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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 11 Jul 07 - 05:46 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 07 - 05:12 PM
MMario 11 Jul 07 - 11:39 AM
JennyO 11 Jul 07 - 11:36 AM
MMario 11 Jul 07 - 10:59 AM
Rapparee 11 Jul 07 - 10:57 AM
beardedbruce 11 Jul 07 - 09:50 AM
Amos 11 Jul 07 - 09:49 AM
beardedbruce 11 Jul 07 - 09:04 AM
JennyO 11 Jul 07 - 09:03 AM
beardedbruce 11 Jul 07 - 09:02 AM
JennyO 11 Jul 07 - 09:01 AM
MMario 11 Jul 07 - 08:56 AM
beardedbruce 11 Jul 07 - 08:53 AM
Rapparee 11 Jul 07 - 08:49 AM
JennyO 10 Jul 07 - 11:15 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 07 - 11:05 PM
Acme 10 Jul 07 - 03:45 PM
Amos 10 Jul 07 - 12:40 PM
MMario 10 Jul 07 - 12:31 PM
Amos 10 Jul 07 - 12:29 PM
MMario 10 Jul 07 - 12:26 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 07 - 12:14 PM
Amos 10 Jul 07 - 12:13 PM
MMario 10 Jul 07 - 12:03 PM
Amos 10 Jul 07 - 12:01 PM
MMario 10 Jul 07 - 11:27 AM
Rapparee 10 Jul 07 - 11:23 AM
Rapparee 10 Jul 07 - 11:22 AM
Acme 10 Jul 07 - 11:21 AM
beardedbruce 10 Jul 07 - 11:15 AM
beardedbruce 10 Jul 07 - 11:13 AM
MMario 10 Jul 07 - 11:09 AM
Amos 10 Jul 07 - 11:04 AM
beardedbruce 10 Jul 07 - 10:30 AM
MMario 10 Jul 07 - 10:23 AM
JennyO 10 Jul 07 - 10:11 AM
Amos 10 Jul 07 - 10:08 AM
Rapparee 10 Jul 07 - 08:58 AM
Amos 10 Jul 07 - 08:33 AM
Rapparee 09 Jul 07 - 09:22 PM
Acme 09 Jul 07 - 08:35 PM
Acme 09 Jul 07 - 04:20 PM
Amos 09 Jul 07 - 12:45 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 07 - 12:30 PM
Amos 09 Jul 07 - 12:16 PM
Amos 09 Jul 07 - 12:03 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 07 - 09:17 AM
Amos 09 Jul 07 - 01:10 AM
Acme 09 Jul 07 - 12:13 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 05:46 PM

I was in error! Me! In error! It is totally unheard of! Here is the correct version:

If all be true that I do think
There are five reasons why we drink:
Good wine, good friends, or being dry,
Or lest we should be by-and-by,
Or any other reason why.


I am shamed, shamed by my own hand. I'd jump out the window to my death except I'm on the first floor and I'd probably just sprain an ankle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 05:12 PM

If all be true that I do think
There are four reasons why we drink:
Good friends, good wine, or being dry,
Or any other reason why.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 11:39 AM

In urban areas - that would have been just about everywhere until the mid to late 19th century.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 11:36 AM

Thank you for that, Rapaire. I knew I must have been doing something right. I can now pour that second glass of wine with a clear conscience :-)

Seriously though, there are some places in the world, and there have been times through history when it actually was healthier to drink alcohol than the local water.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 10:59 AM

Old Noah the drinking of water decried
For he knew that by drinking all man should die.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 10:57 AM

This is important and relates to the health of everyone on Mudcat, not just Mom's Kids. A friend sent this to me, and since her husband works at Argonne National Lab you can believe that it's accurate:

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of crap. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:50 AM

$5 even!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:49 AM

And what's a PEntecost?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:04 AM

8-{E


Feed me a stright line, and I'll take a byte!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:03 AM

BOOM BOOM!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:02 AM

$3.29 on sale


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:01 AM

And what's a piecost?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 08:56 AM

Reminds me of a song written by a friend, for which three lines of the chorus were
"For what Price Peace?"

