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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 13 Dec 15 - 08:12 PM
Amos 12 Dec 15 - 09:29 PM
gnu 12 Dec 15 - 05:38 AM
Rapparee 11 Dec 15 - 10:00 PM
Amos 11 Dec 15 - 10:34 AM
Rapparee 11 Dec 15 - 09:48 AM
gnu 10 Dec 15 - 12:33 PM
Rapparee 10 Dec 15 - 10:15 AM
Amos 10 Dec 15 - 09:16 AM
Rapparee 09 Dec 15 - 09:21 PM
gnu 09 Dec 15 - 05:31 AM
Rapparee 08 Dec 15 - 10:42 PM
Amos 08 Dec 15 - 09:59 PM
Little Hawk 08 Dec 15 - 07:07 PM
Rapparee 08 Dec 15 - 06:47 PM
Little Hawk 08 Dec 15 - 01:47 PM
Amos 08 Dec 15 - 12:29 PM
Rapparee 08 Dec 15 - 10:06 AM
Amos 08 Dec 15 - 12:36 AM
Little Hawk 08 Dec 15 - 12:33 AM
Rapparee 07 Dec 15 - 09:27 PM
gnu 07 Dec 15 - 09:08 PM
Little Hawk 07 Dec 15 - 03:00 PM
Rapparee 07 Dec 15 - 10:29 AM
Amos 06 Dec 15 - 11:12 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 15 - 06:08 PM
Little Hawk 06 Dec 15 - 03:03 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 15 - 12:58 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 15 - 12:56 PM
Amos 05 Dec 15 - 11:32 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 15 - 10:27 PM
GUEST,Rapparee (sans cookie for some reason) 05 Dec 15 - 04:18 PM
gnu 05 Dec 15 - 02:26 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 15 - 09:13 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 15 - 09:03 PM
Little Hawk 04 Dec 15 - 05:01 PM
Acme 04 Dec 15 - 01:58 PM
gnu 04 Dec 15 - 01:35 PM
Amos 04 Dec 15 - 10:47 AM
Little Hawk 04 Dec 15 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 04 Dec 15 - 09:25 AM
gnu 04 Dec 15 - 05:01 AM
Amos 04 Dec 15 - 12:08 AM
Rapparee 03 Dec 15 - 10:33 PM
gnu 03 Dec 15 - 07:37 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 15 - 12:10 PM
Amos 03 Dec 15 - 10:42 AM
Rapparee 03 Dec 15 - 09:59 AM
GUEST,Noddy 03 Dec 15 - 02:57 AM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 15 - 12:58 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Dec 15 - 08:12 PM

Slackers!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 15 - 09:29 PM

The horrid northern thunderstorms have blown over and the day has become benign, kindly and benevolent, a dulcet blue of sky and golden of late sunlight; well, not now, because it has set, but it was that a while ago. En bas les temps frigides! Vive la belle temps!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Dec 15 - 05:38 AM

10C... TEN! Glorious spring weather!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 15 - 10:00 PM

Mom is ever prim and proper
And she'll never come a cropper
Never drinks sans pinkie raised
Never lets her nerves get frayed
Zeppelin bombers would ne'er get tea
In amongst the greenery
But to her ample bosom takes
Her children tho' they're awful rakes
"Garryowen" is often heard
But never a discouraging word
For MOAB would ne'er her children scorn
Come afternoon, or night, or morn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 15 - 10:34 AM

Let her hobnob as she wishes
With the bums, or with the fishes
With the women, where it's legal
Or out West with balding eagles
Elk, coyote, bear and salmon
There's no sense in chide or damning
This is Mom, of velvet fist,
And she will hobnob where she whist!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 15 - 09:48 AM

Consorting and hobnobbing with the likes of Winston Churchill and Bernie Sanders down at the bottom of Skid Row (originally Skid Road). Picking up The Very Ideas! Shocking and disgraceful. Tasteless. Now sit down and have your tea and toast!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Dec 15 - 12:33 PM

Google Earth is a great resource. Just type in the address and POOF! I take a left at the 3rd set of lights after Hall's creek and a left into the parking lot and I am at the doc's. Seeing as how it's for catawracks (yes, I did), Google Earth has done double duty this time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 15 - 10:15 AM

Tho' Amos might be quite a klutz
And at times a pain in our butz
We'll forgive him again
And again and again
Because, like us all, he's quite nutz.
            --Hieronymus von und zu Mittleberger, 1759


