will be to find himself a more comfortable incarnation to start from. Then he can spark up a Grand Cause such as rediscovering beer and broads in southeast Kurdistan...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 01:16 PM

You're absolutely right, Amos. ;-) But not only does order mean survival (the Darwinian approach)...it also means beauty, grace, nobility, balance, self-respect, self-discipline, accomplishment, love of self and others, love of the world...indeed all that makes life worthwhile.

Shane, sadly, will probably never get that. Still, he does have ideals of a sort. They're just rather limited in reach, that's all, because his view of life is very limited. The boy needs a worthwhile objective to focus on. Then the inherent nobility that hides behind his shiftless exterior would finally get a chance to shine. He needs a Joan of Arc or a Duke of Wellington to inspire him to great deeds. He needs a cause.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 01:01 PM

Oh! Will-son-of-Eiseley. Well, that will be a hoot--reborn immacualately from the marriage of a tooth and a test-tube. He could start a religion!!

LH, all life seeks to bring order of its own sort. It's born in the bone, or the chitin, or whatever. It takes a heap of drinking to outweigh that deep-seated instinct. Order means survival, the Game of All Life in the Universe--make a pattern and make it survive. Even Tim Horton knows that!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 12:34 PM

Do what Shane does, Amos. Say "Flip this!" and abandon all attempts at getting your life back in order. Sit back and enjoy the slow deterioration of both character and environment. Become a "cool dude". Arouse contempt in the local females, and get arrested. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 10:52 AM

Who's Will? And as far as entropy is concerned, Whose Will? I find myself and my kind bringing order all the time from inert and chaotic arrangements of stuff. Entropy "always" increases, except wehere life intervenes. The more life, the more order. Even ants understand this. THis means there is hope for those who draw from the Wisdom of Mom.

Some order is better than some other order, to be sure, but the laws of entropy are not boundaries on the behaviour of conscious intention.

You need to understand this so you can Get Organized.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 10:17 AM

Entropy ALWAYS increases, Amos. You know that. Surrender now and save heartache later.

Someday, many millions of years from now, paleontologists will discover a tiny pond in what was once Michigan. It it will be the fossilized tooth of some proto-verihumanoid. They will be able to extract viable DNA from it and Will will be reborn. They will immediately regret what they have done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 11:03 PM

Yayyyy, Eiseley!

Mom, the house, wearing its new coat of paint on the inside, now looks like Gettysburg on the 4th of July, 1863, on account of all the furniture has been jumbled into the garage so the carpets can be replaced tomorrow.

If we ever get back to the State of Order, I promise never to secede therefrom again!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 10:46 PM

Yay! I'm HOME!

Tom lost his tooth while we were in Michigan. He threw it in the pond so that "there will always be a little part of me here." Ben put something of himself in the pond, too, but Will said it didn't count because it was liquid and not a permanent part of his body. Then Ben said Tom's tooth wasn't a permanent one, so his didn't count either. In the tussle that followed, I finally stepped in and said that they had now given their life's blood to the pond and would they stop fighting and come roast a marshmallow or two. Sugar cures everything and soon they were scratching each other's mosquito bites in great good humor.

I missed you all. Now I have about 3 loads of laundry to do and a whole mountain of mail to deal with.

Welcome back, Amos.
Did you find a new fishin' hole, Rapaire?
How is the quiet house, Stilly?

Shhh. MOM is sleeping out on the front porch. I'll just cover her with the afghan and stumble into bed myself.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 09:11 PM

Oh, if you're following these sorts of things, Shame McBride is now officially one of the Undead. Before he just stank like it but now he am one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 09:08 PM

It's not a wet cold like in Vermont or The East. It's a dry cold and not nearly as bad. Summer is a dry heat, too, so it's a lot easier to take.

