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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 21 Aug 10 - 11:46 AM
Little Hawk 21 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM
Donuel 21 Aug 10 - 01:05 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 21 Aug 10 - 01:10 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 10 - 01:15 PM
Donuel 21 Aug 10 - 01:20 PM
gnu 21 Aug 10 - 02:02 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 10 - 03:52 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 10 - 10:26 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 10 - 11:52 AM
Rapparee 22 Aug 10 - 12:24 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 10 - 12:52 PM
gnu 22 Aug 10 - 12:57 PM
GUEST,Constable Jack McColl, O.P.P. 22 Aug 10 - 01:11 PM
Acme 22 Aug 10 - 06:07 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 10 - 09:58 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 10 - 10:05 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 10 - 10:05 PM
Acme 22 Aug 10 - 10:20 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 23 Aug 10 - 12:08 AM
Acme 23 Aug 10 - 09:53 AM
Rapparee 23 Aug 10 - 10:20 AM
Little Hawk 23 Aug 10 - 10:40 AM
Rapparee 23 Aug 10 - 03:39 PM
gnu 23 Aug 10 - 05:39 PM
Little Hawk 23 Aug 10 - 05:47 PM
Acme 23 Aug 10 - 09:54 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 10 - 10:04 PM
Little Hawk 23 Aug 10 - 10:46 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 10 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 10 - 11:29 AM
Acme 24 Aug 10 - 11:34 AM
Rapparee 24 Aug 10 - 02:04 PM
gnu 24 Aug 10 - 06:05 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 10 - 09:52 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 10 - 10:46 AM
Acme 25 Aug 10 - 11:07 AM
Rapparee 25 Aug 10 - 11:50 AM
Rapparee 25 Aug 10 - 02:47 PM
Acme 25 Aug 10 - 07:56 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 10 - 09:48 PM
Acme 25 Aug 10 - 11:12 PM
Acme 26 Aug 10 - 11:30 AM
Acme 26 Aug 10 - 12:24 PM
Acme 26 Aug 10 - 12:25 PM
Little Hawk 26 Aug 10 - 12:53 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 10 - 01:27 PM
gnu 26 Aug 10 - 03:35 PM
Acme 26 Aug 10 - 04:07 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 11:46 AM

You sure Aggy will like that Nevada bar you're going to?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM

Ummmm...Rapaire? Would it worry you to hear that Don once owned a blue pickup truck that hasn't been on the road for years now? And that Shane was last seen making his escape in a silver compact car which he stole from outside a Tim Hortons in Sudbury when the car's owner was foolish enough to leave it for a minute with the engine idling?

What I can't figure out is how the hell he got across the US border and made it as far as Idaho in that short a period of time? ;-) Try putting out some free beer in the backyard, set up a hunter's blind, and wait...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:05 PM

mIRACAL IN THE gULF OF meXICO


BP SCIENTISTS 'RECRUDIATE' inferior US SCIENTISTS !

With the help of Sarah Palin who pointed me in the right direction, I have learned that the oil spill was a blessing.
People have refeudiated BP claims that something wonderful is happening in the Gulf.
1/2 Gov. Sarah Palin recrudiated back reloading the "N" word and pointed to an act of God, thanks to BP, that will take back America and change the future of man/grizzly kind.

Discovered only one month ago by BP deep sea submerables and immediately made Top Secret, it is time the world knows the depth of gratitude we owe BP.
Deep in the darkest recesses of the Gulf of MExico an unanticipated event is brewing. The heating and then cooling of the mix of prehistoric oil, secret formula dispersant and a myriad of normal polutants that flow down the Mississippi, DNA has been given an unprededented challenge. The brew of chemicals, that could have never have been intentionally created by man, is giving rise to life forms that are displaying unchecked growth and immortal qualities that have only b3en seen before in jelly fish. BUT NOW every life form that comes into contact with this strange brew in the GUlf is being effected.

IF we learn how to harness this magical Gulf potion we could grow 50 foot cows, or cows with 50 feet. There are no limits to the possibilities. This wondrous azeotrope of chemicals could be used on Cheney/s heart or to extend the lifespan of Rumsfeld and Gingrich and Bill Gates for thousands of years!

