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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jan 07 - 09:49 AM
Acme 13 Jan 07 - 01:33 AM
Amos 13 Jan 07 - 12:17 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jan 07 - 10:40 PM
Little Hawk 12 Jan 07 - 09:21 PM
Rapparee 12 Jan 07 - 09:16 PM
Bunnahabhain 12 Jan 07 - 08:07 PM
Little Hawk 12 Jan 07 - 07:34 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jan 07 - 07:29 PM
Amos 12 Jan 07 - 07:17 PM
Rapparee 12 Jan 07 - 03:53 PM
Amos 12 Jan 07 - 02:35 PM
Acme 12 Jan 07 - 01:21 PM
Rapparee 12 Jan 07 - 12:06 PM
JennyO 12 Jan 07 - 11:50 AM
Rapparee 12 Jan 07 - 11:04 AM
MMario 12 Jan 07 - 10:42 AM
Amos 12 Jan 07 - 10:32 AM
Acme 12 Jan 07 - 10:02 AM
Rapparee 12 Jan 07 - 08:51 AM
JennyO 12 Jan 07 - 05:54 AM
JennyO 12 Jan 07 - 05:54 AM
JennyO 12 Jan 07 - 05:54 AM
JennyO 12 Jan 07 - 05:52 AM
JennyO 12 Jan 07 - 01:36 AM
Acme 12 Jan 07 - 12:42 AM
Amos 12 Jan 07 - 12:07 AM
Amos 12 Jan 07 - 12:02 AM
Ebbie 11 Jan 07 - 10:25 PM
Ebbie 11 Jan 07 - 10:25 PM
Bunnahabhain 11 Jan 07 - 10:13 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 07 - 10:06 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 07 - 05:56 PM
Amos 11 Jan 07 - 05:51 PM
MMario 11 Jan 07 - 01:17 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 07 - 01:09 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 07 - 12:08 PM
Acme 11 Jan 07 - 10:46 AM
Bunnahabhain 11 Jan 07 - 10:23 AM
Rapparee 10 Jan 07 - 09:03 PM
frogprince 10 Jan 07 - 08:49 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jan 07 - 06:16 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jan 07 - 05:41 PM
Amos 10 Jan 07 - 05:12 PM
Rapparee 10 Jan 07 - 05:03 PM
Amos 10 Jan 07 - 04:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jan 07 - 04:19 PM
Rapparee 10 Jan 07 - 03:42 PM
Amos 10 Jan 07 - 02:28 PM
Bunnahabhain 10 Jan 07 - 10:45 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jan 07 - 09:49 AM

The last recorded instance of anyone getting chillblains was in 1929. Chillblains' popularity had began to plummet with the start if the new century in 1900, as large numbers of people sought to confirm their sense of "modernity" by distancing themselves from outmoded Nineteenth Century ailments. The last manufacturer of chillblains, United Chillblains Inc. of Newark, NJ, was an immediate casualty of the onset of The Great Depression. The entire board of directors committed mass suicide by leaping from open third-story windows into huge vats of icy slush.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jan 07 - 01:33 AM

Sorry I was away so long, Mom. Just as I was ready to walk out the door to go buy a few hundred pounds of potting soil for extra weight to stabilize the pickup in case of this ice they're predicting, my ex called to say the opthalmologist was about to poke a needle in his eye and do a laser thingie to fix his holey retina. Could I pick him up? Trouble was, his car would be left behind. So I drove to the town 45 miles north where Moonglow lives when she goes to college and got her, and drove back to Fort Worth and she drove her Dad home. I left at rush hour in a rain storm so the trip took a lot longer than usual, and then I still had to go buy my dirt. All has now been accomplished. Earlier today when I was out walking the dogs before it got cold we got caught in the rain. They were so wet when we got home that I just popped them each in the tub and gave them a bath. As long as I dry them real well with the towel (they love the massage!) they'll tolerate it. So I've had wet feet all day, ever since I took the dogs out at about 2pm, before the bath, before the drive, before the dirt. I'll be lucky if I don't get chilblains!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jan 07 - 12:17 AM

I agree with Rapaire's self-assessment; he is such a man as he says, if e'er one there was.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 10:40 PM

So send him to the 85 billion thread. They've been asking for him over there.

