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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 15 Dec 09 - 05:03 PM
Acme 15 Dec 09 - 04:41 PM
Amos 15 Dec 09 - 03:19 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 09 - 03:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Dec 09 - 02:47 PM
Amos 15 Dec 09 - 01:29 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 09 - 01:10 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 09 - 01:07 PM
Amos 15 Dec 09 - 10:35 AM
Rapparee 15 Dec 09 - 09:36 AM
Hamish 15 Dec 09 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 15 Dec 09 - 09:18 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Dec 09 - 07:21 AM
Hamish 15 Dec 09 - 06:53 AM
Janie 15 Dec 09 - 01:28 AM
Acme 15 Dec 09 - 12:10 AM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 11:07 PM
Rapparee 14 Dec 09 - 09:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Dec 09 - 09:01 PM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 03:36 PM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 01:55 PM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 01:51 PM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 01:43 PM
Little Hawk 14 Dec 09 - 01:38 PM
Acme 14 Dec 09 - 01:30 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Dec 09 - 01:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Dec 09 - 12:55 PM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 12:49 PM
Little Hawk 14 Dec 09 - 12:45 PM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 12:44 PM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 11:01 AM
GUEST,freds 14 Dec 09 - 09:44 AM
Janie 14 Dec 09 - 07:02 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Dec 09 - 01:45 AM
Janie 13 Dec 09 - 11:52 PM
Rapparee 13 Dec 09 - 10:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Dec 09 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 13 Dec 09 - 08:43 PM
Acme 13 Dec 09 - 08:15 PM
Acme 13 Dec 09 - 08:15 PM
Rapparee 13 Dec 09 - 08:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Dec 09 - 07:23 PM
Rapparee 13 Dec 09 - 06:45 PM
Little Hawk 13 Dec 09 - 06:12 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Dec 09 - 06:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Dec 09 - 03:09 PM
Little Hawk 13 Dec 09 - 02:33 PM
Amos 13 Dec 09 - 02:17 PM
Amos 13 Dec 09 - 12:11 PM
Janie 13 Dec 09 - 08:20 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 05:03 PM

Tell ya what--yon Rapaire has overmuch of crust, and p'raps he would spare some for your pot-pies. He doesn't need it for his shrimp satori, you betcha...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 04:41 PM

Janie, I make chicken pot pie, but years ago I added a Martha Stewart kind of runaround the kids, who were reluctant to eat it, for some reason. I rolled out the crust and cut out shapes with favorite cookie cutters. They sat down at the table, were delighted with the pie crust, and were told they could only eat the pie shapes if they ate them with the stew (cooked in a pot and never actually put into a crust and baked). Of course, now, like Spaw's NYCTS, I'm terminally screwed. I have to keep making the pie crust in cookie cutter shapes to make them happy. They're 17 and 21.

Hamish, it's lovely to have a new face pop round to check on us! I hope MOM offered you a cuppa and a comfortable seat. And there is a tape roller out there to take the cat hair off your clothes when you're ready to go.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 03:19 PM

All your satori are shrimp satori, sirrah.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 03:06 PM

I like shrimp satori with those rice noodle things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 02:47 PM

BS is sort of like ego. They both get a lot of bad press, but to truly achieve a transcendent state neither can be ignored. To quote Sylvester (Sly) Stone, "You gotta go through it to get to it!"

One cannot achieve transcendence by never developing an ego. One must first become egoic and then do the necessary work to get beyond ego to a non-egoic state.

Similarly, one cannot achieve transcendence by ignoring BS. One must create and post BS until one reaches the state where BS becomes like a Zen koan, but funnier. When BS is BS and not BS at the same time, you will have achieved MOABic satori.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 01:29 PM

How sad, good Manne of Booques, that you seek always to reduce true meaning into its categorical pigeonhole.

I was not referring, in my ditty, to Gnosticism, but rather to gnosis itself: the intuitive knowledge of spiritual truths that was said to have been possessed by ancient Gnostics. IT is this inherent gnosis in individual humans that stands between mankind and complete apathetic surrender to materialism and "mud all the way down".

Stirring, prodding, irritating, bothering, awakening, enlivening or stimulating the gnosis is the True Purpose of Pure BS.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 01:10 PM

Gnostic, not Gnotic. The Gnotics were a completely difference heresy, wherein the followers would ask each other, "Gnot ic?" much like the "Got milk?" ad campaign.

