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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Feral Cheryl 24 Jan 09 - 05:46 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 09 - 04:43 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 09 - 04:31 PM
Amos 24 Jan 09 - 03:12 PM
Amos 24 Jan 09 - 03:01 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jan 09 - 02:05 PM
Amos 24 Jan 09 - 01:48 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 24 Jan 09 - 01:37 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jan 09 - 12:54 PM
Amos 24 Jan 09 - 12:29 PM
Acme 24 Jan 09 - 11:42 AM
Acme 24 Jan 09 - 11:41 AM
Acme 24 Jan 09 - 11:13 AM
Rapparee 24 Jan 09 - 10:20 AM
Little Hawk 23 Jan 09 - 10:38 PM
Acme 23 Jan 09 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 09 - 05:27 PM
Acme 23 Jan 09 - 05:04 PM
Amos 23 Jan 09 - 04:47 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jan 09 - 04:40 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 09 - 04:34 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jan 09 - 04:16 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 09 - 03:48 PM
Amos 23 Jan 09 - 02:34 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jan 09 - 01:40 PM
MMario 23 Jan 09 - 01:38 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 09 - 01:16 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 09 - 09:32 AM
Acme 23 Jan 09 - 12:26 AM
Little Hawk 23 Jan 09 - 12:08 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Jan 09 - 11:54 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 09 - 11:54 PM
Amos 22 Jan 09 - 11:49 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Jan 09 - 11:47 PM
Little Hawk 22 Jan 09 - 11:35 PM
Janie 22 Jan 09 - 10:35 PM
Amos 22 Jan 09 - 10:17 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 09 - 09:36 PM
Little Hawk 22 Jan 09 - 09:15 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 09 - 09:13 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 09 - 09:07 PM
Amos 22 Jan 09 - 08:04 PM
Amos 22 Jan 09 - 07:48 PM
Acme 22 Jan 09 - 07:17 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 09 - 05:00 PM
Amos 22 Jan 09 - 04:36 PM
Acme 22 Jan 09 - 04:28 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 09 - 03:29 PM
Little Hawk 22 Jan 09 - 03:11 PM
Amos 22 Jan 09 - 03:02 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Feral Cheryl
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 05:46 PM

My Shane ain't no wimp. I'll be there too and I'll GET you Ray-pear. You lay one hand on my Shane and I'll dee-stroy you. may even de-fenestre you. Maybe (sob) Shane will then finally acknowledge my deep love for him.

f.c.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 04:43 PM

Oh, yeah.

Shame of the McBrides:

We'll compromise. I'll meet you in Moose Jaw or Saskatoon (your choice) for the Big Finale.

Of course, if you're a scared, whimpering, panty-wearing, Budweiser-drinking, Sponge Bob of a little mama's boy, hiding behind mama's skirts....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 04:31 PM

We ALREADY send to cops in. Why should we go? It's their job.

1. Young man never returned US $1,200 worth of stuff. We sent the cops; turned out he was "mentally challenged" and his mother (whom he never told about the books), the cop, and I worked out a deal.

2. Woman had over $800 worth out. Repeated efforts got no response, even to the "return receipt" certified letter even though the receipt was returned. We got the stuff back and she spent a night in jail -- seems like she skipped her appointment with her probation officer as well.

3. Young man returned a bunch of stuff he found in an apartment he'd just rented, saving another guy from having a warrant sworn out against him for Grand Theft (>$1,200).

I take this "public trust" stuff seriously. You're warned when you sign for a card, you get all sorts of warnings, you ignore them at your peril.

Rapaire

"Serving The Public Trust Since May 5, 2003 (no tellin' what he did before that)"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 03:12 PM

Little Hawk:

I know that is the way it seems, but you of all people should know that the people you despise enter your life through your own fevered creative embrace of them.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 03:01 PM

Filed at 2:41 p.m. ET

INDEPENDENCE, Iowa (AP) -- An Iowa woman has been arrested because she failed to return a library book.

"Thirty-nine-year-old Shelly Koontz was arrested Thursday night on a fifth-degree theft charge. She is accused of keeping ''The Freedom Writers Diary,'' which she checked out from the public library in nearby Jesup in April.

