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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 22 Apr 13 - 09:06 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 13 - 09:07 PM
Rapparee 23 Apr 13 - 10:06 AM
Amos 23 Apr 13 - 11:12 AM
Rapparee 23 Apr 13 - 03:20 PM
Acme 23 Apr 13 - 08:43 PM
Amos 23 Apr 13 - 10:06 PM
Rapparee 23 Apr 13 - 10:21 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 13 - 09:22 AM
Amos 24 Apr 13 - 10:25 AM
gnu 24 Apr 13 - 11:21 AM
Rapparee 24 Apr 13 - 01:43 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 24 Apr 13 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 13 - 09:37 PM
Amos 25 Apr 13 - 12:42 AM
Rapparee 25 Apr 13 - 10:29 AM
Amos 25 Apr 13 - 10:52 AM
gnu 25 Apr 13 - 05:18 PM
Acme 25 Apr 13 - 08:21 PM
gnu 25 Apr 13 - 09:10 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 13 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 13 - 12:13 AM
Rapparee 26 Apr 13 - 12:14 AM
Amos 26 Apr 13 - 02:20 AM
gnu 26 Apr 13 - 05:37 AM
GUEST 26 Apr 13 - 08:53 AM
Rapparee 26 Apr 13 - 09:11 AM
Acme 26 Apr 13 - 10:37 AM
gnu 26 Apr 13 - 10:54 AM
Rapparee 26 Apr 13 - 10:50 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 13 - 08:41 AM
Acme 27 Apr 13 - 09:45 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 13 - 11:51 PM
Amos 28 Apr 13 - 01:35 AM
gnu 28 Apr 13 - 08:52 AM
Rapparee 28 Apr 13 - 10:06 AM
Acme 28 Apr 13 - 11:10 AM
Amos 28 Apr 13 - 11:37 AM
gnu 28 Apr 13 - 12:35 PM
Acme 28 Apr 13 - 07:23 PM
gnu 28 Apr 13 - 08:07 PM
Acme 28 Apr 13 - 10:14 PM
Acme 28 Apr 13 - 10:22 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 13 - 11:05 PM
Donuel 29 Apr 13 - 02:34 PM
Amos 29 Apr 13 - 03:19 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 13 - 10:28 PM
Acme 29 Apr 13 - 11:00 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 13 - 11:12 PM
Amos 30 Apr 13 - 04:23 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 09:06 PM

Jist mah granpappy, the old sod.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 09:07 PM

"Sure, Patrick, and where have ye been these six weeks past?"
"I was after visitin' the Auld Sod."
"And how is he?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 13 - 10:06 AM

Mother dearest, please enjoy this cup of oolong. I put in a drop of Mr. Boston's brandy, just as you like it. The biscuits are made from Amos's recipe so they might be a tad heavy since he uses moldy cement instead of flour but the oleomargarine should cover the taste. And if you skim the green and gray slimy stuff off this jar of Eiseley's jam you can choke it down. Oh, yes -- gnu even wiped the silverware sort of clean on his overalls a couple days ago.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 13 - 11:12 AM

Lo, entropy has captured Rapparree's brain and turned it into a sorry shadow and mockery of past glories. there was a day when his breakfast menu for Mom went on half a page of the most delectable quality items. Now look at him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 13 - 03:20 PM

Ever since YOU sold the silverware and china, Amos, and cleaned out the cupboard so you could go trekking off on one of those trips of yours!

Do you realize that all we ate last week was instant oatmeal and water? ONE package of instant oatmeal for all of us for a week? We had to swipe plastic spoons from the church so we didn't have to use our fingers! We finally found some old cutlery at St. Vinnie's but you'd even taken the dish soap!

Fie on your shame!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Apr 13 - 08:43 PM

How did you land on such hard times? Is there no Salvation Army nearby for a handout?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 13 - 10:06 PM

We never talk about it, but Rapparree got us blacklisted by the Salvation Army and they won't help Mom anymore.