Which of course sounds like "For What Price Peas"

He cracked up one day while singing it - and admitted he had a hard time getting through the chorus without commenting "$1.29 in the frozen foods"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 08:53 AM

What was that about Whirled Peas?

better than Eunuchs under sea, I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 08:49 AM

Yes, it does. And for other things as well. Say, for example, you just want a "drop of tea." This handy-dandy little table (and the formula you can derive from it) will let you find immediately how much that drop is. It gives a new meaning to "let's just nip in for a drop" as well as to the phrases "a drop of the cure," "at the drop of a hat," and "drop in anytime." You will see a whole new world opening up as you decide to drop a subject or a discussion or even someone from your holiday mailing list.

In fact, this little table may hold the entire key to the World Peace.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:15 PM

Does this work for curtains? If I want an 8 ft drop, do I have to put 14 stones in them? Might make them a bit heavy when I pull them back. Lumpy too. Not one or two, but fourteen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:05 PM

Now, here's a little bit of info you don't find around every day. But you never know when you might need this data. This is the table used by British hangmen to determine the "long drop"; a strong, thick rope is assumed.

Hanging drop (assuming thick strong rope):

Weight                                 Drop

14 stone (196 lbs.)                   8 ft. 0 in.
13 1/2 stone (189 lbs.)                8 ft. 2 in.
13 stone (182 lbs.)                   8 ft. 4 in.
12 1/2 stone (175 lbs.)                8 ft. 6 in.
12 stone (168 lbs.)                   8 ft. 8 in.
11 1/2 stone (161 lbs.)                8 ft. 10 in.
11 stone (154 lbs.)                   9 ft. 0 in.
10 1/2 stone (147 lbs.)                9 ft. 2 in.
10 stone (140 lbs.)                   9 ft. 4 in.
9 1/2 stone (133 lbs.)                9 ft. 6 in.
9 stone (126 lbs.)                     9 ft. 8 in.
8 1/2 stone (119 lbs.)                9 ft. 10 in.
8 stone (112 lbs.)                     10 ft. 0 in


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 03:45 PM

It probably slipped off his his mother's refridgerator larder and was hidden under a cabinet all of this time. Lucky you! Now let's see you sell it on eBay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:40 PM

There is one additional legible line below the smear, which reads, "Bye W. Shxper, age 12 -- Milady Rodmanners' Thirde Year Classe"

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:31 PM

I see you got ahold of a final draft of his "Romeo - the early years"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:29 PM

Mercutio: Come sir, we must do away with all these broadsides.

Benvolio: What, cuz? The broad sides of the barns?

MErcutio: There is no hit there, good cuz.

Benvolio: Then, sir, the sides of all the broads? And what of the mewling infants whom wouldst deprive thereby?

Mercutio: The side of a broad is a better home than any broadsided barn.

Benvolio: Aye, but no barn gives out a bairn, and every broadsided broad will do at the drop of a ball.

MErcutio: Drop your balls, not, cuz, but leave your bales for the barn.

Benvolio: Ah, sir, 'twas a baleful riposte. It will undo my wires all.

Mercutio: Better than your own undoing of many a broad's wires, thou deft varlet.

(The balance of this page is obscured by an unidentifiable thick brown smear...)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:26 PM

Do you mean Willy the Shakes when you say "the Bard"? If so, the skinflint **charges** for his trash! and cuts each sheet in 8ths! (the ink he uses runs, anyway)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:14 PM

Broadsides? I wouldn't think they'd be much wanted. Cannonballs flying all over, grapeshot, masts and rigging falling....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:13 PM

To think the immortal pennings of the Bard, the first draft rich with crossed out brilliance, could end up serving such a sorry secondary purpose!! I weep.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:03 PM

About those broadsides, the reason they are in high demand? Well, let us just say they are softer then leaves.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:01 PM

I think I know where he reincarnated this time.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:27 AM

Marlowe! My god, the man can DRINK! And He is hysterically funnny.

but he does tend to blather on about himself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:23 AM

One boulder? Or two?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:22 AM

I'll settle for the stuff that ended up in the trash of Bill Shakespeare, Chris Marlowe, and their acquaintances and friends. Just the trash, just the trash....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:21 AM

Bring back a few British broadsides next time, MMario. If you can find any--they were in high demand, but I understand pedlars could be found to be distributing them. Roll them, don't fold them. Thanks!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:15 AM

MMario, MMario...

