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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 28 Jan 09 - 01:04 AM
Amos 28 Jan 09 - 01:15 AM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 09 - 01:18 AM
Amos 28 Jan 09 - 02:57 AM
Rapparee 28 Jan 09 - 07:30 AM
GUEST,Feral Cheryl 28 Jan 09 - 07:47 AM
Rapparee 28 Jan 09 - 08:35 AM
Amos 28 Jan 09 - 02:29 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 09 - 03:45 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 09 - 03:55 PM
Acme 28 Jan 09 - 06:41 PM
Amos 28 Jan 09 - 06:42 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 09 - 06:57 PM
Acme 29 Jan 09 - 12:28 AM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 08:52 AM
freda underhill 29 Jan 09 - 08:56 AM
MMario 29 Jan 09 - 09:21 AM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 12:21 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 01:09 PM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 02:00 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jan 09 - 02:23 PM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 02:34 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 03:20 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 03:22 PM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 03:25 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jan 09 - 03:45 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 04:02 PM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 06:38 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 06:54 PM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 07:35 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 08:51 PM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 09:08 PM
Acme 29 Jan 09 - 10:01 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 10:04 PM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 10:09 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 09 - 09:18 AM
Amos 30 Jan 09 - 09:24 AM
Rapparee 30 Jan 09 - 09:29 AM
Amos 30 Jan 09 - 10:52 AM
Acme 30 Jan 09 - 11:14 AM
Rapparee 30 Jan 09 - 12:40 PM
Amos 30 Jan 09 - 01:01 PM
Rustic Rebel 30 Jan 09 - 01:36 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jan 09 - 01:41 PM
MMario 30 Jan 09 - 01:50 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jan 09 - 01:55 PM
Acme 30 Jan 09 - 01:57 PM
Amos 30 Jan 09 - 02:14 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 09 - 06:02 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jan 09 - 09:14 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 01:04 AM

I guess you'll be on the beach for a while. At least you have the i-phone to keep you occupied, if you can't play with your kayak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 01:15 AM

Mwahahahaha!! The notion that Shane lives on, while I, who see clearly now, do not, is indicative only of the wide angle of perversion that defines the landscape of your twisted mind, sir Hawke!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 01:18 AM

Thank you, thank you...(bowing deeply)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 02:57 AM

Stilly, I am sure there is an off color limerick in there somewhere but I am too tired to write it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 07:30 AM

Amos isn't dead, fergawdsake! He just no longer exists. His nonexistence is due to his clear seeing. Once he saw clearly he moved on to the Next Astral Plane, corporeal body and all.

I don't expect it to last.

Shame, on the other hand, drowned in an old cesspool. You'll remember his last words were "Mmm, Mmmm, GOOD!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Feral Cheryl
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 07:47 AM

I can see clearly now that Shane has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the long drinks that had him blind
It's going to be a bright, bright sans Shaney day

I think I can make it now that Shane has gone
And all of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright, bright sans Shaney day..

(hey, where's he gone to... is he okay?)

f.c.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 08:35 AM

f.c., from what I've learned Shame was quite drunk one night and stumbling home to his brother Don's place. Shame slipped on a Tim Horton's jelly doughnut and slid into an old, unused cesspool. Too drunk to climb out, he went down twice and on the third time he came up he muttered his last words, "Mmmm, Mmmm, GOOD!", smacked his lips, and sank, going to the Land From Which There Is No Return.

The next morning, Don found that he still had all of his beer and realized that his brother hadn't come home. Naturally he called the cops, but since no one was in any hurry to find Shame it was a couple of days before they followed the trail of empties and footprints in the snow and reconstructed what had happened. And while there was talk about just covering over the old cesspool, they did eventually drag it, found Shame's body, and gave it a proper burial.

The autopsy showed that he'd died from overeating.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 02:29 PM

(From another thread)

This morning I have received a new lease on an important part of my life--my right eye. It had gradually been losing vision due to accumulated protein deposits on the lens, a condition commonly called cataracts for some reason. Yesterday, in an amazingly brief operation, the clouded lens was removed and a synthetic inserted in its place. I love straightforward, workable medical technology, in competent compassionate hands. My surgeon is a wizard at what he does. The world is insanely rich with colors and flooded with light!! It is most beautiful, even though it will take a few days to stabilize the focus. I can read things and see details with this dear old eyeball I never could before. I was woozy as hell, mostly from unaccustomed exposure to Valium, yesterday, and slept a lot. Today, things are brighter and more colorful looking than they have been for years and years.

