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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 10 Jul 09 - 09:25 PM
Amos 10 Jul 09 - 08:14 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 09 - 08:00 PM
Amos 10 Jul 09 - 07:40 PM
Little Hawk 10 Jul 09 - 06:25 PM
Acme 10 Jul 09 - 05:27 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 09 - 12:43 PM
Amos 10 Jul 09 - 11:36 AM
Rapparee 10 Jul 09 - 08:46 AM
MMario 10 Jul 09 - 08:38 AM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 11:40 PM
Janie 09 Jul 09 - 11:30 PM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 09:34 PM
Donuel 09 Jul 09 - 08:39 PM
Little Hawk 09 Jul 09 - 05:45 PM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 04:47 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 09 - 04:09 PM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 02:31 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 09 - 01:41 PM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 12:40 PM
MMario 09 Jul 09 - 11:13 AM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 11:11 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Jul 09 - 11:08 AM
Acme 09 Jul 09 - 10:56 AM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 10:54 AM
Little Hawk 09 Jul 09 - 10:31 AM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 10:14 AM
Rapparee 09 Jul 09 - 09:27 AM
MMario 09 Jul 09 - 09:02 AM
Little Hawk 09 Jul 09 - 01:44 AM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 01:33 AM
Acme 08 Jul 09 - 11:59 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jul 09 - 11:57 PM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 11:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Jul 09 - 11:08 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 09 - 10:34 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jul 09 - 10:27 PM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 10:15 PM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 10:11 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Jul 09 - 10:05 PM
Acme 08 Jul 09 - 09:58 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 09 - 09:55 PM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 09:51 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 09 - 07:44 PM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 03:46 PM
MMario 08 Jul 09 - 02:48 PM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 02:45 PM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 02:39 PM
MMario 08 Jul 09 - 10:19 AM
Rapparee 08 Jul 09 - 09:05 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 09:25 PM

Simply put, I am The All, and All is contained in Me and I in The All.

If you See, you will Know. And once you Know you will never need to See. For Knowing and Seeing are One, and Not Knowing and Not Seeing are contained in them. When you Understand, you will Know, and then you will not need to See and you will not need to Know. You will then put yourself in My Hands and I will Guide you, for I am The All.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 08:14 PM

It was clear as mud
But it covers de ground
De long words all
Make my head go 'round
It sounds like bull like a frien' of mine,
Like to sign as Albert Einstein!!

It says to Mother Piaba!
ANd BS Piaba!
And the res t of the bull it is lemon grass!!
And the brandy root, belly root Mother root HUH!!!
And de brandy brandy scratch scratch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 08:00 PM

Amos, YOU thought ME up. That gave me Existence. Now you have to put up with your creation just as Victor Frankenstein did so long ago. You see, I am the Creator. You thought me up, but I gave you existence. The art contains the artist and vice-versa, and the art gives existence to the artist just as the artist gives existence to the art. So you see, Shame is LH just as LH is Shame,and just as Shame is you and you are LH. You are all part of each other, except that I am no longer involved as I am now your Creator.

All should now be clear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 07:40 PM

Guys like that talk alike no matter whether they are from civilization (like Rapaire) or elsewhere (like Shane).   (Shane does not actually come from Canada. He was born in some barbaric backwater in the hinterlands of Little Hawks overgrown imagination).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 06:25 PM

Rapaire - "I only hung around with chicks who were real knockouts, Amos."

Sort of like Shane, eh, Rapaire? At least that's what he tells me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 05:27 PM

I took a few days off, and Janie, I slept late this morning--how nice (and how rare!)

Over 100 today and for a while longer. I'm tempted to put the nozzle on my garden hose and water down the construction workers who are doing the sewer and water line work in our street. Except that it might make their gloves sticky or their boots uncomfortable, it would probably feel good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 12:43 PM

I only hung around with chicks who were real knockouts, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 11:36 AM

Them young ladies didn't believe you??? Gee... smart class of chicks, man!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 08:46 AM

Go visit the Chesapeake Maritime Museum. As I used to say to the young ladies during my college days, "Trust me, trust me...." (They always walked away rearranging their clothing, I think. I was usually knocked cold by then.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 08:38 AM

If you rent a sunfish, remember they can't breathe out of water....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 11:40 PM

Sleep late and kayak!! A dream from on high!!!