The Pope ignored them and the whole heresy died of silliness.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 01:07 PM

Amos, Amos, you're always bringing religion into a good BS discussion. Don't you know that gnosticism was pretty much wiped out by the Albigensian Crusade? There's a few still around but nowhere like the numbers there used to be. The Pope sponsored a barbecue at Montségur in Provance (Langedue) to celebrate. This was back in the early 13th Century; the last person burned for the Cathar heresy was in 1321. (Cathar = Albigensian = Gnotic, with difference that matter only to the Pope.)

And wipe your gnos, it's dripping.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 10:35 AM

There's a hole in my gnosis, dear MOAB, dear MOAB
There's a hole in my gnosis, dear MOAB, a hole!

Well, fix it dear reader, dear reader...

With what should I fix it, dear MOAB, dear MOAB...

With BS you should fix it, dear reader....

And where do I get it, dear MOAB, dear MOAB...

Create it dear reader, dear reader...

From what should I create it, dear MOAB, dear MOAB....

From your knowing dear reader, dear reader...

And where is my knowing, dear MOAB...

In your self is your knowing, dear reader, dear reader...

There's a hole in my gnosis, dear MOAB, dear MOAB
There's a hole in my gnosis, dear MOAB, a hole!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 09:36 AM

Mom's good for mooning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Hamish
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 09:35 AM

Yeah. Maybe so. But I'm not gonna fall for it twice...

...hey, what the...? How'd that happen? I'm on the moon!!! (But not over it.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 09:18 AM

It's more like a black hole, Hamish.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 07:21 AM

Congratulations, Hamish!

Accidentally falling into the BS section is one thing. Accidentally falling into The Mother of All BS Threads is yet another. It's a bit like stepping in something unpleasantly squishy, looking down at your shoe, looking back up, and discovering you're on the moon. The fact that you actually posted something instead of merely hitting the "back" button on your browser is testimony to the vast power Mom exerts over all who come here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Hamish
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 06:53 AM

Help! What am I doing in the BS section???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 01:28 AM

True confession time. I have made plenty of pies and have a light hand with a pie crust.

I have often made creamed turkey or chicken, or chicken/turkey a la king served over my excellent made from scratch biscuits.

I have never, however, combined the two skills to make a pot pie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 12:10 AM

I have more turkey in the freezer if Janie runs out of pot pies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 11:07 PM

Maybe you shouldn't have raised your arms
At just the time you farted;
I think that this alone explains
Why your poor 'pits have departed!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 09:15 PM

My last name is Dutch for "Keeper of the Sacred Place" or, in more modern Dutch, "Goalie."

That should explain much to you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 09:01 PM

My armpits, they have gone away.
Just where they've gone, I cannot say.
I raised my arms into the air,
looked and my armpits just weren't there.

At first I thought it would be grand,
no need for Right Guard, Sure, or Ban.
But now I'm finding out that life
without armpits is naught but strife.

My favorite shirt no longer fits
due to my shortage of armpits.
Its sleeves hang down around my knees,
and flap each time that there's a breeze.

And when I try to raise my hand,
my arm falls off. I'm telling you man,
I'd rather have the screaming shits
than go through life without armpits.

So now I want my armpits back.
Life without pits is no fun, Jack.
So if, as through this life you roam,
you see my armpits, send them home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 03:36 PM

Ya know, BWL, you raise an interesting point, and it could be us working stiffs have a HUGE amount of overtime coming for working on weekends because of a false calendar. I like that idea!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 01:55 PM

For those who never saw Wm Bendix play Riley.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 01:51 PM

IDEAS

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.
If your ideas are any good,
you'll have to ram them down people's throats.

                           Howard Aiken


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 01:43 PM

BWL has lost his pits
The Emm-man his appendix
This mortal coil is just the shits,
In spite of William Bendix.
The Life of Reilly's full of holes
Where body parts go missing.
And nothing stays just as it should,
And cousins do no kissing.
Alack, a-woe, ah me, oh my,
I do feel broken-hearted!
Except for Janie's turkey pie,
Too many are de-parted!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 01:38 PM

How about if I be Madonna instead? I think that would be more fun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 01:30 PM

I love Dolman sleeves, especially in sweaters. I also like cowl necks. The perfect sweater would be a black or dark green cashmere with those sleeves and neck. Mmmm!

MOM, I'm about over that cold, but pardon me if I run to the loo every so often. It's that old stupid juxtaposition of having had a couple of babies and then getting over a cold that brings on really hard sneezes. Gotta keep the bladder on the empty side (even though this would never ordinarily even be a day-to-day consideration, we must make the occasional exception.) Bummer.

