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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 02 Jan 06 - 07:10 PM
Amos 02 Jan 06 - 06:17 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 06 - 03:52 PM
Rustic Rebel 02 Jan 06 - 03:26 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 06 - 10:14 AM
Acme 01 Jan 06 - 11:20 PM
Rapparee 01 Jan 06 - 07:27 PM
Rapparee 01 Jan 06 - 07:11 PM
Amos 01 Jan 06 - 05:47 PM
Rapparee 01 Jan 06 - 03:58 PM
Amos 01 Jan 06 - 01:45 PM
Acme 01 Jan 06 - 12:53 PM
Rapparee 01 Jan 06 - 10:37 AM
Amos 01 Jan 06 - 10:36 AM
Amos 01 Jan 06 - 03:47 AM
Amos 01 Jan 06 - 12:55 AM
Rapparee 31 Dec 05 - 11:08 PM
Amos 31 Dec 05 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 31 Dec 05 - 01:45 PM
Rustic Rebel 31 Dec 05 - 01:33 PM
Amos 31 Dec 05 - 12:23 PM
Amos 31 Dec 05 - 12:16 PM
Acme 31 Dec 05 - 12:16 PM
Amos 31 Dec 05 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 31 Dec 05 - 10:36 AM
Amos 31 Dec 05 - 12:01 AM
Acme 30 Dec 05 - 11:52 PM
Amos 30 Dec 05 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 30 Dec 05 - 09:56 PM
Amos 30 Dec 05 - 09:31 PM
Rapparee 30 Dec 05 - 05:10 PM
Amos 30 Dec 05 - 12:07 PM
Rapparee 30 Dec 05 - 11:51 AM
Amos 30 Dec 05 - 11:18 AM
Acme 30 Dec 05 - 10:54 AM
Amos 30 Dec 05 - 10:22 AM
Rapparee 30 Dec 05 - 08:58 AM
MMario 30 Dec 05 - 08:47 AM
Rustic Rebel 30 Dec 05 - 12:55 AM
Acme 30 Dec 05 - 12:25 AM
Rapparee 29 Dec 05 - 11:13 PM
Amos 29 Dec 05 - 09:00 PM
Little Hawk 29 Dec 05 - 09:00 PM
Rapparee 29 Dec 05 - 08:53 PM
Amos 29 Dec 05 - 07:41 PM
Little Hawk 29 Dec 05 - 07:22 PM
Amos 29 Dec 05 - 06:53 PM
Little Hawk 29 Dec 05 - 06:50 PM
Rapparee 29 Dec 05 - 06:33 PM
Little Hawk 29 Dec 05 - 05:42 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 06 - 07:10 PM

I'm not casting any stones or throwing aspargus at anybody. It's just that them Minnesotans are about as emotional as folks in San Diego or Quentin or wherever it is. Why, the dialogue I presented would be the epitome of delirious abandon and might ever get the dialoguers sent to St. Cloud for "Aggravated Rapture."

I don't doubt RR in the least, but I kinda think she was partaking too freely of Grain Belt and THOUGHT she saw what she reported she saw, see?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 06 - 06:17 PM

Oh, sure, Rapaire, you betcha. But ya know, ya shouldn't be casting doubts on RR's testimony. Nope. 'At's not like a gentleman, you betcha. Nope, it ain't. 'Cuz, ya know, RR, well, she's a lady, if you know what I mean. Doncha think? Sure she is. Yup!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 06 - 03:52 PM

RR, I'm sorry, but I can't believe that. I've been to Minnesota, most recently in November. And I know a bunch of Minnesotans. To dance and sing around a bonfire would mean that they would be expressing emotions.

Of course, if you'd said that you and some friends had fixed some hotdish and at the stroke of midnight someone had said, "So...it's the New Year. Good deal, huh?" and someone else had said, "You bet!" I might have believed you.

Sorry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 02 Jan 06 - 03:26 PM

Weather has never stopped us Minnesota hardy rustic folk from being outside on a December 31st. We built a hot roaring fire, got out the eggs and tamborines, drums and harmonicas, clackers and bells and proceeded to bring in the new year with strange, lurid, madeup melodies mostly about sex.
We were told we could be heard from town but that could have been a myth.
I am so influenced by the mudcat cookbook I was- No-Not making anything of culinary delight-I was still drinking 'whiskey before breakfast'! I felt fine all day!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 06 - 10:14 AM

Get a "circle of defensibility" as quick as you can. See here
Smoke in the air always makes the fire seem closer than it actually is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jan 06 - 11:20 PM

