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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 03 Sep 12 - 03:22 PM
Amos 03 Sep 12 - 06:55 PM
Rapparee 03 Sep 12 - 09:26 PM
Amos 03 Sep 12 - 09:51 PM
Rapparee 03 Sep 12 - 10:22 PM
Acme 03 Sep 12 - 10:57 PM
Amos 03 Sep 12 - 11:07 PM
Little Hawk 03 Sep 12 - 11:39 PM
Rapparee 04 Sep 12 - 01:20 AM
Acme 04 Sep 12 - 09:44 AM
Rapparee 04 Sep 12 - 10:02 AM
Acme 04 Sep 12 - 10:07 AM
Amos 04 Sep 12 - 10:24 AM
Rapparee 04 Sep 12 - 12:32 PM
Amos 04 Sep 12 - 12:58 PM
GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press 04 Sep 12 - 03:12 PM
Amos 04 Sep 12 - 03:17 PM
Rapparee 04 Sep 12 - 09:39 PM
Acme 04 Sep 12 - 10:05 PM
Amos 05 Sep 12 - 09:34 AM
Rapparee 05 Sep 12 - 01:36 PM
Acme 05 Sep 12 - 02:59 PM
gnu 05 Sep 12 - 03:10 PM
Amos 05 Sep 12 - 05:30 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 12 - 05:41 PM
Acme 05 Sep 12 - 07:32 PM
gnu 05 Sep 12 - 08:07 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 12 - 11:49 PM
Rapparee 06 Sep 12 - 10:12 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 06 Sep 12 - 11:14 AM
Amos 06 Sep 12 - 01:30 PM
Amos 06 Sep 12 - 01:31 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 06 Sep 12 - 01:46 PM
Rapparee 06 Sep 12 - 02:00 PM
Amos 06 Sep 12 - 02:26 PM
gnu 06 Sep 12 - 05:17 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 06 Sep 12 - 06:28 PM
Amos 06 Sep 12 - 07:07 PM
gnu 06 Sep 12 - 07:20 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 06 Sep 12 - 08:07 PM
Rapparee 06 Sep 12 - 09:11 PM
Rapparee 06 Sep 12 - 10:46 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 06 Sep 12 - 11:24 PM
GUEST,Apollonius of Tyre 07 Sep 12 - 12:28 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Sep 12 - 01:11 PM
Rapparee 07 Sep 12 - 02:03 PM
gnu 07 Sep 12 - 02:06 PM
Amos 07 Sep 12 - 05:05 PM
gnu 07 Sep 12 - 05:17 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Sep 12 - 05:45 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 12 - 03:22 PM

Au contraire, mon vieux Amos:
Numbers have always caused a fuss.
They are no more real than Neverland --
You cannot catch one in your hand,
Irrational, imaginary things
Their very nature requires wings!
Wings that prevent your grasping them,
From grasping Truth about their den.
Numbers lie in wait, you see:
Without them you can't sail the sea,
Fly a plane, or do your tax,
Make a box or swing an axe,
Explode a charge or make a road,
Find a boson or break a code.
Once I left some numbers in the air,
Four Five Seven Nine Eight were there.
I left them there from night 'til day
For another to claim and take away.
But I could not let them stagnate for hours
So I advanced Mom, myself, to higher bowers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 12 - 06:55 PM

A man in love with lethal widgits
Is the sort to be entranced by digits,
Counting oddballs just for pleasure
Who prays to life to have a measure
Believing in the Grand Pretension
That counting life gives it dimension.
But that way lies unmeasured stress
Losing flavors of True BS
Tying wisdom's endless fount
Down to some dry pragmatic count.
It is not the number of the wave
That lets the watcher's mind be saved
Nor the molecules by number named
That let's the sea-wind guide the sane.
If you'd throw away your One
You'd be Mom's favorite son!

Ohhhh, Mommma!! Could this really be the end?
To be stuck inside of Mobile,
With the Memphis blues again!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 12 - 09:26 PM

In the corner of my room I see
Swept-hilt rapier, small sword, epee,
Backpack, bow, and fishing net,
A quiver of arrows, a fly rod yet
Used but once, another rod not used at all,
And books, books piled up Oh! so tall.
In the closet resides bullets and guns
Twice locked away, quite safe from nuns.
But the dangerous stuff behind me lurks:
Over twelve hundred seditious books,
In the next room a thousand more
Filled with ideas you can't ignore
Except at your peril. Widgets, you see,
Are not the danger you think them to be.
Ideas are what are dangerous:
Tyrants know this, so in power lust
They burn poor books and tell their Lie,
Forgetting that die Gedanken sind frie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 12 - 09:51 PM

