Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafemuddy

Post to this Thread - Printer Friendly - Home
Page: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40] [41] [42] [43] [44] [45] [46] [47] [48] [49] [50] [51] [52] [53] [54] [55] [56] [57] [58] [59] [60] [61] [62] [63] [64] [65] [66] [67] [68] [69] [70] [71] [72] [73] [74] [75] [76] [77] [78] [79] [80] [81] [82] [83] [84] [85] [86] [87] [88] [89] [90] [91] [92] [93] [94] [95] [96] [97] [98] [99] [100] [101] [102] [103] [104] [105] [106] [107] [108] [109] [110] [111] [112] [113] [114] [115] [116] [117] [118] [119] [120] [121] [122] [123] [124] [125] [126] [127] [128] [129] [130] [131] [132] [133] [134] [135] [136] [137] [138] [139] [140] [141] [142] [143] [144] [145] [146] [147] [148] [149] [150] [151] [152] [153] [154] [155] [156] [157] [158] [159] [160] [161] [162] [163] [164] [165] [166] [167] [168] [169] [170] [171] [172] [173] [174] [175] [176] [177] [178] [179] [180] [181] [182] [183] [184] [185] [186] [187] [188] [189] [190] [191] [192] [193] [194] [195] [196] [197] [198] [199] [200] [201] [202] [203] [204] [205] [206] [207] [208] [209] [210] [211] [212] [213] [214] [215] [216] [217] [218] [219] [220] [221] [222] [223] [224] [225] [226] [227] [228] [229] [230] [231] [232] [233] [234] [235] [236] [237] [238] [239] [240] [241] [242] [243] [244] [245] [246] [247] [248] [249] [250] [251] [252] [253] [254] [255] [256] [257] [258] [259] [260] [261] [262] [263] [264] [265] [266] [267] [268] [269] [270] [271] [272] [273] [274] [275] [276] [277] [278] [279] [280] [281] [282] [283] [284] [285] [286] [287] [288] [289] [290] [291] [292] [293] [294] [295] [296] [297] [298] [299] [300] [301] [302] [303] [304] [305] [306] [307] [308] [309] [310] [311] [312] [313] [314] [315] [316] [317] [318] [319] [320] [321] [322] [323] [324] [325] [326] [327] [328] [329] [330] [331] [332] [333] [334] [335] [336] [337] [338] [339] [340] [341] [342] [343] [344] [345] [346] [347] [348] [349] [350] [351] [352] [353] [354] [355] [356] [357] [358] [359] [360] [361] [362] [363] [364] [365] [366] [367] [368] [369] [370] [371] [372] [373] [374] [375] [376] [377] [378] [379] [380] [381] [382] [383] [384] [385] [386] [387] [388] [389] [390] [391] [392] [393] [394] [395] [396] [397] [398] [399] [400] [401] [402] [403] [404] [405] [406] [407] [408] [409] [410] [411] [412] [413] [414] [415] [416] [417] [418] [419] [420] [421] [422] [423] [424] [425] [426] [427] [428] [429] [430] [431] [432] [433] [434] [435] [436] [437] [438] [439] [440] [441] [442] [443] [444] [445] [446] [447] [448] [449] [450] [451] [452] [453] [454] [455] [456] [457] [458] [459] [460] [461] [462] [463] [464] [465] [466] [467] [468] [469] [470] [471] [472] [473] [474] [475] [476] [477] [478] [479] [480] [481] [482] [483] [484] [485] [486] [487] [488] [489] [490] [491] [492] [493] [494] [495] [496] [497] [498] [499] [500] [501] [502] [503] [504] [505] [506] [507] [508] [509] [510] [511] [512] [513] [514] [515] [516] [517] [518] [519] [520] [521] [522] [523] [524] [525] [526] [527] [528] [529] [530] [531] [532] [533] [534] [535] [536] [537] [538] [539] [540] [541] [542] [543] [544] [545] [546] [547] [548] [549] [550] [551] [552] [553] [554] [555] [556] [557] [558] [559] [560] [561] [562] [563] [564] [565] [566] [567] [568] [569] [570] [571] [572] [573] [574] [575] [576] [577] [578] [579] [580] [581] [582] [583] [584] [585] [586] [587] [588] [589] [590] [591] [592] [593] [594] [595] [596] [597] [598] [599] [600] [601] [602] [603] [604] [605] [606] [607] [608] [609] [610] [611] [612] [613] [614] [615] [616] [617] [618] [619] [620] [621] [622] [623] [624] [625] [626] [627] [628] [629] [630] [631] [632] [633] [634] [635] [636] [637] [638] [639] [640] [641] [642] [643] [644] [645] [646] [647] [648] [649] [650] [651] [652] [653] [654] [655] [656] [657] [658] [659] [660] [661] [662] [663] [664] [665] [666] [667] [668] [669] [670] [671] [672] [673] [674] [675] [676] [677] [678] [679] [680] [681] [682] [683] [684] [685] [686] [687] [688] [689] [690] [691] [692] [693] [694] [695] [696] [697] [698] [699] [700] [701] [702] [703] [704] [705] [706] [707] [708] [709] [710] [711] [712] [713] [714] [715] [716] [717] [718] [719] [720] [721] [722] [723] [724] [725] [726] [727] [728] [729] [730] [731] [732] [733] [734] [735] [736] [737] [738] [739] [740] [741] [742] [743] [744] [745] [746] [747] [748] [749] [750] [751] [752] [753] [754] [755] [756] [757] [758] [759] [760] [761] [762] [763] [764] [765] [766] [767] [768] [769] [770] [771] [772] [773] [774] [775] [776] [777] [778] [779] [780] [781] [782] [783] [784] [785] [786] [787] [788] [789] [790] [791] [792] [793] [794] [795] [796] [797] [798] [799] [800] [801] [802] [803] [804] [805] [806] [807] [808] [809] [810] [811] [812] [813] [814] [815] [816] [817] [818] [819] [820] [821] [822] [823] [824] [825] [826] [827] [828] [829] [830] [831] [832] [833] [834] [835] [836] [837] [838] [839] [840] [841] [842] [843] [844] [845] [846] [847] [848] [849] [850] [851] [852] [853] [854] [855] [856] [857] [858] [859] [860] [861] [862] [863] [864] [865] [866] [867] [868] [869] [870] [871] [872] [873] [874] [875] [876] [877] [878] [879] [880] [881] [882] [883] [884] [885] [886] [887] [888] [889] [890] [891] [892] [893] [894] [895] [896] [897] [898] [899] [900] [901] [902] [903] [904] [905] [906] [907] [908] [909] [910] [911] [912] [913] [914] [915] [916] [917] [918] [919] [920] [921] [922] [923] [924] [925] [926] [927] [928] [929] [930] [931] [932] [933] [934] [935] [936] [937] [938] [939] [940] [941] [942] [943] [944] [945] [946] [947] [948] [949] [950] [951] [952] [953] [954] [955] [956] [957] [958] [959] [960] [961] [962] [963] [964] [965] [966] [967] [968] [969] [970] [971] [972] [973] [974] [975] [976] [977] [978] [979] [980] [981] [982] [983] [984] [985] [986] [987] [988] [989] [990] [991] [992] [993] [994] [995] [996] [997] [998] [999] [1000] [1001] [1002] [1003] [1004] [1005] [1006] [1007] [1008] [1009] [1010] [1011] [1012] [1013] [1014] [1015] [1016] [1017] [1018] [1019] [1020] [1021] [1022] [1023] [1024] [1025] [1026] [1027] [1028] [1029] [1030] [1031] [1032] [1033] [1034] [1035] [1036] [1037] [1038] [1039] [1040] [1041] [1042] [1043] [1044] [1045] [1046] [1047] [1048] [1049] [1050] [1051] [1052] [1053] [1054] [1055] [1056] [1057] [1058] [1059] [1060] [1061] [1062] [1063] [1064] [1065] [1066] [1067] [1068] [1069] [1070] [1071] [1072] [1073] [1074] [1075] [1076] [1077] [1078] [1079] [1080] [1081] [1082] [1083] [1084] [1085] [1086] [1087] [1088] [1089] [1090] [1091] [1092] [1093] [1094] [1095] [1096] [1097] [1098] [1099] [1100] [1101] [1102] [1103] [1104] [1105] [1106] [1107] [1108] [1109] [1110] [1111] [1112] [1113] [1114] [1115] [1116] [1117] [1118] [1119] [1120] [1121] [1122] [1123] [1124] [1125] [1126] [1127] [1128] [1129] [1130] [1131] [1132] [1133] [1134]


BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 04 Dec 06 - 09:01 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 06 - 01:28 PM
Amos 04 Dec 06 - 11:54 AM
Amos 04 Dec 06 - 11:44 AM
Rapparee 04 Dec 06 - 11:25 AM
Acme 04 Dec 06 - 11:22 AM
Rapparee 04 Dec 06 - 11:22 AM
MMario 04 Dec 06 - 08:51 AM
Rapparee 04 Dec 06 - 08:43 AM
Acme 04 Dec 06 - 12:50 AM
Rapparee 03 Dec 06 - 09:21 PM
Amos 03 Dec 06 - 08:11 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 06 - 05:52 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 06 - 05:11 PM
Amos 03 Dec 06 - 03:46 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 06 - 03:16 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 06 - 01:47 PM
Amos 03 Dec 06 - 12:05 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 06 - 11:54 AM
Acme 03 Dec 06 - 11:43 AM
Acme 03 Dec 06 - 11:42 AM
Amos 03 Dec 06 - 11:18 AM
Rapparee 03 Dec 06 - 10:29 AM
Rapparee 03 Dec 06 - 10:28 AM
Rapparee 03 Dec 06 - 10:23 AM
Rapparee 02 Dec 06 - 10:50 PM
Amos 02 Dec 06 - 07:17 PM
Acme 02 Dec 06 - 05:32 PM
Amos 02 Dec 06 - 03:27 PM
Amos 02 Dec 06 - 11:02 AM
Amos 02 Dec 06 - 01:01 AM
Acme 02 Dec 06 - 12:32 AM
Amos 01 Dec 06 - 03:22 PM
MMario 01 Dec 06 - 01:48 PM
Bunnahabhain 01 Dec 06 - 01:29 PM
Acme 01 Dec 06 - 01:28 PM
Amos 01 Dec 06 - 11:55 AM
Amos 01 Dec 06 - 09:24 AM
MMario 01 Dec 06 - 08:38 AM
Acme 30 Nov 06 - 09:37 PM
Amos 30 Nov 06 - 07:20 PM
Acme 30 Nov 06 - 04:25 PM
Amos 30 Nov 06 - 12:54 PM
Amos 30 Nov 06 - 09:55 AM
Acme 30 Nov 06 - 12:31 AM
Rapparee 29 Nov 06 - 10:07 PM
Bunnahabhain 29 Nov 06 - 07:37 PM
Amos 29 Nov 06 - 06:59 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 06 - 04:35 PM
Acme 29 Nov 06 - 04:31 PM
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:






Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 09:01 PM

This time of year gets me thinking about Christmases of the past. Like the year we all got sticks and mine lasted clear until March, when we had to burn it during the sudden cold snap on St. Patrick's Day just to stay warm. Or the year I got my first, ah, well, maybe that's not appropriate right now...oh, hell, my first piece of maple-glazed ham, and boy was it good! Then there was the Christmas right after Great-Aunt Masie died; and I mean RIGHT after -- we shellacked her, stood her up, and hung the ornaments on her. Saved us a good five bucks, easy, for a Christmas tree. But what I remember best is the family gathered around the old upright piano with my mother playing, me on my trumpet, my brother Tony on his trombone, brother Ted playing saxophone, and my sister on flute, as we all raised out voices in our family's favorite Christmas song:


CHORUS:
Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she'd left her medication,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.
When they found her Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack.
There were hoof prints on her forehead,
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.

CHORUS

Now were all so proud of Grandpa,
He's been takin' this so well.
See him in there watchin' football,
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.
It's not Christmas without Grandma.
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?

CHORUS

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig.
And a blue and silver candle,
That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.
I've warned all my friends and neighbours.
"Better watch out for yourselves."
They should never give a license,
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.

CHORUS


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 01:28 PM

Ya think I want Opus Dei, the Taliban, the Dark Angels, and whoever the Quakers use as a hit squad after me? Eternal Salvation without paying? What are you, some kinda Commie? Or even worse, an Existentialist? Eternal Salvation (or ES, as we call it in the trade) is worth what you pay for it, like anything else. So keep those donations rolling in, and forget about that widow and her mite.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 11:54 AM

Rapaire:

Why no interest in Eternal Salvation? I mean, I could raise a few objections, like why it takes so long. But maybe the phrase has been misunderstood and it is really a short burst of salvation-beams that then last in their effect forever. Now, I dunno whether it is a one-shot process for all eternity, or a process that runs eternally, but wither way I would like to know how it works. Unfortunately, when the average amateur proselytizer comes to the door he doesn't understand his own parts list, so he can't explain the process. He invokes sub-systems labeled "Pure FM" and "Insert miracle here". While this definitely wualifies for innovative design, it is un patentable because it fails the "enabling" test.

