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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 01:36 PM
Acme 30 Aug 10 - 01:44 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 10 - 02:18 PM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 02:37 PM
gnu 30 Aug 10 - 02:48 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 10 - 02:53 PM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 03:09 PM
Amos 30 Aug 10 - 03:32 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 10 - 03:38 PM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 04:00 PM
Amos 30 Aug 10 - 04:03 PM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 04:08 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 10 - 07:03 PM
Amos 30 Aug 10 - 07:07 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 30 Aug 10 - 07:32 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 10 - 09:31 PM
Little Hawk 31 Aug 10 - 12:25 AM
Acme 31 Aug 10 - 12:32 AM
Eiseley 31 Aug 10 - 07:55 AM
Amos 31 Aug 10 - 10:07 AM
Rapparee 31 Aug 10 - 10:19 AM
Amos 31 Aug 10 - 10:38 AM
Amos 31 Aug 10 - 11:13 AM
Little Hawk 31 Aug 10 - 01:12 PM
gnu 31 Aug 10 - 01:59 PM
Amos 31 Aug 10 - 02:50 PM
Rapparee 31 Aug 10 - 03:18 PM
Amos 31 Aug 10 - 03:44 PM
Little Hawk 31 Aug 10 - 03:56 PM
Amos 31 Aug 10 - 04:14 PM
Little Hawk 31 Aug 10 - 04:38 PM
Rapparee 31 Aug 10 - 06:38 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Aug 10 - 06:55 PM
gnu 31 Aug 10 - 07:09 PM
Amos 31 Aug 10 - 08:26 PM
Rapparee 31 Aug 10 - 08:35 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Aug 10 - 10:12 PM
Acme 31 Aug 10 - 10:52 PM
Amos 31 Aug 10 - 11:05 PM
Acme 01 Sep 10 - 12:34 AM
Rapparee 01 Sep 10 - 10:44 AM
Amos 01 Sep 10 - 11:28 AM
Amos 01 Sep 10 - 02:50 PM
Rapparee 01 Sep 10 - 03:31 PM
Donuel 01 Sep 10 - 03:54 PM
gnu 01 Sep 10 - 04:05 PM
Acme 01 Sep 10 - 06:48 PM
Donuel 01 Sep 10 - 07:56 PM
Donuel 01 Sep 10 - 08:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Sep 10 - 09:46 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 01:36 PM

Rapaire was the one responsible (indirectly speaking) for Shane's recent demise. He was going slowly mad in your absence, not having someone to have mock fights with on the Net constantly, so he relieved the boredom by idly killing off Shane. I'm glad you're back. I was a bit worried what he might do next.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 01:44 PM

Eiseley, let's hope the EPA doesn't come after your son for dumping a biohazard in the lake. Had he brushed the tooth before he tossed it? And had the tooth fairy processed the appropriate remuneration?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:18 PM

Mad? Mad? TRUE! nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why WILL you say that I am mad?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:37 PM

What would you have me say?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:48 PM

What have you the will to say?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:53 PM

Well, a variety of adjectives comes to mind:

Gracious, intelligent, witty, handsome, self-effacing, humble, wise, slow to anger, upstanding, sober, moderate, temperate, chaste, lovable, loyal, helpful, omniscient, clean, trustworthy, courteous, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, caring, brave, reverent, well-spoken, et sans peur et sans reproche.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 03:09 PM

Ah-Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! By God, rolling on the floor here...

Paladin's motto was: Have Gun Will Travel

Rambo's is: "Live for nothin' - Or die for somethin'!"

Yours could be: Never at a Loss for Words


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 03:32 PM

Well...hardly ever.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 03:38 PM

Because one chooses not to reply does not mean that one could not reply, Amos. Gentlemen usually live by the maxim "Just because you can doesn't mean you should."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 04:00 PM

That the diametrical opposite of Shane's approach to life.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 04:03 PM

Some gentlemen live by the maxim "Even if you cannot, you should pretend that you can."



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 04:08 PM

Ah, yes...well, in that respect they come right into congruence with Shane. Grand pretension is the order of the day among both gents and non-gents. Never limit the bounds of your boasting! Others will think you weak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 07:03 PM

Then they can discover differently, to their eternal sorrow (if you take my drift). Perhaps I've posted this little parable before, but if so it bears repeating:

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.
The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.

He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."


There are a few lessons for us all here:

Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid -- and they're tricky.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 07:07 PM

A teller of tales worthy of the Bard himself.