Should anyone else here decide to try the "blotto" therapy, don't let MOM see you in your cups. She makes really awful coffee, I've heard tell, and she's liable to fill you up with it (she doesn't realize you don't sober people that way, you just have an awake drunk.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 01:03 PM

Hey, Mom! It's Monday, but how do we know it's Monday? What I mean is that way back in the ancient past, days didn't have names. Then someone decided to give 'em names. Well, what if that person got it wrong? What if the day he called Monday was really Thursday, only he didn't know it was Thursday 'cause it didn't yet have a name? That would mean everybody's been taking the wrong days off from work for, like, ages.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 12:55 PM

Hey, Rapaire! Guess what? Somebody named a sleeve after you! Only they spelled your name wrong. Thay call it a Dolman sleeve. Looks like it was made to be worn by people with no armpits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 12:49 PM

WHy not just be one for a bit and write it up for us?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 12:45 PM

I wonder what the aliens who have abducted Shane from time to time would say about that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 12:44 PM

Just like old Sousaphone Bill
Wonderin' why he's over the hill,
Oh, meee oh my,
I love Janie's turkey pot pie!

Dice it up and keep it neat
Spice it up, that turkey meat,
Oh, me oh my,
Janie's turkey pot pies!

I don't need much, to make a living
Ain't runnin' no race,
But call me up the week after Thanksgiving
I'll push that pie right into my face!!

Heat it up and serve me fust
Turkey meat and Janie's crust!
Oh, me oh my,
Janie's turkey pot pies!!

Wowah!!

They'll save the planet and the skies!
Janie's turkey pot pies!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 11:01 AM

This notion of the freds going around feasting on various DNA structures in the universe is very droll indeed. I wonder,though, how Gluon relates tho them? Does he disrupt their breakfast? DNA is very dependent on the gluons in its makeup, of course. As the messenger particle of the strong nuclear force, if Gluon were to subtract his influence from their breakfast, their cornflakes would get really soggy. If not just vaporozed. So it behooves them to maintain friendly relations with Gluon, which means they should not be snarky about hunting down MOABItes, who are Gluon's keepers.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 09:44 AM

We know them. Their DNA tastes like spoiled erutca fruit and gives one a gaseous flatulence, the odor of which causes starships to deliberately dive into the nearest star. It is, however, tolerable if mixed with peanut butter and we keep such in the emergency food lockers. You would never want a steady diet of it (unless you were a larva, of course).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 07:02 AM

Well of course, Bee- Dubya. I am a social worker, after all.

I'll jump right on those pies!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 01:45 AM

You need to go ahead and make pot pies with that turkey, Janie. If the rest of the world should run out of turkey pot pies and those smelly fellers from out Antares way are really jonesin' for 'em, your stash might be the difference between the earth being vaporized or not. Don't you wanna save the world?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 11:52 PM

Ya'll has way too vivid and way too creative imaginations.

That is why I luvs ya.

I am soooo... glad of the intuitive wisdom I possess that tol' me to dice the leftover turkey and freeze it simply diced, without going ahead and making pot pies to freeze.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 10:05 PM

No, but my cousin Greg had a Very Close Encounter with a buck some years ago when he was dabbed with the stuff. Greg doesn't like to talk about how close he came to being an active, though unwilling, participant in that year's rut.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 09:57 PM

A clear case of life imitating art:

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell - PM
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 06:47 PM

Speakin' of liquid bodywash...

My neighbor Bubba accidentally got his bodywash an' a bottle of "Doe in Heat" deer attractor mixed up. He was gettin' ready to mow down a field of picked cotton stalks the other mornin' when a eight-point buck comes runnin' outta the woods headin' straight for him. Well, he didn't have no gun with him, so he clumb up into the cab of that big ol' John Deere of his an' got the door shut just before that buck got to him. That deer was so pissed off that he throwed back his head and bellowed for three or four minutes, butted the tractor in the grill a couple of times, and then started humpin' that tractor's left rear tire just like Gluon goin' after Rapaire's leg. That went on for a couple of minutes until the buck seemed to have finished his business, after which he snorted, pissed on the ground, and walked back into the woods.

I asked Bubba how come he didn't just crank up the tractor an' run over the thing, an' he said he was just too dumbfounded to think of it. Well, I don't have too much trouble with that explanation bein' as how dumbfoundin' Bubba ain't much harder than fishin' with dynamite....


Y'all sure someone didn't spray some of that Doe in Heat spray on that combine?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 08:43 PM

Yes, it was NOT damaged.