I think what the world really needs now is a salvation process that is not faith-based. That would sell like hotcakes, doncha think?

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 11:44 AM

And if you set the controls to go into the past as far as possible, sixty minutes later you would be a Republican.

I really hate Mondays, Mom, I got up at 5:00 this morning, as I usually do on "work" days, and went to my office to do "work". I am really ambiguouos about the whole idea, though. For one thing it is so hard to wake up. I dozed off several times just while warming up. On the weekend I can be really lazy and sleep until seven, which feels so luxurious. But what I want to know is, should I really be buying inot this "work " thing? Shouldn't I be doing something so inspiring and enjoyable that there is no way it could be called work? And yet make money for doing it? Wouldn't that be better? Do you believe there is such a place, Mom? Where work is play and no-one has to fall asleep over their terminal?


What do you think?


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 11:25 AM

I created a Time Machine once. If you got in and set the controls to go an hour into the future, just sixty minutes later you'd be there!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 11:22 AM

I don't worry about time travel, I just cross my fingers that I can manage swift and safe Interstate Highway travel. Moonglow is putting a lot of miles on my pickup with these trips to campus twice every weekend.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 11:22 AM

Up, Mom, up! Like you always say, "It's better on top!"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 08:51 AM

it was cold this weekend. not bitter cold, but Christmassy cold. which is good because we were celebrating Christmas all weekend in 1842.

This whole time travel thing was much easier 10 years ago. Even 5 years ago.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 08:43 AM

Apart from politicians (one of whom actually wrote and thanked me for speaking with his parents!), the only people who came selling were a couple Mormon missionaries. They were told we weren't interested in Eternal Salvation and nobody's been back since.

Maybe that has to do with the electric fence, razor wire, punji sticks, fougasse , and land mines with which I have surrounded the property. I dunno. The doormat says "Welcome!"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 12:50 AM

I don't have a c[s]eller. That's why I just kick them out of the yard.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 09:21 PM

We have a sign that directs door-to-door purveyors to the door to the basement. We call it the "seller door."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 08:11 PM

That's a deep proposition. I'll get back to you on it, okay?

C'mon, Maw!! Up the stairs we go...


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 05:52 PM

If you come visiting, you can sleep in a basement...heh heh.


























We don't have very MANY roaches...the rats eat them too quickly!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 05:11 PM

What a kind gesture! I'm so sorry I ruined your wonderful gift. I guess it's just my suspicious mind, poisoned by so many years watching the politics of Washington, that led me to Jump To Conclusions which were baseless, tasteless, and completely unwarranted. I'm sorry, and ask that you accept my personal abasement as an apology.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 03:46 PM

I guess I underestimated your body mass, there, Mike. I coulda sworn the vino you put away would have kept you out cold for another thirteen and one-half minutes. That Cap'n is an old friend, but he'll be wanting his fifty dollars back now. And it coming Christmas and all!! Why couldn't you have just stayed on board another half-hour?? You coulda gotten to see Singapore and the waterfront of Kuala Lumpur for nothin', man!!

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 03:16 PM

On a lesser note, they finally got the Legion Hovel shoveled free. For some time the thought was to "let them drunks in there with all the cold drinks they have" but when it was discovered that Midnight Charlie still owed the Mayor a hundred bucks from the poker game they were both busted at the Mayor got the fire department to melt the stuff off the Hovel with boiling water.

Worked like a charm, and all was well. Those trapped inside fell into the arms of their loved ones, some of whom were actual spouses and most of whom were bipedal and kissin' and huggin' and pocket pickin' prevailed. But one who never came out was Midnight Charlie.

The Hovel was thoroughly searched, high and sober, and ol' Charlie was nowhere to be found. They even dug up the basement again, just in case, and found two more bodies but since neither was Charlie's they covered 'em back up.