But before we get ahead of ourselves regarding this gift of God and BP...

I STRONGLY SUGGEST WE GET CHONGO THE CHIMP TO PARTICIPATE
in a little experiment with this nysterious miracal Gulf azeotrope.

WE ALL NEED TO APOLOGIZE TO BP! God moves in mysterious ways and BP was only a vessel of this blessing.
mIRACAL IN THE gULF OF meXICO


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:10 PM

What exactly are you proposin' that I do, Donuel?

Is there money in it? I ask, cos the September rent is comin' up.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:15 PM

LH, Shame is the one to be worried. Yesterday morning I was at the range, practicing. I've regained whatever minimal skill I lost and can still do a bullet-vasectomy on a fly 200 meters away using a .22 caliber revolver. But I know Shame is your friend, so if he shows up I'll aim low to incapacitate him, assuming there's something there to hit.

Donuel, are you also referring to The Miracle Of Valdez?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:20 PM

You too can participate, just eat the Gulf Coast shrimp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 02:02 PM

Glad youse both appear to be OK, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 03:52 PM

I've been eating the shrimp farmed in Kentucky, mostly. Cheaper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 10:26 PM

Mom has been left alone for over five hours! I just found her on the back porch, sitting in the swing and sipping iced tea! And smiling and humming! You all know what THAT means! Oh lordy lordy, the police will be around 'most any time! She's gonna need an alibi and/or bail money!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 11:52 AM

I fear that in Amos's absence the number of posts to this thread will dwindle by a truly disturbing margin. It may lose over 50% of its bandwidth. Whatever is to be done?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:24 PM

Oh, if only Shame were still alive! The tragedy, the horror of his leaving will be with us for ages to come! Stumbling, drunk, into a garbage compactor and ending up in a dump, while appropriate, is not my idea of a good way to go. His last words still ring in our ears and will ring for all Eternity: "What the flippin' fli...?"

Alas, poor Shame. I knew him, Little Hawk. A fellow who was an infinite jest. Why, he would have stabbed me in the back a thousand times had he but the courage! And now he has come to this...we need not ask how long he will lay in the earth ere he rot, for tho' he was indeed rotten he was also thoroughly pickled all the time, and so we have his rot preserved in this half-meter cube. Let us close the book on this poor excuse, this dullard, this grown babe, and remember only the good he did, if any.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM

Your eloquence, Rapaire, well befits the gravity of this unspeakably tragic occasion! Hosers all over Canada will no doubt shed a tear or two in their beer at the thought of Shane's passing. His brother Don will be inconsolable, devastated with regret over the harsh words he recently hurled at his baby brother, and now unable to make them good. The entire town of Blind River will be cast under a pall of gloom such as enveloped the island of Sumatra following the eruption at Krakatoa in 1883. Millions will mourn! People will, decades from now, say, "I remember exactly where I was when I heard the news that Shane McBride had died."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:52 PM

Let us enumerate the good he did, and let the evil be forgotten:

1. He never reproduced.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:57 PM

2. Someone may write the tune "The Night McBride Died". Got a ring to it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Constable Jack McColl, O.P.P.
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 01:11 PM

What are we gonna do for laughs now? Being a member of the Sudbury O.P.P. I can vouch for the fact that there is a strange sense of loss haunting the rank and file today all across North Ontario, a sense that things will never really be the same. Who will entertain us by committing unforgettably stupid and poorly planned infractions of the law such as the famous Beer Store robbery with the stolen school bus or the famed fork lift truck getaway chase? Who else would even attempt such things? And if so, who could pull them off in such an incompetent and unique manner?

There are only a few rewards to the tough job of being a cop in North Ontario. One of them was the joy of hauling Shane McBride in, whining and carrying on, after yet another botched misdemeanour, and hearing the cheers and catcalls from the prison inmates and staff as Shane returned once again to his second home...durance vile.

