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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 15 Oct 09 - 12:18 PM
Janie 14 Oct 09 - 11:02 PM
Janie 14 Oct 09 - 10:59 PM
Rapparee 14 Oct 09 - 10:54 PM
Janie 14 Oct 09 - 10:06 PM
Ed T 14 Oct 09 - 09:40 PM
Amos 14 Oct 09 - 09:14 PM
Janie 14 Oct 09 - 08:30 PM
Ed T 14 Oct 09 - 06:07 PM
Ed T 14 Oct 09 - 05:57 PM
Ed T 14 Oct 09 - 05:52 PM
Amos 14 Oct 09 - 03:49 PM
Rapparee 14 Oct 09 - 03:43 PM
Amos 14 Oct 09 - 02:56 PM
Rapparee 14 Oct 09 - 12:41 PM
MMario 14 Oct 09 - 12:24 PM
Acme 14 Oct 09 - 11:57 AM
Amos 14 Oct 09 - 10:41 AM
Janie 13 Oct 09 - 11:03 PM
Ed T 13 Oct 09 - 08:42 PM
Acme 13 Oct 09 - 07:50 PM
Rapparee 13 Oct 09 - 06:50 PM
Ed T 13 Oct 09 - 06:24 PM
Ed T 13 Oct 09 - 06:17 PM
Acme 13 Oct 09 - 09:51 AM
Rapparee 13 Oct 09 - 09:33 AM
Janie 12 Oct 09 - 11:42 PM
Amos 12 Oct 09 - 08:01 PM
Amos 12 Oct 09 - 08:00 PM
Acme 12 Oct 09 - 05:48 PM
Rapparee 12 Oct 09 - 04:57 PM
Amos 12 Oct 09 - 03:05 PM
Rapparee 12 Oct 09 - 02:03 PM
Amos 12 Oct 09 - 01:51 PM
Rapparee 12 Oct 09 - 01:27 PM
Amos 12 Oct 09 - 08:26 AM
Rapparee 11 Oct 09 - 10:52 PM
Amos 11 Oct 09 - 10:45 PM
GUEST,Janie 11 Oct 09 - 10:27 PM
Rapparee 11 Oct 09 - 10:16 PM
Janie 11 Oct 09 - 09:55 PM
Little Hawk 11 Oct 09 - 08:39 PM
Acme 11 Oct 09 - 07:08 PM
Little Hawk 11 Oct 09 - 02:43 PM
Amos 11 Oct 09 - 02:28 PM
Acme 11 Oct 09 - 12:39 PM
Acme 11 Oct 09 - 11:38 AM
Janie 11 Oct 09 - 11:35 AM
Rapparee 11 Oct 09 - 11:20 AM
Acme 10 Oct 09 - 11:51 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 12:18 PM

Truer words were never said--they capture the longings of millions of dutiful housewives across America every night.

"Wish I weren't allergic to him...".



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 11:02 PM

Mister and me is headed fer bed.

Wish I weren't allergic to him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 10:59 PM

Aha, Rapaire has been outed.

"I don't do pick up trucks...."

You poser, you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 10:54 PM

Sorry, Mom, but I don't do pickup trucks. I don't have one. But my brother does!

Last year he took a riding lawn mower off his truck. He did this all by himself, using a ramp. He also managed to dump it off the ramp and onto himself, tearing the heck out of his right shoulder in the process. Just for him we were writing a little ditty called "The Dumbshit Blues" but never finished it, as he threatened us with extreme bodily harm.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 10:06 PM

MOM is starting to chuckle.

I'ffn I was good at rhyming stuff I would turn a true life adventure regarding a folboat, and F250, mangrove mud flats, and what happens when you park said F250, overloaded with gear and craftshow stuff, on mangrove flats, while you mount a sail on said folboat and mess around for 6 hours in Sugarloaf Sound, into somethin' at least as thrilling as "the Wreck of Old 97."