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 15 - 09:16 AM

I did NOT mean to write "Psychic Bif Wheels". I meant to write "Spiritual Big Wheels". Pn the other hand I am a bit of a klutz sometimes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 15 - 09:21 PM

Mom! Down at the very, very bottom watching British porno flicks from the BFI! The very idea! I'm glad that I caught you in time! Now you come back home RIGHT NOW and watch "Beach Blanket Bingo" and have some popcorn and Pepsi and early to bed!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Dec 15 - 05:31 AM

With my luck? Alcoholic woodpecker.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 10:42 PM

I'm coming back as an annoyance. Just a general sort of one, nothing fancy or specific.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 09:59 PM

IF those are the lessons you need, maybe you should try Psychic Bif Wheels, the beginners' vehicle--you manifest as a grass snake.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 07:07 PM

Yes, just think...you could opt to be born in the near future as the illegitimate offspring of a Sudbury skank who, in a moment of weakness or a drunken stupor, engaged in a random act of casual lust with Shane McBride! This would propel you into a new life quite unlike any you had experienced before when in the body. Think of the lessons that could be learned!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 06:47 PM

A good Canadian, Marshal McLuhan, posited the Global Village. Pierre Teilhard de Chardon posited the Omega Point. Both are more or less brought together in Arthur C. Clarke's "Childhood's End." Celtic, Norse, Indic, and other religions posit transmigration of souls (reincarnation). However, in all of my reading in the subject -- philosophical, theological, and -ical, have I run across the idea of a huge arena full of bucking bodies in chutes, waiting for a mass of souls screaming "Me! Me! I wanna ride one!", like a reincarnation rodeo.

But it's worth a try, I guess. The Reincarnation Rodeo! Part of the PRRC circuit, complete with a PRRC roll and crease for your PRRC hat! Calgary, Pendleton (or rather the Ideals thereof) here we come!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 01:47 PM

Spirit is not confined by the numbers game, Rap. It can manifest itself in as many or as few bodies as it wants to at any given time, in any given place, and it's certainly not limited to inhabiting a discrete number of physical bodies simply on this one rather small Planet Earth. Thought goes everywhere and imagines all things, in imagining them eventually brings them forth, and this is the nature of Spirit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 12:29 PM

Reincarnation--it's not for everybody!



I like that. It will be my new slogan.

I like it because it forces the issue of core identity, as a non-material, spiritual sorta being, and invokes the image of thousands hanging about on the fringes of meat-life contemplating whether or not they can (A) make the grade to running a meat body or (B) deign to stoop so low as to take one on.

MWaaaahahahaha.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 10:06 AM

Unworldly time then?

And reincarnation has to stop somewhere. There are only so many who can reincarnate. Unless, if you are reincarnated your reincarnation can reincarnate as well as your original, which seems like a two-for-one deal and would be silly on a cosmic scale. But then, I believe six impossible things before breakfast and have never been bothered by silliness. In truth I embrace silliness, until somebody runs with a pair of scissors or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 12:36 AM

WE must each pace the way and count the measure of it in our own rhythm and time. Let hot dogs make the beat of our fading day, or literary allusions wisely passed on, or images of small dogs well taken; it will all be dust and its colors lost. In the meanwhile, before dust it will be simple joy, greater than which there is no benefit in worldly time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 12:33 AM

With reincarnation, Rap, it's hundreds of times! Maybe even thousands. Has anyone yet measured the length of eternity?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 15 - 09:27 PM

gnu, stop fooling around and take some chances!! Have some excitement, man! Live it up a bit! You only go around once, you know (unless you believe in reincarnation, in which case it's what? twelve, fifteen time?)!

Eat a hot dog on white bread and have a regular Coke to wash it down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Dec 15 - 09:08 PM

I just ate a hot dog with mustard on a slice of whole wheat bread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 15 - 03:00 PM

Yes, it's a sad business, the slow slide into infirmity and mortal dissolution. Even I who once led thundering charges across bloodstained fields of martial fury, and woo'd many a fair damsel on many a fair night, am now reduced to crouching behind a cheap desk and conversing idly with distant acquaintances and complete strangers across a dusty computer keyboard and console! Oh, the tragic folly of it all!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 15 - 10:29 AM

I walked into an entrenched battery once and got the shock of my life.

