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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 04 Jan 10 - 07:22 PM
Rapparee 04 Jan 10 - 01:59 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jan 10 - 01:41 PM
MMario 04 Jan 10 - 01:38 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jan 10 - 01:35 PM
Amos 04 Jan 10 - 01:31 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jan 10 - 01:27 PM
Amos 04 Jan 10 - 01:24 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jan 10 - 01:20 PM
Amos 04 Jan 10 - 01:19 PM
MMario 04 Jan 10 - 12:11 PM
Acme 04 Jan 10 - 11:09 AM
Amos 04 Jan 10 - 11:03 AM
Little Hawk 03 Jan 10 - 10:16 PM
Rapparee 03 Jan 10 - 10:14 PM
Little Hawk 03 Jan 10 - 10:11 PM
Rapparee 03 Jan 10 - 10:00 PM
Acme 03 Jan 10 - 09:30 PM
Little Hawk 03 Jan 10 - 09:26 PM
Rapparee 03 Jan 10 - 09:16 PM
Rapparee 03 Jan 10 - 01:36 PM
Acme 02 Jan 10 - 10:10 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 02 Jan 10 - 10:01 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 10 - 09:37 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jan 10 - 07:44 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jan 10 - 07:41 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 10 - 07:37 PM
Amos 02 Jan 10 - 07:18 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 02 Jan 10 - 07:16 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jan 10 - 06:53 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 10 - 06:44 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jan 10 - 06:05 PM
Amos 02 Jan 10 - 05:30 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jan 10 - 04:54 PM
Acme 02 Jan 10 - 03:48 PM
Amos 02 Jan 10 - 02:50 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jan 10 - 02:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jan 10 - 02:29 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 10 - 02:21 PM
Rustic Rebel 02 Jan 10 - 01:41 PM
Amos 02 Jan 10 - 10:43 AM
GUEST,Rapaire 02 Jan 10 - 10:34 AM
Amos 02 Jan 10 - 12:14 AM
Acme 02 Jan 10 - 12:13 AM
Amos 01 Jan 10 - 11:09 PM
Acme 01 Jan 10 - 11:04 PM
Rapparee 01 Jan 10 - 06:35 PM
Amos 01 Jan 10 - 06:12 PM
Rapparee 01 Jan 10 - 05:55 PM
Rapparee 01 Jan 10 - 03:03 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 07:22 PM

Amos, get out your credit card and make Rap's day. Order a raft of wraths to decorate his library during these dark, snowy, dreary days, when it looks like a flan settled over the landscape around the Portneuf River.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:59 PM

I like wraths. The flowers are often really pretty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:41 PM

They cost a fortune in food too. Not to mention lodging. But every since I have had a wrath guarding the property here, things have been just as quiet as can be. No more bears or salesmen coming round. I've got him in a little enclosure in the backyard. Fortunately, they are not perturbed by frigid temperatures...it's COLD out there today!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:38 PM

YOu don't want to arouse his wrath. I've watched "Stargate Atlantis" - those wrath are nasty critters!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:35 PM

Yeah, I bet... ;-)

Be careful now. There is less and less toleration for scum these days, you know. You may end up being ostracized or even banished if you carry on as you have of late. Howling Eddie Cranshaw may write a protest song about you. Anything is possible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:31 PM

MWahahahaha. Terrible risk indeed. Just shaking in my little blue booties, me.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:27 PM

Oh! A vicious slight! You risk arousing my wrath, sir.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:24 PM

You better hope so--it's your current incarnation...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:20 PM

An excellent point, MMario.

But have you plowed through the incredible shitstorm that had the music section agitated for days on the "Smokers are Scum" thread that preceded my "Scum are Scum" thread? If so, you would perhaps appreciate better what I am up to in launching a thread such as "Scum are Scum". ;-)

Then too, you may not have seen my recent brilliant rewrite of the Elvis song at the tail end of the "Scum are Scum" thread.

The Lesser Variegated Scumsucker used to be seen a good deal in these parts, but Alas! They are now all but extinct. I am told that the rare Great Wallowing Twit is making a comeback, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:19 PM

Still, the passing of the Scum-Crested Bone Sucker is regretted by few, notably Shame...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 12:11 PM

I went over and took a gander at LH's scum lyrics....*yawn*; but did happen to notice a passing reference by katlaughing about the Great Horned Scum-Sucker.

Now few people are aware, but a great deal of the pollution sewen in reivers and lakes these days is NOT due to direct contamination by humans, or dumping of wastes, but rather due to the near extermination of the Greater Horned Scum-Sucker and it's near relatives, the Lesser Horned Scumsucker and the Bony Crested Scum Sucker.

