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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 10 Jan 16 - 01:38 PM
Amos 10 Jan 16 - 12:41 AM
Rapparee 09 Jan 16 - 10:22 PM
gnu 09 Jan 16 - 04:04 PM
Acme 09 Jan 16 - 03:02 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 09 Jan 16 - 12:19 AM
Acme 08 Jan 16 - 11:47 PM
Rapparee 08 Jan 16 - 10:07 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 Jan 16 - 04:29 PM
gnu 08 Jan 16 - 02:36 PM
Rapparee 08 Jan 16 - 02:05 PM
gnu 08 Jan 16 - 12:11 PM
Rapparee 08 Jan 16 - 09:40 AM
gnu 08 Jan 16 - 06:14 AM
Rapparee 07 Jan 16 - 03:45 PM
gnu 07 Jan 16 - 03:05 PM
GUEST,Shane McBride, PhD, LLD, DD, DS, MD 07 Jan 16 - 01:42 PM
Rapparee 07 Jan 16 - 12:01 PM
Little Hawk 07 Jan 16 - 11:39 AM
gnu 07 Jan 16 - 09:16 AM
Amos 06 Jan 16 - 11:38 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jan 16 - 10:36 PM
Rapparee 06 Jan 16 - 10:06 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jan 16 - 08:29 PM
Rapparee 06 Jan 16 - 07:43 PM
gnu 06 Jan 16 - 05:02 PM
Rapparee 06 Jan 16 - 09:45 AM
gnu 06 Jan 16 - 04:37 AM
Rapparee 05 Jan 16 - 10:48 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 05 Jan 16 - 07:49 PM
Rapparee 05 Jan 16 - 05:25 PM
Donuel 05 Jan 16 - 05:20 PM
gnu 05 Jan 16 - 04:51 PM
Rapparee 05 Jan 16 - 09:03 AM
Amos 04 Jan 16 - 10:37 PM
Amos 04 Jan 16 - 10:37 PM
Rapparee 04 Jan 16 - 03:45 PM
gnu 04 Jan 16 - 02:55 PM
Rapparee 04 Jan 16 - 11:41 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 04 Jan 16 - 03:05 AM
Rapparee 04 Jan 16 - 12:38 AM
Amos 03 Jan 16 - 10:08 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 03 Jan 16 - 08:18 PM
Amos 02 Jan 16 - 11:34 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 16 - 10:27 PM
Amos 02 Jan 16 - 06:11 PM
gnu 02 Jan 16 - 12:25 PM
Amos 02 Jan 16 - 12:25 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 16 - 12:03 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 16 - 11:58 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 01:38 PM

I should warn all the sibs under Mom's gracious roof that I now have a banjo, and I am not afraid to use it; however, I do not play it very well yet. So be warned. If you start to hear banjo music, prepare to flee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 12:41 AM

I have been tangled up in other things--making music for example--so I have not chimed into this recounting of the scandalous history of Chongo and his poor abandoned sister Chinga.

Nor have I read the bra thread. But, as the gatekeeper for all things relating to the Temple of the Divine Curve, I will fulfill my duties and review it.

Fra Amos Gogently, Chief Interlocutor
Temple of the Divine Curve


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jan 16 - 10:22 PM

SHOT A CLEAN RUN!! No misses!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Jan 16 - 04:04 PM

I read the "bra" thread earlier and found it quite educational. Charmion's post was especially so. Of course, I welcome any and all edification but, yah, I like tits. It's in my genes and, therefore, in my jeans. Now, don't get me wrong. I like every single inch of a woman, mostly attitude and intelligence... physically, that gleam in the eyes and that smile melt me far more than anything else. Mentally, well, that doesn't need further comment. But, tits? Yeah... I like tits. Big, small, all.

