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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 08 Jul 10 - 06:05 PM
Acme 08 Jul 10 - 06:00 PM
Amos 08 Jul 10 - 02:12 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 10 - 01:56 PM
Acme 08 Jul 10 - 01:53 PM
Amos 08 Jul 10 - 12:44 PM
MMario 08 Jul 10 - 11:15 AM
Rapparee 08 Jul 10 - 11:11 AM
Eiseley 07 Jul 10 - 11:55 PM
Acme 07 Jul 10 - 10:54 PM
Amos 07 Jul 10 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 07 Jul 10 - 07:30 PM
Amos 07 Jul 10 - 07:27 PM
Rapparee 07 Jul 10 - 05:52 PM
Amos 07 Jul 10 - 02:56 PM
Amos 07 Jul 10 - 01:49 PM
Rapparee 07 Jul 10 - 01:46 PM
Amos 07 Jul 10 - 11:04 AM
Rapparee 07 Jul 10 - 10:32 AM
MMario 07 Jul 10 - 10:21 AM
Amos 07 Jul 10 - 10:19 AM
MMario 07 Jul 10 - 09:39 AM
GUEST,Eiseley 06 Jul 10 - 06:07 PM
Rapparee 06 Jul 10 - 05:32 PM
MMario 06 Jul 10 - 03:18 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 06 Jul 10 - 01:45 PM
Amos 06 Jul 10 - 12:42 PM
MMario 06 Jul 10 - 12:11 PM
Amos 06 Jul 10 - 11:46 AM
Acme 06 Jul 10 - 11:29 AM
Amos 06 Jul 10 - 11:17 AM
Acme 06 Jul 10 - 10:42 AM
Rapparee 06 Jul 10 - 10:07 AM
Janie 06 Jul 10 - 12:37 AM
Acme 05 Jul 10 - 11:29 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 10 - 11:01 PM
Amos 05 Jul 10 - 10:06 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 10 - 10:00 PM
Janie 05 Jul 10 - 07:58 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 10 - 06:54 PM
Amos 05 Jul 10 - 05:19 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 10 - 03:48 PM
Amos 05 Jul 10 - 11:41 AM
Rapparee 05 Jul 10 - 10:59 AM
Rapparee 05 Jul 10 - 10:42 AM
Amos 05 Jul 10 - 09:56 AM
Acme 05 Jul 10 - 01:16 AM
Rapparee 05 Jul 10 - 12:37 AM
Amos 04 Jul 10 - 06:28 PM
Amos 04 Jul 10 - 06:21 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 06:05 PM

It's a serial, and the title will probably change momentarily. They always do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 06:00 PM

Love that collection title, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 02:12 PM

We have slogged in Hell,
We have danced with Heaven
And the Kays march on
Toward THirty-Seven
And the Mother's sons
And the Mother's daughters
Pause just to sip
At the youth-font waters
Then to their toes
And heels they spring,
Back to the Dance
ANd the magic ring,
Back to the forests,
Back to the moon,
Back to the strains
Of that BS tune,
With the amps cranked higher
Than eleven!
And the posts march on,
Toward Thirty Seven.


Algernon Drachma Styxx
Across the River, But Not Out of the Woods
from the "March of Madness" series of collected poems
Edison Westinghouse Bitmaps, Inc.
West Village, 1965


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 01:56 PM

They only visit people are welcome in the area.

I've only met one myself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 01:53 PM

I met the most bizarre Welcome Wagon lady one time, in Glasgow, KY. She came to the door with a bag of gadgets and advertising stuff from various area retailers and kind of pushed her way in. We had hardly begun to unpack, so I think we perched on boxes while she unloaded her bag of loot. I think I still have the Glasgow Hardware yard stick around here. I never thought those people actually existed. I've never met another since!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 12:44 PM

...by the ripe and feculent odor of decaying identities...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 11:15 AM

People in Cognito have a much higher standard of living then the people in Continent. And they don't have to have their sense of smell deadened.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 11:11 AM

Nobody recognizes anyone else down there anyway. The Welcome Wagon people went out of busy, there are no pictures on Facebook, and in fact the whole place doesn't even appear on any maps (unlike, say, Oz or Barsoom or the Duchy of Grand Fenwick or Liechtenstein). In fact, pilots flying in have to come in by radar and instruments and after leaving they don't remember where they've been. The national costume for both men and women is a burqa with BIG sunglasses and it is never removed while you are in the country. Everyone also wears a Tyvek hazmat suit so they don't accidentally leave DNA particles around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 11:55 PM

And should there be some kind of native rebellion there in Cognito, with poisoned arrows and the like, they may have to have a mass cure aid to heal everyone involved. But with everyone swathed in bandages, no one would be able to recognize anyone else.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 10:54 PM

Damn. I forgot what I was going to say . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 10:43 PM

YEah, he could bully his way onto the plane, and so on, but once he was in Cognito, no-one would pay him any mind.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 07:30 PM