We MOABites have no use for Shane or his ilk. No... make that particularly for his ilk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 09:21 PM

Shane's back out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 09:16 PM

I, myself, am a man of adfv aw shitklf


QUARK ! !



              Quark ! !




Goddamn it, Gluon!! Stop humping my leg!!!


                        QUARK ! !


  QUARK ! !    


Q


   U


     A


  r


K



 


                 !



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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 08:07 PM

I think we should have an Unconstant constant instead, which would make life far less predictable, and therefore better. It could be joined by false true loves, and assorted other impractical things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 07:34 PM

Oh dear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 07:29 PM

Poor Mom. We've lost track of bits of her and the only way to fix it is to constantly apply a constant. It is very sad. In fact, it is sorrowful. Poor Mom is a thread of constant sorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 07:17 PM

The constant is the difference from the actual value of the apparent value, and would thus be a minus number. If you want to make it the value that would have to be added to the displayed value to arrive at the actual value, just multiply it by -1.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 03:53 PM

Okay, we'll call it that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 02:35 PM

That is not a skill with which you want to be come over-familiar, Stilly. A reputation for kicking rocks will have a chilling effect on your social life.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 01:21 PM

Unless you want to be accused of over-familiarity, you need to call it O'Reilly's Constant, as Jenny suggested. It wasn't Amos' Constant," it was Jessup, so it needs to be on that same plain.

Just leveling the playing field by kicking a couple of rocks out of the baseline. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 12:06 PM

Okay. I propose we rename Jessup's Constant as the Jenny Constant, because she found it first.

If, however, it is found to be inaccurate it will continue to be known as Jessup's Bloody Big Boo-boo.

We must be gentlefolk about this, after all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 11:50 AM

No need to wait to find out. The effect is linear. I've known it was 6571 all along, but I didn't call it O'Reilly's Constant unfortunately. I posted this soon after the Big Fix when we noticed Mom had "lost weight".

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO - PM
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 09:24 AM

I've noticed something interesting. It says Mom has 8112 posts now (8113 after I post) but if you click on any of the other 293 pages, the count in the address bar changes to 14683 (14684 after this post). It also shows up that way if you click on the number to get here instead of the d.

There are 294 pages listed. If you assume that 293 have 50 posts and 1 has 33 (which it does), that adds up to 14683. Trouble is, I claimed post 14700 76 posts ago, so the count should be 14776, not 14683. So we may have actually lost 93 posts. That may not have only just happened now - I'm wondering if we lost those posts some time ago and didn't notice?

I hope Mom isn't as confuserated as I am.



14683-8112=6571

Not only that, but I still think we have lost 93 posts at some stage, maybe back in June 2005 when we had the Big Crash.

I also have a theory that the 6571 posts, which actually are there - just not being counted - are the posts made between the Big Crash in June 2005 and the Big Fix in October 2006. I think the numbers would work out about right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 11:04 AM

I think that it should be named after the person who proposed/discovered it. Like the Pythogorean Theorem or Laplace Transformations or Higgs bosons or Algebraic Curves or Dirichlet series.

I therefore propose that, now and in the future, -6,571 (in base 10) be known as "Jessup's Constant." And if future investigation demonstrates that it is not accurate, it shall be known a "Jessup's Bloody Big Boo-boo." (In base 2, or binary, Jessup's Constant would be -1100110101011, if you could use negative numbers in binary.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 10:42 AM

Reality Number-Distortion Field Magnitude is so clinical.

Why can't we give it another name.

I like

MOM has a Reginald of minus 6,571.