I swan, Mister R your scansion is healing nicely!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 12 - 10:22 PM

I've been going to therapy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Sep 12 - 10:57 PM

I agree with Little Hawk. Treat those seals better and they won't pee in the boat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 12 - 11:07 PM

That was Rapp's obtusity, Mz Sage, not Little Hawk's. I was talking about O-rings, not pennipeds.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Sep 12 - 11:39 PM

This is the 2nd time I've been mistaken for Rapparee. It's very worrisome! The first time it happened, I found myself being pursued by Interpol, CSIS (Canadian Secret Service), the Black Muslims, the Ku Klux Klan, the Mafia, the Black Hand, the Rosicrucians, the Satanic Church of America, Opus Dei, the Hatfields AND the McCoys, the Chippewa Nation, the Moonies, the FBI, and an assortment of angry Seventh Day Adventists from the Great Falls, Montana area.

DON'T MISTAKE ME FOR RAPPAREEEEEEEE!!!!!! Please! Enough is enough!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 12 - 01:20 AM

Several times I have been mistaken for Little Hawk. I have been accosted by various drunken louts, attacked by giant hamsters, berated by what I can only describe as wannabee-poshes from England, and shot at by a chimpanzee in a pin-stripe suit who was wearing a fedora and had a tommy gun in one hand, a bottle of cheap whiskey in another and a foot around some blonde floozie. My life has been a series of nightmares, each worse than the last, until yesterday, while I was strolling quietly home from church, I realized the True Meaning And Purpose Of Life and how it can be attained. Needless to say I fled down the corridors of time, tried to shelter myself in the odd nooks and crannies of the Rock of Ages, crossed the Bifrost Bridge (annoying not a few Valkyries along the way), and found myself sitting lotus at the Top of the Mountain.

Please don't mistake me for Liiiiiiittttttttlllllleeeeeeeeeee Haaaawwwwwkkkkk!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Sep 12 - 09:44 AM

What can I say? I was partially blinded by that huge blue blinking number.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 12 - 10:02 AM

There's a man at the door babbling on about lizard people. He said his name was Rector Ballswarthy or something; I think he's selling some religion. I've called the police.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Sep 12 - 10:07 AM

Really? They usually just come on in and have a seat on the couch with MOM. She asks so many questions they can hardly wait to escape.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 12 - 10:24 AM

I declare that I am ready to believe that David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas, Number 9 Dream, et al) maybe the best modern writer of ENglish alive today.

Just maybe. His books have been completely engrossing, riddled with depth, rich in craft, wondrous in words. Read him soomer rather than later.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 12 - 12:32 PM

Is this the same Davey Mitchell I went to high school with?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 12 - 12:58 PM

I dunno. Was he British? This author lives in IReland.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press
Date: 04 Sep 12 - 03:12 PM

It has come to this writer's notice that the worldwide Reptilian Conspiracy is planting agents and saboteurs all across North, Central, and South America with the intention of completely subverting the entire western hemisphere to the Reptilian Agenda!!!!

Few are aware that the Falklands War in the 1980's was really fought so that the Reptilians in the British Monarchy could establish a secret base in the Falkland Islands where they could breed pure English genetic subjects with Reptilians and produce a race to rule the western hemisphere for all time!!!!!

And that is one of the reasons why the Argentinians invaded! The Argentinian generals, also Reptilians, resented this encroachment upon their growing sphere of influence by the Reptilians of the Royal Family and feared that their plans to enslave millions of Argentinian subjects would be co-opted by agents from the UK. Accordingly, they moved fast to pre-empt that from occuring!

But...they seriously underestimated the rapid response of the Ultra-Reptilian monster Thatcher, united with the covert assistance of the Washington DC and New York Reptilians in the USA.

The results were inevitable! The Argentinian generals lost out and the Thatcher-Lizard and her cold-blooded cohorts won.

The sad thing is, however, that no matter which set of Reptilians wins in these family squabbles...we humans lose!!!!

The only thing standing between complete Reptilian domination of this planet and the realization of freedom and security for the human race is the courageous voice of the Independent Press, a voice which WILL NOT BE SILENCED!!!!

I have lately been attempting to contact aware persons in the western part of the United States, persons who can comprehend the gravity of the dire situation facing us all, and who are not afraid to step up, put their lives on the line, and fight for humanity!

Wish me luck, readers!

This is Hector Ballsworthy of the Independent Press, the voice of freedom and sanity in a suffering world, saying once again...