It sure doesn't feel like January 1 here. We usually have cold sloppy weather It was up in the 80s again today, and it is so dry that all you can smell is singed grass in the area and at night the light from the street lights has that brownish cast from smoke. I feel like I need to set the alarm every hour or two to keep an eye on the yard and trees beyond. (The local news says it is from a fire a couple of counties west of here, but it smells very close by.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 06 - 07:27 PM

I forgot: yesterday was, I believe, Hogamany or some one of those Scottish holidays -- and I had a glass of whisky. Islay made, too. Not that stuff that Larry passes off at the Legion Hovel as Scotch whisky, about which I have my doubts since I have never before seen a distillery use a Pepsi cap to seal one of their bottles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 06 - 07:11 PM

12 gauge shotgun, loaded with a thing called "bird bombs." Designed to scare birds out of orchards, the shell launches a large firecracker skyward or whateverward you aim it.

Way up North of 60 they use 'em to scare Brown Bears away from touroids and researchers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 06 - 05:47 PM

Well done, sir. I stayed up listening to some wonderful radio, as I said. But my neighbors, who are renters of college age, deemed it appropriate to make very loud expostulations into the evening air. One disadvantage of our year-round climate is that people do this sort of thing in their back yards in December. So it was difficult sleeping.    I found myself wishing I had one of your arquebusses, or a device for launching cherry bombs.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 06 - 03:58 PM

Whatcha want me to do? Play bugle calls? Shoot guns? Fire off fireworks? Bang sewer lids together? Hoot 'n' holler my head off? Git drunker'n hell 'n' throw up on the neighbor's car? Beat up a cop?

No, I lay abed reading a reprint of "Hard Tack and Coffee: The Soldier's Life in the Civil War" until I fell into the loving arms of Morpheus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 06 - 01:45 PM

How nice to know that in addition to your many manly talents, erutdition, and gentility, you are also an old sobersides.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jan 06 - 12:53 PM

We had a quiet evening. No sign of wildfires set off by the ubiquitous new year fireworks. Looks like people paid attention to the fire cautions this year.

I worked on my (late as usual) holiday letter. I think I'll finish getting them ready today and drop them in the mail tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 06 - 10:37 AM

I was asleep by 12:15. No highlife or highjinks for ME!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 06 - 10:36 AM

Happy New Year's Day.

Now all those drunken loudies with their swollen heads we'll wake up woozy and headachy, and go "Oh my Gawd...how did I get into 2006?"/

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 06 - 03:47 AM

Ok, ok. So we;ve gone around the sun one more time and gotten away with it. Ok.

I mean, really -- every day is a year since the last time that date came around, right?. So shouldn't we get drunk and yell every night?

I stayed home and listened to NPR.

Garrison was in top form.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 06 - 12:55 AM

Nude Moms? Rude news, Rapaire; irreparable rudeness in nosy news.

But let me know if you get any responses...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 05 - 11:08 PM

Gluon, I'll betcha!

All you Mothers, have a Happy Nude Year! Er, a Happy Newt Year. I mean a Nappy Yew Near.

Oh, hell, you know what I mean.

And you too, Mom....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 05 - 10:48 PM

What I want to know is who set up the first micro-second? The one that initialized the Big Bang conditions, presumably strung all the strings and queered all the quarks in their current majesty?

If it was an implosion from some other universe's black hole, as Hawkings implies, then...redux ad claritum.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 05 - 01:45 PM

Pat is currently in Lancaster, PA with her friend Mary, visiting museums and trying to figure out where the cotton used by the North during the Civil War came from.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 31 Dec 05 - 01:33 PM

Happy Party Night to those that party tonight. Merry and joy filled New Year to all.



MMario-(Whisper)

Dear MMario- Offended? Me? No my sweet, I offend but I don't get offended very easy. This is a BS thread after all! I actually loved it that you de-bunked the bunk, either way- emu's still can't do a moondance on Jupiter with a jaunty!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 05 - 12:23 PM

Well, I wasn't gonna ask why Pat isn't home too, holding his hand and comforting him for Not Being Chosen First. Sigh.

Prophets in their own lands are never recognized properly.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 05 - 12:16 PM

But, in any case, my very best wishes for a grand New Year full of pleasant surprises to all ye Sprites and Muses of the MOAB!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Dec 05 - 12:16 PM

But Pat must be out cutting a rug somewhere tonight if Rapaire is home alone. Ask her to bring you a plate of cookies or something else sweet as a nice tidbit. A doggie bag for the hubby.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 05 - 11:31 AM

Rapaire, you are such a cut-up.

I was also a last-chosen, but not at Horse. That's why we're both incorrigble loudmouths and know-it-alls. We're compensating for our unhappy youths, victims of the Little LEague tyranny. Sigh.....