Sounds much classier, doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 10:32 AM

If Faux 9000 =
Real    15571

then

Reality Number-Distortion Field Magnitude = (-6571).


We should check in another 500 posts to see if this effect is indeed linear.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 10:02 AM

If you live on the other side of the planet and slip in while everyone else is asleep this is bound to happen. For the official MOAB record, that was 15571.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 08:51 AM

MOABites welcome anyone claiming numbers, except for some people.

As for that Limey scofflaw "perfesser" he should have been tarred and feathered and keelhauled and sent to the prison hulks anchored out in the Port of Atlanta for the rest of his life. Imagine the absolute GALL of him to come to this country and deliberately and with malice aforethought jaywalk!!!! It destroys the very fabric of American society! Next thing you know the Constitution will fall and British soldiers will be quartered in private homes! And then the Idaho Legion will ride to defend Truth, Justice and The American Way, if they can find the horses, which wandered off last night because Eddie the Stupe forgot the put 'em in the corral and now they're scattered all over the place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 05:54 AM

FAUX 9000!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 05:54 AM

to claim


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 05:54 AM

a few liberties, I guess it will be all right, seeing as no-one else is around


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 05:52 AM

if I just take


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 01:36 AM

I like this bit:

The officer asked the professor for identification.
The professor asked the officer for identification.


and this bit:

"I had five burly policemen pinioning me to the ground".
His colleagues were astonished. It was "like he was Osama bin Laden or something"


Geeze, you think they'd have something better to do with their time - like go and catch criminals!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 12:42 AM

Is it just me?

This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. It comes from the "I Read it in the Newspaper" thread and I've been chuckling about it ever since I read it. I called my son in to read it. Maybe I've just been exposed to the grim American media for too long, where that dim bulb Bush is in all of the stories, or maybe it's the pint of beer I drank this evening that has my funnybone a tiny bit lubricated.

In the middle of all of this, they confiscated his peppermints!

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 12:07 AM

Battleground Analysis

Congratulations!

You have been awarded the TPM medal of honour! This is our highest award for outstanding service on the intellectual battleground.

The fact that you progressed through this activity neither being hit nor biting a bullet suggests that your beliefs about God are internally consistent and very well thought out.

A direct hit would have occurred had you answered in a way that implied a logical contradiction. You would have bitten bullets had you responded in ways that required that you held views that most people would have found strange, incredible or unpalatable. However, you avoided both these fates - and in doing so qualify for our highest award. A fine achievement!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 07 - 12:02 AM

This is post 15,565 Actual!! So doodah.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 10:25 PM

Well, durn it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 10:25 PM

I like the numbers: 89 90.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 10:13 PM

I was away, doing valourous deeds. Ok, I was dancing, drinking, and comforting women. It's a hard job, but someone has to do it....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 10:06 PM

I left it for another, faux numero 8989. But no one took it. So I will.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 05:56 PM

Mom knows the six (or more) directions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 05:51 PM

Woke up this mornin'
Mom was hanging low.
She said drifting down lower
Was the only way she did know

Oooh wah, baby,
Don't you hate when your mother
Can't read the damn compass?

Ohhhhwahoooohwah, yeah.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 01:17 PM

wow! 15,555 posts with one keystroke? Added to the 15,554 post we already had that would make 31,109....

oh.

nevermind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 01:09 PM

My last post was really post 15,555!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 12:08 PM

Could work both ways, Stilly. In fact, it's something they could do together....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 10:46 AM

I can't come up with anything more than a well-punctuated "Eeeewwwwwwww!," as Amos suggested. Articulated correctly, that can be a powerful expletive. Think, for example, of a woman deciding that tonight is the night to finally do it with the boyfriend. . . and then read all of the possible reactions to the remark "Eeeewwwwwwww!" when she sees him nude.

He probably finds that to be as obscene a remark as he could imagine. I imagine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 10:23 AM

I have a feeling Rapiere is lapsing into Anglo-Saxon again. When will he listen to the simple saftey instructions?