Buck up, chaps! It's not over yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 12 - 03:17 PM

The weekend days will soon be here!
No pleasure will I lack!
For as the dawn breaks o'er the sea
I will be there riding the waves so free
At sea in my old Kayak.

Go off on bus, or bike or plane,
With an overstuffed back-pack!
I'd rather be on the ocean's breast,
Hearing the wild gull sing my rest,
At sea in my old Kayak.

For the quiet dip of the skipper's blade
In the predawn waters black
Brings a solitude and a comfort deep
Worth the pain of a badly broken sleep,
Out at sea in my old Kayak.

Heerleysian Oldufferby Lowe
Dumb Songs from Smartmouths
Bodleian Library Publications
London, 1838


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 12 - 09:39 PM

Amos,is it true that you are running up and down your halls of labor yelling, "SHORT! SHORT! I'M A SHORT-TIMER!!! SUCK IT UP, I'M SHORT!!!!"??

I meant to send you a short-timer's stick and a short-timer's calendar, but I got busy or forgot or both.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Sep 12 - 10:05 PM

Amazing that Mr. Hector Ballsworthy of the Independent Press can find his way back to this thread over the years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 12 - 09:34 AM

I am sure Mister Ballsworthy is a competent gentleman. That he would want to do so is a more problematic issue.

My heart goes out to Michelle Obama, who gave the best speech ever given in a national convention last night, and brought joy and courage to a whole lot of people.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 12 - 01:36 PM

"...fight for humanity." Well, the Idaho Legion would possibly maybe do something like that perhaps, if there was enough beer in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 12 - 02:59 PM

I suspect pranksters caused a mess at YouTube during her speech. Lots who wanted to weren't able to live stream it as they were set up to do. MOM had to watch it on the television. What a concept!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Sep 12 - 03:10 PM

Meanwhile, here in Canada, shots were fired in PQ after the Parti won a minority government. Tragic and upsetting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 12 - 05:30 PM

BEst thing to do with shots in upper Canada is throw them back and ask for a refill...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 12 - 05:41 PM

Aaaaaaaamos! Aaaaamos! You have but 16 hours left, Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 12 - 07:32 PM

gnu, I heard about that on the radio. He must have looked odd, but was still able to walk in, is that the story?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Sep 12 - 08:07 PM

Still a bit sketchy, SRS. Of course, the media is spinning it into far more than it is... the bastards!

Talk of the Parti young coming to my province (the only officially bilingual province in Canada) and stirring "things" up. Assholes tried that years ago and Acadians sent them packing. It's complicated but these idiots will get nowhere with separating from Canada UNLESS big money gets them there. Fact is, if someone can deliver PQ to big Yankee business and sell the water and power, they will be rich beyond comprehension. It's just $ AND the fact that they will be able to determine their future and THAT is where it gets very complicated... very, very complicated.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 12 - 11:49 PM

You think that the rest of Canada and the United States would stand still if Quebec separated? The St. Lawrence Seaway would be controlled by a foreign power and neither could will put up with that. They'd have no price supports from the Canadian Government for such things as oil and food. No Defence Forces. In effect they would be starting from scratch and no matter the amount of hydro they could produce they still need buyers.

Nah, just can't see it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 10:12 AM

Why can't I get this song out of my head? And if I succeeded, what would it be replaced with? This one?

I think I'm going mad! MAD, you hear me? MAD!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 11:14 AM

They seem like real nice songs to me, Rap. I don't get what yer complainin' about. As one who has always believed that Mothers should be honored, loved, and obeyed, I can't figger what yer problem is with them songs. Maybe you oughta get down on yer knees and pray some about it...a little honest contrition should set ya on the right path.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 01:30 PM

You're mixing up your Miriam with your Mary Jane again, Rap. Only oe of them will save you, and it isn't dressed in a blue gown.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 01:31 PM

Sorry--I meant your MARIAN. I have known poeple to confuse Mary jane with Marjoram, but not with Marian.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 01:46 PM

If there is anything I can't stand, it's a guy who don't appreciate his Mother. Them types oughta be waterboarded, if ya ask me.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 02:00 PM

Well, Chonga ol' buddy, here's a song for you! And here's another.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 02:26 PM

Behold, a friendship made in Heaven!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 05:17 PM

The Seaway... the CAF... Ungava... Prince Rupert's Land... and more, Rap. It's complicated. They say they deserve and want the Seaway, thier forces, the territories placed under their jusrisdiction when they joined Confederation but will they get them? They would not have under, say, Trudeau, but we are talking Harper and he is not to be trusted. He would sell his mother's jewellry before the funeral.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 06:28 PM

That first link of yers is one of the most specist and insultin' things I have ever seen, Rap. They musta photoshopped the gut on that monkey. What a horrible sight! Geez, I feel sick lookin' at it...