They salvaged a little, darned little, of the meat. My brother suggested that his friend salvage what they could of the antlers, mount them on a do-it-yourself antler trophy, hold them together with duct tape and badly applied glue, and give it to his friend's son (6 feet 6 inches, 235 pounds, and none of it fat).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 08:15 PM

Did they at least salvage some of the meat? And I am guessing you meant to say the combine was NOT damaged?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 08:15 PM

That is a rather unusual way of committing suicide. But then, it was probably inevitable. After all, that buck saw the grim reaper coming his way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 08:06 PM

This is a true story. It proves that deer also qualify for Darwin Awards.

A friend of my family works about 400 acres in West Central Illinois. Last weekend he and his son were combining the corn -- it's been a very wet year, so combining was late. Anyway, an 8-point (Eastern count) buck deer was taking a rest in the cornfield. It jumped up as the combine approached and ran directly into the machine. Fortunately, the combine was damaged, but the hide clogged it so badly that it had to be taken apart and our friends lost about six hours of work time.

Just thought I let y'all know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 07:23 PM

Well, it's hard to describe what passes for fetal position among them*. For one thing, they never were fetuses. The closest analog we have to their pre-adult form would be a sentient tail light assembly from a 1957 Cadillac. That's not exactly it, but it's within the tri-county area. "Fetal position" would be sort of like a pair of glowing red erections with their left turn signals on. But not exactly.

But, yes, they do occasionally suck on their digits, though their digits are roughly where our mouths are and their mouths (each has four) are roughly where our digits are. In fact, digit sucking is their third leading cause of death. They occasionally get to sucking so hard that they suck themselves inside out. If another one of them isn't nearby to blow them back into proper inside/outside oriention within minutes, they're history.


* I don't know what they're called since they only communicate by smell. They smell a bit like a spill on Aisle 3, but I'm not gonna call 'em that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 06:45 PM

Then again, it might drive them all to crouch in what passes for the fetal position while they suck their digits.

Most people don't know that Shame is actually part of the Canadian Defence Forces Chemical Weapons Division. Of course, he's banned by several international treaties.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 06:12 PM

If they ever got a whiff of Shane, they would vaporize this planet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 06:02 PM

By the way, there is a planet out Antares way (though it's not a planet of Antares itself) whose inhabitants regulary visit the earth. They really hate everything about our planet except frozen turkey pot pies. Them, they love. They're not a very friendly lot, and would have probably vaporized us long ago if it weren't for the fact that Earth is the only place in the entire universe that even has frozen turkey pot pies. If there should ever be a shortage of them, we're all done for.

However, "Gref nuv yepurtnos jivnur promquernt!" does not mean "Give us all your turkey pot pies or we'll vaporize your planet!" in their language. I made that up. In reality, they have no verbal language. They communicate by smell. That's why their spaceships resemble giant aromatherapy infusers. It's also why they dislike our planet so much. They find our smell offensive. It says "Your mother is an Aldeberanian douche bag!" in their language.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 03:09 PM

BS must be created by a BSer. If the content of a link is obviously created by a BSer, then it is BS. However, that doesn't necessarily make it MOAB BS.

As a general rule, BS provided by a link should either be used as a jumping off point for original BS, or as a means of enhancing original BS. There are exceptions where a piece of linked BS is so perfect that there's no way to add to it, but they're rare and should be used sparingly.

Similarly, meaningless gibberish is not generally BS. It only becomes BS within context. "Gref nuv yepurtnos jivnur promquernt!" is not BS. But when it's translated as "Give us all your turkey pot pies or we'll vaporize your planet!" it's BS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 02:33 PM

Amos, my condolences on the loss of your brother.

As for the Sarah Palin/William Shatner encounter, that will go down in history as one of the most spectacular entertainment moments of all time. Unforgettable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 02:17 PM

What is BS?

This age old discussion needs to be resolved. Is it only counted if it does not come from horses? Does it have to be anonymous to qualify? Or, contrary-wise, does it have to be of known origin to be True BS?

How much fact can be included in BS without disqualifying it as true BS?

Purists argue that including links is modernism, not true BS. Counter-arguments are made that modern BS is perfectly valid BS, even with links.

What criteria should we use to arrive at a consensus and establish a universal standard for all?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 12:11 PM

They really go well together, don't they -- large-framed glowing visages riding high on renown for its own sake.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 08:20 AM

Oh WOW!

Sarah Palin and William Shatner


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