Hunted diligently by brewers on all continents, who claim the various scumuckers reduce the desireable "head" on beers and ales; these valued members of the ecosystem are no longer prevelant to reduce the naturally occuring scum that nature itself produces on her waterways.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 11:09 AM

I've been trying to get MOM to load for a while now. Glad to see we have ignition this morning, finally. It's cold out there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 11:03 AM

My hard drive failed after several trillion high-speed revolutions. Thank the good office of my Higher Mind that there are backups.

Hi, Mom!! I missed you sompn terrible, but, the trip was worthwhile and I conquered the known world.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 10:16 PM

Yeah, I noticed that right after I posted it. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 10:14 PM

You also copped 33,500 but were as humble as I am and didn't mention it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 10:11 PM

Ladies and Gentlemen!!!!!!!!!..........

Please check out my brand new lyric (published under the psuedonym, "Howling Eddie Cranshaw"), in the music section above.

It's called "Scum are Scum!". It bears a certain satirical resemblance to another song that people have been raging over in the upper section for awhile now....that is, it was inspired by that ongoing row.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 10:00 PM

I wouldn't drink any of it, if I were you. You know what a rapscallion she was in her youth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 09:30 PM

Sorry. I was in the pantry looking for the JiffyPop. You should see the shit that MOM has stashed back in there. eBay would have a day in MOM's honor if anyone started listing this stuff. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 09:26 PM

Shocking neglect, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 09:16 PM

Oh Mom, poor Mom
Everyone else has ignored you and run you to the ground!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 01:36 PM

Ms. Rutledge, I've visited the South of France and it is as lovely as I'm sure you are.

Your "Uncle Winston" seems to be a bit of a cad, or so it seems to me and I hope you don't mind my saying so. If you say your Aunt is alive and well, I believe you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 10:10 PM

Someone throw some more wood on the fire. It's getting cold again. And I think she'd like some popcorn. Is there any JiffyPop in the cupboard? You know, the ones in foil, not the microwave junk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 10:01 PM

I don't need your sympathy, Rapaire! I have a new Porsche (something terrible happened to the last one), all the money I can spend, a simply fabulous wardrobe, an incredibly super life, and a host of lovely young men who are dying to escort me to expensive restaurants.

You are the one who needs my sympathy. You are clearly quite stupid, because you have failed utterly to read between the lines of my inebriated Uncle Winston's latest insincere attempt to violate his marriage contract at the expense of some naive woman. He will say anything. I'm glad that she turned out to be far more clever than you and saw through his slimy routine! Good heavens, no wonder Aunt Penelope is fed up to the gills with him!

As for my dear Aunt Penelope, I must say she's becoming quite a trial! She disapproves of virtually everything I do, doesn't like the boys I date, doesn't like the way I spend money or the clothes I wear or the hours I keep...nag, nag, nag! Always warning me against this and that peril of the world. It's dreadful. That's why I spend as little time at home as is humanly possible. I am vacationing in southern France at the moment. Fortunately, the money keeps coming. A good thing, that, because I do seem to need quite a lot of it.

TTFN! - Veronica


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 09:37 PM

Well, that's all. I'm sorry for the passing of Ms. Rutledge, but I'm certain that her spirit will live on. Ms. Veronica, you have my deepest sympathy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 07:44 PM

Herr Liebenscheiss - Your insight, as always, is brilliant, timely, and without peer. I owe you my thanks for your excellent advice and thoughtful intervention on my behalf. If Chongo ever admits to having emotional problems, unlikely as that may be, I will advise him to consult you without delay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 07:41 PM

Sounds fairly typical, Rapaire, but Winston is usually a bit smoother than that...he must have been quite drunk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 07:37 PM

No, seriously. My friend (who I would rather not name) was visiting London on business and was talking to a young business woman in the lobby at Claridge's, and in discussing various subjects the young lady mentioned that very recently she had been chatting with Winston Whats-His-Nam -- "Mr. Penelope Rutledge, you know who I mean." Seems he'd put the moves on her, telling her that he was "so sick to death, now that his beloved wife had died."

Well, she didn't fall for THAT line and extricated herself graciously from someone she described as "a sloppy drunk who had become all hands."

She is, by the way, the CEO of a major "global player" in the trade with China and was meeting my friend (another woman) regarding trade expansion with Canada, especially in computers and electronic equipment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 07:18 PM

Ach, Leedle Hack!! Eet iss scho gute you are schtanding opp fer yer schlf, ya?? Ich bin SCHO proudt off you.

Dot, Amosch, he isch no mensch, he isch a schwien to do such a ting to your ape friend, ja? He hass no right to mesch aroundt mit yer creation!! Schend him to me undt I vill schee he gets der schtraightening oot butt goot, ja??? Ich will fix hiss vaggon but goot!