But Amos is correct. Ever since I retired better than five years ago my life has been a constant descent physically, mentally, and morally. Well, maybe not morally, but I threw that in because I like double Ls. But where I used to blithefully run the five miles to work and the five back I can now barely get out of bed in the morning. Because of various surgeries I am now addicted to general anesthesia. The number of pills I have to take (thank goodness not Viagra!) has increased exponentially. When I go to shoot targets at the range I can barely lift my .22, much less place a round in the black any more. Rheumatism has forced me to give up placing my elbows on a wet bar. I no longer stand under the mistletoe as my lips, strengthened and exercised by years of trumpeting, are no longer as fit for it as they once were.

Alas! But my old friend Bill saw it coming:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 15 - 11:12 PM

The years are not kind to those who walk off from their trenches and batteries.   The crepuscule of our days moves in slowly, but will not be gainsaid, deterred, or hindered in its stealthy advance. Fortunately, we are, ourselves. working from positions well beyond the normal coils of space and time. How awful it would be, otherwise, at the dimming of the long day. As ity is, there are better laughs to come, no matter where you stand today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 15 - 06:08 PM

Geez, I thought I would have heard of this happened to Eric. It must have been quite exciting!

As for that story, I cut and pasted the HTML and that's how it came out. I asked if it might be for fixed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Dec 15 - 03:03 PM

Hmm. I see that in my absence Rapparee has been trying to give Hector Ballsworthy a run for his money! :D Ballsworthy, of course, would never bother with a picayune story like that. He's only interested in writing such stories about the rich and famous of this world, knowing that that is what his readers want to hear about.

Here's a tip, Rap. You should have put that "news" story in RED font as well as making it really LARGE. Red font is a great eye catcher, and it might have pumped some life into what is a forgettable piece of hyperbole based on nothing but a lurid imagination.

In other news, this minor item appeared on an inner page of the Idaho State Journal on Dec 5th:

Library patrons were horrified to witness an unusual and as yet unexplained incident at an Idaho public library on December 4rth, when the chief librarian's trousers suddenly burst into flames as he was typing on a computer keyboard in one of the library administration offices. "It was really scary!" said Gladys Tightlips, one of the assistant librarians. "His pants just suddenly flared up in a huge burst of flame. I thought it must be a terrorist attack, so I dove behind my desk and called 911 as quickly as I could." The Fire Department arrived in minutes, but were able to do little, as library staff had managed to quell the flaming trousers themselves by that time by dragging the chief librarian outside and throwing him in the public fountain. Police are investigating this incident, but have no answers as yet, except to say that it was definitely not a terrorist attack. "What we may have here," said the local police chief, "is a case of spontaneous combustion...maybe some kind of spiritual visitation brought on by sinful behavior or something like that. I guess you could call it an act of God. Don't quote me on that, okay?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 15 - 12:58 PM

That number should be 55555. Sorry, but I still have dibs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 15 - 12:56 PM

So are you switching to IPv6? And having been there I can assure you that rewiring the city of Sandy Ego would be a snap compared to the insurance things.

Oh, yes. Another thing. After this post there will only be 1,999 more until we reach 5555 -- a number upon which I have DIBS!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 15 - 11:32 PM

Dang, this battle for immortal perfection is gettin' SERIOUS! I have spent three days watching my wife weed through the endless layers of bureaucracy connected with post-retirement health plans, dental plans, Medicare gaps and supplements and assorted sequelae. Never seen a thicker bed of BS in my Godforsaken life, I tell yaz!

Meanwhile I been putting up Xmas lights, swapping out the cable modem for an updated model, reconfiguring the network wiring, and fixxing the telebission so as we can watch the rest of our Friends reruns. There is NO rest for the wicked, but, on the other hand, virtue is its own damnation. Hard choices for soft hearts. Carry on, as you were.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 15 - 10:27 PM

Reminds me -- did you whack it good with the family Bible? Or did you just use a hammer?

There was a guy in Blind River who thought he make a ganglion cyst to away by hitting and his head disappeared. Nobody noticed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee (sans cookie for some reason)
Date: 05 Dec 15 - 04:18 PM

I've had several of them cysts, one of them cut out of my right hand by a surgeon. You could try wearing a wrist brace, one of those that look like a fingerless glove, and the compression/massage caused by your everyday activities might prevent a relapse. The gloves are cheap enough -- visit your drugstore -- and can't hurt.