Full of sound, and fury, and signifying whatever he feels like signifying...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 07:32 PM

You should've heard Tom trying to tell our Michigan friends his version of Rapaire's story. It was a hoot---more funny in the telling than the original.

My son hasn't brushed his teeth for some months, at least not voluntarily. But then neither have the snapping turtles. . .

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 09:31 PM

Well, Mom, we're off again on Friday morning! Going up the Big Hole Battlefield area for the long weedend -- just poking around. Then about next Wednesday we'll be off for about 10 days, poking around the Little Big Horn, Restoration Fabrics in Butte, Chadron NE, Ft. Laramie, Devil's Tower, and wherever the frenzy takes us. When we return it'll be time to prepare for Getaway. I'll be bringing my...never mind...suffice to say that I'll have the obligatory bedroll, pillow, and Teddy Bear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 12:25 AM

Great story, Rapaire! The trouble with those gunslingers, though...if you humiliated them publicly you would just have to kill them as soon as possible after that, because their pride wouldn't be able to let go of it, and they'd be sure to kill you at the first opportunity to restore their image if you didn't do it to them first.

So I figure the old prospector would just have had to kill that young gunslinger and be done with it...or never be able relax enough to fall asleep again.

Still, I love the story. It makes a good point.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 12:32 AM

I loved that story also.

Eiseley, I don't believe snapping turtles have teeth. Is this what you meant about your young son? Did he lose his last tooth and throw it into the water? Does he look like this?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 07:55 AM

Actually he looks more like this, but if he keeps losing teeth he'll soon look like this.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 10:07 AM

Awwwww....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 10:19 AM

Oh, c'mon. I've met the kid and this is a photograph of him. Notice that his mother dresses him funny.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 10:38 AM

I predict he will change his name for show business purposes and make a huge career as the poster boy for Mad magazine...


O, Mom!! The new carpet got ALL installed in ONE day; those guys busted their buns for a good ten straight hours making this happen; it looks fanTABulous. With the new paint you'd think the house was ten years younger. Now we have the long task of putting things back, dusted and cleaned, and bringing order to the interior spaces.
It won't be long before everything is spic and span. We love the carpet. It looks zippy!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 11:13 AM

Going up the Big Hole Battlefield area for the long weedend -- just poking around.

I wondered what you would turn to after retirement, and it looks like you've gone the medical weed route. A long weedend floating on a cloud of jocular benevolence. Or are the weedends all pokeweed?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 01:12 PM

Where did you put all the household stuff while this work was being done, Amos? I realize you probably explained that below somewhere, but I'm too lazy to look for it, and besides, this gives you a good excuse to post again. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 01:59 PM

I figured it would be outside on accounta it never rains in...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 02:50 PM

What would fit was jammed into the garage and the kitchen and my office all of which are not carpeted. The remaining large pieces are on the patio under a tarp. It does mist in Southern California. And as they say, a mist is as good as a smile.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 03:18 PM

Hardly rains 'tall out here, 'ceptin' when ya don't want it to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 03:44 PM

It was a dark and wintry night,
And the dark was wet and cold,
And the wind, it blew among the trees,
T'would make your bones feel old.
And hurrying down a frozen path
Beside a frozen weir
I thought of the home and the fireside
And the smile of my dearest dear.

But I had miles of midnight trail
Before I could sit by her
And the night was dark, and the night was cold,
As I dreamed about that fire.
The moon was just a pale complaint
Through the shadow of the hill,
When I saw a sight I'll ne'er forget,
And it chills my old blood still.

There through the trees a spectre grim
Came fumbling through the wood,
Its eyes were crazed, as if to him,
There was no right, nor good.
His hair was wild, his eyes were wild,
And his maddened face was young.
He pierced the dark with a cry from the heart
In a babbling, evil tongue.

Oh, it was the ghost of Shane McBride
With a Molson's in his paw,
Condemned by sin to wander the wood
Forsook by life and law.
Forsook by daylight, and by love
And even the sunlit air,
He wandered, undead, through the night
With garbage in his hair.

Now some may say my eyes are old,
Some say my brains are tired,
But I know what I saw, and I know 'twas him,
His eyes with madness fired,
His clothes all torn, his soul Unborn,
Oh, I know full well what I saw.
T'was the ruined shade of Shane McBride,
With a Molson's in his paw.


Guttersnipe Amberly Chitlin
Never North Again
Madcap Chapbooks PRess, Ottowa, 2011


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 03:56 PM

Superb! I compliment you again on your poetry, Amos.