I tell you, it's a funereal atmosphere around here. A hush has fallen over the place. We are discussing whether to lower the station flags to halfmast. Or quartermast possibly. Whatever would seem most fitting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 06:07 PM

Hey, MOM! I'm back!

Long hot trip. I need a nap. And a hankie. My nest is suddenly empty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 09:58 PM

Hey, the whole of North Ontario needs a hankie right now....Shane McBride may have bit the big one! Kicked the bucket! Cashed in his chips! People are crying in the streets. See the BS: Obit? thread all about it for further updates.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 10:05 PM

And now...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 10:05 PM

To the possible memory of the possibly late Shame McBride: a palindrome.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 10:20 PM

I guess I missed something. Or did I? This is another figment of LH's imagination, or a rebuttal by Rapaire, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 12:08 AM

I'm glad you folks are all right, Rapaire.
Welcome home, Stilly.
Where did Amos go?

And now a reused eulogy:

Poor Shane is dead
Poor Shane M. is dead
All gather round his coffin now and cry
He had a heart of lead
And he fell and bumped his head
Oh why did such a feller have to die?

Poor Shane is dead
Poor Shane M. is dead
He's lookin' oh so peaceful and serene
He's all laid out to rest
With his hands acrost his chest
His fingernails have never been so clean

Shane was the most misunderstood man in this territory
People used to think he was a mean ugly fella and called him a dirty skunk and an ornery pig stealer
But the folks that really knowed him
Knowed that beneath them two dirty shirts he always wore
There beat a heart as big as all outdoors

He loved the birds of the forest
And the beasts of the fields
He loved the mice and the vermin in the barn
And he treated the rats like equals (which was right)
He loved all the little children
He loved everything and everybody in the world
Only . . . only he never let on
And nobody ever knowed it

Poor Shane is dead
Poor Shane M. is dead
His friends are weepin' wail for miles around
The daisies in the dell
Will give out a different smell
Because poor Shane is underneath the ground

Poor Shane is dead
Poor Shane M. is dead
He's lookin' oh so purty and so nice
He looks like he's asleep
It's a shame that he won't keep
But it's summer and we're runnin' out a' ice

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 09:53 AM

I've caught up with a week's worth of reading. Sorry to hear about the auto accident, Rap. Are you both feeling better now? We had a couple of occasions to slam on the brakes on our road trip, and fortunately enough clearance to avoid such an impact ourselves. So many distractions to avoid when one is driving.

I listened to 3 of the 5 disks of an unabridged recording of Jack Kerouac's Big Sur. MOM would love it - what a blast from the past! I seem to remember she spoke of a summer spent on the Northern California coast. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 10:20 AM

Jack wrote a book called "The Big Slur"?

Eiseley, Amos ran away from home. When he heard of the possible passing of the possibly late Shame McBride he screamed, "NO!! NO!! He is my Hero, my Guiding Star, this Cannot Be!" and even ran right through the screen door.

We think he's headed North to Find Out The Truth about whether or not Shame has left us, cubed. So far it is all rumours (since they come from Canada, where they spell funny). For all we know for sure, he may be in a little love-nest with Officer Dana, playing with his toes and trying to figure out what a toothbrush is for.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 10:40 AM

I knew that Amos worshipped the ground Shane walked on, but I am moved...deeply moved...by the fact that he has run away from home and come to Canada to ascertain for himself if his hero has really passed on. I certainly hope he doesn't yield to despair and jump off Niagara Falls or something. That just wouldn't do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 03:39 PM

Well, it was either feelings for Shame or that laxative he took. One or the other. Or both. Of course, Shame always did move people.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 05:39 PM

Amos is in northern Antigonish county. Shane couldn't get there even with my directions.

Take a left...ahhh, then what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 05:47 PM

Yeah, but if you left a trail of beers for him to follow, he would get there eventually.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 09:54 PM

Those cans of beer would have to be full.

Seems that might attract a lot of attention. You'll have to think of some better way for Shane to follow a marked path.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 10:04 PM

This was on the Obit thread:

Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: GUEST,Prime Communicator First r'nuf' ك - PM
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 08:18 PM

Hello.