We too are staying home this New Year's Eve, and will probably turn in early. Wotta lot of old farts.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 05 - 10:36 AM

Happy New Year's Eve, Mom. I'll be alone tonight and at home, so I won't be getting all likkered up like you told me not to get. This is not because I don't want to, Mom, but because I never get invited anywhere (except to the Legion Hovel and the party THERE has been shut down by various wives and girlfriends, not to mention the Idaho State Police, BATF, the Bannock County Sheriff, the Pocatello Police Department, the FBI, the Health Department, and the Veneral Disease Registration Law). You remember that I was always the last chosen for games when I was in school, don't you Mom? I was even the last one chosen for one-on-one pickup basketball games, and that was embarassing. I mean, when you're playing "HORSE" with your brothers and you're the last one chosen? And you're doing the chosing? No, I'll probably just sit in the dark, cringing from another year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 05 - 12:01 AM

I have always heard the rumbling of large trucks whenever I imagine how things are in sub-Saharan AFrica. I am now convinced that at least 20% of this impression was due tothe mimicry of traffic sounds by elephants, and am thus relieved. I don't know any large African women by that name. If I did I am sure they wold be perfectly nice people.

Rapaire, congratulations on the continued vibrancy of your DNA pool. I have just learned (I can't recall if I mentioned it or not) that my foster-son is to become a father in 8.75 months. We are thrilled.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 11:52 PM

Is this a non-PC remark about large women named Lori, or are you happy to know there aren't so many trucks there?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 09:57 PM

I am sorry to report, as well, that a recent Survey shows Americans' personal misery has increased since early 1990s. This may be a reflection of the National Debt, or it may be a case of cultural polarization taking its toll, but what ever the cause, it is sorry news.

I am happy to add, to offset the bad news, that African elephants, it has been learned, are mimetic in the same way parrots are, and imitate the sounds of their environment. This strikes me as good news, although I cannot say why; perhaps it means there are fewer larg e lorries in Africa that was first believed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 09:56 PM

Did I mention that on December 27th I became a great-uncle for the second time? Andrew Casper (8 pounds, 6 ounces) was born at 7:30 a.m. that day. His brother, Xavier, is now almost two years old. Mother and father are doing fine, grandma is there, and my brother is also quite pleased (and lonesome, with grandma in Michigan).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 09:31 PM

Your are a gentleman, sir and I commend you on your skills of preserve de soi.

You may be interested, as an outdoorsman, to know that a new Unified Theory of Animal Locomotion has been developed by scientists who can now account for all walking, swimming, squirming, side-winding, bustling, trotting, galloping, cantering, flying, gliding, swooping (fell and otherwise) and stooping, leaping, limping, loping and soaring, wobbling, skintering, hopping, galumphing, ambling and zooming that occurs among animals of every species.

Or so the story claims.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 05:10 PM

Dear Amos,

As always, your writing had brought light into darkness and so I withdraw my previous message. I have cancelled my reservation of the Legion's Softball Field and Dueling Grounds and the holes have been filled in. I have also notified the Idaho Dueling Commission, but I must tell you that Hank down at Hank's Feed and Grain was looking forward to something to cover the hole in his wall, the one that Louielouie made when he threw the pig through it, but I'll get him a bus schedule to paste over it. Hank can't read anyway, so he'll never know the difference.

Your friend,
Rapaire, BA, MS, etc.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 12:07 PM

My dear Rapaire,

What a bold, brave, and virtuous gesture on your part. It gives me great comfort to know that at least parts of our fair forum are peopled by men and owmen of such character, integrity, and courage; to march to the Champs d'Honneur in defense of a friend is a spiritual statement of the first order.

However, this entire spark-up has begun because of a simple misunderstanding. So I will offer a simple explanation in the hopes that a clarification of the history of the situation will relieve you of the burden of your admirable, if over-zealous, willingness to stand in harm's way on Little Hawk's behalf.

This all started because a post was interjected in the flow of rtime between one that I was responding to and my response to it. I made a remark in answer to something you said about not wanting your balls to get leprosy, and I concurred, suggesting that I would rather not see your business fall off.

But Little Hawk has posted in the interim, and so it appeared i was addressing him with my remarks, and he, in his typical zealous fashion, came up with a quick, if medicore, rejoinder. This, in turn, let me to rebut his rejoinder, and the next thing you know, he was taking umbrage because of a series of remarks which in the first place he tool out of context and misappropriated.

So you see, there is no call for wild-eyed heroism on either of your parts. It was a simple misunderstanding multiplied by the leverage of cyberspace, nothing more.