Police say the book -- which is about a high school teacher's effort to inspire students to write -- is valued at $13.95.

Court records show library employees tried repeatedly to contact Koontz by phone and mail. A police officer even visited her home last September.

Officials at the Buchanan County jail say Koontz was released after posting $250 bond. No telephone listing for Koontz could be found in the Independence area."



I can see it now, a few years down the road when Rapaire's trainees are running the show. The front door gets kicked in and a flash-bang goes off. Lithe, buff 20-somethings in protective body armor burst through waving TASERS and electronic "book detection devices" (BDDs).

"Librarian SWAT ream!! Nobody move!!!!"

"Don't Koontz me, man! Don't Koontz me!!!! Aieeeee!!!!"

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 02:05 PM

Heh! Yeah, that's one way of looking at it, Amos.

The other possibility is that I enjoy satirizing the lives of people I either despise...or am utterly unlike in various respects. The former would be fun to do, the latter would be a refreshing change.

It's probably a combination of all those possibilities that drives me, and you gotta figure out which one applies where.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 01:48 PM

Ya know, it is an amusing thought to hypothesize that the streams of prose coming out of Hawk's imaginary playmates are projections of buried aspirations and ambitions toward ways of being in the world that the author himself does not want to take ownership of, but which reflect his suppressed desires.

Thus, he fancies himself an overweight and overpaid actor sometimes, and at other times a scrawny, horny, beer-addicted ne'er-do-well; and he would love to roam the woodwork in the form of a large hamster, and swing from trees and shoot down bad guys and avoid his familial responsibilities like Chongo. All in all, it is no surprise he has sequestered himself in a small Canadian backwater. Why, if he was let loose on the world to actually realize his potential it would be catastrophic for Western civilization.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 01:37 PM

So Rapaire...you flip-faced bastard! You wanna half it out with me, eh? Okay, man, I will take you on, but not with guns, no way. Guns are fer loosers and cowerds. And I am not comin' to Poplatello. No flippin' way, eh? Why shoudl I? Why should I hafta go anywheres?

No way, baybe! I want you to come HERE. To BlinD River. And if you are not a flippin' cowerd I know you will, eh?

And here is how it will be. You will face the Blind River test of yer flippin' manhood against ME, the King of Blind River. You will hafta do these three tests of manhood:

1. Chug a entire 2-4 down of Export in under 10 minutes. First man to finish wins.

2. Wrassle a strag dog in the back alleyway behind the Iron Horse Tavern fer a piece of day-old pizza. If the dog scarfs down more of the pizza than you do, you loose. If you get bit, tough!

3. Flip the winner of the last Iron Horse Tavern Wet T-Shirt Contest...in the back of Don's Van...no matter what the wether is like at the time. (I am challengin' you in February, man! You know what that means, eh?)

Them girls are tough. If you ain't got what it takes they will rip yer mungoberries right off, throw 'em in yer face, and kick you outta town!

You have been flippin' warned.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 12:54 PM

I'll see your swan and raise you a Canada Goose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 12:29 PM

Whistle me up a palindrome
Whistle me back where I long to roam,
Flip my number, far from home,
In MOAB territoreee.....


Congratulations, Miss Maggie, on your stellar acquisition of such a fine reversible, two-tone, down-lined, Harris Tweed number!! Not a bad feat for a school ma'arm, I swan.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 11:42 AM

27272   


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 11:41 AM

She might even use the wonderful Clairol Herbal Essence hair care products!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 11:13 AM

I don't think he got cheap perfume and cheaper whiskey from this young woman. I think he'd come back smelling like fancy Starbuck's coffee and designer shampoo and conditioner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 10:20 AM

Is she the one Chongo kept in his "office" all the time? Or is she the reason he was always late to public functions, showing up all disheveled and smelling of cheap perfume and cheaper whiskey?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 10:38 PM

This girl is a big fan of Chongo's.