Anyone know anything about https://www.grammarly.com/?q=grammar&utm_source=placement&utm_medium=cpc&utm_content=72890_1&utm_term=tfd?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jan 16 - 03:02 PM

Yeah, that's the problem. Too many readers interested in the contents and not the item itself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 09 Jan 16 - 12:19 AM

A Bra thread??? OMG! Where?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 11:47 PM

In case Amos didn't notice, there is a bra thread going right now. In case he needs more Golden Globes material.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 10:07 PM

Chongx...sfter some minor research I have found some pictures from your past you might remember, and also a couple pictures of your sister and mother.

Chinga, Chonga (before the change), and Mom.

Chinga and Chonga, the twins.

Poor old Mom, betrayed by Chonga.

Chinga, forced into The Business to support herself and Mom.

Chongx, when s/he first arrived in the US under a load of bananas.

Chongx, post surgery and deaf to the pleas of Chinga and Mom.

Brings back memories, doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 04:29 PM

The Borg don't say "resistance is useless", Rap. They say, "resistance is futile".

Futile. It's a good for you to learn coz it describes yer entire existence! Ook! Ook!

Come to think of it...so does "useless". And "pointless". And "unnecessary". I could go on, but I think my point is clear. Don't lie awake at night worryin' about it, okay? There ain't no use worryin' over things that have no cure.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 02:36 PM

Holy shit Batman! I am bionic!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 02:05 PM

Oh, I just LOVE the look! "I am the Borg...resistance is useless!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 12:11 PM

https://www.flickr.com/photos/15565423@N05/23612704864/in/dateposted-public/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 09:40 AM

Gotta get me some of that! Then I can tell everyone what happens when I get a tongue lashing!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 06:14 AM

No. It's that white medical bandage tape that is made so it won't fuckin come off without leaving red marks. Looks terrible on a person with alabastard skin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jan 16 - 03:45 PM

Is fuckin tape like duct tape?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Jan 16 - 03:05 PM

Patches are worn at night so one does not scratch or rub ones eyes whilst half asleep during slumber. One looks like The Fly with these in place. And the fuckin tape which secures the in place is miserable to peel off every morn. (I realize the grammar sucks. Deal with it.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shane McBride, PhD, LLD, DD, DS, MD
Date: 07 Jan 16 - 01:42 PM

I say. I and my brother, Don, were enjoying a sherry at the Iron Horse Club last evening when it was brought to my attention that some scurrilous wag has been impersonating Don and me. This person has been holding out that I am a drunkard, a lout, and a clabberwit.

Please do not believe these stories, for fiction they are, and I quite assure you that should I discover the perpetrator of these fabrications I shall deal with him or her as such behavior demands.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jan 16 - 12:01 PM

Congratulations, gnu. In the meantime, ya wanna place some poker?

The sentence for Chongx is already ready by the Supreme Court: It is your sentence that you be led back to the gaol from whence you came, and forty-eight hours hence you be taken from thence and be drawn upon a hurdle to the place of execution, where then you shall be hanged by the neck and, being yet alive, shall be cut down, and your privy members to be cut off, and your entrails be taken out of your body and, you living, the same to be burnt before your eyes, and your head to be cut off, your body to be divided into four quarters, and head and quarters to be disposed of by being burned to ashes, and those ashes taken in a boat and dumped into the sea, and all mention of you erased from all records electronic or otherwise, and you be entirely forgotten.

Notice that it says nothing about God having mercy a soul. Chongx is a monkey and thus has no soul. (This is disputed by some who point out that how well monkeys dance for an organ grinder is indicative of soul in that they feel the rhythm of the music.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jan 16 - 11:39 AM

Very good! What are the patches for? Pirates only wear one eye patch, you know. With two eye patches, you would also be expected to have a parrot perched on each shoulder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Jan 16 - 09:16 AM

Doc declared 100% success in both eyes. That's 200%!!! Only gotta wear the patches for 5 nights instead of 7.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jan 16 - 11:38 PM

Problem Chongo has is he can't reveal where he's gonna speak or show up to press the flesh, so to speak, because his classy madame little sister Chinga--whom he abandoned as a mere pup in the jungle--would be there with some large friends and so very dark intentions. And Chongo, ya know, he's not very brave, really, for all his talk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jan 16 - 10:36 PM

LOL!!! Boy, Rap, you are really digging a hole for yourself when Chongo gets elected. I hate to think what will happen. There have been dark rumors floating around about how proven specists will be summarily dealt with by the Chongo administration. None of it sounds good, but I think they'll have to work up something "real special" in your case, because the ordinary punishments like dismemberment, beheading, and evisceration just don't seem...well...adequate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jan 16 - 10:06 PM

Idaho State Police investigators have given up on the shooting citing a lack of people who care.