I swore I would never tell what he did, because Mom said it would be too humiliating. So I won't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 13 - 10:21 PM

As a callow and innocent youth we were poor. There were four of us children, with just one rubber boot to wear in the winter, and if it wasn't your turn to wear it you had to go to school in the snow barefoot (of course, our clothing was rags). Oh sure, I had to empty it of the melt water before wearing it on Monday but I know how to pour stuff out of a boot without any directions at all. And our grades were outstanding -- academically we were beyond the top of our class, in fact, we were beyond the top of all the schools in town. Every night we'd study and try to keep warm by the light of wick burning in an old tuna can of used oil -- fish oil, motor oil, whatever. We didn't use it for cooking as we almost never had anything to cook or even eat. But we all succeeded in Life and made our loving Mother proud of us. Salvation Army? -- we never asked for anything, but worked, hard sweaty work, for everything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 13 - 09:22 AM

Alas, poor Mother! No one save myself seems to care. Let me help you up, and there, sit down in the rocking chair. I'm afraid the cupboard is bare even of dust because of Amos's hijinks, but I've managed to save a few crumbs for you. And here's a nice cup of tea; the tea bag was only used twice before. There's no milk or sugar, but I do have bottle of 151 proof rum if you'd like a tot with tea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 13 - 10:25 AM

How soon we forget!! You are the one who collected all the dust from Mom's cupboards one night while she was zonked, and stole away with it before dawn. You said at the time you needed it for your library.   It added up tp a surprisingly large box of dust, but you insisted you had lots of stacks that needed dusting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Apr 13 - 11:21 AM

Dry humour, that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 13 - 01:43 PM

Well folks, to change the subject jist a mite, I got me a new job.

Yessir, I'm now in law enforcement. Sworn in and everthing.

Got me a badge (already got a gun) that says "Official Brothel Inspector."

My job is ta check all the brothels here in Pocatello, especially the guest registers. That's in case some outlaw decides ta dally with a dolly. I kin notify the sheriff and git him arrested.

You'd be surprised how many people are named "John Smith" or "Jane Doe" here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Apr 13 - 03:34 PM

Wow. That is a job I would not flippin' refuse, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 13 - 09:37 PM

You, Shame, could not pass the physical examination. There's a length height requirement.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 13 - 12:42 AM

HEy, somebody better tell Chinga. She could use a new franchose, and she's always looking for friendly lawmen.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 13 - 10:29 AM

She could put it up near the Legion Hovel. I could almost guarantee a steady, all day and night, stream of paying but nonfunctional clients. As long as it's kept clean and neat, maintains a register of guests, doesn't get too rowdy, and makes sure that the inspection fees are paid in full on time and in cash, she could make a fortune with very, very little work for her and her staff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 13 - 10:52 AM

AS far as I know the fact that a client is dysfunctional does not perturb the bottom line. As long as they pay!


A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Apr 13 - 05:18 PM

Surely ANY and EVERY business only collects remuneration from a SATISFIED customer? Surely a business would fail if their customers didn't come again? and again? and again...

Cusomer service seems to have drooped in every sector.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Apr 13 - 08:21 PM

From the dust bowl to sod huts to floozies. You'd think this many advanced degrees would have come from slightly more elevated households.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Apr 13 - 09:10 PM

Hey! I are an injuneer. When I entered yer uni, I was brain dead fer yer internut/street smarts and after a Masters of yer Science I am still such but I can change/learn. I learn from sages and pages. That'a why I kinda joined into this motley crew of Mum's. I won't elaborate on accounta... nevermind.

As fer jokin about whores, I can't see why even the "highest" of minds would not enjoy a joke no matter how base. Surely such a mind would be able to grasp all humour as intended?

The above was sent in comment or jest and not to be contured in other than... I gotta take a call.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 13 - 10:51 PM

I got me a Master of Science too, and a bunch of other edjeekashun. Like what seemed like weeks and weeks on packets and The Seven Layers of IP and VPNs and subnet masking and IPv4 vs. IPv6 and DNS stuff and all kinds of amazing things...which seemed to take forever to teach. I probably lost a few years off my life just learning about nodes passing packets (which is not about peristalsis but is just computer stuff). I'm probably already dead from the time I spent learning about Unix commands, disk sectors, and how to create your own RJ45 connection on Cat5 cable.