It brings home to me how dependent we get on eyeballs. While I would prefer not to be dependent on mine, I must say that I can understand the addiction. Colors and the movement of light are really beautiful.






A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 03:45 PM

Mom knows about it, Amos. She was asking me just a few minutes ago, "How's that brat Amos doing?" and I replied, "About as well as can be expected." She sighed and said, "I told him not to fool around with those bar girls, but that boy is so bullheaded he catch his death outside if I told him to come in out of the rain."

But I too have cataracts and will in a few years have to have something done.

Thank you for going on ahead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 03:55 PM

I could have said something about the blind leading the blind, but you'll note that I exercised restraint and didn't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 06:41 PM

Until just now, that is.

Why is no one learning from the fine, upstanding example of MOAB? We set such a good example. What is it with these folks starting daily threads to do with the same topic? Do we really need to know what this particular morning was like, with a date, so a new one is then started tomorrow? Or to write a new caption for a cutesy silly photo, every time a new thread title? Don't they understand that compounding the contributions in one place contributes to the interest?

Okay. Rant over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 06:42 PM

One of the things I have always admired about you, Rapaire, is the many things you have not said. I'd like to see more of ot.

You will be surprised and delighted at the sheer volume of light the new lens admits, even before you get full focus back. The optical ability of the multifocus lens is such that it even compensates for some corneal deformation, as well as totally clearing the lightpath itself. It is wondrous, and that after only one day.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 06:57 PM

Wow! That is really great, Amos. I didn't know it could even be done until you posted about it.

Stilly - They are hopeless philistines. Their condition is pitiable. They have no reason for being. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 12:28 AM

Amos, did you get one of those lenses with little hinges or some such apparatus that allows focal changes? The expensive replacements? I have a co-worker who got those and loves them. Only thing she said makes a difference is that she needs to be sure she has her sunglasses, because sometimes it is overly bright now.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 08:52 AM

That, Amos, is because I don't wish to burden others with my (very, very few) weaknesses or cause them amazement and lead them into the sin of envy due to my intelligence, good looks, wit, charm, physical conditioning, wisdom, and general studliness. So I will continue to in my way of a quiet and shy fellow from the Great American Middle West.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 08:56 AM

Rapaire, I concur. You dazzle with your erudition, humility and insight.

f.u.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 09:21 AM

yes - Rapaire burns with the glare of a magnesium flare


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 12:21 PM

Well, erudition--with a little help from the work environment--certainly. I have yet to see humility raise its charming powers in Rapaire's case, but perhaps I have just not been paying attention properly.

In lens implants the default value is a monofocal lens, covered by most insurance. A multifocal lens with engineered planes to provide multiple focal distances, is considerably more expensive, but makes a big difference. That's what I got. I figured there are few things more worth spending dough on than the vital art of just seeing.

Here in San Diego, the difference was $1850 above insurance. Worth every penny already. The world is bright and light and full of beauty that I had lost connection with because the shadows of my old lens made my very sight seem jaded and somehow cynical. Odd, that.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 01:09 PM

Wear yer shades the next time we meet, cuz otherwise you'll be blinded by me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 02:00 PM

Wow--a self-referential oxymoron!! That librarian training is really something.

(I mean that your assertion of great brightness was not very.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 02:23 PM

Ah, but if you knew just how GREAT Rapaire is, Amos... (the Angel chorus bursts out in rapturous ovation)...THEN you would appreciate also the grandness of his humility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 02:34 PM

Hey--I've known Grande Humility. She was a friend of mine. And Rapaire is no Grande Humility.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 03:20 PM

Amos, I really don't like to discuss personal things, but when I was born there was a star in the East and an angelic choir in the heavens. Three Wise Men left me gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh; later on, while fishing with my friends, I used to walk out across the Mississippi to where the big ones lurked. Nobody will go deer hunting with me because if I touch a deer they shot it comes back to life. My mother always told me that I should avoid Roman soldiers, which was pretty easy to do in West Central Illinois and even easier here in Idaho. Walking up the mountains is a problem because ever time I stop to rest Elijah and Moses show up at my side, and the less said about my twelve groupies the better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 03:22 PM

Did I ever mention that I invented the Personal Portable Lightning Rod?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 03:25 PM

A large sepulcher, rich in marble and bronze, whose occupant, a Mister Leeds, wealthy tin merchant, has been transplanted, is for sale in New York, according to the Times.