I have been told by The Elder Greys to communicate with you. We have taken the Entity known on your Planet as Shane McBride Of Blind River. In a fortunate circumstance it slipped in the excrement of a domestic animal and triggered The Beacon we implanted earlier. I say that this is fortunate as it was at this very time that its presence was again needed due to a Crisis in (I have no notation to tell you where). It was needed as it is one of the very rare carbon-based Entities who contain both levodioxyribonucleic and dextrodioxyribonucleic acids.

The Elders sensed your concern for this Entity and asked that you be reassured that it will be returned in the same condition as when it was Taken when the Mission is complete.

Thank you.

Prime Communicator First r'nuf' ك


Do you suppose they'll clean his shoes off before returning him?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 10:46 PM

Oh, my! Could it be? Will Shane return to the bosom of his grieving community?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 11:37 PM

Aw, #@%#!. I thought...well, never mind. I can see it now: "Shame Saves Universe! Hoser Hero In Galactic Struggle! Film at 11."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 11:29 AM

Is it okay to pray it ain't so?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 11:34 AM

Rain! Rain! Rain!

Thank you, monsoons, for slipping into Texas. My yard is so crispy. MOM was spending all day long down at the creek to stay cool. Did you see her, dancing in the yard? She's like a little kid out there (including that she threw her clothes on the porch on the way into the yard. Someone get her a towel, please!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 02:04 PM

And an iron.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 06:05 PM

Glad to here you are wet, SRS. Hope the garden turns around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 09:52 PM

Only ten to the century next
Only ten more to roll over
Only ten more after this one
Only ten more still to hover.

Hover in minds, O century next
Hover the thoughts, O so mighty
Hover until the next hundred lands
Hover, tho' trivial and flighty.

    -The Missing Amos: An Anthology
         (Cowpens: On The Ground Press, 1903)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 10 - 10:46 AM

Because no one else is kind
I'll help Mom along:
Now we only need nine.

   --Diego de la Vega, Poetry of New Spain
    (El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciúncula: 1787)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 10 - 11:07 AM

So where is Amos, anyway? He didn't go out looking for us in the desert, did he? We were just fine, had maps and cell phones (good coverage coast to coast along the interstate highways).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 10 - 11:50 AM

Amos, the bleeding-heart hippie SoCal liberal, has gone to Canada to join the protests against and terrorism of the Gonish. You'd never have thought that he was Antigonish, but he is. There was also something about "Hell or Halifax" as well.

Mom should have a long, hard talk with that boy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 10 - 02:47 PM

I'll just betcha that Amos writes for bail money. Them Scova Notia cops are downright mean, mean folk. I remember one time in Springhill...nah, can't tell that one. Ladies present.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 10 - 07:56 PM

Oh, that's right. He has a brother or compadre out in the boonies or something.

It rained nicely on us today, and the temperature is 79. Ahhhhhh!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 10 - 09:48 PM

Possibly the feds were closing in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 10 - 11:12 PM

I suspect it's the bragging about southern California weather that would get him into trouble. They might be planning to keep him up there over the winter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 11:30 AM

Lovely weather here today, Amos might almost be comfortable with our temperatures, were he in North Texas. Mornin' MOM. It's lovely out - did you sleep in the yard with the dogs again?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 12:24 PM

Hmmm. Rap must be sleeping out on the golf course again, lying in wait to scare the bejeezus out of a few of those early-morning golfers. He thinks it's so funny to see those guys shit their balls.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 12:25 PM

37200

FWIW. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 12:53 PM

Whatsamatter? Lonely?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 01:27 PM

Nah, she just copped a century.

My wife and I were having breakfast with her cousin Bernie and his wife. They are on their way from Klamath Falls to Pinedale, WY for prongie hunting. (Bernie uses a bow, just a week or so ago he took a 9 foot tall Brownie up in Alaska.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 03:35 PM

A bow? Hunting Brown Bears? Did Jacques lend him a shark cage?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 04:07 PM

I concur, gnu.


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