If I were to have to empty this house, I think I'd have to rent a VERY large storage unit to hold all the stuff, and hire 2 or 3 strong men to move it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 04:14 PM

I shall pass your kind remarks on to Mister Chitlin, sir, with thanks; or you may write him in care of the publishers, if you so prefer.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 04:38 PM

Ha! ;-D And you complain about my fictional characters?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 06:38 PM

Since that's in two threads is it now a best-seller?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 06:55 PM

Hi Mom.

You know what I hate? When you accidentally leave your penis at home. It's worse than forgetting your cell phone. Say you're at Home Depot looking for a box of decking screws and you get an urge to pee that can't be ignored (and everyone always has to pee at Home Depot), so you walk a half-mile to the restroom and discover you left your penis at home! Whatta ya gonna do? Ask one of the store clerks if you can borrow his? Go buy a length of hot water flex tubing and see if it'll work? Call your wife and see if she'll bring it to you? Like maybe she'll agree to do it if you buy her lunch or something.

That's why I always keep a spare penis in the glove compartment of my truck. You never know when you might leave yours somewhere, or when the damned thing might just fall off, for that matter. Better to be safe than sorry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 07:09 PM

Don't they sell Dick Tape at Home Despots?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 08:26 PM

Hurrah for BWL, who rejoins the ranks with a cascade of fiery BS power unmatched in recent history.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 08:35 PM

Oh, I dunno. The recent death of Shame McBride was, I thought, pretty good.

Where ya been, dude?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 10:12 PM

Where've I been? Let's see... Since mid-June I've been to parts of Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky, Indiana...

Oh, you mean why haven't I been frequenting this bit of cyberspace? Well, I just sorta got burned out on cyberspace in general. Then my old PC went to Crash City courtesy of a power outage and I didn't feel like going through the trouble of reinstalling everything so I threw the sumbitch away. Meanwhile, my stepdaughter had this Mac G3 collecting dust since she got a G4, so she got a friend to clean it up and tweak it and gave it to us for $100. Now, I'm happily in Macland so I'm celebrating by posting BS.

By the way, I've never actually discovered I left my penis at home when I needed to take a pee at Home Depot. It was the other way around. I got home from Home Depot and discovered I'd left it in their restroom. Fortunately, it was still there when I went back. I wasn't looking forward to asking the nice lady at the Customer Service desk if anyone had turned in a lost penis.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 10:52 PM

I'm sure glad that during his absence BWL didn't visit Texas because I'd be pissed off if he DID and didn't drop in for a visit. And I don't need a penis to be pissed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 11:05 PM

Better to be pissed off than to be pissed on, Ah allus did say.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Sep 10 - 12:34 AM

And mind your Pees and Queues.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 10 - 10:44 AM

Especially the pees in the queues.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Sep 10 - 11:28 AM

They actually made a Barbie rip-off that did that.

It was a Queue-Pee Doll...


Badabong!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Sep 10 - 02:50 PM

Her nickname was "Yellowtail Barbie".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 10 - 03:31 PM

Came with her own swimming pool, didn't she? And every so often Ken would say, "Gee, I feel a warm current flowing by."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Sep 10 - 03:54 PM

South Park episode opens with a sign at the park's entrance:

Ur'in P P's Water Park.

the ph of the water today is:
all p no h


---------------------------------


The T shirt business was a total success. I sold out of all 55,000 T shirts at Metro Stations and outside the Mall for Glen Beck.

The wordy shirts went in people's bags but some folks changed into the flag wrapped cross right out in the open.

After expenses - $100,037.18 profit, as long as taxes don't enter in.
After all, with all that virually free Mexican labor, withholdings are a thing of the past.

Y'know? Its even better than slavery since I don't have to house them.

Our white heritage founding fathers would be damn proud of me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Sep 10 - 04:05 PM

Donuel... I missed that. Got a pic of the tee? What did is say?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Sep 10 - 06:48 PM

I remember he said something about a project, but didn't realize this was it. Please do tell us more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Sep 10 - 07:56 PM

{this was part of an on going satire that opens the window on the inner workings and hypocrisy of a ficticious tea party profiteer}

[previously posted]
Getting a new business off the ground is like doing cardio excercise in hell, its exhasusting. I'm using contractors for for silk screening, bottling jobs and repackaging a new line of tasers. It is like juggling cats and dogs. Using Mexican contractors I can remain at a break even point until sales take off in October.

It really is hard work monitoring the quality, cost and efficiency of the movement and storage of merchandise, while maintaining the integrity of logistical operations. Promoting merchandise through the logistical marketing, display, advertising and shipping of said merchandise is like a delicate ballet.