Well, just as the boiling water had cooled again to the point where it was almost frozen, who should come stumbling and sliding along but Midnight Charlie his own self, looking to cadge a bottle or three at the Hovel! Seems he'd been spending more time than he should have with Nightmare Nancy in one of the "fantasy rooms" at the Thunderboid Notell (it was named for the proprietor's favorite wine) and Nancy had thrown him out when she found that all he had in in wallet was dust, lint, and cracker crumbs. Being thirsty, MC headed over to the Hovel and the rest was more of less history.

Charlie slipped, ya see, and slid on his butt down High Mt. Low, all 3,761 feet of it, from the Hovel (which is on to of the mountain) until his descent was stopped by a sudden plunge over the Cliffs O' Death (three feet high) and into the Mighty Portneuf River. He was roundly cussed out by Hank White, who was trying to catch a few crappie for dinner, and left to try to walk back to his box behind Murray's Bar and rillG.

Don't worry about Midnight Charlie. He'll be okay. He's got so much alcohol in his blood that his freezing point's right around -40 F.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 01:47 PM

Then why did I come to on a tramp freighter, managing to jump ashore only seconds before it shoved off and after seeing the Captain give you fifty bucks "for another deckhand, even if he's a poor 'un"?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 12:05 PM

Your shoes now fit the poor, your watch fetched $10.00 and the Kearney Pawn, and you wallet was empty when I found it under the back hedge. What were you doing back there, practicing to mudlark?


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 11:54 AM

Amos got me so drunk that I barely brought myself back. I'm hoping that he will return my wallet, watch, and shoes. (I'm really glad that I thought to take my credit cards and other such data out of my wallet before I went to his place!)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 11:43 AM

Oops. That was actually 15,073 and this is 15,074. But who's counting?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 11:42 AM

Just for reference, we're at 15072.

I'm glad you two had fun. Did Rapaire bring back any souvenirs for the rest of us?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 11:18 AM

Wow!! That's a wonderful discovery, Rapaire.

I would have invited you mudlarking with me, but I was concerned you might lark too deep.

This happens sometimes and makes it very hard to get someone back out of the mud in which they have overlarked. Then when the tide comes back in they stop breathing.

I appreciate the things you do while breathing, big fella, so I didn't include that in the evenings agenda. Thanks for the nice visit and I am glad to hear you enjoyed yourself!

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 10:29 AM

fake number 8500.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 10:28 AM

Gee, Mom. If nobody else is awake, I can claim


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 10:23 AM

One of the results of my trip to San Diego is a discovery which will most likely win me the Nobel Prize For Discovering Things.

Briefly put, I found out the origin of US Marines. Not the US Marine Corps, but where the come from.

I went to SD primarily to see my nephew (I'm pretty sure it was my nephew) graduate from the Marine Corps boot camp. As we drove onto the base in a shuttle bus, there it was: The Answer. Right in front of a genuine government-issue building was a genuine Marine Corps sign that read

   DEPOT
REPRODUCTION

I wasn't allowed inside so I can't tell you if, as I think, individual Marines are "made" there or if the purpose of the facility is to reproduce the whole danged Unites State Marine Corps Recruiting Depot.

I humbly await my Nobel Prize For Discovering Things, and I'll remember all of the little people who helped me along the way -- especially King Rory of the leperchauns of Kerry, Moonblossom (for, ah, "services rendered") and all the rest.

And I promise that I won't be vain and full of pride and that I will come back and chat with my inferiors.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 10:50 PM

Ted's my youngest nephew. He wants to be a paleontologist and clone T. Rexes.

I had an excellent time at Amos's place. He is a gourmet cook and his wife is just as wonderful as he is. And I was raised up not to talk about myself, but to gossip about others.

So....

Amos lives in a tar-paper covered shack down by the docks in San Diego. His primary occupation is what the Brits used to call "mudlarking" -- tromping around in the mud hoping to find something worth selling. To do this he cannot wear any footwear, and so his legs are encased in black stinking muck from the soles of his feet to just above his knees. He plays a Martin "Gibson" guitar and doesn't sing very flat very often. He has a decent taste in wine, and what he drinks is even better than "Boone's Farm." To thank him for a wonderful evening, here are the words to one of the songs I sang:

JOHN COOK
Tom Rowe

        Oh, John Cook, ye have taken us to hell;
        Locked up in the ice off Baffin Island.
        We've been here for a year, now the water's comin' clear;
        Won't you set for home, John Cook, without the oil?