In other news, Chongx (pestiferous perennial Presidential candidate) has found a new hobby and food source.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jan 16 - 08:29 PM

Boy...scary stuff! Is this all about cataract removal and lens replacement? It must be terrifying to contemplate that. What do you mean about the 1 to 6 weeks "awake", gnu? Nobody can stay awake for 2 to 6 weeks.

Bulletin: Sad news at APP headquarters. It appears that a well-known Chicago Chimp named Big Albert has been found dead of multiple gunshot wounds incurred while traveling around selling vacuum cleaners door to door. The shooting incident occurred in Idaho. Police are investigating. Chongo said he was "shocked and saddened" by the news..... (exactly what politicians ALWAYS say)....but I think he's probably exaggerating. Big Albert was a totally annoying character, and will probably be missed by no one except his numerous creditors, who now have no hope whatsoever of getting any of their money back. The police say that this was a particularly vicious killing, and they are looking for a maniac...or someone who hates Chimpanzees...or both.


Big Albert


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jan 16 - 07:43 PM

Well, I can certainly understand THAT!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jan 16 - 05:02 PM

SOB! He was poking and proddin and the light started movin and I tried to follow it. Usually he says, "Sir, don't move." in a calm voice. When this happened, he said, "GARY! Where are you going? DON"T MOVE." I tried. He said, "Good." Then he said to the nurse, "Might need a suture here." Took of the patch two hours ago. Not near the same results and a lot more distortion around the incision. I'll get the scoop tomorrow morning.

Odd that the surgery today did not resemble the surgery Monday. I kept waiting for the lens insertion during which it appeared I was looking through jail bars. And, today, at one point, everything went dark (and he said it would). In the end, I was even more apprehensive than during the first surgery... as I am now with a right eye that's behaving wildly different than the left eye. I mean, me right eye is me shootin eye so ye can understand me trepidation eh wha?

See youse later.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jan 16 - 09:45 AM

I had my eyes -- one farsighted, one nearsighted -- measured yesterdays for a stuff in the right one. I thought they'd use delicate instruments, but the technician used a metal yardstick. One of my eyes is longer front to back than the other.

They also assured me that I'll be given enough whiskey that I won't care that the doc will be poking me in the eye with a sharp stick.

I get stuffed on January 19. I only hope that I don't see such a mess as gnu describes!

(The left eye gets done later. It's not quite so bad as the right.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jan 16 - 04:37 AM

Full "recovery" is anywhere from 1 to 6 weeks. Mostly, it's 1 to 2 weeks. Awake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 16 - 10:48 PM

What a pity such a lovely young lady chimp, Chonga, took it into her head to change to Chongo (better known as Chongx). What a pity the operations were left incomplete, allowing Chongx to "do" his/herself. But what a relief to Chongx!

The best solution at this point is either gene surgery or euthanasia.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 05 Jan 16 - 07:49 PM

Rap uses words like "pee pee" and "poo poo" a lot. This is either because he is in his second childhood....or it's because he never grew up in the first place! Ook! Ook! It's like listenin' to Jar Jar Binks whenever Rap talks. "Me-sa go pee pee in my poo poo! Me-sa not like! Me-sa have plenty guns. Go bang-bang! Me-sa ears hurt soooooo bad!"

Well, he will get some re-education after I am elected so's he can learn to act like a grownup human. Chimps with baseball bats and rubber hoses sounds like the trick to me, after he gets took to the padded cell he is so much in need of. A couple months of "the treatment" and he will be ready to return to decent society.

Maybe.