There is quite a difference between the crass comercial Ode and the sweet dulcet tones of the heartfelt Sonnet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:13 AM

A small fund, with the mandate to buy first editions would be adaquate. They could spend the surplus ( over the years) to finance a few of the people who died young due to lack of money. Say, a good doctor for Keats.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:09 AM

The sonnet business is pretty cut-throat. And they don't command that big a price - too many would be poets running around trying to cadge drinks.

Though I wish I'd gotten the text of one this weekend - he called it "Clap for my Sister; An Ode to Clymidia"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:04 AM

Just have him invest the money for you, Bruce. Maybe buy a few acres on Manhattan, or even just outside then-London, and place them in perpetual trust for you. Maybe add a strongbox of mint-condition gold coins, manuscripts from the time, priceless stuff like that. When you come to collect, you'll be set for life.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:30 AM

MMario,

If I send you my sonnets, and you took them back to 1585, you could spread them around BEFORE Shakespeare even wrote his! They actually paid money for poetry back then- I see a chance to turn a hobby into income!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:23 AM

Hello again Mom!

y'know, time travel was a lot easaier 16 years ago. Even 10 years ago.


these days I find the round trip a bit exhausting. But I made it to 1585 and back. I'm not sure all my brain cells did, so If gluon shows up with one or two, see if you can get her to bring them to me, allright?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:11 AM

I had home-made apple pie for dissert tonight. It was just.....wonderful!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:08 AM

Stop maundering, faire friende. Dissert on something, it would only be just.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 08:58 AM

One boulder or two? One boulder or two? Hmmmmmmmmm....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 08:33 AM

One could argue that Colorado is a one Boulder state. But one would be missing the forest for the trees.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 09:22 PM

One boulder or two? That is the question.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 08:35 PM

As do bloggers understand that this is behind the times, though the blogger still isn't apparently a librarian. You have to drop down to the remarks by ACTUAL librarians to get some balance.

http://annoyedlibrarian.blogspot.com/2007/07/take-hip-librarians-please.html


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 04:20 PM

Thanks for that citation. I forwarded it to the library staff. (That is a lot of stereotyped stuff for any normal library staff to wade through, but I'm sure they'll understand that the New York Times is a bit behind the times.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 12:45 PM

SOrry, I forgot about your recent trip to Egypt.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 12:30 PM

...and you've grown too old to enjoy it?

Wherever did you get that idea about me?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 12:16 PM

The NY Times reports that Rapaire's dreams and fantasies are being realized, if too late for him...a whole generation of hip, bright, technosavvy meterosexual librarians is in bloom. Don't you hate it when your best and brightest concepts finally come to fruition, and you've grown too old to enjoy it? Sigh. I do.

Story here.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 12:03 PM

Thanks to nano technology and supermicroscopy, even the most diligent filer can be caught with bad numbers and hounded by the Feds. Of course, some of the Feds insist on harassing even the most diligent non-filers and catching their bad numbers, too, so ya can't win. Wodda racket!! No wonder Cheney is racking up bigger crime hits than the Mafia these days.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 09:17 AM

Geez, I thought you guys woulda heard about filing off the serial numbers. So I had these numbers, see? And I was sanding off the serial numbers so they couldn't be identified by the Mathematikstaatspolizei.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 01:10 AM

Rapaire's sainted mother told him often, "Always remember, my boy, your numbers can never be too smooth,"   He has taken this, out of all her advices, to heart, for reasons shrouded in mystery.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 12:13 AM

I bet he's making a numbers racket while he does it, but I bet it is all for a numbers game.


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