So Chongo could just fly down to Cognito and solve his problems either personally or by proxy, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 07:27 PM

Ahh. Well. it's a chimp. but she's in Cognito. She wanted to fly direct, but the travel agent told her it wasn't possible, she would have to rent a car at the main airport at Sum. He said if you're going to Cognito, ergo Sum, don't put Descartes before da whores.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 05:52 PM

Looks more like one of them Rhesus pieces than a chimp chump.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 02:56 PM

Chinga plans her revenge against her brother Chongo while taking a vacation break at a remote resort location...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 01:49 PM

Seemliness versus grace? Ah, monsieur...VIVA la difference!!!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 01:46 PM

Grace, Amos. In all things, grace.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 11:04 AM

And being seemly is of course paramount.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 10:32 AM

You had an ocean? Talk about luxury! All we had was the occasional rain puddle or when a train passing over our house would drop some "water". As for boiling water it was plentiful because our house was built next to a volcanic vent, convenient for heat but pretty bad breathing because of the fumes. I'll never forget when my kitty "Snuggly-Poopoo" wandered into it; first hot meal we'd had in months. Of course, I didn't eat any because I thought the eye-gouging and crotch-kicking the rest of the family were engaged in while trying for a piece of kitty was unseemly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 10:21 AM

I have never had to make up tales of childhood oddities. Exaggerate occasionally, sure.....

Dad used to line us up by the sink when he was shucking the Ocean Quahogs (the big 4 and 5 inch ones) and pour them into our mouths...Really hard to chew because when you tried they would spurt out of your lips!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 10:19 AM

For some reason MMario's tale of childhood woe is more...plausible than Rapaire's. It has a certain je ne sais quoi.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 09:39 AM

You could afford to boil your water? In the winter we had to chew on ice chips.

Seriously - in my family we learned not to ask what was in a meal until the next day. Unless of course we had spotted the sack of live eels that got dropped off, in which case the question was asked suspiciously BEFORE eating anything....

It was kinda hard for mom to disguise the grackles though.......when several naked little birdie carcasses are deposited on your plate....

I suspect some of the "chicken" soup we had wasn't "chicken". I know eel went into stews, spaghetti sauce, etc. a Family shellfish license was $5 a year at that point, so on weekends (when we had time to go shellfishing) we ate a lot of shellfish...mussels (no limit - at that time) quahogs, steamers, whelks, even periwinkles and things like slippershells. The occasional scallop if we could catch the buggers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 06:07 PM

What a character!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 05:32 PM

We were lucky to get a meal. I remember my mother trying to feed her four children on tree bark and used sandpaper we'd or when we had "spaghetti" (which was really used string) with out sauce. I didn't taste meat until I went into the Army and after I was weaned I never again tasted milk until I got to grade school. My grandmother would pick all of the dandelions out of the front yard during the Spring and Summer, but during the Winter we went without vegetables (my little brother lost all of his teeth to scurvy and even today many people remember that and call him "scurvy"). Many's the time we'd feast on boiled water and odors. Ah, the days of my youth! We were poor, but we are now rich in character.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 03:18 PM

I used to make the kids "monster meals"; introducing foods they hadn't ever had before using their AD&D Monster manual as a guide...

crab, spinich pasta, corn beef are a few of the things I snuck in that way.

And I could almost always get something into meatballs or meatloaf if no other way.

The other thing was to meneuver them into having it in a restaurant - then they had no excuse to not eat it at home.

well - that worked until the B-I-L became self employed and torpedoed our culinary efforts by making the kids anything they wanted; he would cook three seperate meals for himself, my niece and my nephew. (Something their mom and I had refused to do.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 01:45 PM

Never underestimate the power of pickleness.

The above is how I read your admonishment, Master Picky. :)

I've been tempted to try this for my sons, but they're actually pretty good eaters. Instead of tricking them, I've been having one boy a day make dinner. If they have to cut the vegetables and cook the ingredients, they are more apt to eat it. Of course, the other brothers might not because they're afraid of what the cooking brother may have added.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 12:42 PM

A true Master Picky sees right through these little exercises in guile, deceit, and disingenuous manipulation, and comes through them unswayed and unbowed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 12:11 PM

Maybe the would like it better as "Pasta con formaggio" which I saw on a menu recently at $23 a serving.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 11:46 AM

Yep--see, what it is is Pickiness when raised to its purest form is Proof Against Blandishment. It's an age-old ritual: the picky child passes into the stage of Master Picky when he can resist two or three hours of threats, cajoling, blandishments, PR, sweet-talk, eyelash-batting, sugar-on-top pleading, etc. and still refuse to let Substance X cross his lips.