I'm selling Tea Party paraphenalia such as T shirts, beverages, devices and signs (but signs are banned at the coming Beck rally).
Mostly the signs are the same ol junk but the Obama Hitler and Joker signs have red LED lights for eyes. The T shirts include Sic Sempre Tyranis and "with the blood of Patriots" quotes but my fav is "Its A Choice-Not A Child DEPORT ANCHOR BABIES!"
IT turns out that I can't sell any Palin Tea Shirts since her lawyers notified me that they get 100% of any and all sales of T shirts that have her image or name. Ibid for Beck.

I am gambling with the Return to Reaganomics signs that shows Reagan as Michelagnelo's God reaching out and sprinkling shiney coins down to Adam and Eve below, but if it catches on, I could introduce more Resurrect Reaganomic signs. There is a rumor of an emerging market for Gingrich kitch but I'll wait for now due to his recent comparison of Muslims to Nazis.

Relabeling bottles of ice tea with individual state labels like Texas Tea or Arizona TEA Party is the most labor intesive of all. Mostly its just a bit of Red Bull with Lipton ice tea.

The fad items are the biggest ticket merchandise that I carry but I had to use a Chinese source.
The package contractor is really expensive but it looks good. It has a picture of Rand Paul and Sharon Angle above "As Seen on TEA V"
and below in LARGE print "Black and Mexican Repellent" and in real small print on the bottom "works on Jews too" The price for this repackaged taser is $79.99. Expensive, but they really spice up displays at rallies.

Rapaire has generously donated some automatic weapons (sans the firing pins) as well as hunting knives on which I engrave "target Obama" on the the stock or handle.
The biggest mark up I have is for the firing pins.

Just in case you have any suitable items for which you will be reimbursed later if sold, let me know.

A new business is like a black hole for all my time but knowing that I am doing food for my country and economy is reward enough.

Exhausted but patrioticaly proud,
Don


PS
anybody here have a good recording of a Tea Party anthem for free I can sell at rallies, to media and online ?


SNEAK PREVIEW!!!

NEW Exclusive products:

Barak Hussein Obama - Worst President EVER

Legalize Obama - Make Kenya the 52nd State

Bush Doctrine Mexicans NOW

Tea Partiers are Strict Constitutionalists so
Change the 1st 2nd 10th 14th and 17th ammendments

Secede, succeed and be freed.

End all Social Justice and Entitlements for the kids

Freedom ain't free - the rich need your money.

Bush had Freedom Zones
Obama has death camps


we are 0 for 3 wars
so win one for the Beckster
nuke IRAN now


Unemployed Democrat = Lazy Drug Fiend

take out Gay Judges

Enforce the ban of the Democrat Communist Party

Kill stem cell research
Clone Reagan.

Bring back our founding father's
Official Christian State Goverment

APOLOGIZE TO;
BP, WALL ST & the Rich

UNCOVER THE OBAMA TARP RIP OFF

TERRY SCHAIVO GOT OBABMA CARE

USA still #1 in winning civil wars around the world.

cut off Barney's Frank

Rachel is completely Mad now.

Keith is Oddforaman

MSNBC ... Maniac Sinners Never Believe Christ

FOX ...Freedom OX

The wealthy have suffered long enough
extend their tax cuts forever


Obama talks in Sublimininamal Satanic Incantations

0 for the last 3 wars?
its time to nuke something or someone

Cut wages, exported jobs and paying bail outs
is your cross to bear in this life

Extend wealthy tax cuts to the here-after.

End Medicare now before death panels get you.

Practice your 2nd amdt. remedies
target Obama NOW



Jack Bauer like
White Power
is the Right Power
for you


2012 will be a wreck
its time to Elect
Palin & Beck
what the heck
don't forget
place your bets
on Sarah and Beck.

End the racist NAACP

Glen Beck has the best content of character
and color


social justice was preached by
communist MLK - NOT JESUS




Divide and CONQUER
with religious
predjudice,
racial predjudice,
sexual predjudice
so the ruling class
can divide the spoils.

(oops, Sorry. that one is true)



(there were other parts to this romp but you get the idea.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Sep 10 - 08:06 PM

However my license plate holder really does say

FOX NEWS

NOW FACT FREE


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Sep 10 - 09:46 PM

I left my penis in Home Depot
Upon a shelf down on Aisle Three
Where little bags of cable-ties reach halfway to the skies
And the smell of naphtha fills the air, that is where

My penis waits down at Home Depot
I hope mo one mistakes it for a hose
I'll get my penis back from Home Depot
And take my business down the road to Lowe's


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