Except, in our case, nobody died.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 09:40 PM

She's a 99 Ford working truck
A guys 250, a real pick-up

Was special ordered, XLT Lariat
It's clean, one owner, good as it gets

Has five good tires, turned 80000 miles,
Diesel, 4wd , on road for all the while

Its auto, loaded, with driving lights,
A 7.3 turbo that drives real tight

Leather inside to please the Mrs.
Has air, all power, and receiver hitches

Been well maintained, have all the papers
Ready to pull whatever you make her

More of a truck than most folks have
Bed liner, Crew Cab with ABS

Got a snow plow to throw i n with her
Come on over make me an offer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 09:14 PM

Ya gotta stretch or cli[p the sllables and imagine a lot R&B band backing you up:



Hey sweet Momma, put your paddle in with me
I got the sweetest little kayak boat that you ever did see,
If the weather's wet, never mind, just wait and see
We can run through the woods in my four-wheel ATV!

I got a F250 truck with four wheel drive
A fifth wheel trailer RV
I got two dirt bikes for running side-by-side
And a great big double-barreled high-lifter dirt-moving dooly-wheeled SUV!


When the evening comes come and cuddle up, honey,
I got a wide-screen flat TV!
You can whip up margaritas in my Cuisinart
And ride the LAZBoy while we watch in full HD!

I got a F250 truck with four wheel drive
A fifth wheel trailer RV
I got two dirt bikes for running side-by-side
And a great big double-barreled high-lifter dirt-moving dooly-wheeled SUV!


I got a ride-'em mower with a blower attached
If you want to get up and do the yard.
And for all these toys, girl, you don't want to ask,
I put them all on my credit card!

I got a F250 truck with four wheel drive
A fifth wheel trailer, you bet
I got two dirt bikes for running side-by-side
And a great big double-barreled high-percentage soul-sucking, life-draining mountain of debt!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 08:30 PM

MOM is bored and asked me to tell you she requires a sonnet or song - plagarized or no.

Something that mentions an F250 4wd would put her in quite a jolly mood.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 06:07 PM

Magnets, and more magnets:
http://www.dansdata.com/magnets.htm


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 05:57 PM

A useful magnet for the canoe?

http://www.zazzle.ca/i_hear_banjos_magnet-147869521209455766


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 05:52 PM

Helping Teddy avoid those night time mistakes:

http://www.inmagine.com/is_single0109/is098q6nj-photo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 03:49 PM

I dunno--ask the woman who owns one. Probably like Martians, is my guess.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 03:43 PM

Musicians? Are they like Martians or Mushrooms or something?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 02:56 PM

You may recall some time ago I wrote a sad ballad about how a certain miscreant was visited by a couple of tough-looking Enforcers for certain crimes of misappropriation of couplets, quatrains, and the odd haiku without giving due credit; the ballad told the story of this miscreant's sad disappearance.

It may interest you to know this actually happened. This is what happened when he answered the door.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 12:41 PM

I understood that when she went out of town her sister misted her Mister and her Mister missed her not at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 12:24 PM

I want to know about them magnetic ferrets Ed was posting about. Can you stack them up like the little play magnets they used to sell in joke stores?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 11:57 AM

Gluon, go pee on Amos's front tile floor, please. Let's see later if he missed it when he came in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 10:41 AM

SHe used to spray Mister with a little spray-bottle in hot weather, so as to cool him down. When she'd go away for trips on weekends, Mister missed her mister.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 11:03 PM

I have a great new friend, who I have decided to name Mister. The biggest, softest, laid-back teddy bear I have ever laid eyes on, or arms around. A gift from a dear elderly person who has long collected teddy bears, and is starting to whittle down her collection.

Come on, Mister, time to go night-night.




Stay away from Mister, Gluon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 08:42 PM

Maybe this is i,portant to the number?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27240370/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 07:50 PM

Guess what?

31700!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 06:50 PM

Hmmm...I wonder if a magnetized fish hook would work....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 06:24 PM

Isn't nature wonderful?

From Journal of Applied Ichthyology....

The effects of magnetic fields generated by ferritic magnets and mounted in entrances to fyke nets were studied in 1999?2002. With respect to all fish species trapped (perch, pike, roach, rudd, bleak, bream, ruffe) except eel, the catch potential of magnet-rigged fyke nets was found to be significantly higher (almost 50% on average) when compared with controls. Differences in magnet placement (N or S poles inside the traps) proved to have no significant importance on the number of fish that chose to enter the fyke nets. (Effects of magnetic fields on fyke net performance K. Formicki, A. Tański, M. Sadowski and A. Winnicki, Department of Fish Anatomy and Embryology, Agricultural University of Szczecin, Szczecin, Poland)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 06:17 PM

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken." Chuck Palahniuk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 09:51 AM

MOM, I need a time expander of some kind. There's too much to do in the time available to do it. Can Gluon come help around the house today? Thanks!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 09:33 AM

I put myself to sleep with a Dresden Plate. And stepping on the broken crockery wakes you right up in the morning, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 11:42 PM

I'm gonna go read myself to sleep with the 4th in the Dresden Files series.