Enjoy the hell out of it.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 11:30 PM

Hi MOM, bet you have missed me bunches and bunches. Gonna have to keep missing me a bit longer. I'm off at quiting time tomorrow for a week to Sister Annie's on the Eastern Shore of Maryland with SumYungSun. We plan doing anything that is fun and free really, really cheap. The weather gods look like they are going to smile on us, with highs in the mid to upper eighties, so hope to kayak, bicycle, go crabbing and/or fishing in the Bay, maybe rent a sunfish to play around with, play in the surf, ride go-carts, and see a good movie or two.

Especially, hope to sleep late.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:34 PM

Well, that is really nice, Donuel.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 08:39 PM

and now for something completely different

This ol' fiddle


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 05:45 PM

Note, ladies and gentlemen, that the great thread on why pickles don't (or can't?) fly is flying again...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 04:47 PM

Rapaire, who has spent too long among words, has a headful of such deninitions. It leaves him in a state of perpetual deninial.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 04:09 PM

Remember the deninition:

Avant-garde = bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 02:31 PM

Incandescent ones, anyway. The metaphor is, um, compelling, from a certain perspective.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 01:41 PM

They come from gas-fired pickles?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 12:40 PM

BubDubEll:

That is purely grass-roots original folk art at its finest. I declare, it should be in the New Yorker or one of them cosmopolitan rags, so as to give them nouveau riche buggers a remindment of where-all they come from.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 11:13 AM

If I had my druthers
I'd ruther have my druthers
then do any work at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 11:11 AM

The pickle comes in a plastic bag,
The gent comes in a condom.
The bookster sees his muscles sag,
And dreams of amor quondam.

Of once-won hearts, and passions past,
And times that were romantic.
While the Hawkster dreams up new cartoons
To fill his dances frantic.

The Bubster B he turns his pots,
And sells them if he can, oh.
And Janietta strums the lute,
And dreams it's a piano.

Ole Stilly, though, she plants her feet,
She's no romantic yuppie.
She plants her plants, and pickles buys,
And feeds her hungry puppy.

And so each of us does his time,
Pursuing what he'd druther,
And coming by, once in a while,
To pay respects to Mother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 11:08 AM

Oh, the individually packaged pickles. Yes, I've seen 'em, but since I no longer smoke Marijuana I don't get the munchies badly enough to spend that sort of money for a single pickle. They're not exactly front and center in my pickle consciousness.

However, since giving new life to one's old poetry (sic) seems to be a popular mode of expression of late, here's a blast from the past:

How to Make a Pickle Fly

I've never seen a pickle fly.
Sometimes I sit and wonder why.
Is it simply for lack of wings?
No, there are lots of other things
that hurtle through the air with ease,
like rockets, baseballs and bee-bees,
that have no wings to them affixed.
How do they do it? What's their trick?

Simple. They're through the air propelled
by forces that come from elsewhere.
A gun, a bat, a rocket engine
supply the energies that send 'em
on their journeys through the air.
Well, dang, that gives me an idear!

Just take a pickle from a jar,
remove your pants and underwear.
Then shove that pickle up your ass
and leave it while sufficient gas
pressure builds up to send it flyin'
across the room! There's no denyin'
that fart-powered pickles can fly!
Just drop yer drawers... Give it a try!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 10:56 AM

Rap, I'm firmly in the present and I knew what you were talking about. But I'd never buy a pickle already in a plastic bag. I might buy one out of a barrel and place it in one to carry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 10:54 AM

A stitch in time, Little Hawk, will keep you from the seamy side of life. Or sew it seams.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 10:31 AM

Ewe didn't spill that properlea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 10:14 AM

All is not as it seams, Rapaire. Sew there.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:27 AM

There are those amongst us, MM, who have never experienced the seamier sides of life. I'm must trying to prevent injury to them from an exploding electrocuted pickle and the only person who knows what I'm talking about lives in the 17th Century. Oh, my.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:02 AM

You don't have the individual packed pickles in the pickle condoms in your area?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 01:44 AM

I'm not sure I want to....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 01:33 AM

I think you will find otherwise, if you investigate, LH.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 11:59 PM

And bread comes out of my oven and lives in a bread box. None of this plastic bag stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 11:57 PM

Some people come in plastic bags?