Do let me know this has clarified the matter, so I can cancel the insurance policy I have taken out on your head. Old people are SO expensive to insure anymore...

With best regards,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 11:51 AM

Mr. Amos:

You are impugning the honor (or, as he is Canadian and spells funny, honour) of my friend, Mr. Little Hawk. Sir, I cannot stand idly by while you do this. It is incumbent upon me to ask you to meet me so that you can wash out the stain of this with your blood. To this end, I have reserved the Idaho Legion's Memorial Softball Field and Field of Honor for tomorrow morning at dawn; a chirgeon will be present to staunch your blood, if possible, and bind your wounds. An undertaker will also be present and it is far more probable that you will be in need of her services than those of Ol' Doc Trey.

The choice of weapons is, of course, yours. I will recommend to your attention, however, that the Idaho Dueling Administration will not sanction anything other than rapiers or pistols of at least 12.7mm caliber.

Should you fail to appear, or should you appear and delope, you will be posted as a coward in Hank's Feed and Grain.

I remain, Sir, your friend,
Mr. Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 11:18 AM

And if he fails to appear, as seems likely, we'll find some other use for that patch.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 10:54 AM

If he can't find that particular field I can offer up a patch of prairie for you two to use.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 10:22 AM

Little Hawk:

I would gladly meet you on any terms you name on the field of honor; but I fear you would never be able to find it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 08:58 AM

I will say it long and say it loud:

Theodore Sturgeon was not aggressive enough in formulating his Law. MUCH MUCH more than 95% of everything is crap! Lots more! In fact, the entire Universe may be crap! There might not have been a "Big Bang" but a "Big Crap." A violent discharge from the rumbling guts of the Universe, a diarrhetic blowout of cosmic proportions. And if so, there will be no eventual "coming together" to form another in a series of endless "Big Bangs," but a huge, massive, overwhelming flushing sound will someday be heard, the Universe will swirl around (counterclockwise in the Southern Hemisphere, of course) and with a loud gurgle and plop will vanish into the sewer pipes of the Infinity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 08:47 AM

RR: - use your secret decoder ring - I'd whisper butthat's still too loud.

RR - no offense was intended...*grin* I just run across these various urban legends and like to debunk them when I see them. Unfortunately the amount of trivia accdumulating in my skull means I know that a LOT of *truths* people spread are acutally false. Again, sorry if it caused any offense


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 12:55 AM

MMario follow me to the corner over here will you my man,,,,,,,,,,



(This must be a whisper between you and myself..
Birds can carry a shit further than a human person. They can also transmit a parasite that creates a type of leperosy to monkeys that make emus look like they can do a moondance on Jupiter with a jaunt. Mice can pick that rhumba up when they are inside the belly of a hungry leapord and transmit a curdled milk scream to an armidillo 250 miles from inside a space craft moving swiftly.)
MMario- let's just keep this info to ourselves, okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 12:25 AM

No small swords here. I use a ballpoint pen to poke the ball out of my mouse (track ball).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 05 - 11:13 PM

I have a smallsword! Mice do not have such, nor would they be permitted arms as they can hardly be considered gentlemen!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 05 - 09:00 PM

I am sure the mice in your area dream of a similar revenge, Sir!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 05 - 09:00 PM

(Heh! Heh!) I can see, Amos, that this affair of honor may require me to summon my seconds, select an appropriate set of deadly weapons, and arrange to give you the comeuppance you so richly deserve.

(or have we been through this before...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 05 - 08:53 PM

Well, there's nothing like greasy, dusty balls to prevent proper functioning. Mouse balls can be hell to remove, but other balls are generally pretty simple to keep clean. I usually use a bent paper clip to remove mouse balls.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 05 - 07:41 PM

As well not, sirrah, or there'd be too little business to mention.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 05 - 07:22 PM

My business, sir, unlike yours, is not dependent upon the condition of my balls.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 05 - 06:53 PM

I hope you don't get leprosy on your balls, either, sir; I would not wish to see your business fall off.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 05 - 06:50 PM

Those are a lot of questions.

I've seen Shatner walk backwards AND talk at the same time!

He is a man who can do anything he decides to do, and who can boldly go anywhere he wants to go. The paucity of his appearances on this thread is an indication of its real value...

Infinitesimal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 05 - 06:33 PM

Can Shatner walk backwards, should he choose to do so? Does he have leprosy on his balls? Can he waltz with bears? Leap tall buildings with a single bound? Is he more powerful than a locomotive? A car? A tricycle?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 05 - 05:42 PM

It's not that emus can't walk backwards, they just don't choose to.

Also, Shatner did not choose to drop in for post 10,500. Same basic principle.


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