Okay, jerkface....I just found a nice video here of yer girlfriend:

Nice tooth!

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 07:07 PM

The greatest tragedy in the history of the Mudcat Café--The Mother of all BS has degenerated into a Facebook thread.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 07:20 PM

CHONGO! STOP MONKEYING AROUND! ".... degenerated into a Facebook thread." is not quite stern enough... lashes! 40 lashes with a wet noodle!!! Maybe more.

That was uncalled for, sir!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 08:07 PM

You think I'm bein' too easy on him, dontcha? Well, that's the kind of ape I am...basically a nice guy, patient, sensitive to others' feelings...to a point.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 09:11 PM

Chonga, I'm married and have been for quite some time. I don't have a girl friend and haven't had for the same length of time I've been married. I do have women friends, however.

I demand an explanation of your comments, as I found them to be most ungracious and insulting not only to me but to the women of MOAB and women in general.

Thank you,
Rapparee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 10:46 PM

Aaaaaaaaaamos...tomorrow.....it happens tomorrow, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 06 Sep 12 - 11:24 PM

Which specific comments of mine you referrin' to, Rap? And I want 'em in quotes. What I am sayin' is: you got nothin' like that on me.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Apollonius of Tyre
Date: 07 Sep 12 - 12:28 PM

Good day to you all.

I have been informed that some one of you will be celebrating today. Remember that all is dross, and this celebration will be as but ashes in the mouth of celebrant. Life is made to be lived, to be endured, and you should thank the Gods that it is short and as free of pain as it is for it could be much worse. Bear it, for the Gods would not have you shorten it by deliberate action save to preserve yourself from worse.

That is all I have to say. Enjoy as you will, for it will not last.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Sep 12 - 01:11 PM

Yer a real little ray of sunshine, aintcha, Appollonius?

The best reason to celebrate is this: It's a lot more fun to enjoy the moment than it is to sit around moanin' about how it ain't gonna last!

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Sep 12 - 02:03 PM

Dear Mr. Chonga,

Maybe you oughta get down on yer knees and pray some about it...a little honest contrition should set ya on the right path.

Okay, jerkface....I just found a nice video here of yer girlfriend:


The implication that "a little honest contrition" might set me "on the right path" is more than somewhat insulting as I have never knowingly strayed from the path of righteousness.

I have found several definitions of the term "jerkface"; none of them are complimentary. This definition is one:

One who abuses his girlfriend, quits his job so he doesn't have to pay child support, bails on his rent, and is an overall douchemonkey

Please explain why you are insulting me. I await your reply.

Sincerely yours,
Rapparee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Sep 12 - 02:06 PM

Apollonius, my old friend
Step on in and let me shake your hand
So glad that you're here again for one more time
Let your madness run with mine
Streets still unseen, we'll find somehow
No time is better than now

With apollogies to Steely Dan (yes, I did).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 12 - 05:05 PM

No time, indeed, is better than now
The bills are paid, the straps laid low,
The collar cast, the harness off,
There's an off-shore breeze, and a star aloft.

They key's been turned, and handed in
The desk is clear of task and sin,
The files are filed, and handed off,
There's an offshore breeze, and a star aloft.

The forms are signed, the checks received
The party's done, the cheers and grief,
The farewell hard smiles, and the soft,
There's an offshore breeze, and a star aloft.

The boss came out to the farewell din
ANd threw his kindly humor in,
And my friends walked out, to see me off.
There's an offshore breeze.
And a star, aloft.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Sep 12 - 05:17 PM

Congrats. Shoot for the star.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Sep 12 - 05:45 PM

I am tryin' to make some sense outta yer protestations, Rap. It ain't easy. All I can come up with, since you feel I have insulted women by my insults to you is this: you must BE a woman. This surprises me. I had always figgered you for a man, cos there are very few women in this world who would have so little sense as to say some of the dumbass things you have said to me, but I guess anything is possible.

So...has it been easy masqueradin' as a man all these years? I bet it's been a lotta work. Now that you've "come out" and revealed yer true gender, are you gonna write a tell-all book about it?

Anyways, considerin' that you apparently are a woman, I will hafta show you a little more courtesy in future...but don't expect me to ask you out to dinner, okay?

- Chongo


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