Not around here they don't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 11:13 PM

Well, so do some people. So?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 11:08 PM

Okay, I'll bite. Why would the pickle you wish to electrocute be in a plastic bag in the first place? I thought pickles came in jars. Bread comes in plastic bags.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 10:34 PM

If you decide to electrocute a pickle, if it's inside a plastic bag it's best to remove it first.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 10:27 PM

Ha! Cute song.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 10:15 PM

The First Incandescent Pickle Song and a charming rendition of same by Bert.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 10:11 PM

The Second Incandescent Pickle Song. This completes a very long circle...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 10:05 PM

I grow Armenian cucumbers. They're never bitter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 09:58 PM

Do you read by their light?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 09:55 PM

I electrocute pickles!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 09:51 PM

That is probably why it usually ends up being like black magic.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 07:44 PM

I just soak bitter cucumbers in an acidic brine solution until they turn to mush and then recycle the whole mess. But I do it widdershins.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 03:46 PM

That's just brilliant, Man of Emms!! I never knew there was a cure for bitter cucumbers!!

Now if I applied that to --say, for example--PDQ, would he becomes likewise disembittered?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 02:48 PM

Have you tried cutting the end off and then rubbing it widdershins against the cut edge? It's suppossed to cure bitter cucumbers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 02:45 PM

A moment of histrorical recapitulation:

"Post - Top - Forum Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell - PM
Date: 03 Jun 04 - 05:57 PM

The MOAB has gone continental! So tell us, polaitaly, have you performed the sacred duty to be undertaken by all novice MOABites? In other words, have you read this piece of crap thread from beginning to end?

Here's a short quiz:

1) Whose bright idea was this piece of crap anyway?
2) With what common construction site appliance is CarolC often associated? (No! It's not an accordion!)
3) Why are Amos' posts so often indecipherable?
4) Why are Tweed's posts always indecipherable?
5) Explain the correlation between Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, The Holographic Theory of Learning, The MOAB, and Waffle House's recipe for grits. "

"1. King khandu's
2. Outhouses
3. Because he knows too much fer his own good.
4. Because he don't know enough nohow.
5. The MOAB comprises the maximal concentration of postulated uncertainties within a singular locus of space-time theoretically possible, because of the density of knowable wavicles it provides within minimum distance as described in the Holographic Theory of Learning. This includes all possible knowledge including the design of accordions designed to look like outhouses and vice-versa. But, mysteriously, it excludes the Waffle House recipe for grits because no-one has ever been able to understand it.

A"


It amazes me we put these mysteries to bed so long ago, and yet they perpetually renew themselves. My theory about the perennial renewal of safe ignorance as a necessary component in evolution seems to bear a bitter fruit...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 02:39 PM

I am sure if those signs went down poor Hank would have been scared witless, nor would have dallied he in chasse.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 10:19 AM

Jerome does get a little confused, doesn't he? I doubt there will be many animals left after the 15 cubits over the mountains flood; and then there is the earthquake that "does for" all animals - yet a couple days later Jerome has them gathering in the fields roaring.

Likewise, all stones and rocks will crack, but houses and bullding remain intact to be destroyed later? And somehow people survive to "leave their abodes" (which are now piles of dust anyway - so they really don't have any abodes to leave)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 09:05 AM

Well, neither was Henry VIII. Or Charlemagne. Or Hitler. Or Genghis Khan. Or Attila the Hun. Or George W. Bush. Or Oliver Cromwell. Or Caligula. Or Jeffrey Dahmer. Or Ronald Reagan. Or Savanarola. Or Alexander VI. Or John XXII. Or Richard Nixon. Or Idi Amin.


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