We sailed her out from Gloucester, to hunt the mighty whale;
A crew of twenty seasoned whalin' men.
With Slocum at the helm and me and Drury haulin' sail,
And the Captain shouting orders at the wind.

The Captain's wife had begged to go and Cook could not deny her;
For Annie Cook was sweet and young and fair.
She's been this last year down below, a'huddled near the fire;
The whaler's lot was more than she could bear.

        Chorus

With one year gone and one to go we'd less than half the oil;
Four hundred barrels filled and in the hold.
The Captain turned her north'ard where he knew we'd find the whale
But instead of whales we found the bitter cold.

The Atlantic Queen did shudder as she braved the ocean gales;
But her master would not heed the mate's advice:
Oh, Captain, turn her south'ard and damn the hellish whale;
For if you don't we'll soon be trapped in ice.

        Chorus

Soon the ice stretched all around the proud Atlantic Queen;
And nine months gone the food began to spoil.
The Captain paced the foredeck, tortured, torn between,
His love for Ann and lusting for the oil.

For Annie Cook had begged her John to take her home to Gloucester,
Or sure it was she'd lose her sanity.
And the crew of the Atlantic Queen had charged her lord and master
To point her south or face a mutiny.

        Chorus

The Captain made his choice, he'd not return without the oil.
His pride was more important than his wife.
And when there came the mutiny he shot the Steward Boyle;
To take the Queen they'd have to take his life.

Two more weeks, the ice cleared north, we set out the whales to find;
We took three beasts before the second day.
Michael Boyle had lost his life and Annie Cook had lost her mind,
And the Captain's coal black hair had gone to gray.

        Chorus


And here's another that I didn't sing, really:

SQUID-JIGGIN' GROUND
A.R. Scammell

        Oh! This is the place where the fishermen gather
        With oilskins and boots and Cape Anns battened down.
        All sizes of figures with squid lines and jiggers,
        They congregate here on the squid-jiggin' ground.

Some are working their jiggers while others are yarnin'!
There's some standin' up and there's more lyin' down.
While all kinds of fun, jokes and tricks are begun
As they wait for the squid on the squid-jiggin' ground.

There's men of all ages and boys in the bargain,
There's old Billy Cave and there's young Raymond Brown.
There's a red rantin' tory, out here in a dory,
A'runnin' down squires on the squid-jiggin' ground.

        Chorus

The man in the whiskers is old Jacob Steele.
He's gettin' well up but he's still pretty sound.
While Uncle Bob Hawkins wears six pairs of stockin's
Whenever he's out on the squid-jiggin' ground.

Now says Bobby, "The squid are on top of the water,
I just got me jigger 'bout one fathom down."
When a squid in the boat squirted right down his throat,
And he's swearin' like mad on the squid-jiggin' ground.

        Chorus

There's old Uncle Billy, his whiskers are spattered
With spots of the squid juice that's flyin' around.
One poor little b'y got it right in the eye,
But they don't give a damn on the squid-jiggin' ground.

Now, if ever you feel inclined to go squiddin',
Leave your white shirts and collars behind in the town,
And if you feel cranky without your silk hanky
You'd better steer clear of the squid-jiggin' ground.

        Chorus


Gee, I hope that he gets bailed out soon so that he can read this....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 07:17 PM

He should be showing up here any time. Ask him about Ted. :D


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 05:32 PM

Rapaire needs to Repair his Rapairee.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 03:27 PM

He also said I have been mispronouncing his name lo these many years, and it should rhyme with rapparee. I an gob-smacked. All those poems shot to hell! But I am going to stick to my guns and insist he change his spelling if he wants it pronounced differently. It just ain't right to spell it Rapaire ad expect anyone to know his secret pronunciation.

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 11:02 AM

I had dinner with Rapaire last night, Mom. I don't think he enjoyed himself very much -- he told many tales of courage, glory, humor and accomplishment on the part of other people, and we drank a bottle and a half of vin rouge and sang some obscure sea songs and such. Maybe he did like it, but he said he has given up liking things or disliking them for Lent. So it was hard to tell. But I had a very good time!

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 01:01 AM

Unspeakably!!