:: If the legion distill it, and it eats it's way through a metal tankard, then don't drink it. Or at least find a batch without the special herbs in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 09:03 PM

How about or or ? All good English letters!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 08:49 PM

Which reminds me of something that has turned up in the crossword puzzzles is our local paper. Every so often, the clue is "a report card grade", and the answer is supposed to be "cee" or "dee". Did you ever receive a "cee" or a "dee" on your report card? So far I haven't caught the turkey who makes up the things using an "eff".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 06:16 PM

I have been advised (by a source who wishes to remain anonymous) that there are some "words" used in the UK, beginning with "E", which one would probably not wish to use in the presence of one's Aunt Florence. The one which struck me as being the most likely candidate for discussion here, since it does enjoy usage in the US as well, is "effing".

"Effing" is, of course, derived from the letter "F" , the first letter in "fuck", and is merely a way of saying "fucking" without actually saying "fucking". The question is: "Since the root of 'effing' is the letter 'f', does it qualify as an actual word beginning with 'e' or does it, for all practical purposes, begin with 'f'?"

If we allow "effing", will we then be required th allow the "ess" in "SOB" (abbreviation for 'son of a bitch')? When we say 'SOB' we don't pronounce it 'sob', as in "boo-hoo", but spell it out as 'ess-oh-bee'. And if we allow that, then would we be expected to allow any word beginning with a letter whose own spelling begins with an "E"? Think about it: Parents are always spelling out "ess-aitch-eye-tee" or "em-oh-tee-aitch-ee-ar-ef-you-cee-kay".

Where would it all end?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 05:41 PM

"Excrement" is too clinical. And, no, I'm not prejudiced about those other letters, I just hadn't gotten beyond "E" yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 05:12 PM

All letters are NOT created equal, Rapaire. Don't be a consonant-hugger.

A.
First Vowel


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 05:03 PM

How about k, y, and o? Are you being prejudiced against other letters, poor deprived letters that cannot be (in English) depraved as well? What sort of person are you that you won't give other letters equal rights with e?

Bad Bee-Dubya! Bad, bad, Bee-dubya!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 04:43 PM

Excrement on you, BW!! And also "Eeeewwwwww!".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 04:19 PM

Hi, kids! Ya know what? I don't know of a single swear word or gross anatomical/physiological reference that begins with the letter "E". Sure, there are clinical terms like "evacuation" and "ejaculate", but there's nothing on a par with "shit", or "jizm". And there are mild oaths like "Egads!" but nothing to compare with "Goddammit!" As far as I know, there's no word starting with "E" that you can't legally say on the radio. Can you think of any? It has to be a "real" word. Made up combinations like "eel shit" don't count.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 03:42 PM

Hell's bells, Amos! At those ELFs you could serenade submerged submarines!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 02:28 PM

I think Rapaire is onto something there for the Texas Tunnel. It would restore the state's mythological claim on the biggest of all things. Imagine a penny-whistle miles and miles long. At frequecies that low, you could probably govern the mood in Washington by playing dirges or jigs according to your dark ulterior schemes on any given day.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 10:45 AM

The reason the enviromentalist lobby had it cancelled wasn't what you think. Oh no....


Th real reason was the sounds generated by such a system would only be detected by seismographs, and by whales. Now, as we all know, Enviromentalists love whales, and so listened to the ceteans complaints, which can be paraphrased down to 'Would you mind tuning that thing properly? It's bad enough played at that volume well, let alone how 'spaw does'

Of course, the only two methods available to fix the tuning were to fire all 19,000 federal employees working on the project and hire competent staff, or to rebore it in a different rock formation. Unfortunatley, the federal employes all turned out to live in a very marginal congressional district, and the only suitable rock formation was in the state of a senior senator, who objected to the vast investment that the project would bring, quoting the example of Jericho as to waht happens if you let some bright young man loose with a very big trumpet, and he wouldn't be having any of that in his state.


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