"Mr. Leeds was a famous gourmand whose dish of choice was a Parisian egg-and-cream soup. He was a self-indulgent epicure who often ran the table at extravagant 10-course dinners and died ? suitably enough ? of a stroke at 46.

His second wife, upon his death, married the Prince of Greece and began to tour Europe, leaving their son to slip into the drinking life in the Caribbean. Despite being heir to a fortune estimated at $40 million, he took up with a cigarette girl, died a wastrel and was cremated, his ashes strewn at sea. "

The full story is here at the NY Times.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 03:45 PM

Christ! What an opportunity. I wonder if I can scrap together enough coin to buy it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 04:02 PM

Now, THIS is REALLY exciting and holds HUGE promise!!!

(And I'm not joking around -- Amos can explain, and if he can't I can.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 06:38 PM

Oh...I thought you were getting excited by the sepulcher in a return to your youthful days as a tomb-maker. Anyway, I'll believe in the Super X when I see it in operation.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 06:54 PM

Walmart had Super-X on sale for $12 per 500 rounds. I thought I go out after work and get some.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 07:35 PM

Wow--at that price even condoms that are several sizes too large are worth it!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 08:51 PM

I didn't, though. I went home and had supper like a good child of Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 09:08 PM

Smart decision. If Mom found you had 500 condoms in your drawer she would tar the daylights outta you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 10:01 PM

Just don't get that nuclear fusion-fision close to Amos's eyepiece or that'll fry his eye ball back wall for sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 10:04 PM

I wonder.

Amos, look sort of north-northeast. Do you see that bright glow off in the distance?

That's my brilliance: before your operation you just couldn't see it. Now you can bask in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 10:09 PM

I'd rather bask in the shitstorm that is heading your way, 'cuz someone just slipped Mom a cell-phone picture of your sock drawer with the condoms stacked up in it....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 09:18 AM

As Mom knows full well (because being a good boy I told her) the "Super-X rounds" to which I referred are actually .22 caliber long rifle cartridges and I can buy three boxes of 500 each with the gift card my staff gave me as a Christmas gift expressly "to buy ammunition" with. They also gave me a silk tie with "cowboy guns" on it.

So I'm glad that I'm not a girl on a date with Amos, who doesn't know a condom from a cartridge!

Amos, a condom is a rubbery sort of thing and a generally comes in two pieces stuck together and it can go "BANG!" and looks kinda like this:
____ _
|____|_> only it's round and and in three dimensions.

If you found a cartridge you'd better take it to Mom or me or someone who knows about such things because you're too young. Also a condom, but not if it's all icky and not in the package.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 09:24 AM

Nice try, Condom-Boy!!! But a denial spoke late is a confession, as me auld ma useter say.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 09:29 AM

Well, yes. You're right. I'm going to buy 500 condoms and I plan to use them all in a single weekend of lechery and lust. Don't worry, I'm up to it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 10:52 AM

I know you feel up to it now, CB, but in this case, well begun is not really half-done, nohow. Pace yourself, old fellow. 'T is nobler to have tried to love, and failed, than never to have tried to love at all.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 11:14 AM

If there is more than one piece to a condom then it's broken, Rapaire. Weren't you cautioned to be careful with those things?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 12:40 PM

I tie 'em together and make slingshots.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 01:01 PM

Let me add, good sir, that you are most unlikely to ever be a girl on a date with Amos even if you suffer the necessary awkward transitions to pass the physical.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 01:36 PM

(\__/)
(="."=)
(__.__)
c((")("))

I can make a funky rabbit. I can't make a condem though, which is what you should use unless you want the rabbit to die.......


(\__/)
(=-.-=)
(__^______))


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 01:41 PM

Why don't they make condoms to fit Sperm Whales?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 01:50 PM

Because if you enclosed the whole sperm they'd suffacate! And if the condom only covered the penis then most of the sperm would be outside it.

silly LH.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 01:55 PM

There's something wrong with you, isn't there? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 01:57 PM

So, er, uh,

oh, never mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 02:14 PM

The orignal link to the Internal Combustion Rhythm Section was only good for a day.   So here is a link to the archive file which shows that even a straight-head six can sing "I Got Rhythm".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 06:02 PM

The annual statiscal report is done, AMEN! brethren and sistern!

Say AMEN!

Aw, come on...say just one little "Amen."

Please?

MOM! They won't say "AMEN!!"

Ground them until they're 286, okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 09:14 PM

Hallelujah.


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