If not, then we go to the serious stuff! Anacondas, the fire ant pit, and banana-boarding.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 16 - 05:25 PM

Found the music store from which I am buying my bugle has bodhrans in stock! And tippets!

Whatever would I do with seventy bucks?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Jan 16 - 05:20 PM

Good for you Gnu. How long is the healing time for 100% benefits ?

Were you awake for the stuffing?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Jan 16 - 04:51 PM

Holy shit Batman! This dump really does need some housework. But, it'll have to wait until my catterwrecks are rectified.

Seriously, I can not only now see traffic lights and stops signs and the grocery store aisle signs, I can see the bathroom sink. And, it's scarier than not seeing stop signs. >;-)

The good news? I saw the doc early this AM. 100%! And, I am now able to drive legally. Well, he did say "today". So, right eye gets sliced and stuffed tomorrow and then I see him on Thursday BUT he didn't say I could NOT drive my car tomorrow or on Thursday. That begs the question... drive and save $40 in cab fare on Thursday to get to his office or be a non-asshole and take a cab? Rhetorical question. Everyone knows I am an asshole.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 16 - 09:03 AM

Good for you, Amos!

My brother once stood in the land between the lanes of a highway and took off his clothes. He told the police that he was a median strip. The police told him that they had doubts about him, but then so did everyone who knew him. He'd studied classical guitar, for instance, and saxophone, because he wanted to combine the instruments into "a saxiguitar."

My brother was a little, hm, eccentric.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 16 - 10:37 PM

Bravo, Gnuzer!

I went to a medium once to have my pee leaves read. She was a medium-large medium, and she looked at the leaves and started chortling with delight.

So I hit her in the face. My father always advised me to strike a happy medium.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 16 - 10:37 PM

Bravo, Gnuzer!

I went to a medium once to have my pee leaves read. She was a medium-large medium, and she looked at the leaves and started chortling with delight.

So I hit her in the face. My father always advised me to strike a happy medium.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 16 - 03:45 PM

"...and barbed wire in [your] underwear to head off disgrace."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Jan 16 - 02:55 PM

I live on Leeside Fuckin Drive, baby! I can see the street sign! It's green! I can see snow flakes! I can see pine needles! I can see pine needles waving in the wind! Right eye gets done Wednesday.

Hmmm... if I can see really good after these surgeries, will I start ogling the fairer sex again? That could be a problem. Not the ogling part but the stomping the primitive urges part. Nah... no problems. A lesson learned eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 16 - 11:41 AM

We have a large medium here (about 150 kg. and 4 meter tall) and a small medium (1.5 meters, 20 kg.) but no medium medium. Our large medium is quite expansive, while the small medium is a bit confined. I suppose a medium medium would be best, especially if they use a crystal ball or something. A medium medium medium, if you will, for the massage.

But I don't want to talk with B&C. I want to talk with J. Edgar and learn where he hid all of the photos and films, if Beelzebub will let him answer the medium medium medium's messenger.

Of course, Chongx wouldn't understand any of that, as s/he can only speak in Ook and throw poop and pee. Photos show that Chongx has lost both an eye and an arm and dyed her/himself purple -- making him/her a one-eyed, one-armed, flinging pee-pee purple ooker.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 04 Jan 16 - 03:05 AM

You gotta find a good medium if you wanta talk to Bonnie & Clyde, Rap.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 16 - 12:38 AM

I'd ask Bonnie and Clyde but they're dead. Just like Machine Gun Kelly, Pretty Boy Floyd, John Dillinger, Ma Barker's kids, and all the rest of those folks. Even J. Edgar himself.

Amos, I no longer need dentures. I've got implants!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 16 - 10:08 PM

Rapp stays home wrapped in the spirit of a denture.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 03 Jan 16 - 08:18 PM

To them that got the spirit of adventure pumpin' in their veins, home can be found just about anywhere. In a tree. On a beach. In a cheap flophouse. In a fancy hotel. Behind the wheel of a fast car, tommy guns a-blazin'. Just ask Bonny & Clyde. Home is where ya find it, see? Cuz yer home is in yer heart. And if ya got a heart that knows no fear, then yer always at home.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 16 - 11:34 PM

Well, actually I was not talking to you Rapparree--I was speaking to Mister Gnu. I understand your sense of relevancy and continuity is a bit haphazard and grossly narcissistic, but not everyone falls into the same trap you call home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 16 - 10:27 PM

I have one going in on January 19; a measuring called an "A-scan" this coming Tuesday morning.