My own crucible test-case involved oatmeal at the age of five. After three hours my mother, who out-weighed me by 120 pounds and was three times my size, emerged completely defeated, the oatmeal scattered in various places, uneaten.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 11:29 AM

Even if it has been flavored with a wonderful blend (this time) of the last bit of Havarti, a few slices of provolone, and a generous grating of sharp cheddar?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 11:17 AM

I never did like macaroni and cheese--not as a six year old, seven year old, ten year old, fourteen year old, sixteen year old, eighteen year old or any time before or since.

Never underestimate the power of pickiness!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 10:42 AM

Well that was my mistake, then. I make it from scratch and use several types of cheese to give it a wonderful flavor. No Italian sausage this time (I usually crumble some into the sauce, and my son always picks it out).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 10:07 AM

1. It has to be Kraft.
2. It has to come from a cardboard box.
3. It has to use a powdered cheese-tasting substance.
4. Preferably, it will have cheap, cooked hot dogs sliced up in it.
5. It CANNOT be made from scratch.
6. You CANNOT offer any options except "get it eaten or you get beaten".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 12:37 AM

I dunno, Stilly. Ask MOM.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 11:29 PM

Been cooking for a couple of picky eater teenagers this evening. How can an 18-year-old not like macaroni and cheese?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 11:01 PM

There's also this Hank. You should get acquainted with him. Really.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 10:06 PM

There are my ways of Knowing, but not many can produce five kids...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 10:00 PM

My Uncle Hank knew my Aunt Cornelia. I'm sure he did because they had at least five kids.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 07:58 PM

I wonder if your Uncle Hank knows my Aunt Hank?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 06:54 PM

This is just the foundation, Amos. Just the foundation. I'm tuning the banjo and accordion for the duet which is to follow. "I am but man north-northwest; when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.*"














*Usually, most of the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 05:19 PM

Huzzah for you!! Well done!! Nothing like straightening out a huge monolithic bureaucracy to make you feel like a hero, and rightly, too!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 03:48 PM

MOM! MOM!!MOM!!

The VA has just approved my contention that my Type II diabetes WAS caused by exposure to herbicides when I was in Korea!! And ORDERed that the Service Connection be granted!!!

After better than three years!!! WHOOPEE CUSHIONS AND HOT DOGGIES!!

Now onward to other things....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 11:41 AM

Someday,
Old friend,
Remember to
Tell us
About your Uncle Hank.
He will know
You have done your duty
And the story will continue.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 10:59 AM

I've never mentioned my Uncle Hank, have I? He was from upriver, on the Iowa side. Lagrange, I think it was. Ardent fisherman. Anyway, remind me to tell you about him sometime.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 10:42 AM

Neurotisch? Naw, I was born an' raised up in Illinois, same as Lincoln, Grant, Obama, and, ah, uh, Reagan. And Carl Sandburg. And Dave Mather. And Wyatt Earp & Co. And Black Bart. And Jack Slade. And, ah, lots of other people. There are my very own brothers, for example. They're a good example, too. A good example of bad examples. I can't be Neurotisch, but I think Neurot is down in Southern Illinois, around Aviston or Metropolis. My sister-in-law is from Aviston and I'm sure she'd know where Neurot is. It could be like Big Neck, though, and have disappeared over the years. Fishhook and Bluff Hall are going the same way. Maybe Hull will, too. And Meyer. I could be Avistonished if I had been born there, but I wasn't. Or an Altoid if I had grown up in Alton. Or even a Carbondalitant or a Petersburger or a Mendonite or a Meridoshan or a Marbleheader or...okay. Sorry, time for my medicines now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 09:56 AM

A yak-yak is a pair of hairy beasts, Rap[aire. Keep your terminology straight.

Mijn vriend is zelf-gecentreerde neurotisch!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 01:16 AM

MOM, someone held the door open too long and now one of those idiot June Bugs is bouncing off of me and the screen. The toads seem to have abandoned the side door. They used to do such a good job of slurping up those crispy critters.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 12:37 AM

Isn't a yak-yak some sort of submarine? A paddled submarine? Were you trying to sneak into the San Diego navy base or something? Trying to find out the Top Secret stuff about the Navy's ironclads, perhaps? It won't work, Amos. Security is too tight, and if you were caught you'd face a firing squad. No bullets (they use Marines and they don't want them to hurt themselves), but a nuisance all the same.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 10 - 06:28 PM

And I was NOT trying to fool mother nature. I was trying to synchronize with her so I would not get walloped and frozen. An effort which did not succeed...THIS time.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 10 - 06:21 PM

Well, I knew you had lost your virtue somewhere, amigo; but I had no idea it was such a colorful loss. Fit for a poem of Frost.

I do have a PFD, in bright yellow and black, which sits safely snugged down in the storage compartment behind me in the kayak. The last thing I want is too much buoyancy when I have been rolled by a wave, forcing me up into the hull of the kayak. And the paddle is connected to the boat with a long coil-cord. If I ever did get knocked over in deep water, which is unlikely, I could put it on in short order.


A


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