I find being an Official Brothel Inspector to be kinda relaxing after stuff like that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 13 - 12:13 AM

47773.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 13 - 12:14 AM

47774!!!

A palindrome if ever there was one!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 13 - 02:20 AM

See, there's the problem. He'd do a great job as a Brothel inspector until someone called out six consecutive digits of pi, or happened to say something in Base 9. Rapparre is as distractable by passing numbers as a dog is by the discovery of a mackerel rotting in the moonlight. This makes him unreliable -- you can never tell WHO will amble in to an interesting brothel and Standards Must Be Kept Up!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 13 - 05:37 AM

Is there a safety code you must address as well, Rap? After all, an invitee must be saved from harm at all times while on a property of business. Do you have to test for matress firmness n such?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Apr 13 - 08:53 AM

Oooh! All those sevenses . . . . . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 13 - 09:11 AM

Of course. And I have to protect the customer from predatory activities by the business. For example, no mattress is allowed to have a hole in it, especially if the hole goes into the springs.

Now, if the customer wants a bris via the springs a whole new set of rules come into play and I have to bring in a mohel.

And green young men must also be protected. For example, no one can use a blackjack with a force greater than 800 newtons when rolling a customer who is under 24 unless the customer is Irish or Canadian or a banjo player. In the first two cases a force greater than 1,000 newtons is allowed due to skull hardness and in the last any force can be used as there is no cognitive function to damage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Apr 13 - 10:37 AM

Hey, MOM, it's Friday. Put the beer in the cooler and get ready to tailgate tonight. Best thing about it, you don't need to go anywhere, fight crowds, deal with drunk drivers. Just pull the truck up around the garage under the trees and set up the grill.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 13 - 10:54 AM

Rap... on a technical point, would a half Irish Canuck be subject to 1 500 N? Further, is there a limit on live loading cycles and does this have any impact on the allowable load; is there a factor of safety (I assume any such factor of safety value would be a minimum of at least 2.0 given the unknown variable of impact resistance in an attempt to ensure the safety of the roller(s).) or has this been taken into account in the initial analysis and conclusions?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 13 - 10:50 PM

Extensive destructive testing was done to establish these limits. For instance, work was examined with indented, basiliar and linear skull fractures inflicted by a blackjack applied by a carefully calibrated machine to the skulls of...volunteers...and sorted for gender, age, hair thickness, nationality, and other variables. Even genetic makeup was taken into account (males between the ages of 21 and 25, weighing 150 pounds and standing 72 inches tall who regularly work a bright crimson lipstick were most likely to suffer from indented linear fractures when a piece of 1/2 inch rebar rather than a blackjack was was deployed at a contact force of 25 psi, for example).

If you are truly interested in the results I refer you to the CJMCI (125:15, p. 176ff.).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 13 - 08:41 AM

I'm off to class, Mom. See you later, alligator!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 13 - 09:45 PM

The smell of fresh baked bread is drifting through the house. And I baked a pie! Come on over for a sandwich and a slice of pumpkin pie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 13 - 11:51 PM

I'm back from class and got my certificate. I was told to pretty much do whatever I wanted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 13 - 01:35 AM

I always knew you wuz certifiable, Rapparee. Congrats on making it come true!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Apr 13 - 08:52 AM

Yeah? Well I am a certified hoser. Aeroquip no less... King of the hosers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 13 - 10:06 AM

Match it. Go ahead, match me. Prove that you too have a certificate. C'mon, I dare ya. And I got more certificates. Probably more than you do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 13 - 11:10 AM

MOM! I found a new garden tool that I MUST HAVE and that I don't have in my copious collection of garden hand tools. I'm off to Lowe's . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 13 - 11:37 AM

Theyre was a Knighte, who travel'd farre
Sir Tyffiquette   yclept.
And ne'er a sin or uncouth word
Would add he to his debt
Untille the knighte in passing by
A Touwere, tall and sere
Became he snared in Realitee
At the hands of Guenivere.
ANd with her Wiles she did ensnare
His mind much to his woe,
WIthe flashinge Eyes and low-cutte Blouse
She caused his pulse to Growe.
And though he fought a manly Fighte
He could not break Himme loose.
For in the hands of a Damselle Fayre
Sir Tyffiquette was no use.