I will hold Amos to his word. If the new lens and the cataract removal do not make me see better I will expect a 200% refund of all cost involved from him.

Lunacy is not overrated. It gets you a job in politics, for instance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 16 - 06:11 PM

IF my experience is anything to go by (with lenses, not lunacy) you will be delighted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Jan 16 - 12:25 PM

"ACUVAIL may blur your vision after you instill the drops."
No. Acuvail WILL blue your vision. Get yer shit tagether eh, Allegan of Markham, ON, Canada.

I am looking forward to having my eyes cut open and artificial lenses shoved in such that I will be able to see well enough to trim my stache and buzz the fuzz on my head. Um, well, the fuzz on the sides of my head... well, on three sides of my head. I got none on the front side of my head. Well, only on full moons, of course, but that's just for one night a month and, even then, only if the sky is clear or only partly cloudy. A lot of people think the hairy monster thing happens every full moon even if the sky is cloudy but that ain't so. Watch any of the documentaries and they all, to a one, clearly indicate that the moon glow must actually fall upon the afflicted for the phenomenon to be set in motion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDpYBT0XyvA


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 16 - 12:25 PM

Bingo, bingo.Thanks to Mister Durrell--who wrote what he truly knew--and to Rapparree, who often does as well, sometimes! :D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 16 - 12:03 PM

Oh! THAT Nelson!

A Ballad of the Good Lord Nelson

The Good Lord Nelson had a swollen gland,
Little of the scripture did he understand
Till a woman led him to the promised land
Aboard the Victory, Victory O.

Adam and Evil and a bushel of figs
Meant nothing to Nelson who was keeping pigs,
Till a woman showed him the various rigs
Aboard the Victory, Victory O.

His heart was softer than a new-laid egg,
Too poor for loving and ashamed to beg,
Till Nelson was taken by the Dancing Leg
Aboard the Victory, Victory O.

Now he up and did up his little tin trunk
And he took to the ocean on his English junk,
Turning like the hourglass in his lonely bunk
Aboard the Victory, Victory O.

The Frenchman saw him a-coming there
With the one-piece eye and the valentine hair,
With the safety-pin sleeve and the occupied air
Aboard the Victory, Victory O.

Now you all remember the message he sent
As an answer to Hamilton's discontent
There were questions asked about in the parliament
Aboard the Victory, Victory O.

Now the blacker the berry, the thicker comes the juice.
Think of Good Lord Nelson and avoid self-abuse,
For the empty sleeve was no mere excuse
Aboard the Victory, Victory O.

"England Expects" was the motto he gave
When he thought of little Emma out on Biscay's wave,
And he remembered working on her like a galley slave
aboard the Victory, Victory O.

The first Great Lord in our English land
To honour the Freudian command,
For a cast in the bush is worth two in the hand
Aboard the Victory, Victory O.

Now the Frenchman shot him there as he stood
In the rage of battle in a silk-lined hood
And he heard the whistle of his own hot blood
Aboard the Victory, Victory O.

Now stiff on a pillar with a phallic air
Nelson stylites in Trafalgar Square
Reminds the British what once they were
Aboard the Victory, Victory O.

If they'd treat their women in the Nelson way
There'd be fewer frigid husbands ev'ry day
And many more heroes on the Bay of Biscay
Aboard the Victory, Victory O.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 16 - 11:58 AM

Nelson? Nelson? Ricky Nelson? Ozzy Nelson? Harriet Nelson? Matthew and Gunnar? Willie? Nelson Mandela? Baby Face? Nelson's Encyclopedia?

To which Nelson do you refer, Amos? There's a nest of them rascals!


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