Du bin makink der ecshelenlt progress, ya? Keep up der gute verk!!

Liebenscheiss


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 07:16 PM

What a perfectly horrible suggestion! Aunt Penelope and Uncle Winston do get along rather badly much of the time, it's true, but to suggest that they have taken out enormous life insurance policies each on the other with the intention of doing away with...

It's just monstrous! You should be ashamed of concocting such a disgusting notion. The main reason they have taken out those enormous policies is to ensure that I will be well protected and not reduced to destitution while I pursue my vital academic career...should anything happen to one or both of them.

Not that anything will, of course.

But you can't be too careful!

TTFN! - Veronica


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 06:53 PM

Oh, piss off, Rapaire. ;-) I know Winston. I suspect that what he really said is that he wished his wife were dead. They seem to get along like oil and water, those two. The only things they really have in common are money and pedigree.

In fact, I think they both heartily wish the other was dead at this point...many people predicted that that would happen, and it turns out that they were right.

Winston recently insured Penelope's life for 80 million quid. Penelope retaliated by insuring Winston's life for 90 million quid. Together that makes them worth 170 million quid, plus inheritance! Impressive, innit? ;-) I think they should both take considerable care in future, possibly hire bodyguards, and only from the very best agencies...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 06:44 PM

Too bad about Penelope Rutledge, wasn't it? A friend of mine met a bimbo in London and was told by her that Winston-Salem or whatever his name is told her his wife was dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 06:05 PM

Amos, there are very few individuals on this forum with the extraordinary lack of good grace to attempt repeatedly to "kill off" another person's favorite imaginary characters simply to amuse themselves. It's a low and contemptible tactic, in my opinion, and it does not speak well for you.

Remember, an imaginary character is a child of the imagination of the person who created it. It always belongs to that person just as a child belongs to the parent. Any fatal attack on the imaginary character is a vicarious attack of violence upon its creator. To publicly announce the death of the imaginary character, merely upon your own whim as if you were God in that character's world of being, is to willfully destroy an important psychic and emotional component of another person.

And you are surprised that I do not cooperate in your attempt to destroy a mental creation that has come out of my own being?

Fie, sir, fie! Your behaviour is despicable, callous, and arrogant. You show no consideration.

It is acceptable to verbally abuse another person's imaginary characters, to make fun of them, to level false accusations against them, etc....because it provides much opportunity for jokes and humour, but it is not acceptable to kill them off and simply terminate them for all time. You should know this.

It is, after all, an essential rule in all Mudcat story threads. You do NOT kill off the other person's created characters. Only their creator has the right to terminate their existence, and you know it.

Only Sir Arthur Conan Doyle could kill off Sherlock Holmes. No one else had that right, and you know it. Only Mark Twain could kill off Huck Finn (hypothetically). Only the Disney studios can kill off Mickey Mouse (should they choose to). Only I can kill off Chongo Chimp. That is the way it is, and that is the way it must be. He does not exist in your jurisdiction of imagination, Amos. You can react TO him, but you cannot take charge of his destiny.

Am I being serious in what I say here? Yes, I'm being 100% serious, but I expect you will react by just blowing me off here in a rather arrogant and lofty fashion which you imagine to be quite witty and clever. Probably some amusing quote from the psychiatric literature or Herr Doktor Liebenscheiss....whom you will note that I have never killed off! I find him amusing and entertaining, and he isn't mine to kill...nor would I wish to destroy another person's imaginary character. I simply don't have the right to. Neither do you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 05:30 PM

By the way, if you see the Hawkster, be kind and gentle with him. His favorite imaginary playmate, Chongo, was taken out of the game by an improvised explosive device hidden in a culvert a few miles outside of Kandahar. He's having a rough go adjusting to the loss.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 04:54 PM

Well, thank God it was just an HTML error! I was afraid Mom mght have been kidnapped by some of those rowdies from the Flora-Bama.

It's one of the few establishments in the world where the clientelle often feel the need to wipe their feet as they're leaving.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 03:48 PM

Ah, sad way to end the year, loosing a good pooch.

It's a brilliant day today, and I'm working on bird feeders. NOT squirrel feeders, bird feeders. I must go out again in search of the perfect suspension method. Probably won't find one, I'll probably get another shepherd's crook and just chase the buggers away every so often.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 02:50 PM

Rustic, always a hoot to hear from ya!!