Geoffery of Mulholland
Third Chaucer
as translated by A.,
First Vowel


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Apr 13 - 12:35 PM

"a new garden tool" I shall be in suspense until it is unveiled! Is there a scheduled refresh thingywhotsit fer this that I can set for every few minutes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 13 - 07:23 PM

A Stirrup Hoe. And from that link I found wheel hoes.

Hot diggity!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Apr 13 - 08:07 PM

I called an old friend because of your earlier post, SRS. I had garden fever again this year but, in the past, my health is my annual excuse for not getting the job done. Looonnnnggggg story. Then, I thought.... I don't need to rent a tiiler and have him spare my back. I need to be a injuneer... an idea man. Hmmm... I eat yoghurt that I buy in 650ml plastic containers. I have a knife. I have a yard*. Why do I need any help or a gas powered rigginfriggin?

My idea may never work, but I am gonna try it. If it does work, I'll get my 15 minutes.

* A yard which I bought from a neighbour of my family home. A yard in which there was a garden that *I* tilled, as a young boy, with shovel and pitch fork, choking on the smell of FRESH horseshit (large, GREEN horsefies with every disturbance) and cowshit and sheepshit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 13 - 10:14 PM

So get the wheel-operated stirrup hoe and go for it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 13 - 10:22 PM

. . . and expect to be hammered by "ho" puns from Rap, who seems to have a professional association going these days.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 13 - 11:05 PM

Ho, ho, ho from Idaho, where we don't hoe, hoe, hoe no mo'!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Apr 13 - 02:34 PM

April is poetry month so I will hide this here:



Moigle flop and flair
Intermingle, course and twine
mediate fere and play.
in the bothness we share today.
Every when where and why is a unique beach where clouds fly
Softly mirrored beneath the waves, the waves mix sea and sky
The thin band of sand and water join ocean deep and mountain peak.
Shores at the touch of your beloved and you are also high and deep.
Empty infinities between a tiny touch are filled with gravities.
or virtual dimensions and particles that are in part you and me.
At the beach there is only compromise, between one and another.
Between mist and granite, clay that can't stand it ,
and the river tide that resist the sea..
No place exists without compromise, not even event horizons.
Not even science and religion or Zeus and Poseidon.
Even when the waves are rip tide de-amplified or doubled in reverse
There is a strip of safety someplace on the beach.
We could all sit upon a beach somewhere looking at the fire
with unspoken expectations
in gestures, questions or verse.
When someone suddenly sings
a silly funsense song
"moigle flop and flair, inter mingle course and twine
if there was not another
you could always be mine".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 13 - 03:19 PM

"moigle flop and flair, inter mingle course and twine
if there was not another
you could always be mine".

What a bold, sweet, and scintillating sentiment!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 13 - 10:28 PM

Dang! Poet-tree month and we ain't hanged one yet! We only got us one day left, and there ain't a poet in sight 'round hyar. Y'all think a we could string up a banjo player instead?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Apr 13 - 11:00 PM

At my university it has been a splendid mix of poetry and music.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 13 - 11:12 PM

I know! We'll jist string up a poem-writin' bancordion player. Them there bancordions combine banjos and accordions into one irresponsible instrument.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 13 - 04:23 AM

Why don't you go hang yourself? That would solve two problems with one rope! But, seeing as how you got that nuce number, 47800, I will with draw the suggestion.

In two days I am flying outta here, bound for Santa Fe, where an old friend of mine is goiving a bodacious concert.


A


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