- !!! -

She was a worker on the recent APP campaign for the presidency.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 10:35 PM

What a dog!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 05:27 PM

Oh heavens! Not at all! But I fear that Gluon's daddy is in the local dog pound, doing hard time for doing hard time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 05:04 PM

So the big news, the photo of Gluon's parents, is already forgotten?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 04:47 PM

Rapaire has already killed Shane, using his mystic Sulanese Divorce technique. Now he's offering to do so again. This is getting really weird, man.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 04:40 PM

I will relay your message to "The Man".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 04:34 PM

You can talk to Shame if you really want to and if he's sober enough to hear anything -- I know that he really doesn't know his ear from his...mouth...and sometimes pours the beer in the wrong orifice. But if he really wants to meet, mano a mano, I'll be happy to oblige him. Next Monday, January 26, High Noon (MST), in front of the 100 block of North Union Pacific Avenue, Pocatello, Idaho.

Tell him to come heeled, because I'm looking forward to shooting him full of holes. And I plan to use silver bullets to kill this ghost deader'n Bear River Tom Smith.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 04:16 PM

Oh! NICE recovery. But we know better, man. We know you are hurting. Look, I could talk to Shane and try to get him to reconsider. Yes, I'll try, but I can't promise you anything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 03:48 PM

Hi, Mom. I'm back from lunch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 02:34 PM

Rapaire, Rapaire,
He has a flair
For snagging people's
Underwear
And deftly turning at the wrist
Imposing in those things, a twist.
His art is subtlem and the kicker
Is that its someone else's knickers!
SO let us say a gentle prayer
For the horrid soul of old Rapaire.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 01:40 PM

He's found out that Shane doesn't like him. Shane has written him off for good.

It was just too big a shock. Rapaire is going to end it all now that he knows that Shane has no further use for him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 01:38 PM

say WHAT?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 01:16 PM

Well, Mom, I thought maybe I'd snag 27272, but I guess instead that this is goodbye.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 09:32 AM

I'd think so, yes. Both. Or maybe neither. I guess it all depends. Why not simply ask Gluon?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 12:26 AM

The square or the duck?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 12:08 AM

That's sick. Why would you even bother?

(I find that the key is not to panic...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 11:54 PM

By the way, 27.5 seconds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 11:54 PM

You're sure that's not just a kangaroo wearing a collar?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 11:49 PM

Little Hawk's reward for his spectacular scores in chasing cyberzilch shall be a MOAB-paid trip to hande Duck and Dog, Senior, and straighten them out to avoid embarassment of the standard model.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 11:47 PM

Hi Mom.

Did you know that Gluon's parents are doing porn? CLICK!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 11:35 PM

11.218 seconds is my best so far. I can't really see why I would want to improve on that. What's the point? ;-) It's an exercise in futility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 10:35 PM

I haven't made it to the 1 second mark yet. (I did get a little above .7 seconds, once.) I share this here, among the sanctity and privacy of my family, knowing that strong family ties and loyality will ensure my shameful performance remains a secret from the rest of Mudcatdom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 10:17 PM

No sir; I am done with that frabjous distraction.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 09:36 PM

Amos, you're not going to let LH whump your ass, are you?

0.089 seconds this time!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 09:15 PM

I'll take your survival rate and raise it by 15 seconds!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 09:13 PM

By the way, I just survived for 0.1 seconds!

Maybe I don't play this the way others do....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 09:07 PM

C'mon, Amos. You can better that time. You know you can. Prove it. Do it for the Old Regiment/School/Home Town.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 08:04 PM

Ok, ok, ok!!! I Got 10 seconds. Do NOT ask me to do this any more!!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 07:48 PM

Sure sign of a wasted youth....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 07:17 PM

I've been up to about 14 seconds, with a few tries.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 05:00 PM

3.082 seconds was my best time, but then I'm old and creaky and use a fast trackball.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 04:36 PM

That is awful. I got up to 4.25 seconds and quit.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 04:28 PM

He's also stomping down on the lobbyists and the revolving door. Wasn't difficult to do, you just had to have the will. Dubya never did, never intended to.

Look what turned up on Max's remarks thread: a new game


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 03:29 PM

He went right to work, didn't he?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 03:11 PM

I realize "not in that sense". I'm just saying...

He took the oath of office again. Good idea, because Roberts flubbed the order of the words at the official ceremony. I noticed it on the video and thought it was pretty odd.

He has also made a statement that the Guantanamo prison will be closed in a time frame of not more than one year from now. Good move.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 03:02 PM

Not in that sense of the term, no.
\

A


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