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 12:32 AM

I'm back. Did you miss me?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 03:22 PM

The thread, mayhap, amigo. But the BS Protestant Book of Ordinary Hymns is as old as BS Protestation itself, which goes back much further, and so understandably it has many more pages.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 01:48 PM

15060


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 01:29 PM

Amos, we're only up to 302 pages so far...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 01:28 PM

Hi, Mom! Gotta run to Dallas to get an old friend who flew in from Arizona then head up to Denton to pick up Moonglow and her boyfriend and take them to lunch, then bring Moonglow and my friend back here this evening.

The important part of the message being that I am going to go drive in Dallas. Yuck.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 11:55 AM

Stand up, stand up for Mother!
Ye soldiers of BS!
Let not her numbers falter,
Nor fade, her noble dress!
From topic unto topic
Her whackos she will lea-ead.
'Til everyone is slack-jawed
And BS rules indeed!


BS Protestant Book of Ordinary Hymns, page 345


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 09:24 AM

Happy December 1st, 2006, Mom. Next year will be 2007. Beginning in 30 days. Don't you hate it when that happens?

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 08:38 AM

Wierd hearing you talk about possible "snow day" when we haven't had any yet - and that is unusual!!! We often have a good storm or two before Halloween, let alone December!!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 09:37 PM

After getting up at the regular time he played computer games for a while, but I made him do all of his homework in the middle of the day before he went back to them, so it wasn't as much a holiday as he might have liked. Now he's in practicing his guitar, and I can hear him making progress. He's doing the lessons from his teacher and he's doing some of his own thing--which is as it should be.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 07:20 PM

Well, tell him he really, really owes you one for that!! :D


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 04:25 PM

Ooops, MOM! You slipped out there! Careful, let me help you up!

I kept my son home from school today, even though the schools were open. I called him in sick so it wouldn't be called an unexcused absence. It looked like it was going to get really icy, and since I have to drive a lot further than most parents, and since his Dad has been out of town and might not make it back because of the weather, I figured I didn't want him home alone at his Dad's (where he catchest the bus in the morning). It has fizzled after some freezing rain and snow. Accumulations on the grass and garden, but not on the street. Looks like the district called it (but my university closed--there are so many commuters that they no doubt figured they wouldn't have many show up). Oh, well. I'll feel guilty for a little while--he's a good student and hasn't missed any other days and every day is important.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 12:54 PM

And I have indeed done hard time shoveling snow, helping stranded motorists out of a ditch, learning to control four-point skids, and other tribulations concomitant with living in a refrigerator five months of the year. This is one of the reasons I am content to reside in San Diego, where the living is a tad more laid-back by reason of our sunshine, and the salaries proportionately lower.

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 09:55 AM

My childhood in Connecticut was alleviated by the Great Indoor Sport of listening to a kitchen AM radio for school closing notices during white, bright snowstorm mornings. Like playing keno -- you only won occasionally but it made your whole day when you did.

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 12:31 AM

Have any done hard time shovelling snow?

Ooooo--I hear the thunder arriving! Rapaire's cold air from Idaho is running hard into the hot warm air from the Gulf of Mexico. Ker-POW! And tomorrow we're supposed to have bad weather, but I'd better get up at the normal time anyway to see if school is open or not, or if the cold and ice or sleet materialized. When it comes to anticipating snow days, there are usually more disapointments than anything else. Usually because the weather failed to advance sufficiently.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:07 PM

Hey! Almost all of the Legionaires are either doing good probation or they've done their time, those that got caught.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 07:37 PM

The legion has plenty of time. Indeed, they have, on average 15 to 25 years, but they don't get all that many visitors out at Fort Notonthemap State prision and potatoe farm...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 06:59 PM

Well, I'm glad they aren't coming, to be honest, much as I would love meeting them somewhere. I only have so much time!


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 04:35 PM

The Idaho Legion will not be coming. In fact, they're having a hard time getting out of the Hovel right now. The groundsman, Swoopin' Sammy, got a bit too thorough in his duties last night. Sammy ran the snowblower (we've had some snow here!) and cleared the parking lot, hitching post area, and hitchiking area right down to bare pavement. Unfortunately, he did this while most member were meeting inside the Hovel and because of his lack of familiarity with the discharge chute controls he managed to bury the Hovel and everyone in it under about 10 feet of snow.

Rescue attempts are being considered.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 04:31 PM

I hope you didn't plan for that thing to scan, Amos. Whew!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
Next Page

 


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 24 October 12:02 AM EDT

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.