Like they say, "It's a dry cold so you don't feel it as much." True, I reply, but -24F is still -24F. I prefer heated snowcats and watching Old Faceful erupt from the comfort of a lounge chair in the Snow Lodge, beverage of choice in hand, fire dancing in the fireplace while the snowflakes gently waft to Earth. It's so much more civilized, you know, than accidentally stepping off the path and sinking to your waist in snow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 04:31 PM

It sounds like winter Paradise, ''deed it do. But winters are not places I consider habitable except under duress, not being the rubbery young thing I was in Vermont and Connecticut these forty years back.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 04:21 PM

I'm quite serious about Yellowstone in winter. As they say, "If you haven't seen it in winter, you haven't seen Yellowstone." Do a Web search for the terms "Yellowstone in winter" and look at the images. It can be colder'n a titch's wit and all the brass monkeys will have fled screaming to the south, but it's a wonderful place all the same. So are the Tetons -- you can ride a horse-drawn sleigh into the National Elk Refuge, if you wish, or ski with a lot of wannabee stars and Big Shots. Why, even Dicky Cheney has a place around there! You could walk into a bar and have a nice chat with him while being molested by movie starlets. Or you could hang out at Bubba's with the real folks....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 04:07 PM

You can come any time you want and swim in my back yard pond, if you meet the requirements.

You must be very very tiny -- say, less than 8" end to end.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 03:36 PM

A pool? Swim in summer, skate in winter. Of course, the pool wouldn't last very long if you left the water in it through the winter. Unless it was heated. Then you could swim all year long.

Or, you could visit Amos in the winter and swim in his backyard pond. And go fishing too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 01:58 PM

Oh ya can't snowcat
In a buffalo herd
No ya can't snowcat in a buffalo herd
Oh ya can't snowcat in a buffalo herd
But you can be civil when
You've a mind to.


(Old Song)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 01:46 PM

Normally, Eiseley would be back today but I think the prospect of the coming school year has driven her completely and utterly mad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 01:45 PM

Gee, Amos. I thought I was doing it to rebuild the strength rotator cuff surgery took from me last year. Of course, having a swimming pool available to me is nice; I'd put one in the back yard except for the winters here in Idaho.

I like the idea for the trail through the woods. Maybe this winter, when there's two feet of snow, a temperature of -10F, and a 30 mph wind blowing I'll walk the mile and half over to Appleby's for dinner, or the mile to Perkins for breakfast -- that shouldn't be difficult, as it's downhill. Walking back might be a problem.

Or I might go to Yellowstone again this winter -- THAT is a wonderful experience and you really SHOULD go. Did you ever snowcat in the buffalo herd?

I also get a little exercise cutting the 5,000 square foot back lawn with a push mower....

Feel free to come help.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 01:24 PM

Well, Amos... round these here parts yer exercisin machines is a requirement. Today it's 38H (Humidex) and 4 months from now it could easily be -38WC (wind chill). I have a treadmill in front of the TV. At the moment I have two ACs, one 12kBtu and one 13kBtu at opposite ends of the house, set at 64F and they are humpin with the aid of two floor fans on accounta I don't do heat.

Besides which, blue eyed redheads can sunburn when it's -30C.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 01:06 PM

When does Eiseley get back? The boys must be starting school pretty soon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 12:23 PM

In Nova Scotia we had to walk up a steep mountain trail about half a mile each night to get to dinner, and back down again later to get to bed, usually a bit woozy with wine. The woods are dark and deep down this trail, and bears come round once in a while but apparently are easily scared off. I never met one myself. The first time I I tried to climb this damn trail I had to stp three times to catch my breath. By the time I left, I could stride all the way up without a stop and still be comfortable. I gues it leveled out some or sompn.

There is so much to do in the real world, I've never understood the whole shtick of getting onto an exercise machine to act as though one is doing something.

My cousin once lived in New Haven, Connecticut near the Sound, and in order to clear his m ind between his day job and his sculpture studio he would go out rowing in a single-seat sculling shell he had. He would lift it up and put it on his head and walk over to the shore with it to launch it.

A neighbor of his stopped him to ask what that darn thing was and he explained about the shell, but the neighbor seemed puzzled. He explained how good the exercise was with the sliding seat and so on, and the neighbor seemed dubious. Then the penny dropped and his eyes lit up. "I get it!" he said. "It's a rowing machine that FLOATS!".

I guess its easy to get things backwards when you don't know which end is up.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 12:05 PM

He could always volunteer to read stories to the kiddos every morning at the library. That would keep him humble.

MOM, I finally put up a cute little mirror on a blank wall in the bathroom. Don't shoot it out one night thinking someone is standing in the room when you stagger in and the hall light plays tricks in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 01:04 AM

You should find some honest labor to perform, mate. It'll do you wonders.


A


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