Take that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 08:01 PM

Hey MOM!!! Buncha new clips over on the Getaway 2009 thread. Berry berry nice stuff.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 08:00 PM

But grammatically inaccurate--I expressed incredulity, not incredibility. I do happen to also be incredible, but that is neither here nor there except when I put it so.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 05:48 PM

Cute, Rap. Cute!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 04:57 PM

That is because you do not have Understanding, and hence are incredible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 03:05 PM

A loverly sentiment, ye Manne of Gunnes, Swordes, and Bookes. But somehow I find it less than perfectly credible.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 02:03 PM

We who Understand know the Understanding that is The All.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 01:51 PM

Such ribald divinity! How can you seek Permanent Transcendent Joy if you keep churning over such trash in your midden of a mind?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 01:27 PM

The priest in a small Spanish village loved the rooster and the ten
hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.

One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and
discovered that the rooster was missing.

He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his
parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has
anybody got a cock?'

All the men stood up..

"No, no,' he said, that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?'

All the women stood up.

'No, no, he said, that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock
that doesn't belong to them?'

Half the women stood up.

'No, no, he said, that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen *MY* cock?'

Sixteen altar boys, two other priests and five sheep stood up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 08:26 AM

Pretty scarey They there, thou.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Oct 09 - 10:52 PM

Gracious, Amos. Now They will come for you because of the word you uttered would destroy the Chaos upon which They thrive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 09 - 10:45 PM

A timetable would probably solve the issue...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Janie
Date: 11 Oct 09 - 10:27 PM

Oh Dear. How could I have been so careless as to have forgotten about the "Theys."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Oct 09 - 10:16 PM

You are not permitted to record that. If you were to do so, remember that They know Things that would cause you to regret your actions. There is no escape from Them. I would advise you not to make the recording.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 11 Oct 09 - 09:55 PM

How come a train comes rumbling and whistling through anytime I start recording on Garage Band?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Oct 09 - 08:39 PM

Yeah, that's my favorite one too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Oct 09 - 07:08 PM

That one photo with the dog airborn as he races down the track conveys the pleasure all healthy dogs have in their pure dogdom and happiness at racing around, don't you think? It's like that hyper state they get in when they're so gloriously happy moments before dinnertime. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Oct 09 - 02:43 PM

Wonderful!!!!!! Thanks for that, Stilly. There are few sights more heartwarming and simply glorious than seeing a bunch of Dachshunds running flat out down a racetrack! They love the excitement and the competition, not to mention the celebrations and refreshments at the end. The fact that a Dachshund named Otto von Schnitzel took the top prize makes it absolutely perfect. I have never heard of a more ideal name for a Dachshund than Otto von Schnitzel. Wunderbar!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 09 - 02:28 PM

Wow--What an Incarnation of the Absurd. Genet would have gone frothing mad to have been there...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Oct 09 - 12:39 PM

I know Little Hawk has a dachshund thread going out there somewhere but I can't find it. This is for you and anyone else who wants to see simultaneously short and long dogs in what is humorously called a "race." :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Oct 09 - 11:38 AM

Does the Bible talk about that Highway 666 out in Navajo country? Does that mean the NDNs are the lost tribe? You've proved that fairy story is true? Wow!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 11 Oct 09 - 11:35 AM

Stilly, you gotta read yer bible more - that post ended in 666.

Strippin' paint pro;bly would be an excellent use - although those North Carolina 'shiners got a long history of producing some seriously good white liquor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Oct 09 - 11:20 AM

Now, a thump keg could get you a second run right from the first -- two runs together, you might say. Thump kegs came about during the Great American Experiment and they ain't traditional but it you want to use one well, just make sure it's using pure copper and it's brazed. Won't run the proofage up to 180, though.

But again, this is all theory and you should try this at home because your mileage may vary with a professional driver.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Oct 09 - 11:51 PM

Janie, I was going to use it to take the paint off of a few metal things around here that need to be stripped and then repainted. You think I'd try drinking this?


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