The Mom went into suspended post heaven because of an error in the HTML. The closing bracket of the initial "b" was pointing the wrong way.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 02:32 PM

Where'd Mom go? My post was supposed to say "Mom and some of her new friends...." but she disappeared. Just like her, ain't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 02:29 PM

Heck, Rustic, ya shoulda been here yesterday! and some of her new friends from Lafayette and Baton Rouge came down to the Flora-Bama Lounge for the New Year's Day Polar Bear Plunge! You woulda fit right in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 02:21 PM

I've said it before: If there ain't no dogs in heaven, I ain't going.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 01:41 PM

A grand and prosperous New Year to all!
Strange to come on and read poetry of death.
Death of an old year, death of an old dog.
I spent yesterday nursing my old dog into a new dog realm of meaty bones and soft dirt. I think, somewhere, someone said- if someone dies between Christmas and New Year the soul goes straight to heaven. If so 'Jade' my old dog is dancing with the gods or is it the dogs?

On with the celebration! I'm heading out to cocktail in the 2nd day of the New Year!

Peace.
Rustic


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 10:43 AM

Rapaire:

Pffbbbbbt.       Hark!! The sound of the raspberry is heard in the land...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 10:34 AM

Amos, if you're going to quote one of the most moving poems of WW1, please quote it all. It's worth it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 12:14 AM

?   If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
       Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
       And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
       His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
       If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
       Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
       Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
       Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
       My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
       To children ardent for some desperate glory,
       The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
       Pro patria mori.

                                 --Wilfred Owen


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 12:13 AM

Has anyone asked him what he's driving these days? Is he into vintage cars? Maybe a Gremlin?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 10 - 11:09 PM

I have lost several, but I am assuming it is because LH started the daemon loose among the halls of Mom....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jan 10 - 11:04 PM

I seem to have joined LH in the lost post club. I know I put one up a little while ago. Darn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 10 - 06:35 PM

How nice, Amos. That's always been one of my favorite poems.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 10 - 06:12 PM

e.e. cumming's response to Rapaire:

         i sing of Olaf glad and big
whose warmest heart recoiled at war:
a conscientious object-or

his wellbelovéd colonel (trig
westpointer most succinctly bred)
took erring Olaf soon in hand;
but-though an host of overjoyed
noncoms (first knocking on the head
him) do through icy waters roll
that helplessness which others stroke
with brushes recently employed
anent this muddy toiletbowl,
while kindred intellects evoke
allegiance per blunt instruments-
Olaf (being to all intents
a corpse and wanting any rag
upon what God unto him gave)
responds, without getting annoyed
"I will not kiss your fucking flag"

straightaway the silver bird looked grave
(departing hurriedly to shave)

but-though all kinds of officers
(a yearning nation's blueeyed pride)
their passive prey did kick and curse
until for wear their clarion
voices and boots were much the worse,
and egged the firstclassprivates on
his rectum wickedly to tease
by means of skillfully applied
bayonets roasted hot with heat-
Olaf (upon what were once knees)
does almost ceaselessly repeat
"there is some shit I will not eat"

our president,being of which
assertions duly notified
threw the yellowsonofabitch
into a dungeon,where he died

Christ (of His mercy infinite)
i pray to see;and Olaf,too

preponderatingly because
unless statistics lie he was
more brave than me:more blond than you


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 10 - 05:55 PM

A couple of English (well, UK) views on death:

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time
And all our yesterdays the way to dusty death.
Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
Who struts and frets his time upon the stage
And then is heard no more.
'Tis but a tale told by an idiot,
Full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.

                   -- Billy-Bob Shakespeare
                      "The Scottish Play"

The Soldier
Rupert Brooke

If I should die, think only this of me;        
That there's some corner of a foreign field        
That is for ever England. There shall be        
In that rich earth a richer dust concealed;        
A dust whom England bore, shaped, made aware,                 
Gave, once, her flowers to love, her ways to roam,        
A body of England's breathing English air,        
Washed by the rivers, blest by suns of home.        

And think, this heart, all evil shed away,        
A pulse in the eternal mind, no less        
    Gives somewhere back the thoughts by England given;        
Her sights and sounds; dreams happy as her day;        
And laughter, learnt of friends; and gentleness,        
    In hearts at peace, under an English heaven.

Now, for your homework, compare and contrast these two passages with William Cullen Bryant's Thanatopsis, being certain to remark upon the differences between the American and UKer views on Death.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 10 - 03:03 PM

Hey, Shame! Sorry you're not dead...you certainly smell like it. You ever get that cesspool smell out of your skin? No, I guess not. Not that it matters, since no one in all of Ontario can come within a hundred meters of you without gagging and tossing their lunch. I've heard that the last time your mom kissed you she ended up in hospital with food poisoning: is that true, or was it just disgust? I've also heard that the first time she saw you she said, "What is that???", took you by one toe and exclaimed, "A baby? I've never seen anything so ugly in all my born days! Can it be mercy-killed?"


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