Of course, that means another 'ran player on the loose....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Dec 15 - 02:26 PM

MOM! The ganglion on my right wrist has burst! SOB has been hard as the nobs of hell for years. Last time it burst was years ago when I was swinging a hammer all day. Pissed me off when it came back with a vengeance after I played Rhan for a very short while. I guess it was the snow shovelling yesterday and I JUST noticed it. Anyway, now it's a slight soft "mass" barely visible. I am gonna just leave it be for a week and then... and then... try playing Hran again veeeeerrrry slow and easy like and I will say the rosary in St. Pat's honour before every practice. Probably should call on St. Jude too. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 15 - 09:13 PM

Excuse the below; I copied it from today's "Blind River Bulletin". I thought it might be of interest -- I hope some nice soul can fix the HTML.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 15 - 09:03 PM

Local Man Found In Love Nest With Chimpanzee!!

Blind River, Dec. 3: Shane McBride, was found today residing in a cabin just outside of town in what the RCMP described as "a love nest full of sex toys."

Responding to a report of someone disturbing the peace, two officers tracked the noise to a nearby cabin from which loud "metal music" could be heard a considerable distance away. After attempting the get someone to open the door, the officers believed they heard screams and broke the door down.

Inside they found McBride engaged in what was described only as "relations" with a chimpanzee later identified as an undocumented immigrate from the United States who gave the name "Chongo Chimp" from Chicago.

Further investigation found that Chimp was of indeterminate sex, as the police originally thought this also applied to McBride. Neither being the owner of the cabin they were taken into custody on charges of criminal trespass, disturbance of the peace, vandalism, and others. Chimp was also charged with illegal entry into Canada.

They are to appear in Court on Monday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 15 - 05:01 PM

Okay, fine, so I'm delusional.

Now what? :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 15 - 01:58 PM

but it might result in Shane getting arrested by Homeland Security

You seriously think Homeland Security OR immigration folks would give him a green card to perform down here? You're delusional . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Dec 15 - 01:35 PM

The power is still out at Sobeys so no squash with the roast chicken supper. Oh well, Mum will find squash a real treat come Kissmeass Day. I was gonna cook breaded sole... Friday eh?... but the chicken was fridge thawed perfectly and ya just don't go afoul of fowl in the thaw/roast protocol eh?

Sun/cloud, no wind and -4. No need to salt Mum's driveaway... just scrape the ice with my favourite ice scraping shovel though I did bust another piece off it today. NB ice be like, "Plastic? Seriously, a plastic shovel? Where the fuck you from? Calleeforneeah?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 15 - 10:47 AM

A solution without a problem!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 15 - 10:46 AM

What you clearly need to do is relocate the garage in California.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 15 - 09:25 AM

Connect the garage with the house! Geez, I have to think of everything around here mumblegrumble.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Dec 15 - 05:01 AM

Back doors and garages cleared as well as a path to Mum's front steps. I like the hydrostatic drive in the Honda blower... works a treat. Only problem is having to shovel to get it out of the garage. The garage faces S30W so the biggest drift in the driveway is in front of the garage door.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 15 - 12:08 AM

ANd Gnu needs an alternate location on the equator...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 15 - 10:33 PM

Yeah, enuresis can cause that. All the bed bugs drown, but it does clean up Shame's throw-uppy stuff, not to mention the...well, Shame needs Depends.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Dec 15 - 07:37 PM

Oooohhhhh... the weather outside is nasty.
There's wet snow and the wind is blasty.
The power goes bump bump bump bump
Let it suck let it suck let it suck.

Excerpt from the old Kissmeass Carol "Fuck I Hate Winter"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 15 - 12:10 PM

Very good, Amos! The question is, though, does Shane even bother to use sheets? Last thing I heard he was sleeping on a bare "Salivation Army mattress that me and Don drug upstairs cos I hadda throw out the last one after the New Years party, eh?" (to quote Shane)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 15 - 10:42 AM

The Sheet Stainers!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 15 - 09:59 AM

That's it, Noddy!

Shame McBride and His Wet Dreams!

And for that ugly Chongx -- pair it up with its sister Chinga for

Death Metal Sibs!

Chinga as drummer, Chongx as the drum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Noddy
Date: 03 Dec 15 - 02:57 AM

Shane's nocturnal emission dream band?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 15 - 12:58 AM

Omigod! Marvelous stuff.

I REALLY like "The Bed Bugs"! "The Chimp Humpers" is pretty good too, but it might result in Shane getting arrested by Homeland Security and being brutally banana-boarded after Chongo gets elected. Still, that could be good publicity...


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